Bad mothers are like unhappy families, no two are alike, but they are all a whole lot of fun to watch. Not only do they propel several televisions shows, but they will create fucked up kids, and without fucked up kids, where are we going to get our artists, serial killers, fameballs, and future Rock of Love cast members? Here's to the women who are more about lies, drugs, and promiscuity rather than homework, bed times, and grounding.

Nancy Botwin
Why She's Bad: She's an unstable drug dealer who is more concerned with keeping herself alive and getting laid than her children's well being.
Worst Parenting Moment: Younger son Shane gets shot when a Mexican drug cartel tries to execute Nancy.
Reasons to Love Her: She knows how to keep things interesting, and she's populated her children's lives with a cast of memorable characters. And she lets her kids drink, do drugs, and have sex while inappropriately young. She's going to be a great subject for Silas' memoir.
Most Fucked Up Kid: Shane, an alcoholic, masochistic teenage killer.
Fun Scale: 9
Mother's Day Present: Starbuck's gift certificate.

Susan Meyer
Why She's Bad: This desperate housewife pays more attention to her love life than her kids. Older daughter Julie was more the voice of wisdom than Susan ever was, or will be.
Worst Parenting Moment: Her young son MJ almost getting killed by a mad man.
Reasons to Love Her: Susan is the mom-as-friend that you always wanted. She would fret and frown and put her foot down, but she'll always let you get away with your dastardly deeds and do whatever you want.
Most Fucked Up Kid: MJ is going to have some serious Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder after his most recent ordeal.
Fun Scale: 8
Mother's Day Present: A copy of He's Just Not That Into You

Nora Walker
Why She's Bad: She's the type of mother that refuses to see her children's faults and will therefore let them get away with anything, and help them to do it. However, her instincts to meddle are almost unbearable and she's unhealthily involved in her adult children's lives. Like all the other Walker brothers and sisters, she likes to keep secrets.
Worst Parenting Moment: Almost giving recovering addict son Justin a fix.
Reasons to Love Her: Who doesn't want a mom to tell you that you're great no matter what? And if you can't call up your mom to gossip, why bother to call at all.
Most Fucked Up Kid: Unrepentant embezzler Tommy.
Fun Scale: 5
Mother's Day Present: An iPhone.

Betty Draper
Why She's Bad: In a show full of mad men, she's a mad woman; your classic frosty '60s housewife who is June Cleaver on the outside and Sylvia Plath on the inside. Her children are like another accessory in her home, ones she can't connect to emotionally.
Worst Parenting Moment: Locking her kids in the closet, and smoking and drinking (a lot) while pregnant.
Reasons to Love Her: The hair, the clothes, the perfectly-cooked meals. Betty is retro fabulous.
Most Fucked Up Kid: Sally is already a petty theif, but we bet Bobby turns into the funnest coke fiend at Studio 54.
Fun Scale: 3
Mother's Day Present: Valium.

Jackie Peyton
Why She's Bad: She's a drug addict who feels more comfortable on the job than at home. Also, she's leading a double life and having an affair to keep herself in prescription drugs.
Worst Parenting Moment: Getting in a fight at her daughter's tap class.
Reasons to Love Her: She tries to keep things light and interesting, taking her daughters on outings and spoiling them because of her guilt.
Most Fucked Up Kid: Grace, a neurotic mess with an anxiety disorder.
Fun Scale: 6
Mother's Day Present: A new haircut.

Nicki Grant
Why She's Bad: We have no problem with her raising a family in the big love of polygamy, but she lies to and manipulates everyone around her, using her children as pawns. Also, she has such daddy issues of her own that she's barely fit to raise kids.
Worst Parenting Moment: Abandoning her brood to move back to the fundamentalist compound she came from, without telling her kids why she left of when she's coming back.
Reasons to Love Her: Nicki is the kind of trainwreck that is marvelous to behold. And when she's not quoting pat Bible platitudes, she can be dishy and fun.
Most Fucked Up Kid: On a show with this many children, we can barely tell them apart from the others.
Fun Scale: 2
Mother's Day Present: A Topsy-Tail

David Crosby claims the only thing bigger than Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young was the genitalia Rob Lowe's nanny coveted.

