<![CDATA[Gawker: defamer, charts]]> http://tags.gawker.com/assets/base/img/thumbs140x140/gawker.com.png <![CDATA[Gawker: defamer, charts]]> http://gawker.com/tag/defamer/charts http://gawker.com/tag/defamer/charts <![CDATA[Jason Reitman Diagrams the Modern State of Junket Journalism]]> Media can stare at itself all it likes, but it takes sitting across the table from today's news monster to really see what journalism has become. In a fascinating diagram, director Jason Reitman has pretty much broken it down.

Posting his chart on twitter, Reitman breaks down all the questions he's been asked in his Up In the Air press appearances. Shown in full the chart demonstrates first of all what a deadening experience it must be, sitting in junkets and having to answer, by his count, a full 111 times, "What's it like working with George Clooney?"

However, pulling up the number two slot, the world's entertainment journalists, sparked by the big contemporary issues raised by Up in The Air, asked Reitman 96 times about the economy. No doubt these were probing questions posed by the hard-nosed financial analysts of Ok! and Hello! to the director of Juno; questions we imagine along the lines of "So the economy,...isn't that just awful?" and "What does George think of the economy?" and "If the Federal Reserve were an ice cream store, what would be its most popular flavor?"

But hey, maybe those are just the sort of questions we need to be asking if this nation is ever going to think its way out of this mess.

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<![CDATA[Oprah Ruins KISS' Final Shot at Glory]]> Did you know that in KISS's epic career, they've never had an album reach the No. 1 on the Billboard chart? After they released their record last week, that final prize seemed at hand. Then Oprah ruined everything.

The stage had been set; a six month lead-up to their return kicked off by a celebrated appearance at the American Idol finale, Gene Simmons sharing the mike with Adam Lambert. Their first album release in 11 years was being backed by the current gold standard of record releases — a Walmart exclusive. With the album tracking in the 150,000 sales range, the music press had all but proclaimed it a lock on the #1 slot.

And then today, somewhere out there in KISS' tour bus, Gene Simmons stepped over passed-out groupies and the bodies of decapitated farm animals from last night's victory party. He made his way towards the front of the bus where today's Billboard had just arrived, pausing to roll his cow tongue up and down the cooling strippers' pole, giving himself a little bracing jolt before he took in the new issue which would feature his made-up face under the banner hed "#1!"

And then he looked down and saw...Michael Fucking Buble.

Today the numbers were tabulated and KISS placed a distant second to crooner Michael Buble's Crazy Love album. As explained on Hitfix, all the world's music gurus neglected to take into account the one power in the Universe stronger than Walmart — Oprah herself, who invited Buble on last Friday, sending his collection of olde timey ballads soaring off the racks over the weekend and earning him the top slot.

If it's any consolation to the face-painted army, at least they missed losing to Streisand by a week.

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<![CDATA[Why Does Ben Silverman Still Have a Job?: The Bill Carter NYT Profile Edition]]> The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Times TV reporter Bill Carter's profile on NBC co-chairman and Executive Bong Smoker Ben Silverman ran today. To put it lightly: Carter takes Silverman by the collar, beats him, and stuffs him in a locker.

It's brutal. Carter wrote around the quotes and got exactly what he wanted: to write a Riot-Act level piece capable of inciting the pitchfork-wielding masses of Hollywood suits, gossips, and former NBC employees who want a Blackberry lodged through Silverman and Jeff Zucker's skulls (and put on display prominently at the NBC-Universal commissary). The title alone ("NBC Hired a Hit Maker. It's Still Waiting.") is fairly cruel. But then again, so was what he managed to get. For the first time, we're seeing less signs of Silverman hanging himself out to dry, and what might be the first instances of a somewhat apologetic-sounding Jeff Zucker beginning to try and swim to shore on Ben. Yes, Zucker is now trying to save his own ass:

Jeff Zucker, Mr. Silverman's boss and the chief executive of NBC Universal, says he continues to value Mr. Silverman's work. "Ben has a skill set that is incredibly appropriate for these times," he said. "If we weren't supportive of Ben, he wouldn't be here."

Still, the fact that there has been no formal deal announced to renew Mr. Silverman's contract will probably set off speculation among Mr. Silverman's critics that Mr. Zucker does not want to make a public endorsement of him.

That can't be bode well for either of them. Neither can the rest of the piece, which is, for all intents and purposes, an utter one-handed dunk in the face of anything that's been compiled on Silverman previous to this. It recounts the partying:

As for his personal life, Mr. Silverman said he had taken steps to temper his social profile, which made him a frequent target in the Hollywood blogosphere. (He famously held a party populated by models in bikinisand white tigers in cages.) "I am more conscious of how I'm being presented," he said.

The off-hand remarks:

He was quoted dismissing two network competitors as "D-girls" - or low-level development executives. "I should never have called them that," Mr. Silverman said.

Silverman's goal posts:

...In its current position, still last among the major networks, NBC needs up, not flat; it also had the Super Bowl this season and it won't next year. To pick up [the] slack, it will require something (or several somethings) shiny and successful out of Mr. Silverman's shop.

...as well as his removal from the day-to-day of developing and green-lighting shows, the programming failures (though there is some praise reserved for his success with The Biggest Loser and The Office, both of which arrived via him, before he got to NBC). Oh, and then there's this gem, which makes Silverman sound like he showed up to work on the first day in boardshorts, ready to rock the lot with a set of aged cedar bongos under his arms:

"What I didn't realize is, it's really hard to have a vision running a network," Mr. Silverman said. "You can have an agenda. But it's almost impossible to have a vision because of the scale of the business and the entropy that already exists."

