• Meet your new action hero overlord: Chris Pine. Already fronting the rebooted Star Trek franchise, Pine has signed on to play the Jack Ryan role previously portrayed by Harrison Ford and Alec Baldwin in a new go-around adapting Tom Clancy's series of espionage novels. [Variety]

• For those CBS and Viacom employees who feel each day the burden of the Redstone yoke, you can take heart today; Sumner is now less your owner than he was last week. The octillionaire mogul has been selling off the debt of his holding company, National Amusements. For now, however, NA still retains the controlling interest. [Variety]

• As the world waits for the final outcome of Vivendi/GE/Comcast talks over the fate of NBC Universal, Nikki Finke reports that Comcast wants the deal "done and announced in November." So there. [DHD]

• Curse be damned! ABC has won the competition to be the next network to fail with a sitcom by a former Friends star, locking up rights to the Matthew Perry project. [THR]

• The Wrap reports that Alex Young, Co-President of Production at 20th Century Fox is being moved out of the job and into a producing deal. Young was a Tom Rothman protege who has been in the job since 2007. [The Wrap]

• Always on the lookout for a feel good project, director Gus Van Sant and novelist Bret Easton Ellis have picked up the rights to "The Golden Suicides," Nancy Jo Sales' Vanity Fair article about the deaths of downtown artists Theresa Duncan and Jeremy Blake. [Variety]

• The creator of the Gilmore Girls is coming to HBO. Exec-Producer Amy Sherman-Palladino has signed a deal to develop a dramedy for the cable network. She described the project as the "story of love, hate, family — and finding the perfect opening line," [THR]

• This is what it's come to in the strange, contorted career of Bill Murray; taking Joe Pesci's leftovers. For those who thought Murray's Zombieland cameo was just a little strange— that he was too big, or had been too big a star for the joke about Woody Harrelson being obsessed with him to completely click — you are right. In an interview with Hitfix, Murray revealed the walk on had been intended for Joe Pesci — with whom the joke would have made a lot more sense — but that Murray took the part after Pesci passed. [Hitfix]

It means that we will miss out on our favorite part of the television season, where, after all the months of hype, a bunch of shows fail spectacularly and are canceled after only a few weeks. Usually that time of year is right now, and so far we only have one casualty (RIP TBL). Fuck this series of slow deaths, we miss our annual massacre!

It also means that we're going to be stuck with NCIS: Los Angeles and a host of other crap for the long haul. It also means that, while many are performing well, thanks to NBC and their awful Jay Leno experiment, there are actually fewer series premieres this year than usual. It even further means there are fewer people watching network television. You know when your show doesn't even crack 10 million and it's considered a big victory times are getting tough.

Here's a breakdown of how everything is doing so far:

The Good:

• NCIS: Los Angeles (CBS) is the clear breakout hit with 18.7 million on its debut, proving once again that Americans love shitty television.
• The Good Wife (CBS) bobbled most of it's lead in, but pulled in an excellent 13.7 million viewers and won its time slot. Way to go, Carol Hathaway!
• Modern Family (ABC) rode positive ratings to a 12.7 million bow and its companion Cougar Town (ABC) was right behind it with 11.6.
• Flash Forward (ABC) predicted itself 12.4 million viewers, so we'll at least see how the mystery ends. Still, it's no Lost.
• The Vampire Diaries only scared up 4.8 million (shit more teenage girls than that stand wailing out front of Robert Pattinson's hotel room on a daily basis), but that was The CW's highest debut ever.
• The Cleveland Show (Fox) did just about as well as Family Guy with a 9.4 million on a Sunday night.
• Accidentally on Purpose (CBS) made 9 million people not laugh.
• The Forgotten (ABC) and Eastwick (ABC) were just on the right side of average with 9.5 and 9.3 million respectively.
• Though the numbers for Glee (Fox) weren't the highest at 7.3 million, it's still being considered a victory since a show this good and quirky actually seems to be finding some sort of audience.

The Bad:

• The Jay Leno Show (NBC) started out nice and strong with an amazing 18 million, but then fell to 5.7 million a week later and its ratings continue to go up and down a bit, but usually lands at the bottom of the pile. Please, please, make the unfunny stop!
• Community (NBC) also had a strong debut, keeping most of the run-off from the Office for an audience of 7.7 million. However, the next week, more than 2 million checked out and its ratings were down to 5.4 million.
• Medical drama Mercy (NBC) will be on life support soon, with only 8.2 checking it out on it's first Wednesday night. Yes, NBC officially sucks.