Eureka! Polish up this year's Nobel — the revelations continue after the jump!

In a declaration filed in the case of Laura Boyce — the former Lowe nanny who claims she was sexually harassed — Crosby claims he went to Hawaii last year and spent some time with the Lowes and Boyce. He claims during the trip, Boyce "stated on several occasions that she only dates 'black guys' because of their 'c**ks.'"

In another declaration, Heather Melchiori, another friend of the Lowes, says last year, while having lunch with Sheryl Lowe, "Laura began bragging about the size of her boyfriend's penis. Laura said that her boyfriend was an African American athlete." She add that Laura bragged that "her boyfriend's penis was 'the second largest black c**k in the NBA.'" And for good measure, Melchiori adds it was so big, Laura "had to wear a 'life saver' so that his penis didn't 'rip her p***y apart."

"Rip her party apart?" That doesn't even make sense! So case closed and theory proven — thanks, David!

• David Crosby — Lowe Nanny Liked It Big and Black [TMZ]

boomp3.com


Big Love star Harry Dean Stanton was mistaken for a homeless man as he stumbled out of a Los Angeles area restaurant over the weekend. Two women who happened to be leaving at the same time thought it would give the man a thrill if he got to pose with a "couple of babes." After a few snaps, the two women realized that Harry Dean wasn't actual a homeless man but, in fact, the dad from Pretty In Pink. Stanton mumbled, "Yeah, yeah," then asked if the two some could pick him up some smokes cause he was out of money.

[Photo Credit: Flynet]

While driving around the east side of our fine city, we'd often find ourselves musing that the sleepy, upper-middle-class environs would make an excellent stand-in for suburban Utah. The Citizen Robot blog notes that this fake billboard has gone up in Glassell Park, indicating that location scouts for Big Love obviously agree with our amateur hunch. And while it's great to see a TV production staying in town (even if it's because Utah probably isn't that welcoming of a show that wants to harp on the whole polygamy thing), we fear that some local day laborers visiting the neighborhood might not subscribe to the premium channel and could become confused by the prop, circling the neighborhood endlessly looking to stake out a good spot in the parking lot of the nonexistent home superstore in an attempt to pick up some work.

• Mormons Spotted in East LA Barrio [Citizen Robot]

"I got the call about the show when I was in my car," says [Chloe] Sevigny... "I went and picked up the script at the agency and read it in the parking lot. I had the meeting the same day and we pretty much signed the deal."

"I had months of auditioning," recalls Ginnifer Goodwin...who was vying for the role of the excitable, childish third wife, Margene. "They gave me a love scene to do as my screen test. I went into a conference room with, like, 25 execs and a camcorder, and Bill and I were seated in two armchairs.

"I thought, 'How on Earth am I gonna do a love scene? I'm going to have to sit with him!' So I crawled over, and I kinda feel like we made out. [...]

"I was pulling out of the driveway on the phone with my agent, saying, 'I blew it. I made out with a stranger, and I think I must have upset him.' "

Then another call came in: "Welcome to 'Big Love'!"

Aspiring young actresses, take note: As these anecdotes demonstrate, there is immeasurable value in seeking out roles that allow you to engage in on-screen, non-simulated sex acts. Goodwin's unproven track record in that area led to endless rounds of frustrating call-backs; only after she initiated some hot action at her screen test did she get the job. Sevigny, on the other hand, was hired instantly. This is undoubtedly attributable to her first-rate fellative work in Vincent Gallo's Brown Bunny, a crucial addition to her reel that proved to Big Love's producers she was more than capable of tackling any unconventional sexual scenario they may throw her way.

• The women of 'Big Love' [CNN/AP]