And even if a shortage never really develops, we can see a drug-bug craze really catching on, with considerate party hosts filling their punchbowls with coke-filled cicadas, and the floors of every club's bathroom littered with the cracked-open, snorted-clean bodies of scores of blowhoppers.

• Smugglers try to use bugs as drug mules [AP]

As for the second case, a law enforcement source tells us the manner in which the cocaine was seized was questionable. In addition, the source says the amount of cocaine "didn't meet the threshold for filing."

But there's more to the story: In deciding whether to file felony cocaine charges, the D.A. always looks at the person and the circumstances. In Lohan's case, the fact that she was busted twice in a short period of time actually helped her. It shows someone is struggling with an addiction problem. The fact that each time she was busted, she immediately checked into a rehab facility also helped her case. Also, her age — 21 — and the fact that her upbringing was extremely unstable — also worked in her favor.

One law enforcement source put it this way: "Prosecutors in this county see a lot of kids in crisis. There are lots of kids struggling with addiction. The first sign of trouble usually involves a car. We're not going to throw every one of them in prison. It doesn't make sense."

The possibility that a plea bargain will occur later this afternoon has also been raised; hopefully, the judge will follow the district attorney's example of compassion and help Lohan escape this ugliness without any jail time. Free of the kind of all-consuming media circus that would accompany even the briefest of prison stints, the starlet could dedicate her time to hunting down the real owner of those infamous coke-laden jeans, proving her newfound commitment to sobriety by cutting that terrible influence (really, couldn't that mystery lightweight pack her pants with enough blow for a felony? ) out of her life forever.

• D.A. to Lindsay — You're Not a Felon [TMZ.com]

Lindsay Lohan [... ] was once in the running to be the new face of Louis Vuitton. But after a disastrous Elle magazine shoot two months ago, the luxury line will no longer even lend her clothes.

"Louis Vuitton had sent over some samples for her to wear in the shoot," said a snitch. "Lindsay kept shoving the clothes into her bag, and a stylist's assistant kept getting them out of the bag, only to have Lindsay keep trying to take them. She ended up walking off with a very expensive shirt and some other items - which screwed Louis Vuitton because they were set to go to Vogue, W and Harper's Bazaar for other shoots. They were furious and kept trying to get their clothes back, but . . . Lindsay walked out with them and never returned calls."

We're sure Lohan will clear up this little misunderstanding in a fully adequite BlackBerry screed telling us what we already know: That someone planted the clothes in her bag, like so many insidious little gak grenades. Perhaps she'd be better off staying down at the bottom of the barrel and becoming the fresh face of Forever 21, where she can swipe all the shirts and dresses she can fit into an Escalade and never owe them more than $40 for their trouble.

• Vuitton Vetoes Lohan [Page Six]]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=285825&view=rss&microfeed=true
  Viewers of Wednesday night's friendly chat between Paris Hilton and CNN softballer Larry King will recall the interview's one marginally tense moment, when King's spit take of disbelief following his subject's repeated claims that she'd never done drugs showered the heiress in the host's black coffee, ruining her best "prison has made me a better, more compassionate person" outfit.

  Last night's installment of Access Hollywood boldly advanced the "Has Paris Hilton ever done drugs?" story abandoned by King, returning over and over again to an image of Paris smoking a hand-rolled cigarette of indeterminate ingredients, and referencing a video in which she recorded "a friend with what he says is cocaine all over his chest." Unfortunately, AH stopped short of showing the damning footage, in which the socialite buries her face in the substance covering her pal's torso, turns her powder-caked face towards the camera to proclaim, "Look, I'm like Frosty the Blowman! I am doing so many drugs right now!," obviously preferring to let their audience make up their own minds about the issue.

  • Access Hollywood
  • Previously: Paris Hilton Barely Survives Brutal Larry King Interrogation [Defamer]
  ]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=273704&view=rss&microfeed=true Just moments ago, internet-based celebrity toxicology-analysis firm TMZ.com exclusively revealed that Lindsay Lohan, whose extended imprisonment at a minimum security Malibu facility has been unfairly overshadowed by an attention-whoring rival's brief, court-ordered vacation in an unfashionable part of town, may have been under the influence of alcohol and drugs during her Memorial Day Weekend joy ride:

  According to multiple law enforcement sources, toxicology reports conclude that Lohan, 20, had "nearly twice the legal limit" of alcohol and traces of blow in her bloodstream when she crashed her 2005 Mercedes SL-65 convertible into a curb on Sunset Blvd. around 5:30 AM on May 26.

