The LA Times reports on the possible reasons for the upswing, in a report that shows both audiences and the industry in a state of almost complete denial about what constitutes entertainment, and what constitutes "value."

The most preposterous claim made in the piece, as industry savants try to explain the inexplicable uptick, is that the return to the theaters has "led to plenty of talk in Hollywood that recent movies might simply be better quality."

Now look here 2009, you may not have taken us off a cliff like we thought you would, but for a year in which Transformers 2 is the highest grossing film, in which seven of the top ten are franchise installments, in which Paul Blart: Mall Cop is on the top 20 — for such a year to talk to us about an upswing in quality suggests a hubris worthy of Nebakanezer himself.

Also on the LAT's list of possible causes for the return to the theater — Hollywood's now familiar Pied Piper for all that ails it — the call of 3D. They quote an industry titan:

"This is people rediscovering going to the movies."

The rapid expansion of 3-D projection this year has undoubtedly helped the industry, offering a compelling experience in theaters that can't yet be replicated in the home — along with ticket price surcharges that help the studios' and exhibitors' bottom lines.

Yes, we certainly understand the hope that moviegoers of the world will be so thrilled by the notion of pointy things jumping out of the screen that they will flood back to the multiplexes, but we fear that although the technology may be less headachey than it was in the 50's and 80's, the previous times we went through this, sooner or later the world is going to realize that they are getting the exact same lousy film except with some stuff floating in front of the screen; and they have to pay more and wear annoying glasses to see that.

Then again, maybe they won't. Demonstrating that the real answer for the trend might just be that Americans are suffering from some kind of severe brain damage or post traumatic stress, the LA Times quotes a survey:

Research firm OTX discovered in a survey early this year that consumers ranked moviegoing as the best value for their entertainment dollar.

In early 2008, a similar survey ranked moviegoing fifth, behind going out to dinner, watching a DVD at home, watching favorite TV shows, and surfing the Web.

Yes, suddenly paying 10 - 15 dollars a head, plus another 10 for popcorn, plus parking, is now a better value than watching television...which is, all included, free. So perhaps the failure of American society in general will provide all the solutions to Hollywood's problems. Rather than making movies better, we can sit back until more people to be spat out of the post-apocalypse education system and let the sea level fall until the audiences are stupid enough that they actually think:

1. Transformers 2 is good.
and
2. They are getting a great value on it.

Just like in a Hollywood movie, looks like in the end, everything's going to fall into place just fine.

Frankly there is nothing I can say here, no series of bon mots, that will illuminate the horrors of modern Hollywood more than just running the list:

1. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (New Line; 2003) $1,119,110,941

2. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (Disney; 2006) $1,066,179,725

3. The Dark Knight (Warner Bros.; 2008) $1,001,921,825

4. Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (Warner Bros.; 2001) $974,733,550

5. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (Disney; 2007) $960,996,492

6. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Warner Bros.; 2007) $938,212,738

7. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Warner Bros.; 2009) $929,022,922

8. The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (New Line; 2002) $925,282,504

9. Shrek 2 (DreamWorks; 2004) $919,838,758

10. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Warner Bros.; 2005) $895,921,036

11. Spider-Man 3 (Columbia; 2007) $890,871,626

12. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Warner Bros.; 2002) $878,643,482

13. Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs (20th Century Fox; 2009) $878,615,229

14. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (New Line; 2001) $870,761,744

15. Finding Nemo (Disney/Pixar; 2003) $864,625,978

16. Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (20th Century Fox; 2005) $848,754,768

17. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (Paramount; 2009) $833,229,011

18. Spider-Man (Columbia; 2002) $821,708,551

19. Shrek the Third (DreamWorks; 2007) $798,958,162

20. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Warner Bros.; 2004) $795,634,069

21. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (Paramount; 2008) $786,636,033

22. Spider-Man 2 (Columbia; 2004) $783,766,341

23. The Da Vinci Code (Sony/Columbia; 2006) $758,239,851

24. The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (Disney; 2005) $745,011,272

25. The Matrix Reloaded (Warner Bros.; 2003) $742,128,461

26. Transformers *DreamWorks/Paramount; 2007) $709,709,780

27. Ice Age: The Meltdown (20th Century Fox; 2006) $655,388,158

28. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (Disney; 2003) $654,264,015

29. Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones (20th Century Fox; 2002) $649,398,328

30. Kung Fu Panda (DreamWorks; 2008) $631,736,484

31. The Incredibles (Disney/Pixar; 2004) $631,442,092

32. Hancock (Columbia; 2008) $624,386,746

33. Ratatouille (Disney/Pixar; 2007) $623,707,397

34. The Passion of the Christ (Newmarket; 2004) $611,899,420

35. Mamma Mia! (Universal; 2008) $609,841,637

36. Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa (DreamWorks; 2008) $603,900,344

37. Casino Royale (MGM/Columbia; 2006) $594,239,066

38. War of the Worlds (DreamWorks/Paramount; 2005) $591,745,540

39. Quantum of Solace (MGM/Columbia; 2008) $586,090,727

40. I Am Legend (Warner Bros.; 2007) $585,349,010

41. Iron Man (Paramount; 2008) $585,133,287

42. Night at the Museum (20th Century Fox; 2006) $574,480,450

43. King Kong (Universal; 2005) $550,517,357

44. Mission: Impossible II (Paramount; 2000) $546,388,105

45. The Day After Tomorrow (20th Century Fox; 2004) $544,272,402

46. Madagascar (DreamWorks; 2005) $532,680,671

47. The Simpsons Movie (20th Century Fox; 2007) $527,071,022

48. Monsters, Inc. (Disney/Pixar; 2001) $525,366,597

49. WALL-E (Disney/Pixar; 2008) $521,268,237

50. Meet the Fockers (Universal; 2004) $516,642,939

(Also this. I appreciate the ludicrous vanity but it has some bearing on the above.)

• The Wrap reports that despite grossing over $300 million to date in their world tour, U2 is only just on the brink of breaking even — just as the tour is about to shut down for the summer. The expenses of hauling around its giant spider-like prong stage are so immense that despite months of sold out shows they are only just putting their heads above the waterline. According to the piece, however the band, sees the tour as a way of continuing to pump some excitement into the franchise as they enter their twilight years. [The Wrap]

• The weekend box office has been abandoned to the monsters. Pre-Halloween fight films will dominate this weekend with Saw 4 and the continued expansion of Paranormal Activity each tracking in the $25 million range. [LA Times]

• District 9 Director Neill Blomkamp has signed up for his next picture. Media Rights Campaign has committed to financing his sophomore outing, an untitled, unexplained project which will go before cameras in mid-2010. [Variety]

• In his overview of the TV season to date, The Hollywood Reporter's James Hibberd sees the networks, or most of them, staging a bit of a comeback, with a surprising number of new shows actually connecting. Glee, Modern Family, The Vampire Diaries and NCIS: Los Angeles are cited as success stories. The one very dark spot in the network picture continues to be, of course, the black hole of NBC. [Hollywood Reporter]

• Dreamworks has ordered a script for a live action version of the Japanese animated classic Ghost in the Shell. Shutter Island screenwriter Laeta Kalogridi will take a first stab at the project. [Variety]

• Anne Hathaway and Neil Patrick Harris have signed on to do voices in Fox's upcoming Rio, by the animation team that brought you Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs. [Hollywood Reporter]

• For the second year in a row, Paramount and Warner Brothers led the summer box office derby, fueled by Transformers 2 and Star Trek for Paramount and Harry Potter and The Hangover for Warners. Universal landed at the bottom of the heap with a string of disappointments including Bruno, Land of the Lost and Funny People. Variety cautions, however, "Market share and profitability don't necessarily go hand in hand, since market share doesn't account for how much a studio has spent on production and marketing." Meaning just because they took in a fortune, doesn't meed they made a dime. [Variety]

• The Hollywood Reporter credits this year's four percent uptick in receipts to the higher ticket prices Hollywood conned America into paying for 3-D movies. [Hollywood Reporter]

• A tepid last weekend of the summer box office race was again won by last weekend's winner, Final Destination 3-D which took the crown with a paltry 15.4 million. To no one's shock, this weekend's releases Gamer and All About Steve both failed to catch fire. [Box Office Mojo]

• The Telluride Festival closed with strong reviews for at least a pair of films. Last year, the festival first brought Slumdog Millionaire to the world. This year, Jason Reitman's Up In the Air and Tolstoy biopic The Last Station won strong reviews. [Variety]

Take notes, Barack Obama. You think a health care do-over is so hard? Hollywood is here to show you that you can press that reset button any old time, and just like that, it's like a bitter past of faltering ratings or uninspired remakes never happened.

