WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE
The Story: Based on the Maurice Sendak book, little Max leaves behind his gloomy family and travels to a land of giant forest creatures.
The Pitch: Spirited Away meets Rushmore
Who It's For: Man/boys who dream of fleeing their dismal existences where they are surrounded by people who don't pay them enough attention, and sailing off to a land where they can spend the whole day riding skateboards and throwing things with cool but sensitive dudes like Spike Jonze and Dave Eggers.
Cause for Hope: The monster suits look pretty neat.
Cause for Concern: This is not a Spike Jonze movie based on a Charlie Kaufman script; after spending years teaching writing to children, Dave Eggers appears to be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome and believes that grown-ups should write like six year olds rather than for them.
Defamer Enthusio-Meter: 3

THE STEPFATHER
The Story: A young man (Gossip Girl's Penn Badgley) returns from school to find his mother has moved in her new flame (Dylan Walsh), a man whose helpful nature may hide some terrible secrets.
The Pitch: Shadow of a Doubt meets Poison Ivy
Who It's For: People who are too young to remember the dregs of the 80s — 90s sexy thriller era.
Cause for Hope: Well, um...the Executive Producer is friends with Madonna? Does that count?
Cause for Concern: Your great-grandchildren will do the math on how much the money you spent on a night out at The Stepfather would be worth a hundred years hence, with interest, and curse your spirit forevermore.
Bonus Fact: J.S. Cardone, the screenwriter, has one of the most thrilling IMDB pages ever recorded. A secret giant of Hollywood.
Defamer Enthusio-Meter: 2

LAW ABIDING CITIZEN
The Story: When a man (Gerard Butler) sees his daughter's murderer get off easy thanks to The System, he takes justice into his own hands, first killing the murderer and then from behind bars, attacking The System while an ambitious young prosecutor (Jamie Foxx) fights to stop him.
The Pitch: Death Wish meets The Dark Knight meets Silence of the Lambs meets a bunch Mel Gibson and Harrison Ford movies whose names we can't remember.
Who It's For: Those who want to be jolted into forgetting their troubles.
Cause for Hope: Seems at least ambitiously pulpy; director F. Gary Gray made the cult classic Set It Off.
Cause for Concern: How many minutes of screen time will it take just to portray the set-up described above before the actual film starts.
Defamer Enthusio-Meter: 6

NEW YORK, I LOVE YOU
The Story: A series of short film homages to the Big Apple.
The Pitch: Manhattan meets Hotel Chevalier
Who It's For: Manhattanites who love to love themselves
Cause for Hope: Some very great film makers involved including Fatih Akim.
Cause for Concern: There is also a segment by Brett Ratner. And honestly, (and I say this as a frequent visitor from California) isn't every second of every day in Manhattan the time that New Yorkers devote to telling themselves how much they love themselves and their quaint little island. Does there really need to be a special film devoted to that? Isn't that basically, every film made by every New Yorker ever? Isn't that why the world took your filmmaking capital status away from you and gave it to California in the first place?
Defamer Enthusio-Meter: 6

BLACK DYNAMITE
The Story: A satire of 70's blacksploitation fims.
The Pitch: Shaft meets Airplane
Who It's For: Comedy nerds
Cause for Hope: Hilarious trailer; very strong buzz when it debuted at Sundance.
Cause for Concern: One joke premise walks down well-trod lane.
Defamer Enthusio-Meter: 8

Well, that's not entirely true, over the past seven days, there have been some nice things said about the Hollywood director, but we certainly didn't find the tweets he was talking about. In the piece, he says the "other day" he flew to New York, and on the trip a limo driver tweeted about the tip he left. To do that, a lot of things would have to happen: the limo driver would have to recognize Brett Ratner, he'd have to risk his job and life to tweet while driving, and Brett Ratner would have to leave a good tip. At least two of any of those three things seem unlikely to occur.

Also, Ratner claims two "performance artists" tweeted that he would attend their strip show, and a kid tweeted that he was a thief. We couldn't find any of these. In BlackBook Ratner says that the constant surveillance of people recognizing him and writing about what he's doing and how awesome he is really harshing his mellow. That apparently seems to be a problem only in Bizarro Cyberspace where Ratner lives.

Mostly, what people were talking about was how he would produce a new Roman Polanski documentary.