  If "traces of blow" (curiously, the exact technical term used by L.A. County toxicologists) were indeed present in Lohan's bloodstream, there is a perfectly logical explanation for their discovery in the tests: Following a previous, allegedly booze-fueled accident in front of the Ivy, Lohan's handlers had a Cokelyzer-controlled ignition system installed in her Mercedes, guaranteeing that that the vehicle couldn't be started until she'd ingested enough of the narcotic to help counteract the reflex-dulling effects of any cocktails she'd consumed, which could dangerously hamper her ability to speed away from unimpaired paparazzi pursuers.

  • Lohan Allegedly Coked Up During Car Crash [TMZ]
  ]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=273279&view=rss&microfeed=true Ignoring party-positive stage mom Dina Lohan's obvious on-camera charisma and agreeable red-carpetside manner, today's Page Six claims that Entertainment Tonight might only have engaged her services to penetrate troubled daughter Lindsay's anti-media defenses:

  "Dina wants to be a TV star," said one snitch. "But 'ET' may just be hiring her so they can get the Lindsay exclusive."

  As much as Lindsay loves the limelight, she may be wary of granting interviews since London's News of the World newspaper published photos Sunday allegedly showing the 20-year-old starlet doing drugs.

  A spokeswoman for the show told Page Six: "Dina Lohan will be a special correspondent for the 'Georgia Rule' premiere. We are looking forward to Dina asking the questions only a mother can."

  This isn't the first time Dina has tried to use her daughter's fame to snag an "exclusive." When Lindsay was in rehab, her mom took "ET" on the plane with her and her other daughter, Ali Lohan, to go "visit" Lindsay at the Wonderland facility in L.A.

  With last night's Georgia Rule premiere gig completed, the show will surely find their Special Lindsay Lohan Correspondent another assignment that takes advantage of her access to the tabloid-attracting daughter; by the end of the week, don't be surprised to see an ET exclusive in which a tearful Lindsay explains to her mother that those 20 lines of blow the News of the World accuses her of doing in the Teddy's bathroom were, "Like, OH MY GOD, Mom, like, five at most!"

  • LINDSAY'S MOM HOGS SPOTLIGHT [Page Six]
  ]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=259035&view=rss&microfeed=true
  

  Passing up the opportunity to run far more shocking images of a bear caught in the act of defecating in the woods or of the Pope celebrating a Catholic Mass, the UK's News of the World has published a series of blurry stills culled from a post-rehab video allegedly depicting Lindsay Lohan and a pal blowing a rail or 20 in a Teddy's ladies room stall, footage that a well-intentioned friend is sharing with the paper out of concern that the public has heretofore been woefully uninformed about the starlet's love of a little harmless partying. Because the internet is a wondrous and magical place, the pictures have already been assembled into a kicky montage and set to an upbeat soundtrack proliferating on the YouTubes, effectively communicating the spirit of carefree Hollywood fun in which they were taken.

  • Lohan took a line and then bragged: I'll xxxx Jude Law tomorrow [News of the World]
  • Lindsay Lohan Coke Dealer [YouTube]
  ]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=258291&view=rss&microfeed=true
  · Hey, guess who was kidding about snorting his dad? Truth be told, we liked it better when he wasn't just bullshitting. That was pretty hardcore.
  · Sure, our sister site Consumerist got to the bottom of the mystery of Jamba Juice's ingredients. But we hope they don't go after Pinkberry next, because those people will fucking cut you.
  · You know who's a really successful movie star? That Will Smith guy.
  · Tomorrow's hot excuse for erratic celebrity behavior: diabetic shock.
  ]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=249439&view=rss&microfeed=true
  Proving once again that the current generation of celebrity drug abusers are nothing but a bunch of dilettante stall-monkeys, first-ballot Rock N' Roll Addict Hall of Famer Keith Richards has admitted to taking his father's tantalizing ashes, "grinding him up with a little bit of blow," and snorting the old man into whatever special part of Heaven is reserved for those whose offspring cheerily desecrate their parents' earthly remains. Things, of course, could always have been worse, as a particularly debauched night easily could have resulted in Richards cooking up his father in a spoon and injecting him between his outstretched toes, a fate even less glamorous than the one he actually suffered.