Fox to reboot Fantastic Four: Sure the film series is only a decade or so old, but ten years ago Miley Cyrus wasn't even, like, born. On the heels of Disney's Marvel acquisition, Variety's Mike Fleming notes, "one thing to remember about Marvel assets is, they don't seem to wear out. We're about to see the second example where successful Marvel movie franchises are going to be reinvented." Over at Sony, bosses had already given the green light to tearing up every trace of the Sam Rami-helmed Spiderman franchise and starting anew. How much you want to bet Spidey 2.0's twitters? [Var]

Academy reinvents Best Picture voting: The Wrap's Steve Pond broke the news that even more changes are afoot in the Oscar Best Picture race. Following on the heels of expanding the list of Best Picture nominees from five to ten films, the Academy will now introduce preferential voting, in which members don't simply choose their favorite film but rank their picks one through ten. The idea is that in a ten field race, preferential voting would prevent a film winning with a mere eleven percent of the vote. As to whether this actually means that the actual best film of 2009 will have any chance of winning instead of some overwrought middle-of-the-road, message film, Oscar could not be reached for comment. [The Wrap]

Teen Wolf lives: Once you start re-booting, it's hard to know where to stop. MTV has ordered up a pilot presentation of the 80's classic. [THR]

2009 is #1!: With a week still to go, this year just became the highest grossing summer for domestic box office with 4.17 billion in receipts to date, smashing through 2007's paltry 4.16 billion. Transformers 2 led the team with 399 million. [Var]

Marvel's mogul maniac: Who is the masked man behind the Marvel/Disney deal? The Daily Beast's Kim Masters has a fascinating profile, including the tale how the man no one had ever heard of found it necessary to attend the premiere of Iron Man in a fake moustache. [TDB]

Marvel reax mania!: The web is still aflutter with reaction to yesterday's big news. Read the tea leaves with industry punditry all-stars Nikki Finke, David Poland, Patrick Goldstein, Sharon Waxman and Steven Zeitchik.

Until this weekend, Hollywood's code of honor has been revolved around an iron commandment: We do not release more than one horror film per weekend. And thus, since the days of Chaplin and Pickford, no third-tier, shamelessly exploitative attempt to ring dollars out of the pockets of gullible teenagers looking for cheap screams has had to compete on its opening weekend with any other third tier, shamelessly exploitative attempt to ring dollars out of the pockets of gullible teenagers looking for cheap screams.

And thus has Hollywood grown and flourished, its blessings divided equally for its rulers to rejoice.

The opening weekend for these films is especially important as once word gets out of what a low-rent, awful-not-in-a-good-way, tedious march through hell these movies are, their grosses typically fall off something in the range of 99.99999 percent in their second weekends.

So although Final Desitination hauled in $23.3 million for Warner Brothers this weekend and Halloween 2 brought Papas Weinstein a nothing-to-sneeze at $17.4 million, the pure tragic dilemma Hollywood is pondering is: why couldn't Halloween have moved to another weekend (say one closer to, uh, Halloween), letting Final Desitination sop up the entire horror shopping dollar of a combined 40.7 this weekend, and then gotten its own 40 millionish some other week?

The scuttlebutt around town is that Halloween had been booked for this weekend when Final Desitination nosed its way onto this precious late summer patch of sand. So, people ask, facing up to that showdown, why couldn't the Weinsteins see what was clear to the entire world and its grandmother: that Final Desitination was clearly the stronger of the two low-rent exploitation franchises (it's even, as the title suggests, in 3-D), and seeing that, why couldn't they swallow their scheduling pride and get the fuck out of the way?

