So enough already, Hollywood! After the jump, find eight dos and don'ts to keep in mind when striving for the perfect celebrity PSA. You have four years to practice — on your mark, get set, go.

1. DO let Jonah Hill host more PSA's on his own. As much as we appreciate the condescending, autoerotic flavor of Di Caprio, Dustin Hoffman, Natalie Portman, Demi Moore and a cast of elite thousands, this Declare Yourself ad proved that all it takes is an actual sense of humor about drugs, abortion and the economy to stir potential interest in the issues.

2. DON'T leave the Latino vote to Carlos Mencia, Cheech Marin and co. At least with Cheech around, however, Mencia can't steal Jonah Hill's jokes.

3. DO emphasize Justin Timberlake if you have a choice between him and Jessica Biel. He's just funnier, a better singer and there's always an outside chance of him "accidentally" pulling off someone's clothing.

4. DON'T give Hayden Panettiere her own spot. Especially not on Funny or Die, where she's neither funny nor dies nor so much as dings the McCain campaign she attempts to swear off — literally.

5. DO give Hayden Panettiere a spot with Jessica Alba. The "Muzzler" commercials are by far the most effective portion of Declare Yourself's multi-phase campaign to register young voters. Which is to say: We're sure the light bondage practiced on nubile, destabilizingly earnest starlets also compelled older men in the electorate to register their own "young voters" all over their keyboards. Remember, guys — you can only register once! No cheating!

6. DON'T let Anne Hathaway dance. Or anyone else for that matter. Perhaps the worst PSA of the season, this Creative Coalition spot is about as fresh as the bumper-sticker rack at a Wasilla scripture house.

7. DO pit Jews against each other. The Jewish Council for Education and Research brought on Sarah Silverman as the spokesperson for its "Great Schlep" — a late spring break of sorts encouraging young Jews to head off to Florida and convince their Nanas that Barack Hussein Obama is not the anti-Israel terrorist the GOP has allegedly made him out to be. Jackie Mason soon fired back on behalf of the Republican Jewish Coalition, smearing Silverman as a "sick yenta" over a saucy klezmer soundtrack. We hate to see such striking discord under the circumstances, but it's either this, or it's Roseanne Barr vs. Jon Voight. Which isn't a choice at all.

8. DON'T rope Blake Lively and Penn Badgley into a PSA together and not insist they make out for the Obama cause. Especially if we have to sit through the whole pasty cast of Fame: The Remake or Emo High or whatever the fuck just to get to Lively's sign-off.

Of course, this being the United States of Defamer, your own suggestion are more than welcome below. Let freedom ring — or at least be less painful to watch on a quadrennial basis.

· Dick Wolf and Disturbia director D.J. Caruso are working on a drama series based on graphic novel character Johnny Dynamite, employing the same 300-style green-screen technology that currently makes everyone in Hollywood so horny. [Variety]
· The fall TV season is off to a slow start, with only Private Practice and Bionic Woman seeming like they have the potential to build into hits. Of course, Carpoolers has yet to debut, so hope for a true breakout is still alive. [THR]
· The Kingdom made just enough money this weekend to keep director Peter Berg working, as he'll develop a film about the 1973 kidnapping of oil heir Jean Paul Getty III for Universal. [Variety]

My agent from the Gersh agency, who is the same guy that represents Carlos, spoke to me on the phone today. He told me that he was being "put in the middle of this thing, and forced to make a choice." He said that Carlos wanted to get on the phone with me and end this once and for all, and get this... wanted an apology. If I didn't do this, he wanted the Gersh agency to either drop me, or he would leave them.

I told them that was fucking hilarious, and said that it's been fun working with them. The fact that they would even consider asking me to do something like that meant I was going to leave them anyway, but the sheer stereotypical "hollywood" nature of conversation actually fucking shocked me. It was like a scene in a movie. Not even a current movie. More like that Kevin Bacon movie "The Big Picture" that was about the evils of Hollywood from the early 90's. [...]

Hollywood eats it's young.
At least the Gersh agency does.

Maybe the most disturbing thing about this story is the amount of power that Mencia seems to wield in comedy circles; if a guy with a basic cable show can get someone banned from a venue and dumped by an agent for accusing him of stealing jokes, premium cable's Dane Cook could probably have Louis C.K. killed if he ever decided to grab a video camera and call him out over the "Itchy Asshole" bit.

• My agent dropped me because of the Carlos™ [Joerogan.net]

Because Valentine's Day (yes, it's today—remind your married boss to send you out to obtain enough champagne to fill his Jacuzzi, which should probably buy him another year of boning the second assistant before divorce papers are filed) is a celebration of love, we pass along this video of a Saturday night Comedy Store quarrel between accused joke appropriator Carlos "Mind Of" Mencia and comedy repo man Joe "I'm A Famous Multi-Millionaire" Rogan, who finally have it out over Mencia's utter inability to get a laugh with other comics' material. Yes, their bickering gets quite heated and loud at times (and goes on at length—make liberal use of the fast-forward function of the YouTube slider bar), but one can't ask that such passion be expressed quietly. Happy Valentine's!

• Comedy Battle [Redban.com]
• Joe Rogan VS Carlos Mencia, ONSTAGE VIDEO. [Joe Rogan]