Some excerpts of what people were really saying:

• @BrianLynch says: :Brett Ratner's Roman Polanski doc will have the kickiest soundtrack and most hilarious fish out of water misunderstandings a doc can HAVE."
• @hunterstep says: Polanski is like white peoples' oj, except he's guilty and he didn't murder anyone, and he's friends with brett ratner.
• @John_Hollahan says: Even if I felt drugging/raping were ok, Brett Ratner's support would give me pause. On any issue, really.
• @AdamTM24 says: Brett Ratner, McG, Roland Emmerich, Joel Schumacher, Friedberg/Seltzer, Tom Rothman. All clown shoes when it comes to movie making.
• @katerbee says: You know how to decide how you feel something? find out what Brett Ratner thinks, then think the opposite.
• @PAPPADEMAS says: Also: Brett Ratner got a "Special Thanks" for, like, just being a good dude. His heart is so big it has a poolhouse you could crash in.
• @Meli_Molina says: Oh yea, saw New York, I Love You. I still don't have a soft spot for NYC and I still hate Brett Ratner with a fiery passion

But Ratner still looks on the bright side, seeing past the drawbacks of living in a world where limo drivers and strippers constantly tweet about how excited they are to be near you:

Maybe I should look at the positive side of constant surveillance. Maybe it's a sign that when one of my films comes out, and it's really good, all of those secret spies will tell everyone about it, and get more people into the theater for opening weekend. But then again, they might not like what they've seen and tell everyone that the movie isn't worth their dollars.

From our not very scientific market research, we're going to have to go with the latter.

[Image via Getty]

• The first apology is in in Polanski World '09. Not quite an apology actually, just a clarification. Whoopi Goldberg started out today's episode of The View by clarifying that when she said the original charge was not "rape rape" she explains, sort of, she was not attempting to brush away the charges but was making a distinction between rape and child molestation, and then she changed the subject to clear up bizarre talk that she herself had been molested.

• In perhaps the most pompous dismissal yet of these little people and their ridiculous child rape fears, legendary film critic/hero to film students everywhere, Jonathan Rosenbaum posted the following statement on his blog under the header: On the Arrest of Roman Polanski, "American lynch mobs never die; they only become more self-righteous about their savagery."

• Charter Board Member of the No Such Thing As Bad Publicity Association Brett Ratner has promptly injected himself into the melee, saying he would like to make a sequel to last year's Polanski documentary.

• In case anyone was worried that the public wouldn't have an opportunity to go over in minute detail every element of the molestation, America's media is stepping up to the plate with a refresher course. abcnews.com among others have sprung to action, satifsying the public right to know with extensive excerpts from victim Samantha Grenier's graphic 1977 grand jury testimony.

• The Polanski legal team has brought a big and well-connected gun on board: Reid Weingarten, best known as a close personal friend of Attorney General Eric Holder.

• And across the web, the outrage is boiling over towards Polanski's entertainment industry defenders.

And we've still got miles and miles to go before Roman sleeps!

The highfaulutin' publishing set will be thrilled to learn the director's claims to fame include the critically groundbeaking Rush Hour franchise and of course X-Men: The Last Stand ("You bent X-Men over," raved one critic), plus just generally minting money for Hollywood studios, and eclipsing Stephen Spielberg by all the metric$$$ that count (without the burden of having to truck heavy Oscar statuettes around constantly).

Defamer's own Mark Lisanti praised Ratner, variously, as a "fauxteur," "superhack," "sequel whore" and a "hacky mutant director."

Now Ratner's launched a new book imprint, Rat Press. It seems to be transferring Ratner's reputation for cutting originality from cinema to publishing. The Los Angeles Times described the director's three new film books as follows:

Jim... originally published in 1971... feels pretty dated...

Robert Evans in Conversation with Lawrence Grobel doesn't break any new ground...

Grobel's Brando conversations... are for the most part culled from his voluminous 1978 Playboy sessions...

With any luck this guardian angel of the printed word will start a newspaper, too.

· Last night we got a chance to see I Knew It Was You, the short, Brett Ratner-produced documentary about the life, work and untimely death of Godfather/Dog Day Afternoon actor John Cazale. The film announces Cazale's impact in the most reductive possible terms ("He was in only five movies. Each was nominated for Best Picture") before getting to some pretty revelatory stuff: Al Pacino and Francis Ford Coppola explaining Cazale's technique as hangdog Fredo Corleone; Meryl Streep on their star-crossed love affair; and... Ratner himself, effusing some vague endorsements soon whacked aside by Sidney Lumet. But! We loved you in The Grand, Brett. Stay after it. Patrick Goldstein has much more at The Big Picture.

· The gang from /film is already in Park City, where it appears tickets aren't going fast for the festival's usually competitive public screenings. "Just for the heck of it, we decided to head over to the Sundance Film Festival Box Office in Gateway Center and were surprised to learn that tickets were still available for more screenings than not for most of next week." Great! Someone save us a seat at the Bronson premiere.