The Ugly:

• Brothers (Fox) started off with 2.8 million. Let's see how long it holds on.
• Melrose Place is hobbling along with only 2.3 million viewers in its opening week, and not much more since then. The network has ordered more episodes and Heather Locklear is set to come back in November, so lets hope she can breathe life into this thing for the second time.
• The Beautiful Life (CW) already got it's ass canceled. We blame Mischa Barton's wisdom teeth.

Moore's press train began last week on Good Morning America, when he took some time to rail against the show's use of "permalancers," a group that's basically permanent, but don't get the benefits and, therefore, count as the underdog. It was all very amusing and true, and provided Moore with a great excuse when CBS "canceled" his appearance on tomorrow's Early Show. From a tweet Moore posted Sunday morning:

Backlash Begins: CBS has cancelled [sic] me on its Mon. morning show. After I criticized ABC/Disney on GMA, they didn't want me to do same to CBS.

While that could be true, CBS bookers tell media scallywag Rachel Sklar that they never booked him. Moore's people, though, tell a different story: they were negotiating a firm date with CBS, but then CBS got all diva about getting the sit-down after GMA already landed Moore:

I can accurately say that the bookers who book the show have definitely been in discussion with us to have him on the show. When we attempted to confirm the booking they said they didn't want to follow GMA.

Hmmm. So, Moore, we're assuming, knew CBS had said they didn't want to follow GMA, but tweeted that the network was scared of his inflammatory nature. Why are we not surprised?

Anyway, Moore's assertion, however valid, only brings the spotlight back to him, which is good when you're promoting a movie. And the movie's doing well, by the way: it opened with about $306,000 on four screens. That's the higher per-theater average for the year. Love him or hate him, Moore's a hit machine.

Did CBS Cancel Michael Moore? [Mediaite]

The Late Shift, a 1996 HBO movie based on a book by the New York Times' Bill Carter, chronicled the infamous struggle between David Letterman and Jay Leno to replace Johnny Carson as the host of the Tonight Show after his retirement. Higgins, in an interview with Starpulse's Mike Ryan, said that he knew at the time he was offered the role that the film would be controversial and that he risked facing a backlash within the notoriously petty industry for taking the role, but at the time he was a struggling actor who desperately needed $300 to fix his broken-down car.

They had a hard time casting it for that reason. And he was very powerful — and is. He didn't like the project from the beginning and didn't make it easy for me — or for anyone doing that project. It was (pauses) it was hard. I took it because I needed to fix the steering column on my Subaru is why I took it. I needed $300 or I wouldn't have a steering wheel. So, I ended up making more than $300 but in the end it's one of those jobs you just can't... I could not turn it down. I may be able to turn it down now, but I couldn't at the time. It would just be completely crazy and irresponsible.

You know, it was scary. I was scared of it. No question. Actually, doing the job itself was a tricky acting challenge but I had had harder acting challenges onstage. That part wasn't so bad, it was the appendant hoopla which was difficult for me to navigate and I didn't do it that well because I was so inexperienced. There was a lot of press, there was a lot of interviews and comparing me. And [Letterman] was saying things about me on his television program. It was difficult. I didn't know what I was doing.

I had a lot of help from HBO's publicity department who was holding my hand through it because I suddenly was in a rather glaring spotlight. Mostly not because of the project, which was good, but it wouldn't have gotten all that press. It was mostly because of the nature of the project. An inside, big Hollywood story where people were actually getting represented on the screen. People who are alive and well.

It was a great opportunity and it was really daunting and scary. It was like, "Should I do this? This could end it all. This could start and end the whole thing." Thankfully, it didn't.

Higgins also said that Letterman has refused to speak to him in the years that have passed since, though he was booked to appear on Letterman's show, only to get bumped without explanation.

There was a famous incident where he invited me to the show and I got bumped off the show. Everyone sort of tried to figure out what happened there ... it's odd though, it's an interesting job. It's really interesting to industry people. To still be talking about a job I was in 12 years ago is very unusual.

Back in February, Letterman invited the mother of the late comedian Bill Hicks onto his show so he could apologize publicly for a slight he perpetrated upon Hicks back in 1993. Maybe one day Letterman can invite John Michael Higgins to join him on the air to talk about The Late Shift and put all of the animosity to rest. We think it's be a tremendously nice gesture, not to mention something that would make for very compelling television, don't you think?

