Gawker: defamer, brooke knows best

For Brooke Hogan, The Family That Pole Dances Together Stays Together

Kyle Buchanan — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 19:10:00 EDT

Sure, reality star Brooke Hogan doesn't know who Sarah Palin is (or the identity of our current vice president, for that matter), but it's only because she's been working so hard! After all, who has time to brush up on politics when you're busy taking striptease classes with your mother? Yes, on last night's episode of Brooke Knows Best, Brooke decides that a pole-dancing lesson will be just the thing she needs for a workout, and she decides to bring mother Linda along, too. Showing off the moves that would eventually bag Linda a nineteen-year-old boyfriend and strain her relations with Brooke, the cougar supremo humps the pole and floor in an unnerving mother/daughter celebration of post-postmodern female empowerment, disguised as a workout routine at Crunch. We can't wait until a very special Christmas episode of Brooke Knows Best, when Linda returns the favor and gifts Brooke with a coupon for pairs' Kegel exercises at the downtown Miami Y. [VH1]

Brooke Hogan on Dick Cheney: 'Who's That?'

Kyle Buchanan — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 15:40:00 EDT

When we solicited thoughts on VP candidate Sarah Palin from reality star Brooke Hogan, Brooke's naive response of "Who's that?" initially echoed in our hearts as a poignant reminder of the bygone, pre-Palin media era. You can imagine our confusion, then, when Hogan appeared on today's Howard Stern show and as the subject of the now-notorious Defamer video came up, she coolly denied that we'd ever asked her about Sarah Palin in the first place:

Still, her tenuous grasp on the memory is understandable, as proven when Stern and Co. continue to quiz her about presidential candidates (asked Obama's first name, she carefully answers, "'Barack' or something?"), forcing an overwhelmed Hogan to cry out, "There's too many friggin' people in office!" Perhaps that would explain the blank she draws when asked the name of the current Vice President? The answer, dear Brooke, is "Dick Cheney," and it's as plain as the nose on your face (which, if you're not careful, Mr. Cheney will shoot off). [Howard Stern]

Brooke Hogan on Sarah Palin: 'Who's That?'

Kyle Buchanan — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 12:15:00 EDT

Though it's only been a scant ten days since John McCain announced Sarah Palin as his running mate, it's hard to find anyone on earth immune to the media onslaught that followed. Oh, for the halcyon days of mid-August, when our nation was more consumed with the abdominals of Michael Phelps than the baby-making, celebrity-stifling, Liz Lemon-resembling Palin name! To meet the rare creature who still knows nothing about the controversial candidate would be like staring into the windows of our pre-RNC innocence, and reader, we found such a transcendent experience on the carpet of the VMAs last night:

Sure, Brooke Hogan's political ignorance may be easy to pillory (though her dark horse candidate would certainly win endorsements from the bulk of last night's Moonman-accepting crowd). After all, this is the same reality star who came under fire for her belief that female menstruation should be an instant DQ for the presidency (so get cracking on that change of life, ladies!). Still, after the events of the past ten days, we can't help but see in Brooke the sort of happy optimism that remains unchanged by frightening new political polls. Sometimes, after reading about the new person Palin had fired or the books she wanted banned from the public library, all we want to do is don a low-cut dress, toss our hair from side to side, and shimmy, shimmy down the red carpet until political doom is just a bad dream on a channel far, far away from VH1. [MTV]

Brooke Hogan Believes Periods Render Women Unfit To Be President

Tracie — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 13:00:00 EDT

Brooke Hogan has her own reality show now, with the premise being that she's moved out of her family's home. It's called Brooke Knows Best, and really, that title couldn't be further from the truth. Watching Hogan Knows Best, I was always disturbed by the way Hulk raised his son and daughter differently, but I figured that Brooke was intelligent enough to let that stuff roll of her shoulders and be her own person. Unfortunately, it looks like Hulk's sexism is fully ingrained in Brooke who, in the clip above, discusses why she's "not really into voting," and how she can't believe that a woman is running for president because women couldn't possibly lead the country because of how hormonal they get on their periods. Seriously, she said that shit.

Brooke Hogan's Worst Year Ever Documented For Celebreality Posterity

Seth — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 21:15:00 EDT

Brooke Hogan, the Saddest Reality Star on Earth, popped by GMA this morning to plug her new VH1 show Brooke Knows Best, where she was made to react to all the truly awful things to happen to her this year. By way of review: Her brother's best friend was left brain dead from a racing accident with her brother Nick Hogan at the wheel, for which he is currently serving an eight-month sentence. Also, her mother filed for divorce from her famous wrestler dad, and is now dating a 19-year-old. And where most of us would choose to cope with a year of unthinkable tragedy and heartache by, say, not submitting ourselves to 24-hour reality film crew documenting every emotional breakdown, Brooke has chosen the perhaps more challenging route, and done precisely that. To her credit, were it us in that situation, we'd probably be shitfaced and trying to make out with Sam Champion—but Hogan manages to admirably hold it all together. Let's hope she doesn't wind up being shuffled through the VH1 Celebreality repertory, and wind up roomies with Natasha Lyonne on Celebrity Rehab, or judging a hot-fudge-massage contest on her own competitive dating show, Hogan On To Love.

Brooke Knows Best [VH1]