As with many things Weinsteins, we can glean motives only through a glass darkly, but a few hypotheses have surfaced about why this tragedy had to happen:

• Moving the release date was prohibitively costly.
• There was a belief that FD3-D skews female and H2 skews male so there is room for both.
• This was the Weinstein's first window after the Inglorious Basterds release and thus their chance post-Basterds to get Halloween out during the summer months.
• With their flurry of deals that they are getting into and out of, they may have needed to release Halloween by a certain, because perhaps of some expiring treaty.
• They couldn't swallow their pride because they can't swallow their pride. That's why they they call them Weinsteins after all.

Whatever the true reason, one horror scenario is going to haunt the dreams of Hollywood executives until the end of their days; when studio chiefs go to sleep at night it will be the face of those lost millions looming before them, along with the eternally unknowable specter of what could have been.

Early box office counts show Funny People pulling $23.4M since opening on Friday here and in Canada. Which, let's see, had Nikki Finke — who's been having fun with the picture of Apatow scratching his head, above - noting as "lousy," and Reuters pointing out in their lede that it was Adam Sandler's worst opening in almost five years. It was also the lowest opening for a #1 movie since Jim Carrey's Yes Man, it has a Metacritic score of 60/100, and on Rotten Tomatoes, has only 65% positive reviews.

So, no. Guess America doesn't like dramedy with their dick jokes.

1. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince — $79.5 million
Did you have to sit in the front row this weekend because all the cineplexes were packed with hooch-swillin hipsters and wonderment-enthusiasts? We did! But wasn't it grand (in spite of Snape's man bangs)

2. Ice Age: Dawn of The Dinosaurs — $17.7 million
What kind of fun-hating parent dragged their kid to see this CGI'd kind of dullness instead of Harry Potter this weekend? Shame on them! Is it because of Potter's pagan themes or sexually subversive undertones? It's a bewildering world when a project involving Dennis Leary is considered family friendly.

3. Transformers: Rise of the Fallen — $13.8 million
Bay's mediation on the illusory nature of plot still continues to resonate with movie goers. In the cacophony of noise and the visual abyss nestled between Megan Fox's chest orbs, the modern movie man can confront the terrifying absurdity of existence. I mean, it's tough now-a-days to get audiences to sit through an art flick so a drop to third place this week is still an admirable position to be in.

4. Brüno — $8.4 million
Aw, you guys remember Brüno? You know that hateful little mockumentary that shoved a mirror in Appalachia's meth ravaged face and said "Look! Look at what an ugly homophobic face you have!" And how we talked about it! As if it would be some kind of milestone in cinematic gay-straight relations. But now, just two weeks since Brüno's shoved his gadfly tushie in our bigoted faces, we realize that the culture has shifted beneath Brüno's Bavarian feet. Audiences don't seemed thrilled to witness others humiliated just to prove a political point.

5. The Hangover — $8.3 million
The man driven laffer continues to pull in the cargo-short set. And good for them! Warners hasn't made this much money with an R-rated summer comedy since Beverly Hills Cop — not to be confused with Beverly Hills Ninja which stared Chris Farley. Hm, is Zach Greekname the thinking man's Farley? Or is he like the hipsters' Eddie Murphy?

6. through 9. The Proposal Up My Sister's Public Enemies — various millions
Sandra Bullock's embargo on time travel movies has proved to be a wise decision with another $ 8.3 million for The Proposal this weekend. Public Enemies, Michael Mann's 2-hour love letter to boring made $7.6 million. What's Up is that Pixar is still being beautiful and rich at the box office with $ 3.1 million this weekend. And even though My Sister's Keeper, which made $2.8 million, looks like 90 minute paper cut we should all still think good thoughts about Abigail Breslin because she's just a walking glob of adorable talent.