John Michael Higgins Talks [Mike Ryan/Starpulse]

There has long been tension between the White House and the networks, who don't like having their excruciatingly calibrated schedules torn up by politicians for political purposes. So when Obama scheduled a press conference to discuss his health care proposals for 9 p.m. tomorrow night, which would seriously screw up the networks' plans, the networks led by last-place NBC balked, obliging Obama to move it to 8 o'clock. And Fox, like they did for Obama's last primetime presser, just told the White House to fuck off, but that's a different story.

In any case, in describing the programming scramble caused by the press conference, The Hollywood Reporter pretty much sums up why no one watches broadcast TV any more:

The stakes were particularly high for NBC, which airs the most-watched show of the summer, "America's Got Talent," at 9 p.m. This week, the reality hit includes a heavily promoted interview with "Britain's Got Talent" singing sensation Susan Boyle.... ABC News often has the highest-rated coverage of Obama's primetime events and ABC was leaning toward carrying the conference all day. In one respect, the shift to 8 p.m. could make their night more tricky. ABC's highest-rated reality show, "Wipeout," will be pushed to 9 p.m. to face "America's Got Talent" along with "So You Think You Can Dance," with "I Survived a Japanese Game Show" moved to 10 p.m. The ABC News special "Over a Barrel: The Truth About Oil," originally slated for 10 p.m. Wednesday, will air Friday as a special edition of "20/20."

Fox airs its top-rated two-hour "So You Think You Can Dance" on Wednesday nights and will direct viewers to Fox News for the news conference.

That's right, television executives were willing to face down the White House over Susan Boyle and retreads of Japanese game shows where people bathe in squids and razor blades. The last time this happened, when George W. Bush scheduled a presser on the first day of May sweeps in 2005, they forced him to change the start time over CSI, Will & Grace, and The O.C. That's how far they've fallen. In their defense, summer has become the traditional time for vile reality TV. But the fact that NBC essentially told Barack Obama, "We are not going to take your press conference at 9 p.m. because we have to air a deranged foreign lady and amateur vocalist" is a good measure of just how desperate they are.

The solution of course, is to just break up the press conferences with ad slots. It's an engaged, Tivo-proof audience, and there are dozens of brands out there that would love to be associated with Obama. Back in February, his 8 p.m. presser netted NBC 9.75 million viewers—2 million more than stuck around for Heroes an hour later.

(UPDATE: The complete Top Ten has been embedded below.)

CBS posted the rather hilarious preview onto YouTube earlier and we'll post the full Top Ten here later after the show has aired and it's available online, but it looks pretty funny.

One last thing re: Bruno/Sacha Baron Cohen. We were chatting with a show business "insider" earlier today who offered an interesting tidbit as to why Cohen appeared on Letterman out of character earlier in the week—Word is that Bruno isn't tracking well in middle America where "viewers might not exactly be in on the joke," or, more likely, stricken with homophobia, so the studio may have been thinking that giving these people a chance to see that the star of the movie isn't actually gay may make them more willing to see the film. We'll see soon enough.

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DeVito claimed that his slobbering interview with a Philadelphia newswoman on a morning show was all an act, that he was "in character" playing the pathetic slob her portrays on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Whatever, whether he was really drunk or not, we still want to go out and drink limoncellos all night long with Danny DeVito.

In the second segment of his show, Dave opens with a gag about the digital TV conversion and then has one of his writers pretending to be a fake protester march out behind him. This leads into his Top Ten, the subject being "The Top Ten Things Overhead at the 'Fire David Letterman' Rally," the highlight of which was number three—"When does Cheney get here with the waterboarding equipment?" And then "Lyle the Intern" shows up to mock Letterman's recent public embarrassment.

Meanwhile, we anxiously await Dave going after Palin regularly with both barrels blazing. He just has to do it, right?

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It's only been a week since Conan took over Jay Leno's old gig, and he's already losing. Letterman was up 13% in the ratings this past week vs. the week before—and last night he passed the Tonight Show, which has been steadily losing viewer every night since Conan started:

The ratings gap between the hosts has been narrowing nearly ever night since O'Brien took control of the "Tonight" franchise. The last time "Late Show" topped Jay Leno's "Tonight" was eight months ago.

