Bitter activists simply cannot accept the outcome as being truly reflective of the general public. So they have placed the brainwashing blame upon the crusading and misleading zealotry of those religious villains: the Catholics, evangelical Protestants, and especially Mormons, who allegedly are robbing the rights of American citizens by merely executing their right to vote and standing upon their moral convictions and traditional views. [...]

The truth is that the great majority of Prop. 8 advocates are not bigots or hatemongers. They are American citizens who are following 5,000 years of human history and the belief of every major people and religion: Marriage is a sacred union between a man and a woman. Their pro-Prop. 8 votes weren't intended to deprive any group of its rights; they were safeguarding their honest convictions regarding the boundaries of marriage.

Yes, and Norris respects those boundaries of marriage, which is why he has already been married, divorced, and remarried, and why he has a daughter he didn't meet until she turned 26 because she was the result of an extramarital affair. Chuck, Chuck, Chuck: gay people want to have that too! How can you be so unfair to deprive two people who love each other the privilege of runing marriage from the inside?

[Photo Credit: AP]

• If Democracy Doesn't Work, Try Anarchy [TownHall]

The monologue, by guest host and Olympic swimming champ Michael Phelps, was to have been built around Obama and would have included an additional cameo by action star Chuck Norris. But Norris, too, canceled because of the hurricane, and William Shatner was enlisted as his replacement. Shatner was already en route from Los Angeles via chartered airplane when Obama dropped out; the monologue was reworked so that it would still include a Shatner cameo.

"It was great of him to do it," Michaels said of Shatner. Michaels said Obama was to have returned briefly for a second appearance, during the "Weekend Update" segment, but that was obviously scuttled, too.

..."His people called and said they felt they had to shut it down because of the storm," meaning Hurricane Ike, Michaels said yesterday by phone from New York. "I pleaded with them to wait and make the decision on Saturday morning, but they felt they had to do it then. There was a sensitivity to how it would be perceived — whether he would be criticized for doing it while disaster struck."

Did he make the right decision? "It was certainly the wrong decision for me," Michaels said. "Do I think there's an oversensitivity in this area? Yes." But Michaels said he would be happy to have Obama appear on a future show, provided a good sketch can be devised. "It was an enormous disappointment," Michaels said, "but they were very pleasant about it — 'Please have us back again' and all that."

Michaels went on to reply, "Oh, we will — and can you bring your wife? We kind of need her!" No word yet on whether Obama will reschedule or whether Fey will be lured back for repeat performances, but at least one thing is known: Palin herself watched the skit while on her campaign plane. Her spokesperson Tracey Schmidt said she found the sketch "quite funny" (though McCain surrogate Carly Fiorina begged to differ), adding that Palin once dressed up as Fey for Halloween. Meta madness!

• Fey-as-Palin Wins the Early Vote On 'SNL' [Washington Post]

1. Chuck Norris didn't care enough. We already know that Denzel Washington and Woody Harrelson did their parts to reinforce Snipes's character as zero hour. But what did Chuck Norris do besides simply lend his name to his karate-school business partner's half-assed statement of support?

Chuck Norris admires and respects Wesley Snipes which is why he has used him in two of his Total gym infomercials. We, in the martial arts, say making mistakes is how you learn to go forward and be a better person.

It's also how you get your ass kicked in Chuck Norris movies and federal court.

2. Judge Joe Brown is no substitute for sound legal counsel. TV Judge Brown was another of the allies mined for sentencing support, offering to his colleagues on the bench this acknowledgment:

If I might be indulged by pointing this out, your defendant is a person possessed of an enormous appeal to today's youth. In this context, he is uniquely capable of having a very positive impact upon them with the positive message of duty and obligation that he has consistently urged upon and for them. I would propose to you that he should be permitted to persue [sic] such aims with as little penal encumbrances as is [sic] possible and appropriate.

Everybody knows that "today's youth" neither A) watch Wesley Snipes films nor B) pay enough taxes for the IRS to "persue" their own prosecutions. What Snipes needed was a massive fruit basket from Judge Judy and/or a glowing Raymond Burr himfuckingself to come down from heaven and sonorously intone, "Do not imprison this fine, noble, beautiful young man." Now that's a defense.