1) Up — $68.2 million
One stormy night many years ago, a small car drove up to a menacing, crooked old house far in the dirty outskirts of a crumbling, decaying American city. A man emerged from the car, walked up to the door, and tentatively knocked. After a long wait—he thought about leaving, he wanted to leave, but something compelled him to stay—a strange, bent old man answered the door. "Come in out of the rain," he croaked to the weary traveler. "My master shall see you in the parlor." He led the traveler through the dimly lit, cobwebbed rooms and finally there was a roaring fire and a huge armchair. In which sat a man of indeterminate age—was he young? or old? middle-aged? The traveler couldn't quite tell. "Sit down," the ageless man purred, like three voices talking at once. And so the traveler did. "I've prepared your contract here," and suddenly appeared an old piece of parchment. "Let's see... 'Being of sound mind and body'... blah blah... 'In perpetuity forever'... yadda yadda... ahh yes, the important part. 'And the company shall reign for decades, producing the highest quality product with supernatural ease, and all will be showered with praise.' And all for the low low price of... one soul. So just sign here if you could. No, I need the full name, not just initials. Yes, that's right. John Lasseter. Right there..." And John Lasseter signed and the bargain was upheld and though Pixar reigns now, poor Lasseter will suffer a thousand eternities in hell. I mean, that's the only reasonable explanation for their mind-boggling, unbroken string of successes, right?

2) Night of the Museum: Fight for the Threequel — $25.5 million
Showing strong legs in its second time at the rodeo, Ben Stiller's comedy held up despite its strong family competition from the aforementioned devil's deal. Do you think that some poor parents had to take their kids to both of these movies this weekend? Like somewhere where it rained and there was nothing else to do? And so you shill out $40, $50 for tickets and popcorn and sugary soda and hey, actually, Up is pretty good. But then they start wailing because they're bored and what else is there to do. OK, we'll go see Drag Me to Hell you think grimly, chuckling to yourself. No, obviously it has to be that museum movie with the Zoolander guy. So, $40, $50 again and sigh... it's actually pretty silly, with all the loud jokes and funny voices and all the kids do is yell, and you suddenly think in a sad flash that back in college you would have spent a whole rainy weekend stoned, sitting on the couch watching Star Wars, or trying to make out with Mindy Kitimski from down the hall and oh well, so it goes.

3) Drag Me to Hell — $16.6 million
Strong reviews and an otherwise horror-free cinemascape helped Sam Raimi's movie to a strong third place debut. Which is good news for fans of horror/comedy everywhere, and possibly good news for the underused Alison Lohman, who shined so brightly in the underrated White Oleander and then kinda disappeared for a while. Guess all it takes to get you back on top is a creepy old gypsy lady who tries to make a demon eat you. Just ask John Lasseter.

4) Terminator Salvation — $16.1 million
Yikes. Fourth place in its second weekend is not so good for ol' Stormin' Norman Christian Bale and his McG-led army of gray people doing gray things in Gray World. Which is OK, because the movie is not so good. My big beef? Why would a collective hive mind computer system that's all run from a central place need... a keyboard? Like, why would that be there? Can't the robots just tell each other how to do things because they're all just one computer robot? And why would they design their San Francisco headquarters with like, architectural flair? Do they care about aesthetics? I thought they were just uncaring computer robots. I'm confused. So is the rest of America.

9) Ghosts of Girlfriends Past — $1.9 million
It's funny to think about who went to this movie this weekend. It's been out for five weeks. Who went? People who just got back from a long trip overseas and when their significant other picked them up and the airport and asked them "so what do you want to do?" they said... "Ohh I know, let's go see that Matthew McConaughey ghost movie." So they do and then after the movie when they're taking the long way back to the car, enjoying the night, their significant other, whose name is Mindy Katimski, squeezes his hand and says "Speaking of old relationships, did I ever tell you about my boyfriend in college? We just smoked a lot of pot and watched Star Wars all the time. It was kinda lame. Anyway, he's got a bunch of kids now. He must be so happy."

The graphic-novel-based movie saw its U.S. box office receipts fall 67 percent, while overseas the film fell 50 percent. So far, it has grossed $134 million in 10 days. It cost $200 million to make and market.

Box office normally falls in a film's second week, but Variety cites figures showing this tumble is especially bad.

Sorry, nerds: Warner Brothers might have made a hash of your beloved comic-book masterpiece, but the only lesson most studio heads will glean from its failure is that you're a finicky bunch who can't be trusted to reliably carry smash hits. All movies will be made for chuckling jocks and vapid celebutante-wannabes for the rest of the depression.