Jay Leno, who was determined to never be funnier than the average American idiot, beat Letterman consistently. Now that Leno's moving to 10 pm, it may be that Letterman's time to be king has finally arrived. Conan O'Brien will be fine. But for years, Letterman's been losing out to a guy who was clearly less funny and consciously dumber than he is.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Now, America's in a strange situation: two funny late night hosts at once. No cheating, middle Americans! Larry the Cable Guy specials won't be on Comedy Central every night, for you to run to! Now, Letterman's the old established guy and Conan's the young upstart. Leno will be on earlier, and he'll bring an audience with him. But the people who used to stay up late watching Jay will now watch Letterman, because he's familiar and not quite as weird as Harvard boy Conan.

Which is just a long way of saying that David Letterman's time is, indeed, here at last. Sarah Palin calling him "pathetic" because he called her "slutty" is just gravy. Because the Palins are exactly the type of people who are going to be watching Dave all the time.

Letterman's contract was originally through 2010, but the new deal will both extend his contract by two years and lower his Worldwide Pants licensing fees, because of the economy and all. As Letterman outright owns his own show, it's basically on rent to CBS. Letterman had been receiving some $30 million a year, but there's no word on what the new, lower figure will be. Still gonna be a lot, though.

So, good news Dave! The gap between his and Conan's numbers has been steadily narrowing since Conan debuted high, which means the time could be ripe for Letterman to once again take the top spot. Or not.

[THR]

Ellison, a legend in the world of science fiction—or is it syence fyction now?—wrote a Star Trek episode called "City on the Edge of Forever" in 1967 that starred Joan Collins and won a Hugo Award. CBS paid him for writing it and accounted residuals to him per the Writers Guild contract. But it didn't, according to Ellison, pay him for or even notify him about a whole bunch of other ancillary ways the network made money off the episode, including a three-book series based on it and a "talking Christmas ornament" that many a lonely Trekkie purchased for companionship during Earth Winter.

"[CBS's] Paramount has earned millions exploiting the 'City' teleplay since it was aired in 1967," the suit says. "Yet Paramount has not accounted to Ellison or paid him for such exploitations as it is required to do...."

In a press release, Ellison explained as clearly as he could that he really wants his damn money, adding, "I'm doing it for the 35-year-long disrespect and the money!"

Ellison is also suing the Writers Guild for allegedly dragging its feet in representing him; Ellison says the Guild: "falsely suggesed that Ellison had verbally withdrawn his claim."

· The premiere of Survivor: Inland Empire posted strong numbers—13.8 million viewers, easily winning the 8 p.m. hour for CBS. [THR]
· Universal is negotiating for screen rights to Robert Ludlum's The Parsifal Mosaic (not to be confused with MGM's Cruise/Washington/Cronenberg Ludlum project The Matarese Circle). "The Parcifal Mosaic?" That makes Quantum of Solace sound as catchy as He's Just Not That Into You. [Variety]
· CBS greenlights comedy pilot Good Girls, which will hopefully be as good as Worst Week was the worst. It's about "two childhood friends who try to reinvent themselves after making some youthful mistakes." And Ashton Kutcher is a producer, so prepare for ascots-a-plenty. [Variety]
· E! has ordered a reality show called Hot Girls in Scary Places. The premise is said to be "very high-concept" and under extremely tight wraps. It's killing us! What is this show about? [THR]

CBS is returning to Carnegie Hall as usual, where it will court advertisers with a presentation likely to benefit from clips from actual series — a luxurious stride from 2008, when the writers-strike hangover kept LA staffers home in bed and preempted virtually anything new from an audience with potential buyers. It didn't hurt at the time, reports THR, and the revived dog-and-pony shows by that network and others — the CW at Madison Square Garden, ABC at Lincoln Center — hope to surpass last year's $9.2 billion upfront yield. Fox changed its date but is still working out a venue; Turner will land somewhere posh, but sorry, folks: No Sting performances this year!

And NBC? After opting against last year's laughably hubristic "NBC Experience" potato-sack race down memory lane, it's anyone's guess. Maybe a reservation at the Rainbow Room, maybe they'll book a floor at the big Sixth Avenue McDonald's just a few blocks from Rockefeller Center. Or maybe all those Super Bowl tickets they're handing out while taking meetings this week in Tampa — call it the Way-the-Hell-Upfronts — may yet pay off. We think they're on to something: Anyone who watched the NFL season opener last year on NBC knows Jeff Zucker does have a special way with football fans. Take note, frontrunners.

