Madonna and Gwyneth became friends in 1999, just around the time when Madge started dating Guy Ritchie, whom she met through Sting and his wife Trudie Styler. Their friendship started out randy, with this report from early 2000 in the Vancouver Province:

Some new late-breaking gossip from the wild scene at the Bar Room on New Year's Eve: The New York Post reports that, at around 4 a.m. Jan 1, Madonna and newfound soul mate Gwyneth Paltrow began necking like mad.

Not surprising, since Madge has a long history of "close" relationships with female friends like Sandra Bernhard and Ingrid Cesares. Then later in 2000, Gwyneth was a bridesmaid in Madonna's wedding, alongside other new posh British friend Stella McCartney. What happened to her sassy, scrappy girls from way back like Debi Mazar and Rosie O'Donnell? Why weren't they part of Madonna's public narrative anymore?

In 2002, the Chicago Sun-Times wondered the same thing. "What draws the Detroit homegirl and the uptown fashion queen toward each other?" they pondered. Gwyneth told them that she and Madge get along because "we are on similar paths in our lives in what we eat and our yoga—stuff like that."

But perhaps the Madonna's Brit-love was turning to hate, even as early as '04? According to a report in the Daily Mail,

Miss Paltrow, who is often fulsome in her praise of Britain and whose husband is English rock singer Chris Martin, has apparently decided on a home birth at her mother's house in Los Angeles…One friend said: 'Madonna told her all these horror stories about how bad the English hospitals are. So now she has decided to give birth in Los Angeles.'…'Have you been to hospitals in England?' Madonna asked. 'They are old and Victorian. You know I like efficiency.'

Ah yes, efficiency. One has to wonder, as the Sun-Times did half a decade ago, if Madonna and Gwyneth will remain close when their friendship is no longer mutually beneficial. Madonna became friends with Gwyneth when she was trying to cultivate a classy, erudite image. Gwyneth became friends with Madonna when she was just acclimating to British society and needed a famous friend. Somehow we can't imagine Chris Martin and A-Rod bonding over, well, anything. A love of yoga and macrobiotics is usually not the stuff of longterm relationships. Now that the always shape-shifting Madonna is moving on from that stage of her life, will Gwyneth be along for the ride?

Earlier: Madonna To Replace Guy With Gwyneth

Related: A Manor Of Fact [People]

One source said: 'Her idea is to show, step by step, what she does every day to stay in shape. There won't be much fancy equipment involved either, because her workout is mostly yoga, some basic Pilates and flexibility, and resistance training.'

Gwyneth, 35, has previously revealed she undergoes gruelling daily workouts with her personal trainer, even training via webcam when they are apart.

And, when training on her own gets boring, Gwyneth pops round to good friend Madonna's house for a sweat-session in her personal gym.

Fitness fanatic Madonna won’t feature in the DVD but, added the insider, 'some of her techniques will be shown.'

While we're all atingle that Paltrow's DVD might demonstrate how to attain Madonna-like biceps (seriously, we've got string bean arms over here), with tips like those, we think we could probably beat her to the punch with a simple, retitled DVD on how to get a body like Gwyneth Paltrow's: Be Rich.

• Gwyneth Paltrow fitness DVD [Marie Claire UK]

Admittedly, the tousled blondie Moses would probably look very hot to trot in a pair of Mom's tarantula heels, but being the devoted maternal icon Gwyneth is, we hope she puts a stop to this cross-dressing business at footwear considering the kid can barely walk yet. And Paltrow makes sure to backpedal on the overshare with People by adding that "[Apple] doesn't put makeup on him!" Phew! As long as gollops of Merlot-shaded lipstick and inch-long eyelash extensions aren't included in Apple's bag of cross-dressing tricks, we can all breathe a sigh of relief that Moses won't follow in the footsteps of Brad Pitt penis-envying Chris Martin, who wound up so bicurious he became convinced Gwyneth's "boobs are fantastic" just to straighten out.

[Photo credits: X17, FilmMagic]

• GWYNETH PALTROW: APPLE MAKES MOSES CROSS-DRESS! [People]

“[Martin] admits that he worried he was gay while growing up. ‘It was more like, 'Oh shit, what if? But then it struck me: who gives a shit? When you're a kid you think, 'I'm going to burn in hell for eternity if I like other guys or if I marry someone Jewish'. He eventually realized he was heterosexual. ‘I was swayed by boobs.’”

After revealing his ultimate conclusion that boobs were just more fantastic than any part of the male anatomy, Martin has the following to say about his love-hate relationship with Americans (shouldn't RS have reminded him that, ahem, his wife is from these parts despite her case of the Madonnas?): "It's a bummer, because over half of Americans are the coolest people on the planet. Of course, Barack Obama is human like the rest of us. He's going to fuck up." We'll forgive Martin for including Paltrow in the "cool" half, but his admitted insecurity issues dealing with the fact that he's dating Brad's ex are hard to swallow: "You've got to be hungry...If your wife went out with Brad Pitt, you'd want to prove yourself, you know what I mean?...I've only been in one serious relationship...Is that weird? I don't think it's that weird." No Chris, we don't think it's that weird, but you know what is? Giving a flying fuck that Paltrow spent some hairstyle-matching years on Pitt's arm. Just because Pitt's sperm may be magically charged with robust twin-making soldiers as compared to your one-at-a-time guys, it shouldn't matter to you because, hey, you got the girl. Chill out, enjoy her hooker wardrobe phase, and write a song about it.

• THE JESUS OF UNCOOL [Rolling Stone]
• COLDPLAY STAR CHRIS MARTIN ADMITS HE IS JEALOUS OF GWYNETH PALTROW'S EX BRAD PITT [Daily Telegraph]

As Gwyneth explains, "I was very, very attached to my hair. I grew it when I was pregnant. I still had hair from when my father was alive. I made it like a talisman. And then I was ready to let go of it, and so I chopped it off and ... aaah!" Anyone else find the dichotomy between explaining that your loved and adored father was somehow represented in your long stringy Rapunzel-like hair, and that one day you were just kind of like, "Eh! Guess it's time to say buh-bye" very, well, very Gwyneth Paltrow? But getting back to the case of her Jolie-envy, it seems that Martin may not even have to roll around with Paltrow after all — she's "open" to adoption just like every other famous woman in Hollywood, and seems to be implying that choosing not to adopt is pretty much like giving the middle finger to all the starving infants out there.

• GWYNETH PALTROW: 'I MAY FORCE MYSELF TO GET PREGNANT AGAIN' [Us]