After the jump: Watson crouches in the dress!

We captured the bizarre scene for you via iPhone's handy PapApp, in which a guarded Watson—flanked by an army of handlers—obliged a number of aggressive Harry Potter fans corralled behind a rope. She was pretty gracious considering the insanity, as we suppose we too would have been spooked if a grown man with feathered hair and a "Hogwarts U." sweatshirt had been shouting, "Emma! EMMA OVER HERE! Cast me an episkey epidermem spell for my psoriasis! Please! Emma!" at us.

In another photo, Watson—who recently told the Guardian she'd do a nude scene "for Bernardo Bertolucci. It depends. I’m not getting my kit off any time soon, but it is part of my job"—crouches to give a young fan (or some kind of tiny, magical dwarf-creature; it was difficult to see) an autograph. That's the difference between American and British starlets: Nothing of consequence is ever exposed unless an Oscar-winning Italian eroticist (or Balthazar Getty) first demands it.

Spotted at the Roosevelt pool, Friday PM:

Pretty boy Chace Crawford darting to the bar from a private cabana. No one seemed to notice but upon further inspection, there was quite the little boys party going in the cabana—JC Chasez hiding out and Chace running around getting drinks. The two were in very different bathing suits—JC in his DG mankini and Chace in his best hetero pair of boardshorts—and later changed into a casual jeans & t-shirt look.

Before jumping to conclusions about what it means for two handsome young men to share a poolside cabana with some of their best bros, and all the mutual lotion-application that implies, we'd caution instead that nothing in this scenario should necessarily arouse any further suspicions. We're reminded of those timeless words uttered by Judah Friedlander's 30 Rock character Frank Rossitano, who, possessed by a peculiar hetero-crush on the office coffee boy, justified his increasingly desperate come-ons by explaining, "We're just two straight guys who want to enjoy each other's bodies!"

Bonus Gossip Gay Link: A male cast member will be revealed to be gay in the new season, premiering April 21. This could be the most ambitious viral marketing campaign in network history!

• Gossip Girl [The CW]

• Previously: Citizen Paparazzi: James Woods Handles His Own Baggage [Defamer]

We at Defamer love little in life more than when one of our readers goes through the trouble of eroding a famous person's privacy in a trivial way by surreptitiously snapping a blurry cameraphone image while they're in the act of doing something utterly mundane. (Stars, after all, are just like Us! Except with millions more dollars and an entire industry dedicated to documenting their every fart.) Our latest citizen paparazzo caught Shark actor James Woods by an LAX baggage claim on Tuesday; sadly, Woods was not accompanied by age-inappropriate snuggle-buddy/niece-like companion Ashley Madison, robbing us of an opportunity to make a gratuitous joke about how he might have patiently explained the difference between this kind of carousel ("I'm sorry, the horsies are never coming around, baby.") and the one in Griffith Park he used to take her to when she was 5.

• Citizen Paparazzi: Mel Gibson Passes By Lobby Crafts Fair Without Incident [Defamer]

A spy just sent us this blurry cameraphone image of embattled Apocalypto director and recovering-anti-Semite-about- town Mel Gibson browsing the crafts table in the lobby of the Santa Monica office building where EMI, FremantleMedia, Lionsgate and other media concerns make their home. We don't know the purpose of Gibson's browsing or if he made any purchases, but it temporarily warms our cold hearts to imagine that he picked up a dreamcatcher to enclose with the considerate note he's planning to send to Michael Richards, hoping that the trinket lets his fellow victim of relentless media persecution know that there's someone out there thinking of him.

• Mel Gibson's Outspoken Support For Michael Richards Not Exactly The Kind Of Forgiveness He Was Hoping For [Defamer]

The Defamer Special Correspondent on the Shopping Habits of Former 'Tiger Beat' Cover Models is on the scene at the new H&M store in the Beverly Center, fearlessly providing us with this blurry cameraphone photo and a real-time report on the whereabouts of off-puttingly smooth-headed Dancing with the Stars also-ran Joey Lawrence. Blackberries our operative as he tries to avoid detection:

Being currently unemployed, I am able to hang out at the Beverly Center during the day. And so, apparently, is Joey Lawrence. Here is the former Blossom star buying some new duds at the recently opened H&M. You'd think his latter day Dancing With The Stars career renaissance would enable him to do a little better than the Ikea of clothing stores. I mean Bloomingdales is right downstairs. But I guess not.

Should you currently be wandering the Beverly Center (and reading this from a handheld device or some kind of mall internet kiosk—and if you are, what the hell is wrong with you? Why aren't you at the pet store making cute faces at the puggles?), feel free to stop by and congratulate Lawrence on not being too proud about the modesty of his current post-reality-TV lifestyle to shop for reasonably priced clothes. We're sure he'd appreciate the affirmation from his adoring, supportive public.

• Citizen Paparazzi: Will Ferrell Avoids The Election Day Rush [Defamer]

A Defamer operative eager to celebrate one of Hollywood's highest paid citizens for doing his civic duty submitted this blurry cameraphone photo (always our favorite kind) of Will Ferrell in the act of voting early at the Beverly Hills City Hall last Friday. Unfortunately, however, the spy was too respectful of the sanctity of participatory democracy to further encroach upon the actor's privacy, and failed to position himself in a place where he could snap a picture of Ferrell's actual ballot, robbing us of the knowledge of whether he stood in solidarity with Hollywood peers Brad Pitt and Suri Cruise on their public support of the eventually defeated Prop 87, or if he helped deliver Arnold Schwarzenegger to a second term as Governator.

My husband and I spotted Katie Holmes exiting the LA Farmer's Market (3rd and Fairfax) on Saturday night. I tried taking a picture but my camera inexplicably focused on the trash can so the actual people in the photo came out blurry. Anyway, she turned around a couple of times and it was definitely her. She was doing that weird Katie Holmes smile. She was sans baby but was with an older woman wearing white. We didn't see any handlers or security. She was just sorta strolling with her mom (?) and no one seemed to notice.

Perhaps the reason that "no one seemed to notice" was that nearly everyone in the Farmer's Market was secretly part of Tom Cruise's incubator-retention team, on location to ensure that Holmes didn't utilize her precious moments of simulated freedom to do something regrettable, like promise the guy at the BBQ stall that she'd split what's left of her first-year fiancee salary with him in exchange for a ride to the Mexican border.

UPDATE: A reader with better knowledge of Holmes' mother's physical appearance than we do writes, "Katie's mom has a full head of gray hair, at least she did a month or so ago, this is probably a 'handler.'" Another tries to positively identify the back of the mystery companion's head: "I believe that the motherly looking lady is Tom's mom. Well, at least from the back it [looks like her]! I can't seem to find any recent pictures of her to see what her hair looks like but for some reason I am pretty sure it is her."