3. When bribing the judge with $5 million, use small, untraceable bills — not checks. According to a report in the Ocala Star-Banner, defense attorney Daniel Meachum "deposited three envelopes containing $5 million in checks with the judge." The symbolic gesture was meant to suggest Snipes was ready to pay up. Alas, the checks were payable to the US Treasury and not "Hon. William Terrell Hodges." Thus the judge declined, and mere hours later Snipes was up the river for three years. Whatever happened to briefcases full of cash dropped casually in the judge's chambers? I mean, it's Florida — they stole a presidential election. Maybe Snipes needed to be made an example of after all.

• Movie Stars Can't Save Wesley Snipes From Prison [US News]

• Actor Wesley Snipes sentenced to 3 years in prison [Ocala Star-Banner]

23-year-old Scarlett Johansson was by Obama's side in the home stretch, speaking to a small group of high school and college-aged "Barack Stars" at a rally in Coralville, Iowa, on Tuesday.

"She actually seemed a little shy when she first started speaking," audience member Jason Millsap told PEOPLE. "But [she] warmed up to the crowd, who were eager to ask questions. . . . It was pretty exciting and inspiration to see someone as big as her come and talk to her peers."

"She was asked a question as to why she chose to support Obama and answered it very well in my opinion," added high schooler Peter Caroll, another caucus-goer. "She [explained] how she did research him and found Obama to be [passionate about] most of the issues she deemed important."

We're thrilled to hear that informed-voter Johansson managed to find her political sea-legs after a slightly tentative start, as the star of The Nanny Diaries has made no secret of being entirely energized by this "exciting time for youth culture." In light of her candidate's thrilling victory, and the great strides being made to mobilize young voters through her grassroots, cleavage-based initiative, Scarlett Johansson's Bazooms for Change, the United States might very well have its first African American President in 2008.

• Scarlett Johansson and Chuck Norris: Political Power Players? [People]

"Mike Huckabee once quarantined and entire gay pride parade...with his bare hands." "Mike Huckabee doesn't cut taxes. He shames them into hara-kiri." Should you press play, stick around to the end where Chuck asserts that, were he to run for office, he'd choke every opponent unconscious. (Were he elected, he'd probably choke every terrorist unconscious before wrapping his hands around the uninsured, since it's safe to assume he'd run on a "choke all problems unconscious" platform.)

• Larry King Live [CNN.com]

IN RESPONSE TO THE "RANDOM FACTS" THAT ARE BEING GENERATED ON THE INTERNET

I'm aware of the made up declarations about me that have recently begun to appear on the Internet and in emails as "Chuck Norris facts." I've seen some of them. Some are funny. Some are pretty far out. Being more a student of the Wild West than the wild world of the Internet, I'm not quite sure what to make of it. It's quite surprising. I do know that boys will be boys, and I neither take offense nor take these things too seriously. Who knows, maybe these made up one-liners will prompt young people to seek out the real facts as found in my recent autobiographical book, "Against All Odds?" They may even be interested enough to check out my novels set in the Old West, "The Justice Riders," released this month. I'm very proud of these literary efforts.
~ Chuck Norris

Instead of taking the obvious route attacking his computer monitor with his trademark deadly butterfly scissor kick Norris once again demonstrates his Savior-like capacity for forgiveness. Not surprisingly, his prayer for peace appears to be effectively nudging up book sales: Against All Odds: My Story has jumped from #36,019 to #12,401 on Amazon's sales rank list in just one day.

• IN RESPONSE TO THE "RANDOM FACTS" THAT ARE BEING GENERATED ON THE INTERNET [ChuckNorris.com]
• [Random Chuck Norris Fact]
• Previously: Behind The Chuck Norris Mystique [Defamer]

While hardly an unbiased source, Jeff Duclos, who has been Norris' publicist since the last season of "Walker," chalks up Chuck Mania to Norris' "consistent persona."

"There are very few people who have projected that kind of image, that kind of mythical heroism," he says. "People, especially young men, appreciate the underlying principles of that character, the morality, the dignity, the sense of right and wrong."

We lost track of whether he's talking about the fictional ranger or the actor, but there you have it: Chuck Norris is kind of like Jesus, but instead of dying for your sins, he will karate-kick you in the face until you achieve salvation.

• The man, the myriad myths [LAT]
• Random Chuck Norris Fact [4q.cc]]