Boomp3.com

Celebrity power blogger David Hasselhoff could barely step away from his laptop at breakfast this morning. In between bites of strawberries and toast, Hasselhoff said, "Nobody takes a minute off on the internet. You have to be there every minute of the day looking and hunting for the next big story. So, you have to make it work for you and here I am with my laptop and my wireless card looking to break more stories before I finish my breakfast than Perez does in a week." The Hoff appeared to be unconcerned about the syrup he spilled on his laptop since it's still under warranty at the Apple store.

[Photo Credit: Flynet]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Terrorism has succeeded because I now think like a terrorist. I have just returned from London. Yes, despite pleas from hysterics: "Don't you know what's going on???" I ventured forth to be a very old groupie for my sweet husband and his mates playing Wembley on behalf of the planet at Live Earth with Metallica and Madonna.

Not that I wasn't more than a tad anxious. I was. I am. My terrorist mind worked overtime. Where would I hit me? I even wondered if it would be the soft target in Beverly Hills, of a pre-trip mani/pedi (Vietnamese, Jews and Bottle Blondes) — Los Angeles as well as Chicago and Atlanta supposedly being American possibilities.

While we're sure that Curtis's motives were pure in outlining a coping strategy that might help other Beverly Hills residents deal with the forehead-creasing anxieties of a post-9/11 world, her listing of potential L.A.-area targets was unacceptably reckless. The local salon economy is sure to suffer a profound blow as women who never considered the possibility that renegade fundamentalists might lash out against our city's pampered celebrity and trophy-wife populations in mid foot-soak cower in fear at home, demanding that their domestics learn how to properly push back a rapidly advancing cuticle. Indeed, if a bored housewife can't get a decent Vietnamese mani/pedi without suffering a seizure of panic, the terrorists have already won.

• I Have a Terrorist's Mind [HuffPo]
• Previously: Jamie Lee Curtis Freaked The Fuck Out By 'Top Chef' [Defamer]