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Willie Nelson Is Fucking The Wilson Brothers, Jessica Simpson, Woody Harrelson, And Dan Rather

Molly Friedman — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 16:50:00 EDT

We can say with complete confidence that we have never been more confused, astonished, entertained, and oddly turned on by a music video than we are today, when we witnessed the magic of Willie Nelson’s “You Don’t Think I’m Funny Anymore.” What sounds incredibly boring turns out to be a tasty Southern stew featuring cameos from Owen Wilson, Luke Wilson, Woody Harrelson, Jessica Simpson, and Dan Rather. The casting kind of makes sense (Luke did that Movie That Shall Not Be Named with Jessica, Willie loves Jessica, Woody loves Owen, and Dan Rather is, well, available these days?), but whoever directed this clusterfuck of pool-hall scenes, lawn mower races and eerily quick flashes of an obese redneck wearing an “I (Heart) Owen” t-shirt has nevertheless managed to surpass Gondry in kookiness, surpass the Coens in suspense, and pretty much serve up the most bizarre clip we’ve seen yet this year. See what we mean after the jump. [People]

The Biggest Loser: Paris Hilton vs. Jessica Simpson Edition

Molly Friedman — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 17:52:38 EST

With only 111 theaters willing to show The Hottie and The Nottie, Paris Hilton's big breakout flick only took in $25,000 at the box office this weekend. As we mentioned earlier, the film's $225 per screen average was, by far, the worst of the weekend. When you couple this flick's performance with Jessica Simpon's recent Texas-sized disaster (not to mention the whole Crossroads fiasco and LiLo's stripper movie), it's become clear that public interest in vadge flashes, sex tapes, and gurney rides is inversely proportional to the public's appetite to plunk down $11 to see a ditzy poptard attempt to emote on the big screen. So what's a pair of talentless wannabes to do? Well, getting nude, ugly or even (gasp!) fat might be a good start.

Jessica famously turned down that porn star role due to Papa Joe's no-nudity clause and, so far, Paris hasn't been willing to show her goods in anything other than amateur productions. Looks like stripping might be out of the question for the moment. Which leads us to the tried and true Charlize Theron trail to Oscar gold: add a few pounds, dirty yourself up, stop wearing makeup, etc. If both of these options are no-gos for Paris and Jess, maybe, just maybe, they should give this legitimate acting thing a break for the time being and move onto what audiences really want to see from them. Putting our producer hat on fo a sec, we think it might be time for a young go-getter from Skinemax to shell out some big bucks to get Jess and Paris to appear in one of those soft-core movies that we, uh, never watch or anything.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

WEEKEND BOX OFFICE RESULTS FOR FEBRUARY 8-10, 2008 [Box Office Mojo]
Vince Vaughn and Paris Hilton Bomb (Separately, Not as a Couple) [Fantasy Moguls]

As the entire world has previously noted,...

mollyf — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 19:35:07 EST

As the entire world has previously noted, Jessica Simpson isn't exactly the brightest bulb, nor the luckiest. A year ago, Simpson was being paid millions for tell-all articles in OK! Magazine, her mug (and tits) sashayed from glossy mag cover to coffee table books shot by Annie Liebovitz. Nowadays, the dimly lit "artist" has been forced to give interviews (for free!) to outlets like Video Business Online and, without any caring overseers to guide her answers, is giving quotes that surely won't help Blonde Ambition sell-through numbers. For example, "I think that people can have a misconception of who I am as an artist." Oh really now? [Video Business Online]

How many producers does it take to put out...

Mark — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 16:10:47 EST

How many producers does it take to put out a Jessica Simpson disaster that earned $1,322 in its opening weekend and has racked up a whopping $6,422 over its first 14 days? Ten, apparently, including Simpson's dad, who probably personally bought the tickets that pushed the movie past the crucial $5,000 box office milestone. [Risky Biz Blog]