· We've called out shot for the Brosnan/Sarandon weepie The Greatest being among this year's bidding-war beneficiaries. Not so fast, sniffs one prognosticator, whose careful scientific calculations suggest the film has a 98.66% chance of sucking. Show your work, infidels.

· As we also alluded to earlier this morning, buyers are planning extra rounds of tire-kicking for this year's Sundance models. In response, sales-rep godfather John Sloss is handling half as many films as he did in 2008. That would be called preparing for a recession.

· And for the low-lying filmmaking horde with their own Sundance lottery tickets? Look on the bright side: At least you can keep 100% of what you make screening your labor of love on a bedsheet in your garage.

In fact, it's only the pedigree elsewhere on the credit roll — Brian Grazer is producing, Robert Donwey Jr. is a front-runner to star — that seems to reassure Hefner in the face of a B-Rat incursion on his life story:

"It's going to be a very curious change of pace for him . . . but I believe in Brian," Hefner said. "The one thing I would want the film to be is something other than a light comedy, to have something to say and express something about the change in social sexual values. You know, Brian made a comment that I was the only man who had made love to over a thousand women and they all still liked him. And I do take some pride, in fact, that I remain friends with the majority of former wives and girlfriends. I am a romantic."

This can't be reassuring to Ratner, who would hate to have wasted his last year and a half of attempts to convince Hefner that he, too, is a romantic with male-slut sensitivity befitting his legendary subject. The law of averages suggests that the whole girl-ashamed-to-be-seen-with-the-Rat thing is bound to happen on occasion, just as eventually Ratner would have it in him to make a watchable, rewarding non-sequel. You're in good hands, Hef. Just keep an eye on them around the mansion.

• Playboy founder Hugh Hefner's first true love was movies [LAT]

Boomp3.com

A mysterious woman wanted to remain in the shadows and darkness of Hollywood after she was spotted with hotshot filmmaker Brett Ratner outside of Hyde Lounge. Ratner attempted to use some of his directorial skills to make the woman feel more comfortable in front of the camera, but she continued to march down the street with her back turned. Not even running into a couple of doors and a pay phone would stop the woman from walking with a blind eye to the other side of Sunset Blvd.

[Photo Credit: INF Daily]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

• WATCH VIDEO

“I love ‘Guitar Hero’ and I think it’s a part of pop culture. I would love to do a ‘Guitar Hero’ movie, if Activision would ever let me. I’m trying to convince them, but why would you have a movie screw up such a huge franchise? Not that I would make a bad movie. So that would be cool, to do a ‘Guitar Hero’ movie. ”

And here is his idea for the plot:

“It could be about a kid from a small town who dreams of being a rock star and he wins the ‘Guitar Hero’ competition. One of these dreams-[come-true] kind of concepts.” [...]

“I have a deal with Activision for their branding,” he said. “For instance, naming ‘Guitar Hero: World Tour,’ coming up with the new ‘Guitar Hero game name. It’s sort of like [MTV's] ‘Rock Band.’ So they said: ‘Come up with a name.’ And I did, and it became ‘Guitar Hero: World Tour.’”

Duly noted: World Tour? That's all Rat. As for his movie idea, the time might actually be right for an updating of the Arcade Underdog myth—as outlined in Joseph Campbell's The Mario with a Thousand Faces, and explored by Hollywood countless times in films like Tommy and The Wizard (for which star Fred Savage is still suffering the debilitating effects of carpal tunnel syndrome). Of course, Ratner's vision won't shy away from depicting the uglier side of the Guitar Hero dream, featuring Chris Tucker in a supporting role as a power-up-addicted fading virtuoso, whose meltdown moment, "CAN YOU HEAR THE NOTES THAT ARE COMING OUT OF MY PLASTIC GUITAR?" is met by a collective shrug by an audience looking for the next hot GH thing.

• Brett Ratner Wants To Make A ‘Guitar Hero’ Movie [MTV Multiplayer]

We're pretty sure the inclusion of Powers in their list of 14 franchises to kill was a serendipitous fluke (it's actually pegged to The Mummy 3 and includes Indiana Jones and Friday the 13th as well), but Wednesday's revival news nevertheless reinforced the urgency of euthanizing bad ideas before they can strike again. And why stop at 14? As long as we have the ax out, we might as well finish the job with another half-dozen after the jump.

·Beverly Hills Cop: Sure, we summoned a bit of cautious optimism when we first heard about BHC 4. But word that franchise heir Brett Ratner wants a PG-13 and Eddie Murphy's continued commitment to mediocrity has us second-guessing. Kill it.

·Star Wars: Nothing short of George Lucas encased in carbonite will likely stop his molesty corruption of a galaxy far, far away. But a blog can dream. Kill it.

· Transformers: Wait — never mind! Thanks, Shia.

