Diane Lane has signed on to star in a biopic about Triple Crown-winning racehorse Secretariat. When asked about the project, Lane told reporters "I'm just excited to finally be working with Sarah Jessica Parker." [Variety]

Oh you get so excited when you first hear that Hollywood has big plans for a zombie franchise called Deadworld. Because, even though you fear them more than anything else, you really love zombies and zombie mythology and zombie movies and zombie books. So a franchise about a post-zombie apocalypse is totally awesome. And then you read this: "Protag is King Zombie, a Harley-riding corpse who holds a grudge against the survivors who made him an outcast." And then you feel sad. Why? Because zombies don't ride motorcycles. They just don't. [Variety]

Gary Ross, who wrote and directed films like Seabiscuit and Pleasantville, has been tapped to pen the script for the biopic about cancer-surviving, pedal-pushing, wife-leaving Lance Armstrong. When asked about the project, Ross told reporters "I'm very excited. I'm hoping there's a part in here for Sarah Jessica Parker, because we had such a great time working on Seabiscuit." [THR]

Poppy Montgomery, from CBS' Without a Renewal, has signed on to star in Cinderella Pact, a Lifetime Movie Channel movie about ladies losing weight. Seriously! That's what it's about. Also, it's about a harried magazine editor. Because that's a ladyjob! [THR]

Two writers from Heroes have signed two year deals with NBC, where they'll continue to write for that drama and also develop their own projects. And I just... I mean... Heroes has writers? That NBC wants to see more of? Flabbergasted. Simply. Anyone need a roommate in LA? 'Cause they're just giving network deals out at the door, apparently. [Variety]

Matt Prokop, that dickbag from High School Musical 3: Senior Year who was like the new Troy Bolton or whatever, has just signed on to star in Furry Vengeance, a family-type comedy also starring Brendan Fraser. He'll play "a sarcastic city kid" whose mean dad moves him to rural Oregon and then they end up doing battle with animals who are mad at them. Roger Kumble, the man behind Cruel Intentions, is directing the feature, so expect a scene where Prokop has his junk ground-upon by his stone fox step-sister, and then suddenly a raccoon breaks in and everyone dies. [THR]

Oh girl, heyyyy. Lipstick Jungle's resident old lady banger Robert Buckley has landed a promotion, y'all! He's going to star on the best series on television. It's about a single plant, standing lonely atop a mound. Creatively, it's called One Tree Hill! Buckley will play a conflicted character named Jonahz, a youngish man who talks a good game and has a smooth-yet-vulnerable charm with the ladies but there's also something mysterious and maybe broken about him. Ha, actually he'll play Clayton, the "brash young sports agent" (so expect lots of lame Entourage-esque posturing), a role that Brian Austin Green had been maybe gonna do, but then that "fell through." Meaning Green finally sat down to watch an episode of the show and about ten minutes in said "Oh hellllll no." [THR]

Curtis Jackson, aka rapping singer "Fifty Cents", keeps being in movies. His next one is about corrupt police officers and costars a crackerjack cast of Chris Klein, Adam Rodriguez, and Richard T. Jones. The film is being shepherded under the auspices of Jackson's new production house, called Cheetah Vision films. The company is also working on an adaptation of Jekyll & Hyde to costar Forest Whitaker. One hopes that means Jekyll & Hyde the Broadway musical. One really, really hopes. [Variety]

Lurking through television's seediest corners like some sort of hobo superhero, Brian Austin Green continues to pick up bizarre, vaguely depressing TV gigs. Fresh off the canceled (sniff) Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles, ol' Davey Silver might join the cast of One Tree Hill for its seventh landmark season. He'd play a cocky, youngish sports agent named Clayton, because very few people on that show have normal names. [THR]

And let's just keep the good TV news coming. It was touch and go there for a while, because maybe America's kids just keep getting older or there was that invasive mouth surgery that was gonna happen just to see what the hell is really going on with that. But in the end, hope and dreams won out. The Disney Channel has ordered a fourth season of Miley Cyrus' beautiful show Hannah Montana. Billy Ray dances and chuckles at the moon. [Variety]

American charmer Alyssa Milano has signed on to star in the romantic comedy My Girlfriend's Boyfriend, which is probably a lot less kinky of a movie than it sounds. Considering Beau Bridges and Christopher Gorham are costars. [THR]

Richard Shepard has signed on to direct the film The Angriest Man in Brooklyn, which I think is about me right now because I just found out that the Commonwealth of Massachusetts thinks I owe them $800 in three-year-old taxes. Which is a lie! [THR]

Oh never mind, I'm happy again. A Where's Waldo? movie. Finally. [Variety]

In perhaps the most notorious example of a suddenly superfluous tattoo, Johnny Depp had "Winona Forever" inked onto his arm in a tribute to then-fiancée Winona Ryder. Depp eventually had his tattoo changed to read "Wino Forever," eschewing the somewhat more enigmatic, possibly golf-related "Win a Fore."


Jude Law quoted the Beatles in a forearm tattoo honoring wife Sadie Frost: "You came along to turn on everything, Sexy Sadie." The two divorced after six years of marriage, and Law has covered up the lyric with a tattoo of a heart.


As soon as Juno was released, Oscar-winning screenwriter Diablo Cody announced that she was single and looking to mingle with all eligible homeskillets by inking over her husband's name.


Instead of covering up her "Billy Bob" tattoo, Angelina Jolie simply had it lasered off after she split up with Billy Bob Thornton. In response, Jennifer Aniston finally rubbed off a Magic Marker tribute to Tate Donovan on her inner thigh.


