Torrance Shipman, Bring It On: For every sweet as sugar Valley Girl like the original film's Julie Richman, there is the head cheerleader. Torr, her sidekicks, and her priorities dipped into the shallowest end of the San Fernando pool of prissy dumb blondes (with hearts of gold! In the end, of course!) Classic Quote: "I am only cheerleading."

Romy And Michele, Romy And Michele's High School Reunion: A rare glimpse into the lives of the post-grad working life of the VG, Lisa Kudrow and Mira Sorvino actually made anyone unfamiliar with the Valley kind of want to live there, where folding sweaters defined the girls' perfection of living by that old mantra: ignorance is bliss. Classic Quote: "You look so good with blonde hair and black roots it's not even funny."

Stacy Hamilton, Fast Times At Ridgemont High: For every Torrance, there is a Stacy Hamilton: that shy, naive non-looker with the way hotter friend, who falls for the short, pale, and not handsome bad boy because he smokes cigarettes and dresses in all black. Classic Quote: "When a guy has an orgasm, how much comes out?"

Tai, Clueless: Most people instantly envision Cher as a classic VG, but the contemporary Emma lived in Beverly Hills. And sure, Tai does hail from the scary land of Manhattan where "coke" means cocaine, not Coca-Cola. But by the climax of the flick, Tai represents everything VGs stand for: short skirts, make-up, gold jewelry and boyfriend-stealing. Classic Quote: "You think I'm a mentally retarded airhead?"

Buffy Summers, Buffy The Vampire Slayer: Oh, Buff. The yellow cheerleading outfit. The gum. The bleached hair. The mini-skirts with polka dots used to attract football players. The like, icky gross feeling you get around dudes with British accents who are old and stuff. Our favorite, by a landslide. Classic Quote: "Right, I'm the chosen one. And I choose to be shopping."

• MGM DEVELOPS MUSICAL 'VALLEY GIRL' [THR]

1) More Tips On Downsizing Prepubescent Son’s Balls! Simple, really: assign them the task of assisting your blatant famewhoredom, ignoring how obviously disinterested they are in participating, then follow up by denying you ever enlisted their help whatsoever. Most importantly, perform this task on television.

2) Repeatedly Remind Fragile Tween Daughter Just How Big Of A Failure She Is! With no call-backs or word from producers regarding Ali’s non-existent and doomed career as a white rapper, Dina reminds Ali that she only had “one shot and you don’t blow it.” Insinuating, of course, that she blew it. Resolution? Tell her to go ahead and be “a little girl.” Then proceed to make the easily influenced Ali jealous of your own fantastic body by subtly sauntering up to her after a work-out and displaying just how much hotter your abs are than hers.

3) Fix Your Kids’ Sour Moods (Caused By You, Naturally) By Embarrassing Yourself In Public! And what better way for Dina to do the above than “dance” in her own Vegas performance, failing to actually put any of those Rockette Lies to rest at all. And no, that wasn’t just your screen — Dina really did just use Bring It On’s guaranteed-to-fail Jazz Hands move. More than once. But as long as your kids are mortified by you, you’ve sacrificed your own dignity to make ‘em laugh. Like hyenas. At you. Success!

• LIVING LOHAN [E!]