· Spider-Man: Heresy? Maybe. But if Sam Raimi is more preoccupied with spinoffs and Jack Ryan than Sony's multi-billion empire, just accept the sign. Kill it first, before Joel Schumacher hijacks it.

· Hostel: How much would it cost us to have the pleasure of snuffing this ourselves in a dank Eastern European abattoir? We'll get the money, like, yesterday. Kill it — slowly.

· The Lost Boys: Not a franchise so much as a misbegotten, Haim-wounding attempt at brand-milking, bound to get worse before it gets better. Kill it.

• Running on Empty: 14 Movie Franchises We Think Should Stop [EW]

And with that, we are out. Have a happy and safe Fourth Of July, we'll see you on Monday!

Taschen goes on to proclaim that "a big penis is undeniably compelling. Big shoulders, big lapels, and big hair may come and go, but the big penis never goes out of fashion. With those possessing more than 8 inches (20 cm) making up less than 2% of the world's population, this rare accessory will always fascinate." And Brett was indeed fascinated. Gossip maven Richard Johnson (a very penis-y name, by the way) says "the Hollywood director showed up at LA venue Alpha and bought five copies, which he got signed by the cover model, porn star Chad Hunt."

But that's not all. Apparently, "the party was full of 'underwear-clad male waiters and porn stars;' and...'Brett was eating it up!'" So what does all this mean? Is Ratner suffering from penis envy? Or is he trying to option the book for some ill-conceived, giant-penis-based buddy comedy starring Willem Dafoe, Tommy Lee and the ghost of Milton Berle? Only time will tell.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

• Buying Big [NY Post]

Pretty fancy talk from the dude who made The Adventures Of Pluto Nash, Metro, Holy Man, Norbit, Daddy Day Care, Showtime, I Spy and Vampire in Brooklyn, but at least it's a step in the right direction. So, what brought on this sudden desire to make watchable films? Find out after the jump.

Says Murphy:

"Over the last 20 years or so, because of the studios, everybody figured out there's a PG-13 audience, you know, and that's the biggest piece of the pie. And a bunch of artists, myself included, got put in this PG-13 box — artists that aren't PG-13 artists! Then comedies like Superbad, Knocked-Up, and Juno come out and people go, 'Oh, this is the brilliant shit.' And it's just people acting like real people, talking like real people. And those movies are making all the money now."

Aha, so it does all come back to money! But at least Eddie finally realizes that good movies can sell tickets too. And you can catch him practicing this new-found sense of realism in Meet Dave, coming soon to a theater near you.

• Eddie Murphy Quashes Retirement Rumors, Talks 'Beverly Hills Cop IV' [MTV Movies Blog]

boomp3.com




Oh No! It's Brett Ratner! Watch out! He's got that look of love in his eyes!

Kelly Lynch! Make sure he doesn't try to steal second base!

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

Show: On The Lot, 2007
Network: Fox
Wizards: Steven Spielberg and Mark Burnett, producers. Carrie Fisher, Garry Marshall, and Brett Ratner, judges.
Fate: Lasting only one season, the extremely low-rated show pitted unknown directors against one another based on three-minute film submissions. Despite winner Will Bigham's "directing" aspirations, Will is currently and unsurprisingly pounding the pavement as a (still-unknown) actor.

Project Greenlight, 2001-05:
Network: HBO (two seasons), Bravo (one season)
Wizards: Alex Keledjian and Eli Holzman, creators. Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, and Chris Moore, producers, backed by Miramax Films and LivePlanet.
Fate: HBO dumped the series to Bravo after two seasons in which the winning screenwriters' films each grossed under $300k in national releases. Bravo's winning duo turned out the little-remembered horror movie (oops) Feast that, despite the best efforts of GULAGER, went quickly to limited release, and even more quickly to DVD.

Grease: You're The One That I Want, 2007
Network: NBC
Wizards: BBC fashioned the US show after Andrew Lloyd Webber's successful format for casting Broadway unknowns in How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria? in the UK. Billy Bush hosted.
Fate: As with so many series borrowed by the Brits, NBC's gamble followed in the footsteps of The Office and American Idol, turning out big ratings and even bigger interest (at first) on Broadway once the winning leads took the stage.

It Factor, 2002
Network: Bravo
Wizards: Nicole Torre, Alice Peck, producers.
Fate: Though the show lasted just two seasons, the documentary following actors trying to get their big break did turn out two working stars. Sure, one got a gig as a 7Up spokesman, but Michaela Conlin went on to become a regular on Bones.