What the hell were Zucker and Silverman thinking giving anything - quotes, on the record or off - to Carter in the first place? How did they not know he was gonna hang them out to dry? If anything, this is throwing a propane tank on the coals: the piece in it of itself represents a massive fuckup on both of their parts, and Silverman - probably sitting at home right now, face in a Pyrex - will inevitably go deeper into hiding from being the programming rockstar he once saw himself as, and further into the dark, cavernous corridors of his advertisers' offices to do the "business stuff" he imaginably despises. It doesn't help that they included a chart (pictured below) to show how terrible of a job Silverman's doing. Growing up: bummer, man.

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<![CDATA[The Most Conservative and Most Liberal Shows On TV]]> The Gossip Girl kids have gotten political. Two of them at least, Penn Badgley who plays Dan and his off-screen ladylove Blake Lively, who plays his on-screen ladylove Serena. They're appearing in a MoveOn.org anti-McCain ad in which regular kids—including these two soap stars at that Hannah girl from that American Teenager documentary—condescend to their McCain-voting parents as if they were about to drink or take doobies. Har har. So Gossip Girl is a bit liberal, but it's not the only politicized show on the air. No indeed there are others, subtly (or not so) spouting rhetoric from both sides of the aisle. Our Photoshop expert Steve Dressler has created a simple chart that we'll explain after the jump.


On the Conservative right you have jingo-tastic torture and shoot first, then maybe ask questions 24. Alongside it are The Hills (Heidi Montag endorses McCain, he calls her "a very talented actress", John Adams twirls in his grave. Plus it's all about remorseless spending and there are no gays on the show and, actually, thousands of gays in LA, especially working in fashion for God's sake), The Sopranos (we think it's more about conservative people than it is conservative, but some people read it is rah rah family values, in perverted way. And yes we realize it's not on the air anymore, whatevs), and Two and a Half Men. OK, so we don't normally watch that show but lots of people do! We suspect they're the 60 million people we don't want to talk to, enemies of ideas and progress and rebellion against the status quo.

On the left you have Liberal nutjobs like 30 Rock (though Tina Fey's character once said she would probs end up voting for McCain, that was a while ago, and man oh man things have changed. That "Cooter" episode alone qualifies it as one of the most searingly liberal shows on the air), gay-friendly fare like Greek (best show on TV right now, no joke. Watch it.), the aforementioned GG (its actors are libs, its cast ethno and homo friendly, the really rich kids avoid talking about what would probably be conny politics), and Mad Men. This show is a toss up because, like The Sopranos it's about some conservative people, but not necessarily conservative in its messages. It's ultimately a study of the Beginning of the End of the American dream, which gives it some trenchantly liberal undertones. Plus that sad gay character. Hm. Just like Sopranos.

And then there's South Park in the middle, the cartoon show with its own brand of Libertarianism. I suppose it's fair for an iconoclast to claim no particular affiliation other than with one's own self-satisfaction.

What else would you add to the chart, and where? Maybe a conservative nod to "fuck habeas corpus" shows like Law & Order: SVU?

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<![CDATA[Open Your Chart To Me: Madonna's Many Loves]]> Who is Madonna dating these days? Isn't she married to some failed British movie director? Or is she sleeping with that irksome baseball player? These are all very important, and understandable, questions. The iconic singer and fake Englishwoman has dated many, many mens (and some womens) over the years. It can be hard to keep track of them all. Luckily, in a fit of boredom, our video man Richard Blakeley has put together a handy little chart as a refresher course in Madge's topsy-turvy love life. She's been with some wackos! Or maybe she herself is the wacko. The edifying chart lies after the jump.

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<![CDATA[Jessica Alba, By The Numbers: Rotten To The Core]]>
Our first indication that something might be awry with Jessica Alba's career came not when that guy on TRL told her that getting pregnant was "Not cool, dude", but rather when we saw the one-sheet for her new movie, The Eye. While certainly a captivating Photoshop job (ish), we found it fairly bizarre that Lionsgate would choose NOT to use the beautiful visage of one of the most lusted-after actresses in the world to promote their film. But then we did some research on Rotten Tomatoes and realized something very important. Save for fanboy fave Sin City, no one really seems to have liked any of the films she's starred in.

While it cannot be argued that Jessica Alba has appeared in a couple of box office successes since graduating from the small screen (namely, the Fantastic Four franchise), it can be argued that these few bright spots had little to nothing to do with Miss Alba's acting chops or on-screen charisma and everything to do with the existing popularity of the material in question. As for the fate of The Eye, well, it sure looks like Lionsgate is gonna have their hands full now that Hannah Montana is on the scene. Don't fret, Jessica — there's always prosethetics!

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<![CDATA[The Venn Diagram Guide To Talk-Show Beards]]>
Easily the biggest news that came out of Wednesday's mass return to the airwaves by late-night's long-sidelined talk-show hosts was the unexpected appearance of David Letterman and Conan O'Brien's competing Strike Beards, a solidarity-signifying facial hair trend so hot that the clean-shaven visages of Jay Leno and Jimmy Kimmel now seem to indicate a conspicuous lack of support for the hosts' still-picketing writing staffs. (The embattled Carson Daly, we've been told, plans to smash his trusty Norelco electric shaver on his next show in an attempt to prove his commitment to the WGA cause, no matter how unflattering the resulting patchy growth may be.)

To help sort out the potentially confusing intersections of last night's bearded/unbearded and writer-having/writer-free developments in the brave new world of late-night TV (a situation complicated by Craig Ferguson's stunt-beard), Losanjealous has composed this handy Venn diagram, which should get you completely up to speed at a single glance.

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