  UPDATE: "He was just joking! What a kidder!" says scrambling manager.

  • Keith Richards: 'I Snorted My Father' [Breitbart]
  ]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=249366&view=rss&microfeed=true We hardly need to tell you where to obtain your coke: Ever since the passage of the Los Angeles Cocaine Legalization Act of 2004, Hollywood's preferred social lubricant has been readily available at every Starbucks, Ralphs, and CostCo (at deep bulk discounts) in the city. However, we recognize that sometimes you'd like a little company when blowing rails, for while cutting up a couple of lines by yourself and settling in for a night of The Jeffersons reruns has its own rewards, there's really no substitute for crowding into a bathroom stall and enjoying the unique camaraderie of communing with strangers over a shared eight-ball. For those nights when you're craving some companionship, we point you to Gridskipper's guide to the local bars where you might find a new friend with whom to shovel some snow with a tiny spoon. An excerpt:

  The Standard Hotel: You are likely to find at least three things at the Standard: a plastic but beautiful bartender, some leggy drunk girl toppling over her shoes, and a c-list celebrity doing coke in the bathroom. The odds just work out that way. Whether the rampant cocaine use in the nicely modernist bathrooms have anything to do with HotelChatter editor Davie's love affair with the place is unclear.

  Star Shoes: Great music venue and band hang out, this former shoe boutique is all 50's formica and American irony. They have DJs and live soul, funk, and hip-hop, and it feels less like LA than most places in Hollywood. Maroon 5 used to hang out here back before they hit it big. And you can bet Adam Levine was coked up when he wrote "Hard to Breathe" and the porcelain toilet top is infamous as high-quality blow snortpad.

  Voda: Our LA operative says, "A little less celebrity and a LOT more douchey, Voda is an insufferable vodka bar in Santa Monica that I've started writing about three times but each time I have had to give up because I couldn't think of anything nice to say." Aw, well here's a nice thing: they have a waterfall, 50 types of Vodka and long lines of coke in the women's bathroom.

  The rest of Gridskipper's list is here. But should you find venues open to the general public too inclusive for your tastes, Star magazine reports on two other options popular with VIPs: drug parties in the Hills, and Lindsay Lohan's bathroom.

  
  

  • Long Lines in LA [Gridskipper]
  • Secret Drug Parties Of The Stars [City Rag]
  ]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=223293&view=rss&microfeed=true
  

  Sure, you've snorted it off the cleavage of a new, busty friend delightfully incurious about why someone who's supposedly the "head producer" of Grey's Anatomy wants to party in the back seat of a 1994 Honda Civic, but have you ever really took the time to think about where your favorite recreational drug comes from? This instructive video passed along by our friends at LAist details the gasoline (both recycled and fresh varieties), coca, quicklime, and sulfuric acid cocktail used to produce your powdery friend in distant jungles, yet stops short of showing the step where the strawberry flavoring is added, allowing you to go right on blowing rails of the finest bathroom stall Quik your dealer has to offer without unpleasant thoughts about the artificial additives giving your high its delicious, fruity flavor.

  • How Do You Make Cocaine? [LAist]
  ]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=217443&view=rss&microfeed=true · We assumed that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes pulled off this height-levelling illusion by having the bride stand in a two foot hole hidden beneath her wedding dress, but the WOW Report's X-ray technology seems to disprove our initial hypothesis.
  Silly Maldivians! If the newlyweds weren't talking to the Italians who built them shrines, what makes you think they're going to want to chat with you?
  If A-Gold is worth $4 million a script, we bet the J-Lo can get at least twice that amount for her scribblings.
  Denzel Washington might be harboring an inappropriate crush on Man on Fire co-star Dakota Fanning. [fourth item]
  · We could care less what this "scientific study" says; in our heart of hearts, we know we're living in the most coketastic city in the entire world. On that note: See you Friday! (Yup, we're working, even if you're not.)
  ]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=216856&view=rss&microfeed=true