Show:Fight For Fame, 2005
Network: E!
Wizards: Adam Lieblein and Greg Meyer, producers and Acme agents.
Fate: Another documentary-style program, featuring five wannabe actors competing for a deal with Acme, the show suffered due to a boring format (monologues began each episode) and predictably low interested in real-agents-as-stars. Had Ari Emanuel been in charge, it would have been another story. The SF Gate summarized the one-season snoozer by including it in a piece entitled "Some Shows So Bad You Can't Be Paid To Watch."

• VH1 GREENLIGHTS 'SCREAM QUEENS' [THR]

1. Murphy's on-set meltdown when Ratner accidentally calls him "Chris."

2. Paramount can keep its coin. Unlike its distribution deals struck with Marvel Studios and Lucasfilm for its recent blockbusters Iron Man and Indiana Jones 4 (Dreamworks will be long gone by then), Paramount has 100% of the Beverly Hills Cop franchise to itself. Which is important, because early tracking hints this film will gross around $3,260.

3. Bronson Pinchot's inevitable holdout for more money to reprise his role as the gay, pronunciation-challenged art dealer Serge.

4. The unique apocalyptic ring to the words, "Beverly Hills Cop 4: A Film by Brett Ratner."

5. Harold Faltermeyer, a/k/a the Michael Bay of soundtrack composers, can finally have his career back.

6. We don't have to feel quite as bad about our morning drinking habit.

7. The Cannes premiere.

• Eddie Murphy Back in 'Beverly Hills' [Variety]

We’ll start off by letting you know that Andy “plans to start producing ‘major, major movies.’” Of course, he’s no stranger to the big screen, having nabbed bit parts in Winged Creatures and the classic Final Destination 4, in addition to 11 other roles he doesn’t seem so keen on sharing with the Metromix reporter. But clever Andy has moved on from that silly acting biz. As the owner of three totally exclusive, totally VIP LA clubs, he now feels free to wear “baggy brown cords, a wrinkled blue nylon jacket and a straw fedora” without shame. Now that takes balls.

You know what else takes balls? Cruising around town in a black pickup truck, his ride of choice. But really, Andy deserves a gold star for a comment regarding his decision to reject Britney Spears from Winston’s last Halloween: “Fiscella banned [Britney] after she forced a bartender to trade Halloween costumes with her. ‘I didn’t want to profit from her being a fucking train wreck.’” Right, because his admitted adoration of Kirsten Dunst and Paris Hilton really proves he is far too highbrow for the likes of Britney. But the truth is, we shouldn’t be so harsh on little Andy. Not only was the little guy adopted, he had the misfortunate of learning that from a grade-school bully. And really, what better way to bounce back from a trauma like that than to become a professional grown-up bully yourself?

• THE KING OF CROWN BAR [LA Observed]

"You can do what you want in Central Park, unless you're doing it for a film," Ratner tells us. "Then, you can't touch anything. Olivia weighs about 80 pounds, but we weren't allowed to have her hanging from a tree. We had to buy a dead tree from a prop house and bring it to Central Park. We also couldn't walk on the grass, so we had to get a crane to stand the tree up on concrete, then put grass and mulch around it, so it looked real. ... It was insane."

It's like Ratner's own little tormented Herzog film; Fitzcarratner, perhaps, in which the embattled fauxteur, six minutes from "one of the most talked-about segments in the anthology," quits grab-assing extras long enough to guide a small army of crew members and a dead-tree-wielding crane inch-by-inch through the treacherous trails of Central Park. "No, no, no, Anton, not like that" he says before shooing the young actor away from his limb-dangling waif and closing in with his sweaty mitts. "Like... this. Hold still, Olivia." Some guys will do anything for their art.

• Brett Ratner goes out on a limb in NYC [NYDN]

How come Brett Ratner, director of multi-million-dollar features, agreed to judge a festival containing only two-to-three minute films? The event is the first annual Fragrance and Film Festival, presented by Vogue and the Fragrance Foundation. When I learned that the movies must be inspired by one of the Foundation's 2008-nominated fragrances, I had to ask Ratner what made scents to him — excuse it.

Ratner enthusiastically told me his reason to further the film and fragrance association and competition. It was because of Mike Todd, Jr.'s 1960 Scent Of Mystery in which various scents were wafted through the theater to jibe with the action on the screen. ... Ratner said he was impressed by the innovative filmmaking and moreso when in 1981 John Waters made Polyester and released it with his "Odorama" system whereby audience members could compound the visual by scratching and sniffing hand-held cards.

And filmwise Ratner also reminded me that scents were sprayed by fans in theaters in the pre-sound, "silents" days. "I like the idea (of the scented cinema)," enthused Ratner. "Maybe we'll have some in theaters again?"