(Image via alt.nerd.obsessive)

It'll take some sorting through to figure out exactly what went wrong with Watchmen, but we suspect it was a case of a tower being built too tall and collapsing in on itself. Not that many people were Watchmen fans, but the economy-plagued country needed something big and flashy and money-making to wave around as a symbol that we can still carry on and some of us can still get rich. A few months ago that movie was Twilight, which performed as hoped. But that was a wayyy smaller movie, and the books were read by millions of people, just recently. Watchmen is 25 years old and is far more niche than chaste vampire love teen novels. To pin the coming blockbuster season's early hopes on that top-heavy of a movie was reckless optimism.

One of the film's screenwriters, David Hayter, has sent an open letter to the science fiction/superhero/furtively masturbating to a well-worn photo of Deana Troi fan community, pleading with them to come and see the movie a second (or third! or fourth! or infinity!) time, because if this movie doesn't do a strong second weekend, then no movie like it will ever be made again. It's all or nothing:

If the film made you think. Or argue with your friends. If it inspired a debate about the nature of man, or vigilante justice, or the horror of Nixon abolishing term limits. If you laughed at Bowie hanging with Adrian at Studio 54, or the Silhouette kissing that nurse.

Please go see the movie again next weekend.

You have to understand, everyone is watching to see how the film will do in its second week. If you care about movies that have a brain, or balls, (and this film's got both, literally), or true adaptations — And if you're thinking of seeing it again anyway, please go back this weekend, Friday or Saturday night. Demonstrate the power of the fans, because it'll help let the people who pay for these movies know what we'd like to see. Because if it drops off the radar after the first weekend, they will never allow a film like this to be made again.

So, oh dear, that is sad! You owe it to all of comic books and superheroes and kickass movies, everyone! Trouble is, the pervading speculation is that pretty much everyone who wanted to see the movie already has, and that its bouquet of bad reviews won't encourage the timid or uninitiated to take a chance an unknown kid.

In the end I guess the question is, do you owe the filmmakers, dear nerds? They slavishly adapted this heady, impenetrable graphic novel just for you, enraging a crazy bearded man in the process, and all you can muster for them is $92 million dollars worldwide to date? For shame. They spent some 200 clams just serving the damn thing to you on a real-life vintage platter from alternate history 1985. So, c'mon. Do these millionaires a favor. Pony up the $11 a few more times, and let these nice, innocent Hollywood people creak on with their little cottage industry for another day.

1) Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail — $16.5 million
Down a hearty 60% from last weekend, the film still held on against the 3D onslaught of crotchlight rays being shot out by the fertile, holly-scented loins of the brothers Jonas. This latest Madea iteration has stuffed a total $64.9 million into its hilariously oversized bra, becoming Perry's highest-grossing movie to date. Next week a bunch of spandex-clad superheroes with drinking problems ought to handily blue wang their way past the old lady.

2) Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience — $12.7 million
Though their marble-mouthed lady counterpart, Miley Cyrus, earned a cool $33 million outta the gate with her own 3D concert picture show, the floppy-topped young lads just couldn't deliver on the goods the same way. Perhaps dads were less willing to escort their daughters to this one? Perhaps little gay boys couldn't couch their desire to go in a "she's so hot" charade, so they decided to hole themselves up in their rooms for the weekend, furtively? The pic had the best per-screen average of any top 10 pic this weekend, but still there must be some explanation for this vague disappointment.

3) Slumdog Millionaire — $12.2 million
Buoyed by all its Oscars, the two-little-Indians-that-could movie chugs like an extremely crowded train toward the global $200 million mark. When that auspicious goal is reached, all the children will be given the opportunity to trade their new houses in for back-end deals on Boyle's next picture, Kalkotta Hope Dreamer.

4) Taken — $10 million
Liam Neeson continues to thunder-fist his way through Albanians' faces, and American cineplexes, as his actioner speeds past the $100-million mark. This is good news for similarly-brooding actor Gabriel Byrne, who can't wait for you to see his 2010 down-and-dirty thrill-ride, Aggressed Upon—about a former NSA agent who must rescue his teenage son, played by a whimpering Drake Bell, who's been kidnapped by evil Azerbaijani producers and forced to perform in a middling 3D concert.

8) Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li — $4.7 million
I really didn't think that anyone remembered Street Fighter, that glorious old videogame about brawny international dudes—Ryu! Guile! M. Bison! Blanca!—and one lady battling out in, well, the streets. But I guess they sorta do, as this film about that one lady pocketed a not-so-bad little sack of dollars over the too-short weekend. I hope this means a new trend. 'Cause I would totally go see a ToeJam & Earl or Streets of Rage movie.

