We address chemical dependency issues. We’re not at all a purely psychiatric facility like Bridges To Recovery, and each patient must undergo a detox for their chemical dependency, whether they’re coming off benzos, you know, cocktails in a pill, or harder substances. We do treat underlying issues, but if someone is suffering solely from chronic depression, we’re not the place to go.

As much as we hate delivering bad news (really!), it looks as though Dunst is simply pulling a Mendes by chalking up whatever uppers, downers and brand of Grandpa's Lemonade she'd been overdoing to a much more pleasant-sounding "problem." Not to mention her continuous public appearances in New York this month looking "wobbly" and generally lushing it up all over town. We wish her a speedy recovery but, as Goldenfiddle reminds us, "The first step is admitting you have a problem."

• KIRSTEN DUNST BATTLES DEPRESSION, NOT DRUGS AND ALCOHOL [E!]
• KIRSTEN DUNST 'WOBBLES' BUT SHE DOESN'T FALL DOWN [NYDN]
• The First Step Is Admitting You Have A Problem [Goldenfiddle]

"I didn’t go to Cirque Lodge for alcohol abuse or drug abuse,” Dunst tells [Malkin] exclusively during a lunch break on All Good Things. “I went there for depression.”

Um, well, that's depressing. And while it's certainly a better spin than Eva Mendes' excuse for her stay, it gets us thinking. If she is clinically depressed, what's the deal with all those supposed trips to AA with Ryan Gosling in tow? Perhaps that’s just her weird way of wooing a guy, a la Fight Club. What about the episodes of weight loss and her non-stop runny nose? Sure, it’s probably hay fever that’s so bad it makes you throw up. But make no mistake about it, Dunst does not want people associating her fame with her, um, depression. “We’re all in the same boat together.” Our fingers are crossed that she’s talking about a metaphorical boat, not the street name for PCP.

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

• Kirsten Dunst Battles Depression, Not Drugs And Alcohol [E! Online]

After entering Cirque in 2004 for what she claimed was an eating disorder, but may have had more to do with LiLo's favorite Nesquik flavored nose candy, Mary-Kate Olsen emerged looking healthier, but the last three years haven't exactly been void of party appearances and 21st birthday parties involving plenty of booze. Then there's Richie Sambora, who was famously seen (well, seemed to have been seen) indulging in some beachside snort-n-sniff with Worst Bond Girl Of All Time Denise Richards. And who can forget the crumbling remnants of a hamburger struggling to make their way into an intoxicated David Hasselhoff's slurring mouth as his daughter filmed the tragicomedy? Cirque's sole soberista (so far) is Lindsay Lohan, but recent decisions to "tastefully" show the world her tits do not exactly a healthy lifestyle make. The only way this pricey rehab can salvage any sort of rep is by releasing Kiki in top form. Which will happen when piglets fly, of course.

• EVA MENDES HAS A POST-REHAB DINNER WITH HER BOYFRIEND [PageSix.com]

On the way, she inquired of the waiter/actor/orderly piloting her wheelchair which room Eva Mendes was in. Per instruction, he explained that Eva was currently outside in a sheep-wrangling-therapy session, knowing full well that if the actress was told the truth about Mendes's whereabouts—that she had in fact checked out to attend to "some personal business in Los Angeles"—Dunst could easily buckle from the lack of accessible A-list support, leading her to commit Grand Theft Palomino as she hightailed it back to her partygirl comfort zone.

• Kirsten Dunst in Rehab [ETOnline]
• EXCLUSIVE: Eva Mendes Takes Break From Rehab [Us]