But back in 2000, perhaps inspired by the apocalyptic dread accompanying the arrival of the new millennium, VF and Leibovitz decided to mix things up with an eerily prescient "Near Misses of The Coming Aughts" spread (a hat tip to the Hot Blog for singling out this particular class), accurately predicting which of the previous year's rising stars would eventually be doomed to a decade of mostly steady, unspectacular work. As with any such bold, forward-looking list, one can argue endlessly about its composition—for example, Cruz's inclusion is undermined by unforeseen creative triumphs like Volver and Bandidas and a career-boosting relationship with Tom Cruise—but the haunted look in a reclining Chris Klein's eyes seems to anticipate his coming stretch of American Pie sequels, ill-advised remake projects, and soon-to-be-short-lived CBS sitcoms.

• V.F.'s Hollywood Issue: The Annie Leibovitz Covers [VF via The Hot Blog]

The contact [with someone involved in a previous case] by Pellicano came in the midst of a nasty divorce, which began when McTiernan allegedly served Dubrow with divorce papers disguised as a gift-wrapped package he had delivered to her.

Perhaps this "Surprise! We're getting divorced!" delivery isn't quite as inventive as the "unsolicited manuscript tossed into an open car window" trick employed in another Pellicano-related matter, it's still not bad. Our fingers are crossed that at some point in the coming weeks, someone's going to hire Rollerball star Chris Klein (he's available and his quote is surprisingly afforable, call William Morris for details) to blade up to a high-powered witness at The Ivy's patio and serve a summons.

• Links Between Pellicano, Director Come Into Focus [LAT]
• Previously: John McTiernan Charged With Lying To Pellicano Investigation, Directing 'Rollerball' [Defamer]
• Process Serving Hijinks In Pellicano Wiretap Case [Defamer]

"No, I don't think so," the 26-year-old actor told AP Radio in a recent interview.

"Her and my relationship is a time in the past. And it's a time that I'll always look back with in fondness, but her and I have moved on, and she has a separate life and I have a separate life. And it's better that we keep it that way."

While we certainly can understand that there may be some uncomfortable friction between Holmes' love life past and love life present, that's certainly no reason to punish her unborn child, or worse, give cause to anger its godparents. The small inconvenience of a Baby Gap gift certificate now is much preferable to being stuck with a syringe as you sleep, only to wake up four days later wearing a bunny outfit and lying face down in a video-surveillance-equipped solitary confinement cell as a faceless male voice on the intercom orders you to, "Dance, rabbit, dance for our new little King."

• Klein: No Baby Gift for Ex-Fiancee Holmes [AP]
• Previously: Chris Klein Likes To Make His Girlfriends Cry [Defamer]
• Chris Klein Still Alive, Not Bitter About The Corruption Of Virginal Ex-Fiancee Katie Holmes [Defamer]

Chris, 26, a self-described "alpha heterosexual" who only dates "8 to 10's," also reveals how displeased he is if a woman he's seeing gains a few pounds.

"I'm not tolerant of that at all," declares the actor, who says he has no problem telling his swollen squeeze to shape up.

"When a woman isn't feeling good about herself and you combine that with her period, eventually she'll ask you if you like her body," he pontificates. "You have to say no."[...]

As for his romance with Holmes, Klein reveals they "had an absolute ball, but we grew up." He insists they're still friends even though they don't talk, [though] he doesn't keep up with her "amazing" Cruise coupling...

It seems the only time Klein is able to censor the running jackass commentary in his mind is when the topic of his ex's new relationship comes up; as soon as the subject is broached, as if under the influence of some mysterious, possibly threatening outside force, Klein becomes magically tight-lipped about Katie, Tom, and the little lizard V baby they have on the way. It's amazing what a few weeks handcuffed to the Reeducation Radiator, with nothing to eat but pistachio shells and one's own body hair, does for a guy's opinion of his ex's new man.

• Katie's Ungentlemanly Ex [MSN.com]
• Previously: Chris Klein Still Alive, Not Bitter About The Corruption Of Virginal Ex-Fiancee Katie Holmes [Defamer]

In the interest of enjoying the open bar I went to the Just Friends premiere in Westwood last night. Despite the godawful poster, the movie isn't as bad as one might think, and the audience at Mann Village seemed into it. The movie doesn't have a lot of stars, but Ryan Reynolds was there, along with the overdressed and impossibly blonde Anna Farris (and her equally blonde entourage who could be found in various bathroom stalls throughout the night) she seemed just as vapid as her character in the movie.

Chris Klein was hanging around down with the commoners and seemed to be enjoying himself he was with a woman who looked like an even creepier version of Suzanne Somers. I feared she was his date, but later found out that she works for him. Is it just me or does he look sorta like Keanu Reeves? Maybe it's just the "dumb" thing. Also saw Bradley Cooper from Wedding Crashers and soon-to-be-gone Kitchen Confidential. He was bitching about having to go through the press line and generally seemed like a dick. There were other moderately familiar faces there, but I'm pretty bad at spotting people, and my girlfriend and I were too pissed off about the food (consisting solely of White-Castle-esque hamburgers, pigs-in-a-blanket, greasy fish sticks, grapes, and guacamole not kidding) to put our hearts into it. I mean, who throws an after-party at BrewCo?

We suppose we could have anticipated that a Hollywood premiere would be less "old-fashioned fun," more "cautionary tale." Not even the Brothers Grimm could conjure up more forboding images: soon to be out of work TV stars acting like entitled dicks, Katie Holmes' ex accompanied by a creepy Thighmaster clone, and bathroom stalls packed to the gills with blondes. It's enough to scare anyone straight.

"Her being with Tom has nothing to do with her and I discontinuing our relationship," Klein said in an interview to air Monday night on "Access Hollywood."

"People move forward, people move on, it's what we do," the 26-year-old-actor said. Klein and Holmes called off their engagement earlier this year after dating for five years.

"For me, what we had was very, very special, and I hope that she's making decisions that are making her happy and that she doesn't have people in her life leading her astray from what she wants and what she believes," replied Klein when asked about Holmes becoming involved in Cruise's faith of Scientology.

Having strayed from the carefully constructed talking points prepared by Cruise's new PR team by touching on the sensitive subject of Holmes's new faith, Klein was immediately stun-gunned by a Cruise associate, ball-gagged, and stuffed in a steamer trunk. Klein has since promised to be better behaved at his next media furlough, and Cruise's publicist is expected to invite him for probationary photo-ops at the couple's wedding.

• Klein Doesn't Blame Cruise for Breakup [AP]
• Tom Cruise Fires Publisister [Defamer]