Indeed, we anticipate a whole retrospective devoted to sussing out the essence of Ratner's output: The sulphuric chemistry of Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan! The horseflies and steam encircling Red Dragon! The hints of garbage-strike and vanilla from X-Men: The Last Stand! Not for nothing, Archerd also passes along news that President Shimon Peres has personally invited Ratner to join Israel's 60th anniversary celebration this month, where reportedly the fauxteur will be honored for "brave, pioneering advances of the nation of Israel through aromatic cinema." Congrats to him.

• This Makes Scents [Army Archerd]

boomp3.com

Rush Hour trilogy director Brett Ratner viciously fought off the accusations that he ordered his current girlfriend off an internet website. Ratner told reporters that he comes from Hollywood, where literally hundreds of women like her can be found working at Hot Dog on a Stick. He then launched into a horrid impression of Al Pacino's character from Scarface. Ratner said, "In Hollywood, you gotta make the money first (Ratner made the international hand gesture for check). Then when you get the money, you get the power (Ratner made the gesture again). Then when you get the power, then you get the women." Ratner then pointed to his girlfriend and added, "If you have a passion for making soulless, loud action films, then you'll probably end up with somebody like her, too. It's easier than you'd think."

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

I can imagine it all right now. The hallway leading up to Brett Ratner's bedroom lined with MTV Music Video awards, scented candles, rose petals and framed photos that'd feel more home in Brett & Bob Evans' 'Book of Us'. The song above blasting through the Bose Audio system all through out the house; vibrating and rattling the windows. Yet the only thing spoken the entire night probably was, "Just not in my eyes, okay?"

[Photo Credit: Film Magic]

THE EXECS ARE PACKING... In addition to Shaye and Lynne, production boss Toby Emmerich has one of the 600 jobs threatened by the New Line overhaul. New Line's indie label Picturehouse, fresh off hard-won Oscar victories for La Vie en Rose but stranded by HBO's recent divestment from the company, is on deathwatch as well; it will likely be absorbed by Warner's own boutique shingle Warner Independent.

... BUT THE HOBBIT IS SAFE! Sort of. Assuming Bewkes can square up with the J.R.R. Tolkien estate, which is suing for not only the $150 million it says its still owed from The Lord of the Rings franchise but also to reclaim film rights to other Tolkien work, the long-delayed, two-part Hobbit prequels will forge ahead for release in 2010 and 2011.

FEWER MOVIES, MORE BLOOD. Warner Bros. is expected to slash production by at least a third, maxing out around 20 releases per year. Harkening back to the label's early, sleazy John Waters/Wes Craven days, New Line will handle the low-budget horror and comedy portion of the slate. Expect less Be Kind Rewind, in other words, and more Semi-Pro.

BRETT RATNER IS SAD. The noted fauxteur, whose lowbrow excretions from Money Talks to the Rush Hour franchise puddled in the New Line supply chain for the last decade, told The Hollywood Reporter: "They are family, and it's like seeing your family fall apart. ... Bob [Shaye] is the guy who bought the first pencil for New Line Cinema." Alas, if only marketing $70 million studio releases was as easy as calling Staples.

INTERNATIONAL POTENTIAL. The Golden Compass was the most recent and most expensive example of New Line's practice of selling off foreign territories for upfront productions costs, costing the studio nearly 75 percent of the film's $330 million global box office. WB's international presence means it can keep those rights, though it's mostly too-little, too-late with New Line's output deals soon expiring and cheap genre films pledged for the future.

NIKKI FINKE GETS TO BE EXTRA-ANNOYING. Yet another foregone conclusion appearing on Deadline Hollywood Daily begins with Finke shouting "TOLDJA!", thus terminating Gary Busey's all-too-short reign as Scariest Hollywood Trendsetter.

• Tolkien Estate Sues New Line Cinema [AP]
• Bewkes Nukes New Line [Hollywood Reporter]
• New Line in Warner's Corner [Variety]
• TOLDJA! New Line Folds Into Warner Bros [Deadline Hollywood Daily]

[A] few friends of Evans [are] on hand, such as director Brett Ratner, who used to live in Evans's guesthouse.

Ratner bragged that he's making a biopic about Helmut Newton—the late photographer was perhaps Evans's closest friend—if, that is, he can secure the rights from Newton's indomitable widow, June. "I'm wresting with June," said Ratner, adding that he also wants to do a sequel to the documentary Helmut by June, which aired on HBO last year.

"Bob," as most people called him, was nowhere to be seen.

Turns out he was in his bedroom, the inner sanctum from which he often conducts business, and select guests were escorted in, either singly or in small groups, for a private audience. Behind a set of heavy wooden doors, Evans was perched on his velvet-upholstered bed like a pasha upon a pillow. He wore one pair of Oliver Peoples glasses and held a second in his left hand; occasionally he switched for effect.

