Gawker: defamer, bono

When Stars Themselves Get Starstruck

Margaret — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 15:30:00 EST

Celebrities are used to being gawked at, but yesterday, following the inaugural celebration "We Are One" at the Lincoln Memorial, performers got starry-eyed themselves when meeting the president-elect, as seen in the gallery below.

The Trick To World Peace? Give A Star A T-Shirt And A Pen

Sadie — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 13:30:00 EDT

Mother Theresa could have saved herself so much time if she'd just learned that the trick to saving the world is just to sign up a few celebrities, get them to doodle on an American Apparel tee, and sell the result for charity! Lately, this rather labor unintensive mode of giving back has been running rampant, with celebrities lined up to draw stick figures like five-year-olds at a birthday party waiting to decorate their own cupcakes. Of course, within this spectrum is a wide range of commitment (and skill) levels, ranging from the truly half-assed to the off-puttingly earnest. Which is all very laudable. And then, apparently, people buy them: Bono and, most recently, Elettra Weidemann, have enlisted loads of celebs for their respective tee initiatives and when the one-offs go up for auction, they always bring in the big bucks. After all, who wouldn't want a Billy Baldwin original? Hundreds of seconds of compassion and effort — with accompanying captions, naturally — after the jump.

(Click on any image to begin gallery)

George Clooney Preaches 'Safety First' Aboard His Yacht

Douglas Reinhardt — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 14:40:00 EDT

boomp3.com

Before embarking on a sailing expedition to U2 front man Bono's house, silver fox George Clooney went over all the safety procedures for the yacht with his passengers. After his presentation — which included a PowerPoint slideshow explaining which side is port and which is starboard — Clooney wore a life preserver until the seafaring vessel docked at Bono's. While some of his passengers laughed at him, The Cloonester stood firm, largely because his aunt Rosemary always told him that he should be a leader, not a follower.

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Come Out, Come Out Wherever You Are

Douglas Reinhardt — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 15:00:00 EDT

boomp3.com

In an attempt to scare away an swarm of photographers surrounding U2 front man Bono's French home, respected actor Robert De Niro recited some of his more intimidating and memorable film lines. Unfortunately for De Niro and Bono's houseguests, the scary line readings only garnered laughs from the French photographers, as well as wishes/desires for De Niro to do another comedy. De Niro threw his hands up in the air and suggested that if they play some of Bono's music that might make the photogs leave.

[Photo Credit: X17]

Cameron Diaz Finally Finds Her Oscar-Worthy Line: 'Drop That Clitoris'

Molly Friedman — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 20:40:00 EDT

Have you ever found yourself mindlessly trying on the latest pair of $800 jeans at Fred Segal and suddenly realized, you know what? It must be way hard for all those African girls out there in Africa and The Iraq Such As to even wear jeans like this. Why? As "Cameron Diaz" (flawlessly portrayed by Tracey Ullman) informs us, for the very first time all their genitals are falling off! The suckiest part? "This is the golden age of American blue jeans! It's really sad and amazing." The fictional burp-happy actress' solution, of course, is to star in That Terrible Time Of The Month, in which a gun-toting Diaz burps and farts her way through the jungle to save each and every halfway-severed ladypart from girls named Toko. For more insight, including Bono's method of miming the actual chop and toss, watch our clip after the jump.

Though Anna Faris did an excellent job not-so-subtly impersonating a Cameron Diaz-esque actress in Sofia Coppola's Lost In Translation, we vastly prefer Ullman's bolder take. Starting out by burping repeatedly, loudly, and proudly, "Diaz" explains (as she has in nearly every single magazine profile she's ever done) that she "just does that." It's cool, okay? As for how she became interested in this cause, it seems that while jet-setting with Bono aboard Larry David's plane, Bono proceeded to spread her legs and mime the act itself. Which "Diaz" happily re-enacts by pointing directly to the area in question. But our favorite moment by far occurs during the "clip" shown during the faux interview, in which Diaz extracts an overjoyed African girl mid-operation, turns towards the evildoers, and simultaneously pumps her gun while letting out one of her trademark "just one of the guys" farts. Though to her credit, pushing one's toned buttocks upwards while relieving oneself does seem to make the act slightly more ladylike. Ullman, we bow down to you once again, and promise to never stop incessantly recommending your show (Tracey Ullman's State Of The Union! On Showtime!) If you don't watch this show, we'll kill this...well, we'll just be sad.

TRACEY ULLMAN'S STATE OF THE UNION [Showtime]

Bono Assaults Dignity of Free Press

Chris Mohney — Tue, 17 Oct 2006 16:30:36 EDT

Last Friday, when meeting with NBC News anchor Brian Williams to help launch his latest messianic charity endeavor, U2 frontling Bono was waiting for an elevator with Williams next to a lightboard ad of the anchorman's face. Bono asked the crowd of handlers for a Sharpie, and one was instantly produced from the rectum of an NBC page (each page contains a complete desk set at all times). Bono then scribbled on the face of the Williams ad, fashioning a bandit mask or a pair of his signature bubble shades, or something. As a last straw, he "signed" the lightboard with his initial, thereby turning it from a piece of crap corporate furniture into a $50,000 collectible piece of crap corporate furniture. Williams was politely amused for the crowd, but this can only increase his well-known distaste for the Irish.

The Pen Is Mightier Than ... The Anchorman [Daily Nightly via FishbowlNY]

Short Ends: Buy The Gay Cowboy Shirt Off Jack Twist's Back

Mark — Fri, 10 Feb 2006 20:09:49 EST

· You make the (very tough) call: Which is the more important piece of gay cinema history: Jake Gyllenhaal's shirt from Brokeback Mountain or Vin Diesel's pants from xXx? [The Reeler has more charity auction fun.]
· Bono confronts the one living being who might not be completely bored with him yet.
· Hey, Harrison Ford, try not to sound so f'ing excited about the only movie sequel we really care about: ''I'd like to get it over with so I don't have to answer the god-damned questions [about it] anymore.''
· Mena Suvari may have met her own Federline, though with a crucial difference—her new boyfriend seems to be employed.