According to the source, the perpetually-dazed Parker snatched 25-year old Mars away from his girlfriend, Lindsey Brown, a journalist for local Mississippi station WTOK. And now Parker, who was left by baby daddy Billy Crudup, should wear a sign warning the world of her evil bitchery: The email, in its unedited glory:

Readers may find it interesting that actress Mary Louise Parker who was dumped late in her pregnancy five years ago went on to rip apart the three year relationship of her new boyfriend Charlie Mars and his then 25 year old Mississippi girlfriend.

Early June Mars was still in a relationship with news anchor Lindsey Brown who is a journalist in Meridian Mississippi. Mars and Brown met while Brown was finishing up college at the University of Mississippi. It was Brown who helped Mars move through his substance/drug abuse problems he has battled for the last decade.

You would think a woman who suffered so greatly at the hands of a man would work to make sure other women aren't betrayed the same way...

The note ends with "ladies beware, cougars have no shame," which leads us to believe there's an inter-generational war brewing. And we're putting out money on the cougars — those girls have been around and no doubt have some tricks up their sleeves.

Box office battle of the peens this weekend! Who will win? Judd Apatow's self-effacing, sarcastic but ultimately tender peen? Or the magical, wonderful, man-craving peens of the wizarding world?! The wiz-kids up the ante by projecting their weens in IMAX this weekend! [HWT ]

Nope, Universal's not nervous at all about Judd Apatow's Funny People opening. Not one bit. They just signed a three picture deal with Hollywood's most prolific comedy producer. Unreported is whether the new deal calls for all three titles contain the words "Dick Jokes." [THR]

Have you been itching to watch a group of beloved Hebrew sitcom stars who's discussions center around the baffling ordinary exchanges of life but you believe that reunion show would be too 'low end'? Good news! It has been announced that Jerry Seinfeld, Julia Louis Dreyfus and Jason Alexander will all appear on the new season of Larry David's Curb your Enthusiasm.[THR]

Leave it to Vanity Fair to dole out karmic justice in this world! The magazine is set to have an expose of the ugly in-fighting surrounding embattled production Moneyball. The Brad Pitt project has gained a notorious reputation after squeezing out its writer/director Steve Soderbergh. The rumor is that the piece will be as so many things in this world should be: Pro-Soderbergh. [Hollywood Elsewhere]

Mom populated book clubs rejoice! Billy Crudup, the guy attached to the giant, floating, bluberry toned wang in Watchmen, will join Julia Roberts in the movie adaption of 'Eat, Pray. Love' [Variety]

We don't know about you but it has been exhausting to sit through movies that don't have the basic element of 'franchise' or some kind of 'origin' story. So we're pleased that Ridley Scott has the courage to come along and do a prequel for Aliens! Wait there's more! Disney just bought the domain name Monsters Inc. 2! Haha, in your face, Originality! [ Variety ]

After years of research t box office scientists have concluded that the ingredients to a blow out success are : robots, mammoths, and Meryl Streep [THR]

How's your spirit today? Is it acting "uncooperative"? Well, watch out cause you could get fired the way Twilight actress Rachelle Lefevre did! Starlets be warned, Summit studios is not down for your shitty moods or for your 10-day movie-shoot with the guy from Sideways. [Variety]

Great news for those of you eager to witness the country's proletariat fulfill their historic destiny by seizing control of the cultural means of production: leftist stalwart Howard Zinn and Hollywood hottie Matt Damon have signed on for an HBO series based on Zinn's book "A People's History of the United States." Eat a dick, capitalist-hegemon! [ THR ]

Billy Crudup's blue swinging wang has knocked Nic Cage's Knowing out of the top slot for DVD sales. Watchmen from Warner Home Video, has shot to the top of the national home video sales and rental charts its first week. [THR]

Who among you has the emotional veracity to stop giving Paul Haggis work? The Crash director is making a new movie with Russel Crowe called Three Days. It's a remake of the french flick Pour Elle about a wife who is imprisoned for a murder she claims she didn't commit and the husband devises a way to get her out. It's assumed Crowe will play the husband. [ THR ]

Jennifer Aniston will be in a new romantic comedy curiously named Pumas. Right. [ Variety ]

Spiderman director/longtime Orc Sam Rami has signed on to direct a live-action film based on the videogame World of Warcraft. For too long the Orc community has been slandered and stereotyped in the movies. Hopefully, Rami will foster greater diplomatic ties to the isolated Orc nation. [AP]

Says our tipster, who just saw the film:

There is indeed shitloads of blue wang. And it's huge. In the comic book, it's very average, and uncut, but the film is completely the opposite. Massive and circumcised. Given that it's digital, was it Crudup or his agent that insisted on the impressive cut cock?