"When I was growing up, glasses were medicinal," he said. "Now they're cosmetical."

If the reclusive Evans had his way, he'd probably not have appeared at all, choosing instead to narrate the entire party in his soothing baritone from a secret broadcast booth just off his brandy cellar. That leaves protégé Ratner to be the public face of a two-man operation, there to lull any starlets on hand into a comfortable, artistically credible space with bullshit stories about Helmut Newton biopics—the easier to lead them in groups of two and three up the grand staircase and into the master suite for a closed-door "frame modeling session" with the legendary spectacle-fetishist himself.

• Bob Evans People [WMagazine.com]

Well word has reached me, from an incredibly reliable source - that you've settled on Brett Ratner as the director. With the work that Romanek, Baker and Benicio have done - I have no doubt that Brett will capture enough magic to assemble a trailer campaign that will sell the film. But you really need much more than a trailer. [...]

Brett Ratner makes watchable films. Movies that go through your system as if consumed off a soapy plate. They're empty - hollow works. He's a terrible ACTOR's director. His basement is a disco, and the Wolfman has no disco in his soul. This is a PERIOD film - to make a convincing period film you need a director for an eye for details... Someone that knows this world and period. X3 was a financial success - but that was based on an incredibly successful franchise by Singer. Ratner killed it. Made the WORST FILM OF THE SERIES - and Fox sold it brilliantly. Dare to make the great film. STOP. Find a different director... please.

With the production reportedly scheduled to begin in March, Universal's options must have been tragically limited, necessitating the choice of a director who's previously proven that even with precious little lead time, he can show up on set minutes before cameras are ready to roll and collect enough footage to produce one of his signature, incomprehensible masterworks that will go on to simultaneously break box office records and bring to an end any hopes of sustaining a franchise. And AICN shouldn't fret too much about this misconception that Ratner's not an "actor's director"; we're sure that after a last-minute pre-production party at Hillhaven Lodge's legendary disco, both Benicio del Toro and Anthony Hopkins will be more than willing to buy into their new helmer's program, impressed at the filmmaker's openness to the surprisingly insightful notes offered by the "script coordinators" providing their story-meeting lap-dances.

• UNIVERSAL - IF YOU LET RATNER DIRECT THE WOLF MAN YOU'LL DESERVE THE TURD YOU'LL END UP RELEASING ON SCREEN!!! [AICN]
• Previously: Mark Romanek Quits 'The Wolf Man' Over Creative Werewolf Differences [Defamer]

While we were fruitless in our attempts to discover a gadget at CES capable of producing 1.21 gigawatts of horsepower so we could go back to `77 and erase this pockmark on history, we were able to discover this: B-Ratt is providing creative "guidance" to Panasonic and a small army of average families as they shoot "Living In High Definition: The Movie." We're not quite sure what all of this means, but if Ratner is involved, we will bet you dollars to donuts it will involve an overinflated budget, lengthy delays, Chris Tucker and tranny beejers. If we're lucky, all of the above. We can hardly wait.

• Panasonic Press Briefing: Live Blog [Gizmodo]

1. Rush Hour 3—$50.237 million
Indeed, $50 million is a lot of money, but given that both The Simpsons Movie and The Bourne Ultimatum went over $70 million the past two weekends—and that Rush Hour 2 earned $67 million back in 2001—one has no choice but to consider this result disappointing™. (There's no pleasing us, is there?) But because we're nothing if not optimists, we've already found a ray of sunshine punching through the patchy gloom of this partly cloudy morning:

Maybe this box office setback will inspire misunderstood cinematic wunderkind Brett Ratner to abandon this artistically empty phase of his career and get started on the difficult process of directing the Oscar film he puts off every time he cashes another eight-figure paycheck to helm a popcorn flick that squanders his considerable skills. We know he's got it in him.

Bonus: If you've got a spare $4,000 or so laying around, maybe you can discuss his next career move over an intimate dinner.

2. The Bourne Ultimatum—$33.672 million
After watching his winning appearance on The Daily Show last week, we have decided to unilaterally declare Matt Damon the Most Likable Movie Star in the World. Later this afternoon, we'll be celebrating his induction as the first member of our new Hollywood Walk of Nice by drawing Damon's likeness in brightly colored chalk on a dirty slab of sidewalk outside of Defamer HQ. Also, milk and cookies will be served.

3. The Simpson Movie—$11.125 million
Not that Fox shoveling a couple of more piles of cash into their vault gives us any joy, but it's still nice to see that a movie we loved is putting up some impressive numbers.