• Economy won't deflate Upfront Week [THR]

· CBS's Nina Tassler told TCA she no apologies for her networks all-procedurals, all-the-time policy. About NBC's Jay Leno strip: "It's a coveted time period. The creative community was, quite frankly, shocked when they first heard about it. There's so much top-tier talent that vie for that time period every year." No offense, though, Jay. You're way up there. Fourth- or fifth-tier at least. [Variety]
· Jennifer Hudson will reemerge cautiously into the performing spotlight with a low-key, acoustic performance at a coffee house called the MOTHERFUCKING SUPER BOWL. She's singing the national anthem—we suggest you turn the volume down for "land of the free," lest the river of toxic plasma that pours out of your shattered flat-screen incinerate your nacho-munching guests. [Variety]
· CBS Films will produce its first feature, a medical drama pairing blockbuster adventurists Brendan Fraser and Harrison Ford. Fraser plays a father who turns to Ford to cure his children's rare genetic disorder. Unfortunately, the search for the cure doesn't involve shrinking themselves down to enter the kids' bloodstreams in a tiny innerspace vessel, battling 3-D ants along the way. [THR]
· Paramount will produce an adaptation of Daemon, a tech-thriller bestseller about what happens when PayPal runs amok and starts banging your wife and hanging out with your best friends. (We could be wrong about that—it's just what we gathered from staring at the cover art.) [THR]

Here's your first glimpse at lavender-belt karatetards Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, and amply-caboosed Armenian royalty Kim Kardashian, taping their Mother guest spots. All three will play loose caricatures of human beings (i.e. themselves), who come magically to life on the cover of a fictional celeb glossy called Them. We know! We can hardly wait either!

• Video: 'How I Met Your Mother' meets 'The Hills' [THR]

Never mind that the parties co-own a network together and have managed a smooth, lucrative relationship since well before Men became a hit six years ago — what's due is due, per a suit filed Tuesday in LA Superior Court:

The suit [...] alleges that as part of CBS' renegotiated license agreement to air Men for a fifth and sixth season, it agreed to pay WBTV a premium above the initial license fee schedule and reimburse the studio for costs associated with the production of TV's top-rated comedy. This "deficit recoupment," as the term is commonly known, required CBS to pony up if the show reached specific ratings milestones in its fourth season.

"CBS has reaped the benefits of the tremendous success of Two and a Half Men but wants to deny Warner Bros. the right to its agreed-upon share," the complaint argues.

True, Men did enjoy its current season's highest ratings last week, and true, Charlie Sheen's lavish $800,000-per-episode salary doesn't pay itself. But buried in the THR report is the more glaring reality that WBTV won't any time soon see a cent of the $23 million that the bankrupt Tribune Company owes it for syndicating Men and Friends, leaving Warners' the unusual but necessary option of Les Moonves unwrapping different kind of briefs than he's used to this season. And if you're going to accept responsibility for Men, you might as well get your money's worth. You can't really blame the guys.

• WBTV sues CBS over 'Men' [THR]

A tipster notes that the series' final episode of its 16-show run shoots this week. The show, an Americanization of the BBC hit The Worst Week of my Life, had benefited from a Two and a Half Men lead-in on Monday nights, with CBS ordering three additional episodes almost a month ago. It had been on a steep decline through the end of November, shedding almost 30% percent of its audience before rebounding last week for its best showing yet with 10.6 million viewers. That is some lump of coal, CBS.

An old-fashioned, TV honcho dick-measuring contest! Talking today at the same New York media conference where Zucker dropped jaws by announcing his plan to scale back on programming hours, Moonves temporarily blinded the audience with a smile, before pledging that it wouldn't be long before David Caruso would be scraping Leno off the bottom of his Italian loafers. THR reports:

"I'm here to tell you the model ain't broke," Moonves told the UBS conference late Wednesday morning. "You can still make a lot of money in network television. We like 10 o'clock shows."

"For NBC, probably a very good move," Moonves said. "For us, it wouldn't be a good move. We are winning four of five nights at 10 p.m." [...]

"I would bet anyone who would like to bet that 'CSI: Miami' will beat Jay by a lot," Moonves said. "Remember: by a lot."

Probably true, but that doesn't make it any less satisfying to hear—almost as satisfying as the image it conjures of a beet-red Zucker submitting to a stress-reducing neck massage from Ben "Magic Fingers" Silverman, who comfortingly whispers, "Shhhhh...Just focus on Jay's chin...We're golden, J.Z., golden..." into his ear.

• Moonves on NBC's Leno move: 10 p.m. 'ain't broke' [THR]