The year-end tally features Fireproof — which stars Cameron as a firefighter attempting to salvage his marriage via God's precious love (spoiler: it works!) — atop an impressive pile of awards hopefuls including Slumdog Millionaire, Milk, Vicky Cristina Barcelona, Rachel Getting Married and even The Visitor, whose renown as this year's preeminent indie sensation nevertheless was good for only $9.4 million since opening last April. Fireproof accrued more than three times as much since the end of September, never expanding beyond 905 screens.

Slumdog will surpass Fireproof as it expands next year, likely en route to $55 million as it lines up its imminent Oscar nods. But until then, spread the news among jittery insiders looking for a safe place to drop their money: Kirk Cameron is a recession-proof industry. Eat your heart out, Hayden Christensen.

• 'Fireproof,' Indeed: Kirk Cameron Tops 2008 Specialty Box Office [IW]

1. Jennifer Aniston is done with your questions about Brad Pitt. (For now.) Outperforming The Curious Case of Benjamin Button by more than $12 million — and setting a Christmas-release record in the process — confirms Aniston's box-office ownage over her ex-husband and should establish some self-sustained breathing room going forward. Until Pitt and Angelina Jolie both earn Oscar nominations next month, naturally, and the cycle begins anew. Enjoy it while you can, Jen.

2. Owen Wilson may never have to promote a film again. Already softball-averse in his first interviews since attempting suicide in 2007, Wilson can simply follow the Marley Model of letting his co-stars do the heavy-lifting / disrobing / cute-puppy thing while he retires to reclusive leading-mandom.

3. David Frankel is for real. The son of a former executive editor of the NYT, director Frankel has done nothing but make money for Fox since his feature debut The Devil Wears Prada. His formula: Adapt sources efficiently, cast intelligently, and let the principals do the rest — even the kids and dogs. It's a lot harder than it looks. Next up: The baseball procedural Moneyball, adapted from another best-seller and rumored to feature Pitt in the lead.

4. Fox is the hottest studio in town. After a year-long string of embarrassing flops and underachievers — including the recent, devastating one-two punch of Australia and Day the Earth Stood Still — the studio heads into 2009 with a likely repeater at #1 and a Watchmen judgment that could net it upwards of $50 million next spring. Without doing anything. If luck is the residue of design, then Fox's engineers are entitled to a raise.

5. The dog dies. Who knew? Oh.

• 'Marley' leads holiday box office pack [Variety]

A New York Times report acknowledged over the weekend that, yes, those phenomena still glowing on the horizon in your rearview mirror are no less newsworthy than they were when they exploded months ago. The Dark Knight's $500 million-plus windfall indeed helped Warner Bros. handily earn a record box-office market share in 2008, and Twilight's $168 million take since Nov. 21 remains nothing short of a hormonally, follically fueled sensation.

But there's a terrible truth concealed beneath the money bags, and it involves the clown-shod ghost of Robin Williams (among others):

It was amazing. When all is said and done, maybe 24 million tickets will be sold to Twilight, based on current sales. That makes it almost as big as, what?

Patch Adams, the No. 10 movie of 1998. Or roughly the size of George of the Jungle, which placed No. 13 the year before. Or any number of films that are fondly remembered as midsize hits.

After adjusting for inflation, even Sex and the City fared about as well as 1989's Steel Magnolias and 1996's The First Wives Club, and The Dark Knight is only the 26th highest-grossing film of all time behind Grease and just $1.5 million ahead of Thunderball.

Still, while we can't deny some enlightenment and even surprise at the revised numbers, neither we nor you should be caught off-guard in 2009. We've helped you prepare: Have another read through our rosy Recession-Era Film Forecast, and spend these precious few remaining days of 2008 plotting your immunity to next year's hype flood and/or sizing your closets up for the stockpile of canned food and bottled water you'll accrue in the bleak months to come. Except for you, Warner Bros. — just redirect your shipment to Fox and cannibalize Harry Potter at will.