Perhaps Dr. Manhattan's foreskin is just one of the things restored in the uncut (ahem) version of Watchmen. Hollywood Outbreak has audio (captured here) of the director discussing filmdom's most notorious cerulean wang, and Snyder promises that in the eventual DVD, there is so much more big blue (in motion, even!) that even a magnum Watchmen condom couldn't contain it. Also, an initial foray into a 3-D version of the film got three WB executives pregnant; they are now required to turn their blue babies over to Fox.

• SUCH A FUSS [Hollywood Outbreak]

After one trailer where the radioactive member made a surprise appearance, all subsequent Watchmen footage has been frustratingly free of full-frontal. Thankfully, a Hollywood Elsewhere reader who managed to get into an early screening answered all of our burning questions (perhaps they wouldn't burn so much if we used protection?). In short, the amateur critic was disappointed at how inert and borderline campy the film was, blah blah blah, what about the wang:

"There were certainly no cheers at the end. About 80% of the audience rushed out of the theatre the second the credits began; minimal congregating outside. I did come across a group of three 20-something guys, holding their free give-away Watchmen posters, seemingly doing their best to talk themselves into liking the film.

"I almost don't want to spoil this for you, but there's a lot of blue penis in this film. Sadly, I'd say this was one of the few surprises and entertaining parts of the entire experience. It's not everyday that a mainstream Hollywood movie flashes blue Johnson!

This is true, since they deleted it from Frost/Nixon.

• That Whooshing Feeling [Hollywood Elsewhere]

The latter is the subject of a brand-new viral video, which re-weaves the American tapestry to include Crudup's big, blue superhero, Dr. Manhattan. How was he created? What powers does he possess, and how have they transformed the world as we know it? What was up with that terrible Dr. Manhattan cartoon on Saturday mornings? All those queries are answered and then some, but we have one complaint: the news report is full of censored wang. If there's anything the moviegoing audience needed to begin preparing for, it's some incredible, cerulean hero-steak. [Youtube]

It was less than a month ago that Crudup's CG cerulean phallus first thrust itself into the national consciousness, and in that time we've stopped pondering matters like, "Dude, Rorshach sounds just like Christian Bale as Batman" or "Nope, nope, still don't care for that Silk Spectre costume," instead devoting our thoughts to only one question: "The wang — how much are we gonna see it?" Sadly, the new trailer is totally wang-free, indicating that whole scenes — even ones that Crudup does not appear in! — may occur without a glimpse of his flaccid, blue Lower Manhattan. For shame, Mr. Snyder. Please rectify this situation with a red-band (or blue-band?) clip, post-haste.

• In HD trailer, you can see lower Manhattan [Newsarama]

The first thing he showed us was the opening credit sequence...With pin point accurate precision, we get shot after shot that’s filmed in slow motion where we see actual events mixed in with the Watchmen universe. We see Dr. Manhattan with JFK, Adrian Veidt/Ozymandias outside Studio 54, Dr. Manhattan on the moon, plus tons of other crazy things…as I don’t want to spoil it all. During all these shots we hear Bob Dylan’s The Times They Are a Changing, and it’s played throughout all the photos and filmmaker credits. While the song is under 4 minutes, they’ve clearly extended the song as the credits are 6 minutes.

What’s amazing about the credits is the way it slowly submerges you into the universe. The shots have a purpose and a motion, they’re almost 3D the way the camera moves in them. Trust me, after these credits end, every viewer will be entranced.

Also notable: the running time, which is said to be two hours, forty-three minutes. Back at Comic-Con, Snyder told Anne Thompson, "If Dark Knight got two and a half hours, Watchmen should get fifteen minutes more" — looks like he got his wish.

As Watchmen fans, we're certainly happy that the movie intends to follow Moore's vision so closely, but are there still elements of the original that could have been trimmed for running time? Call us heretical, but we can think of a certain climactic (and near-interminable) Ozymandias speech that could probably benefit from judicial pruning...

• Warner Bros. Showed 25 Minutes of WATCHMEN Tonight in Los Angeles [Collider]