Tom Arnold had a variety of terrifying Roseanne-related tattoos inflicted onto his body when the two were married, including one on his hindquarters. All four tattoos have reportedly been lasered off; we are declining to look for visual proof and will take him at his word.


When Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee split, she had her ring finger tattoo modified from "Tommy" to "Mommy." No word on whether Lee was able to cover up the "Pamela" he had tattooed onto his penis; if there are any groupies out there with Hep C and stories about a schlong scrawled with "Penisla," let us know.

Boomp3.com

Taking a break from his campaign to play the Riddler in the next Batman film, Brian Austin Green went to lunch with his gal pal, Megan Fox. During the meal, Green wondered why the Transformers star was lugging around a giant backpack with her instead of her purse. Fox then confessed that the recent earthquakes made her afraid of losing her most valuable possessions, so now she's started carrying them around with her. She then proceeded to list out the contents of the backpack to a shocked Brian Austin Green. It includes: a makeup bag, two designer sweat suits, flip flops, books on Marilyn Monroe and Jayne Mansfield, a laptop, Michael Bay's ego, a ton of scripts, running shoes, an assistant, four different sets of sunglasses, two Blackberry batteries, a lead paper weight, Mad Men season one on DVD and some tadpoles she caught down by the river. Green was rather impressed by Fox's ability to carry on all that weight, but was still a wee bit weirded out by the backpack.

[Photo Credit: INF Daily]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Not that he’s thought it so far ahead that he actually knows what he’d want to do with the Riddler, however.

“That’s impossible to answer now,” Green said. “That would take years of preparation."

We eagerly await the reel that the erstwhile David Silver will put together to convince Chris Nolan's casting office that he's the man for the job. Though Green may not yet know in which direction he wants to take his Riddler performance, might we suggest that he start from this terrifying, Roger Rabbit-ing base and work outwards?

[Photo Credit: AP]

• From 90210 To Gotham City? Brian Austin Green Makes Pitch For Riddler Casting [MTV]

According to Fox News, Fox blames her recent dramatic weight loss on a role in Jennifer's Body, a comedic horror film penned by bloggy-inclined Oscar winner Diablo Cody in which Fox plays a "possessed cheerleader." But master fauxter Bay, demanding as ever, has forced Fox to stuff herself silly with late night binges in order to bulk up for Transformers 2: More Shit Blows Up! And as for poor Anne Hathaway? Not only has she allegedly dropped almost 30 pounds in the few weeks since thieving ex-boyfriend Rafaello Follieri finally got nailed, but she's also said to be "throwing herself" into work on Bride Wars, that glee-filled set where disguising her hatred for co-star Kate Hudson has become close to impossible. But hey, at least now Anne can come out the winner in those infamous skirt size comparisons she and Hudson indulge in every time the cameras stop rolling!

[Photo credits: X17, Wireimage, Getty]

• SCARY SKINNY MEGAN FOX STOPPED EATING, FORCED TO GAIN WEIGHT [Fox News]
• HEARTBROKEN ANNE HATHAWAY DROPS 'TWO STONE' AFTER SPLIT FROM JAILED BUSINESSMAN [Daily Mail]

9021-Oh Yes: Jennie Garth was recently photographed filming scenes for the new season, looking appropriately guidance counselor-esque, sporting the latest fashions from the Coldwater Creek catalog. What happened to 1992 when Kelly Taylor was slutting it up at the Beverly Hills Beach Club, betraying her friend, and licking Dylan's sideburns? Sure, it may be an unrealistic portrayal for her character now, but perhaps just a dash of the Collin-adoring, coke-snorting Kelly from 1996 wouldn't hurt.

More details on David Silver and Peach Pit impresario Nat Bussichio after the jump!

9021-Oh My: Fire up those mega-burgers, because Joe E. Tata is back for the pilot – and possibly additional episodes. Will Nat Bussichio's little-seen wife return? Or will be continue down Creepy Street hanging with 30-year-olds and dispensing heavy-handed and inevitably grease-laden advice?

9021-Oh No: Unfortunately, West Beverly's greatest dancer and Color Me Badd stalker, David Silver, will not be returning to the beloved zip code. Besides, Brian Austin Green has bigger fish with down-playing his status as possible Megan Fox Maneating victim. As he told The Insider, "We're solid. We've lived together for three years. We have tattoos of each other's names." Which, of course, means Notorious BAG will soon be visiting his local tatoo-removal establishment.

• Peach Pit Owner Nat To Star On 90210 Spin-Off [USMagazine.com]

According to the tabloids, she alerted her business associates of the sad happy news. An insider chimes in, "Megan still cares about Brian, but she now realizes she's too young to marry him."

In other words, Megan has wised up and realized that hanging out with B.A.G. made her 60% less hot. Not only that, her career was on the rise while his was over many eons ago. It's the classic Hillary Swank/Chad Lowe dynamic. No one wants to marry someone who'll always be begging for a role in their next movie. So, congratulations, Megan. There is now officially nothing wrong with you. Just get ready for everyone from George Clooney to David Spade to come a-knockin'.

[Photo Credit: FHM]

• TRANSFORMERS - REPORT - FOX ENDS ENGAGEMENT

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Internet sensation Megan Fox was spotted outside of Poquito Mas having a tiff with long time boyfriend and former 90210 star Brian Austin Green. Green thought that Fox was either going to topless or wear something as equally revealing for the photographers that would enviably follow them. Green believed that the exposure of being photographed next to her would be a shot in the arm for his career, even going as far as to say that the producers of the 90210 spin-off may return his calls. Fox said, "I'm sorry that my boobs are more famous than you, but today is a sweats day and you gotta live with that."

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]