Jossip hears that somebody has been impersonating Angelina's assistant Holly Goline, using a fake BlackBerry email address and sending erroneous reports to the press. Jolie's attorneys at cease-and-desist happy firm Lavely & Singer are said to be circulating a letter among entertainment outlets explaining the situation.

And the worst part? This impostor has been sending fake information to the media for the past year. Time to start counting up all those outrageously untrue items!

Says the letter:

"A random individual has engaged in a scheme to intentionally harm my client and deceive her fans, the public and the media through illegal and tortuous impersonation of Ms Jolie's long-time assistant, Holly.

"The individual who claims to be, and to whom the media has relied upon as, a 'reliable source' is not my client's assistant, nor does the email address belong to my client's assistant."

With the how now in hand, we're left with an even greater mystery: the who. Who could be responsible for a tortuous impersonation of Jolie, the hugely admired proprietor of one of the most extensive orphan-collections on Earth? For that answer, one need only rearrange the letters of the hoaxster's pseudonym, Holly Goline, to form the anagrammatic phrase, "Hill: Ego Only." Clearly, this is the work of Barack Obama.*

*Failing that, we blame Iggy.

• Angelina Jolie's Fake Assistant Lied About Her Giving Birth [Jossip]

The babies were born early Friday in Long Island, N.Y. The girl was born at 12:12 a.m. and weighed 5 lbs. 7 oz., and the boy followed at 12:23 a.m., weighing 6 lbs.

"Jennifer and Marc are delighted, thrilled and over the moon," Lopez's manager Simon Fields tells PEOPLE exclusively.

So ironclad is their 7-figure "PEOPLE exclusive" that before Lopez's bundles of joy could even be cleaned, they were snatched out of the hands of an attending nurse and plopped into tiny, adjacent makeup chairs in the makeshift photo studio set up down the hospital corridor. Meanwhile, a team of stylists, art directors, photographers, and assistants fussed over wardrobe (the Dolce & Gabbana patent leather swaddling cloths came off looking way shinier than anticipated) and light levels, until a consensus was finally reached. Anticipation was high as the protective backing was peeled off a Polaroid test, and the stunning results were greeted with yelps of approval and a round of high-fives, as the entire creative team realized they "got the shot" of the screaming newborns.

• EXCLUSIVE: Jennifer Lopez & Marc Anthony Welcome Twins! [People]