Gawker: defamer, bikinis

Heather Locklear And Denise Richards Square Off In Bikini Deathmatch

Molly Friedman — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 19:25:00 EDT

Former BFFs Heather Locklear and Denise Richards have each enjoyed watching the other's respective star status fall farther with each passing year, but the good news is they both share something in common to smile about. While it's not exactly an Emmy, they both look hot in bikinis. Heather's gone from starring in a hit primetime drama and being the object of many a male fantasy to her current role in a Lifetime movie about women over 40 or something. And Denise? Well, after impressing nearly every male on the planet with her pouty lips and lesbian pool antics in Wild Things, she earned the title of Mrs. Charlie Sheen (quite an honor, indeed). Now? She's filming some kind of reality show that no one cares about. What do we care about? Who looks better in their red bikinis, and who's the better surfer! Judge for yourselves after the jump:

While we must give props to Heather for looking far better in that red bikini than we'll ever dream of looking, it seems as though her surfing skills could use some help. Great boobs are one thing, but they don't tend to look so great while stuffed in a wet suit awkwardly bouncing around in the waves.

But Denise has no reason to fret. Sure, Heather looks better in her suit, but at least Denise can ride her board with ease (and even manage to stand up on it, no easy feat when carrying so much weight up top). In the end? It's a tie. Heather's bod is smashing, but Denise is a far better surfer girl.

[Photo credits: Splash, Pacific Coast News]

HEATHER LOCKLEAR IS A SURFER GIRL! [PCN]
RICHARDS IS A SEXY SURFER BABE [The Sun]

For Sienna Miller, Every Beach Is A Nude Beach

Molly Friedman — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 13:20:00 EDT

For an actress without any implants to show off, Sienna Miller is officially one of the least inhibited stars around. Our friends at Egotastic have caught the sweet talker revealing her naughty bits in the past, and earlier this year we learned about her habit of getting busy in restaurant wine cellars. And now, it seems the ocean's ability to remove her bikini top led Sienna to turn a day at the beach into an opportunity to pretend she was on a nude one for a while, chit chatting topless and waiting longer than one usually does to fix a loose suit.

After gallavanting through the waves, the always slip-happy tube style bikini top Sienna chose to wear made its way downtown, and initially the slip called for action on Miller's part.

But later on, the only article of clothing Sienna was interested in sporting was her Ray Bans. Looks as though she didn't even need the assistance of the water to disrobe — she was happy enough doing it herself. Strange, we always figured Diddy for a boob man.

[Photo credits: Fame via Egotastic]

SIENNA MILLER TOPLESS BIKINI PICTURES [

'Candid' Paparazzi Pictures Prove Mischa Barton May Be A Decent Actress After All

Molly Friedman — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 15:30:00 EDT

What's a girl to do when the only headlines she's making involve DUIs and smoking the reefer? Why, pose for highly styled, candid-ish bikini shoot with the photo agency widely known for setting up highly styled, candid-ish bikini shoots of course! Mischa Barton put on her designer bikini best, got her hair did and brought along props like books and hats to the beach yesterday to act her way through a series of paparazzi shots, in an attempt to prove to the world that she can read (!) and pick her own wedgies (!).

We don't know about you, but we rarely read at the beach in this position. Wind aside, we'd fear major sandburn on our knees. But boy, does Mischa ever look pensive!

Just to try and prove how totally candid these shots are, the photographers throw in a wedgie-picking shot for fun. And Mischa has plenty of it while dislodging her pricey Pucci bikini from her nether regions.

Adding further fuel to the staginess fire are Mischa's accessories: a very clean straw hat and pounds of diamonds? We're surprised these pictures didn't come complete with fashion credits (and disappointed, because those are some very pretty jewels).

[Photo credit: Pacific Coast News via Egotastic]

MISCHA BARTON BIKINI PICTURES [Egotastic]

Surprise Of The Year: The Olsen Twins Look Hot In Bikinis

Molly Friedman — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 17:28:00 EDT

We're fans of surprises here at Defamer, especially when they involve young female stars in bikinis. So when we came across these photos of Ashley and Mary-Kate Olsen in their itty bitty swimsuits on Egotastic, we were admittedly shocked. Considering all those years-old anorexia rumors, coupled with endless paparazzi shots making the tiny twins look roughly 80 pounds combined, we'd expect a somewhat fear-filled reaction upon seeing MK and Ash undressed. But you know what? Hugh Hefner may not have been crazy after all when he decided the twins would be ideal candidates for his next Playboy spread. Even if the camera does add poundage, we're seeing muscle tone and curves. Take a closer look at the full gallery, up close and personal, after the jump.

First we have the blonder Ashley, who appears to be obeying every women's magazine advisory to apply sunscreen everywhere from your areolas to your inner wrists. But we're digging the squeezable thighs and the curvy tummy:

And though the more messy-haired Mary-Kate isn't quite revealing as much skin in these pics, we're pretty sure we spot an actual boob. Of the non-concave variety. We're also overjoyed to see that infamous back of hers, once featuring vertebrae so prominent you could open a bottle of Coors off them. All we see is a nicely tan rear with no signs of starvation.

But you tell us: are the Olsens officially hot, or have they just mildly improved?

[Photo Credits: Egotastic]

MARY KATE AND ASHLEY OLSEN BIKINI PICTURES [Egotastic]

Missing: One Celebrity Belly Button And One Sense Of Inhibition

Molly Friedman — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 14:41:26 EDT

It's no longer shocking to see a celebrity waltzing around the beach post-op (Courtney Love, anyone?) but, thankfully, most celebs remember to remove their bandages before donning their itsy bitsys. But what if said bandages are there for life? And in the form of their own flesh? Well, if they belong to surgery-happy Patricia Heaton, we will all have the pleasure of viewing them! In light of recent photos showing Ray Romano's television wife in her bikini and missing one bellybutton, the Huffington Post dug up some slightly unreadable details on the magically disappearing must-have and the revelations, like the photos, are not pretty:

"My belly button was herniated. Then there was that skin that hung there. It didn't work to suck it in. It wouldn't have mattered if I had done 1,000 sit-ups. "

More pictures, if you dare, after the jump.

Even after happily displaying her lack of a tickle-inducing button the way Kyle XY glides through life missing the capacity for joy, Heaton still speaks highly of her surgical usurping, writing "I would recommend it to anyone," regarding her tummy tuck. Just one thing we'd like to add to Patty's go-for-it gusto: make sure you have other areas of your body in which to store lint before pressing forward. That is all.

[Photo Credit: celebrity-gossip.net]

WHAT STAR LOST HER BELLYBUTTON? SHE HAS ADMITTED TO A TUMMY TUCK [HuffPo]