Gawker: defamer, celeb reproduction

The Miracle Baby Cometh To The Checkout Stand

Mark — Wed, 12 Oct 2005 15:23:21 EDT

Media deep-throating sister site Gawker got their grubby paws on the cover of the Life & Style issue featuring the Holmes-parents-hate-heathen-daughtersnatcher-Cruise story we posted about earlier. We've already seen the pic circulating on the internets, but there's something about that first moment when you glimpse an Evil Bump at the ten-items-or-less line, nestled among the glossy scream headlines about Nicole Richie's efforts to finally get her skeleton on the outside of her body, that truly makes an improbable pregnancy of convenience feel real, you know?

TomKitten: Apocalypse Now [Gawker]
Previously: Katie Holmes’ Parents Upset About The Miracle Baby [Defamer]

Katie Holmes' Parents Upset About The Miracle Baby

Mark — Wed, 12 Oct 2005 14:10:01 EDT

Katie Holmes' Catholic family is predictably disturbed by their future son-in-law's surprise premarital implantation of the Miracle Baby in their daughter's womb. Also, they're none too thrilled about the whole swapping-Jesus-for-L.Ron-Hubbard thing:

“[Martin Holmes] was very upset and got into a real spat with Katie,” the forthcoming issue of Life & Style Weekly quotes “a close friend” of Cruise as saying. “Tom had promised her parents that they would do the right thing and get married before any baby came along.” After scolding his daughter, according to the mag, Martin Holmes berated Cruise by declaring “You’re no good.”
“He said he and his wife were very upset by the news,” according to the source, “and demanded the pair get married quickly.” [...]

“It seemed like Katie was being controlled by Scientologists,” the friend told L&S. “Now they wonder if it’s a Rosemary’s Baby situation, where Katie is being groomed to provide Tom with a child.”

That Rosemary's Baby dig is completely unfair. Have we all forgotten the you can't have Scientology without "science"? It's probably more accurate to look at Katie Holmes' uterus as a highly-advanced Scientology fertility lab rather than some kind of infernal incubator.

Katie’s dad furious about shotgun wedding [MSNBC]
Previously: Katie Holmes’ Virgin Birth

White Men Can Hump: Woody Harrelson To Reproduce

Mark — Wed, 12 Oct 2005 12:15:58 EDT

Last night on The Late Show, actor Woody Harrelson admitted that he and his wife are expecting their third child, once again disproving the popular myths that regular exposure to THC or starring in Brett Ratner movies cause infertility:

"The wife is preggers … and we've narrowed it down to me," he told David Letterman in an interview for Tuesday's "Late Show," according to a transcript.

The self-deprecating actor suddenly turned serious, casting down his eyes before continuing. "Well, it's almost definitely me. Once in a while, my dealer gives me an ounce for practically nothing if I let him have a quick roll with the wife, but we're pretty sure he's a retrograde ejaculator. That's what he tells me, anyway."

Woody Harrelson to Be a Father Again [AP]