• Blockbuster Openings, Lackluster Box Office [NYT]

1. Four Christmases - $31.68 million
Stir-crazy holiday audiences were looking for literally any excuse to escape their parents' homes for a few hours that didn't involve tweenpires, hamster bowling, or Nicole Kidman brandishing a wombat rifle. Four Christmases therefore was the default candidate, and surprised everyone by becoming the third-highest Thanksgiving weekend earner on record (right back to the Mayflower days!). Unfortunately, Witherspoon and screen-spouse Vince Vaughn were barely able to mask what the Guardian describes as "the classic 'Hollywood romcom' face: waxy as a corpse, dead-eyed with self-loathing, and as smiley and blank as someone who has just consumed their bodyweight in Temazepam and Pernod." Apparently Paula Abdul's baseline mood is now an identified acting affliction!

2. Bolt - $26.596 million
Amazingly, 3-D animated family film Bolt saw a 1% increase in its second weekend in release. It's a rare gain Disney attributes to positive word of mouth, as audiences of all ages are responding to the story of a diminutive action-hero dog deluded into thinking he possesses special knowledge and abilities that place him above mortal dogs; he eventually learns a valuable lesson about humility after a series of severe career missteps—culminating in a starring role as a German Shepherd assassin assigned to hunt down history's most evil canine leader, Der Schnaüzer.

3. Twilight - $19.5 million
While it managed to crack $100 million, the Shoegazing, Neck-Sucking Tale of an Emo Generation saw its receipts tumble 62% since last week. As most hardcore Twilight fans have seen the movie several times already, new audiences were comprised mainly of confused Seniors thinking they were wandering into a promotional sales meeting for the apartment-style community services of Twilight Gables Assisted Living Center in Altamonte Springs, FL.

4. Quantum of Solace - $19.5 million
5. Australia - $14.815 million
Trying to focus on the marathon vs. the sprint, Fox senior VP of distribution Chris Aronson said, "Australia is a bold, unconventional film. It's haute cuisine, versus fast food." It's an apt metaphor, in that Australia offers the really expensive, overly precious 16-course tasting menu that takes four hours to get through, whereas Quantum just gives you the quick-and-dirty satisfaction of devouring a Daniel Craig corn dog in a couple of greasy bites.

10. Milk - $1.381 million
11. Slumdog Millionaire - $1.367 million
The eerily timely and heavily Oscar-buzzed underdogs were neck-and-neck, with Sean Penn's revelatory work in Milk just slightly edging out Danny Boyle's audience fave, which already lays credit to the quotable line of the 2008 awards season: "I'd like to use my phone-a-slum, Reeg."

• November 28–30, 2008 [Box Office Mojo]

Nikki Finke has her own interesting read this morning, pointing to the even rarer phenomenon of a cable movie franchise so lucratively crossing over to the multiplex. Series are one thing, and rarely a lock themselves (Disney only had a Hannah Montana blockbuster at the ready because it brought cameras on tour with Miley Cyrus), but we'll buy lunch at the Grill for the first reader who can name a made-for-TV feature that spawned a theatrical No. 1. (Opposite another cash cow like Saw 5, no less.) And then s/he can buy us a life.

We'll have more fearless predictions tomorrow in our Defamer Attractions column, but in the meantime, expect Disney to have greenlighted Camp Rock 3D: Escape of the Jonases for IMAX by the the time you finish reading this sentence.

• FINAL WEEKEND TRACKING: 'HSM3' to Belt Out $35M-$38M [Fantasy Moguls]

• 'HS Musical 3' Owns Advance Box Office [DHD]

You guessed it: Fireproof is another of Cameron's religious-themed movies, and thanks to bulk purchases by church groups, it seems likely to rake in the big bucks this weekend and beyond. So what will these crowds be treated to? How about Kirk Cameron as a heroic fireman who’s having problems with his wife? But instead of taking the heathen’s way out and getting a divorce, he looks to God to teach him how to be a better husband. Sounds thrilling to be sure, but don’t go expecting another Passion of the Christ here; Jesus on the cross can outdraw Kirk on the ladder any day. But still, you godless A-listers better watch your back: Cameron is coming for you, and he’s got the Lord on his side. Amen.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

• Group ticket sales could ignite 'Fireproof' [LA Times]