Gawker: defamer, child stars

9-Year-Old Noah Cyrus Performing 'Smack That' Is Disturbing on Seven Different Levels

Azaria Jagger — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 03:19:42 EST

Last time we saw Miley Cyrus' little sister, the tyke was posing with stripper poles and wearing patent-leather thigh-high boots. And now: Noah performs an exuberant ass-slapping version of Akon's "Smack That," while Miley and friends cheer her on.

This is disturbing on at least seven levels.

1. Inherently disturbing: A nine-year-old is performing "Smack That." Alongside these lyrics:

Smack that, all on the floor
Smack that, give me some more
Smack that, till you get sore
Smack that, oh ooh

She "smacks" her buttocks, thrusts her hips, and shimmies her shoulders.
2. A crowd of young adults is cheering her on.
3. ...one of whom is her older sister, who may have suggested the song (0:30)
4. Given Miley's experience with sexualized-young-people controversy, does this sisterly interaction have a whiff of "victim working out her angst by victimizing others"?
5. Noah's outfit looks suspiciously like a Minnie Mouse dress. Since the Cyrus family juggernaut is a Disney creation, this is extra creepy.
6. This version of the video bears the logo of mileyworld.com, Miley Cyrus' official fan site, meaning there is a chance that the Cyrus family and/or their starmakers want Noah to be perceived this way.
7. Noah has been in absurd situations like this before and is a child actress, recording artist, and inheritor to a formidable family mantel. Is it even possible to save this child from the farcically oversexed wilderness of... Disney? Hollywood? America at large?

Abigail Breslin Is Not A Method Actress

DroppedCall — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 17:30:00 EDT

Actors love to brag about the huge, painful physical transformations they under take to get into character. Whether it's Tom Hanks starving himself for Cast Away or Renee Zellwegger making the ultimate sacrifice of eating food to star in Bridget Jones Diary, your favorite stars will do whatever it takes to impress Oscar voters. That is, except for Abigail Breslin. The iPod touch loving, anti-Fanning first showcased her laziness when she donned a fat suit to play a chubby child beauty pageant contestant in Little Miss Sunshine. Sure, she's pre-pubescent and forcing a weight gain could have done some serious damage to her still-growing body, but a serious actress wouldn't have minded. The fact that her work was Oscar-nominee worthy must be considered a fluke. Real actors alter their bodies. All Breslin did was, ahem, act.

Her success has only made the 12 year-old more brazen about her shocking lack of technique. Breslin's latest slap in the face to true students of the dramatic arts is so horrifying that it must be hidden after the jump.

In her latest film, the G-rated salute to overpriced dolls, Kit Kittredge: An American Girl, Breslin couldn't even be bothered to sport the appropriate period hairstyle. She brazenly admitted to the LA Times Dish Rag blog that her "side-parted blond page boy" cut was a wig. Said Breslin, "I really don't know if I could handle having my own hair really short, but wearing the wig was fun. I'd never do that to my real hair, because I like putting it in a ponytail."

Breslin refused to undergo even the mild inconvenience of waiting a couple months for her hair to grow out. How long will this shocking insistence that she can portray a character without embracing the pretentiousness of method acting be allowed to continue? Next we'll learn that she didn't demand her parents divorce to enhance the emotional truth of her performance in Definitely Maybe.

Abigail Breslin refuses to cut her hair like Kit Kittredge! [The Dish Rag]

The Top 25 Child Stars -Or- How to Turn Your Kid Into An F'ed-Up Commodity

Paula Dixon — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:40:00 EDT

Some people think that agents, executives and Anthony Pellicano are the most evil people in Hollywood. But watch Vh1's I Know My Kid's a Star for ten minutes and you'll see who the real villains are: Stage parents.

These kid pimps (usually mothers) push their tiny tots into the limelight, despite the tragedies that have befallen so many who came before them. This list of the "Top 25 Child Stars" is more a gallery of sadness than the tribute to talent we all wish it was. Sure, you've got your few who managed not to lose their marbles (Christian Bale, Elijah Wood), but they are few and far between. Out of 25 kid actors, two were married EIGHT times each, four became addicted to coke in their teens (though technically Drew Barrymore was only 12 when she started snorting what she may have actually thought was nose candy), four were married or pregnant by 20, and the rest are just a grab bag of crazy. Heroin addicts and a manic depressive make the list, as does one who was well on her way to normalcy ... until her stalker shot the President.

Not making the list of great child stars? Robert Blake, the Little Rascal who shot his wife. Carl Switzer, the Little Rascal who got shot by his bookie. The whole cast of Diff'rent Strokes.... And, more importantly, all the child actors who never became stars, but lived through all the same traumatic experiences as their more successful counterparts. But don't bother telling this to a mom with dollar signs in her eyes, as Danny Bonaduce tried to recently when he took a busload of bad parents down the Sunset Strip and heartfully told them the painful stories of many young stars. Right after pointing out the spot where River Phoenix OD'd and died as his teenage brother Joaquin watched, Bonaduce says, "Show hands if you still want stardom for your kid, and you think you can handle it for sure." And they all do, without a single moment of hesitation.

Here's the complete list:
25. Kirsten Dunst
24. Lindsay Lohan
23. Sean Astin
22. Keisha Castle-Hughes
21. Natalie Wood
20. Christian Bale
19. Abigail Breslin
18. Elijah Wood
17. Jodie Foster
16. Haylie Mills
15. Freddie Highmore
14. Freddie Bartholomew
13. Anna Paquin
12. Christina Ricci
11. Tatum O'Neal
10. Haley Joel Osment
9. Elizabeth Taylor
8. Patty Duke
7. Jackie Cooper
6. Dakota Fanning
5. Drew Barrymore
4. Mickey Rooney
3. Judy Garland
2. Macaulay Culkin
1. Shirley Temple

Top 25 Child Stars [Moviefone]