4. Stardust—$9.011 million
We blame the reviewer who described Stardust as "Shrek for grown-ups" for the movie's stillborn debut. How else to explain the failure of a De Niro/Pfeiffer/Danes/Miller/Charlie Cox vehicle?

10. Daddy Day Camp—$3.550 million
We blame whomever first mouthed the words "Daddy Day Camp" in the development meeting for a Daddy Day Care sequel for the movie's stillborn debut. It never really stood a chance once that concept was set in place.

• WEEKEND BOX OFFICE August 10-12, 2007 [Box Office Mojo]

[Chart via Digital Variety]

• Traffic clears for 'Rush Hour' [Var]

What about when the girl takes off her wig and Chris Tucker becomes angry and accuses her of being a man? No, no! That's from my personal experience. My first blow job was from a man, but I didn't know it was a man. That's where that comes from. It's based on personal experience. It happens to a lot of people.

Is that common knowledge? No! Well, among my friends, but I'm not homophobic or uptight about it. That happens to a lot of heterosexuals. You meet a girl in a bar, and it turns out she's not a girl. I think a girl should tell you if she's a girl or a man—that way it's your preference. It's comedy. Look, in this movie we don't pull any punches. We make fun of black people. We make fun of Chinese people. We make fun of French people. We make fun of gay situations. We make fun of whites. It doesn't matter. It's the type of movie it is. It's a fish-out-of-water comedy. You have to have those types of situations to have the comedy. That specific idea was because it's happened to me. It's happened to my friends. We'll get together with a girl, and it'll turn out to be a guy. The reaction is "Oh, shit!" if you're not gay, which is funny, I think. Getting into the situation is funny. I laugh whenever I see one of my friends talking to a girl, and I'll ask, "Is that a man or a woman?" It's funny, especially if you don't know about it. If you know about it, fine. If that's your preference...

Given Ratner's refreshing open-mindedness about the issue, one wonders if New Line is to blame for changing what could have been a scene with a groundbreaking message of tolerance into one that ends with an easy gay gag. Maybe the studio balked at a version that hewed much closer to the director's hilarious real-life experience with gotcha! fellatio, with a nervous executive returning the note, "Can we have the tranny that blows Chris be, you know, just a girl in a wig? We're not sure the Rush Hour audience is quite as progressive as you are, Brett. Also, we'll have to probably lose the hummer. We're shooting PG-13."

• Brett Ratner knows gay sex [Advocate.com]
• Previously: Look Upon Brett Ratner's Works, Ye Mighty, And Despair [Defamer]

· Film critic Scott Foundas bravely takes on the suicide mission of defending Ratner's abilities as a filmmaker, along the way discussing the indefatigable director's secret formula of "actors + utter exhaustion = comedy gold": "'What Brett does is work his crew to the point where everyone has pretty much hit the wall — where the actors, the grips, everyone is ready to call it a day,' [screenwriter Jeff] Nathanson says. 'And that's when Brett is able to kick things into a whole other gear. Just when you think you're almost out the door, that's when he'll go for another two hours and, in almost every case, what he gets in those two hours is what ends up in the film." [LA Weekly]

· At the RH3 premiere, Ratner cracks, "I'd like to welcome everyone to the first production meeting of Rush Hour 4." Once the laughter fades, however, he spends the next twenty minutes seriously discussing with New Line executives the budget increase necessary to fulfill his vision of staging the next sequel on the moon. [Variety]
· Officials in China, where the movie now won't be shown, decry Rush Hour 3 as "fundamentally anti-Chinese." "Give me a fucking break!" complained one offended functionary within the cultural ministry. "After nine years and three movies, don't you think that Chris Tucker would be able to understand some of the words coming out of Jackie Chan's mouth?" [AP]
· Ratner has been selected as a creative adviser for Panasonic's "Living in HD" promotion, in which the company will give 30 American families $20,000 in video equipment they will use to undertake "challenge assignments." Once completed, Ratner will assist the lucky contestants with editing their projects into complete incomprehensibility. [Dealerscope]

"It took 20 years to build a pyramid, 14 years to build Mt. Rushmore, 13 years to lose my virginity and six years to get Chris Tucker to make 'Rush Hour 3,' " said Brett Ratner at the premiere of this summer's latest threequel.

As impressed as we are to discover that Ratner was getting crazy laid at such a tender age, we're even more awed by the fact took it took him a mere six years to convince old friend Tucker to accept a paltry $20 million (plus gross points) to come out of semi-retirement. But once Ratner had set that final, load-bearing talent-stone in place, he knew he had the proper foundation to erect a fitting monument to his legacy that will far outlast those impermanent, already-crumbling tributes to long-forgotten pharaohs and presidents.

• SCENIAC: 'Rush Hour' hits Hollywood Blvd. [LAT]