The Farrellys have been trying to get this thing off the ground for about ten years, hopping between Warner Bros. and Columbia before finally landing on MGM. Penn and Del Toro were always part of the dream cast, but Carrey is a late edition. Funny that the one confirmed comedian is the last, and most surprising, addition to the crew.

Variety remembers that Del Toro displayed 'comic chops' in that movie Snatch, but Guy Ritchie gangster zingers aren't exactly the same thing as heavily-orchestrated socko ballets of physical comedy. Nor are witty, homo-positive Oscar acceptance speeches. Let's hope their rehearsal process is long and fruitful.

It was only a matter of time before the Oscar-winner exhausted the potency of his trademark "Don't shoot that back at me, bro" riposte, thus requiring a more forceful comeback for offending journalists grilling him on this or that merit of Che Guevara. He saved his grand finale for a lucky-ish Washington Times reporter who last week grilled Del Toro about Cuba's pesky, post-revolutionary "concentration camp" problem:

"I'm getting uncomfortable," Benicio Del Toro said after fielding a question about his new movie's portrayal of the Bolivian and Cuban revolutions. "I'm done. I'm done, I hope you write whatever you want. I don't give a damn."

With that, the Oscar-winning actor walked away, abruptly terminating an interview [...] "We can't cover it all," Mr. Del Toro said. "You can make your own movie. You know? You can make your own movie. And let's see. Do the research."

So concludes the actor's current press run, as far as we know — suspended until at least November, when the inevitable, essential "'Who would win in a battle to the death: The Wolf Man or Che?" question arises in the first round of interviews for his fall tentpole.

• 
  'Che' spurs debate, Del Toro walkout [Washington Times via Fox News]

"Unexpectedly" is debatable, we suppose; IFC took a wait-and-see approach after acquiring Steven Soderbergh's 262-minute biopic last fall, dropping it in New York and Los Angeles a month ahead of its Jan.21 roll-out to VOD. Its success means good news to those bros in Boston, Chicago, Dallas, Houston, Minneapolis, Philadelphia, San Francisco, Seattle and Washington D.C. hoping to throw Benicio Del Toro's accent back in his face: Che gets at least one week in your towns starting tomorrow. Sorry, Cleveland — we passed along the request, we swear.

• 'Che' Roadshow Soldiers On [Movie City Indie]

The phrasing came during a tetchy exchange with New York magazine, where Del Toro was forced to defend his regional accent in Che:

There's been some criticism about your accent in the movie. You speak in a Caribbean Spanish accent while Che Guevara had an Argentine one. Was there a reason you made that choice?
Where'd you read that?

It was mentioned in the Variety review, among other places.
What do they know? He doesn't know Spanish. You should ask someone Cuban what my Spanish sounds like. Are you one of those people that believe what they read?

No.
Well, then don't shoot it back at me, bro.

We shan't! Kudos, Mr. Del Toro, on crafting a new spin on what was becoming an old chestnut: "Don't tase me, bro." Now that we've found a suitable replacement, we shall toss that overdone phrase where memes go to die: on a Geocities page circa 1998, surrounded by flashing GIFs.

[Photo Credit: AP]

• Che’s Benicio Del Toro on Faking an Asthma Attack [New York]

"Give this man some money," Benicio Del Toro was saying in his deep, private voice, flicking his face towards the nifty washroom attendant. He'd just done a perfunctory pocket-check, and come up empty.

"Money?" asked the director, the very one who dissembled so well on the subject in those Ocean's flicks, and who has a PhD of sorts in heists. Soderbergh dug into his pockets. Del Toro stood still, and let his lustrous mane do the talking. The washroom attendant smiled eagerly, but not too eagerly.

"It'll be big," the director was saying, still scraping through his pants. "I just went to the ATM."

"I just went to the ATM?" Really, Steven? That's not the way we would have expected him to characterize that Liberace film he just signed on for, but hey. Work's work.

• ¡Viva las manos limpias! [National Post]

· Paris, Not France premiered Tuesday night, with its subject in attendance as promised and with a letter from its beleaguered sales agent reportedly making the rounds beforehand:

"With less than one hour to go and no restraining order in place, I feel comfortable now letting you all know that this film was the subject of legal threats and was almost not shown at all here at the festival. [...] I am hoping that Paris will see, with the audience tonight, that there is nothing to be afraid of here. And will eventually let the film be distributed. What was originally conceived to be a 20-minute puff piece extra on the DVD release for her album, has in fact become a fascinating examination of what it's like to be a star in our star-obsessed culture. I can guarantee you three things: you may be the only people to ever see this version, you will not be disappointed, and everyone will be asking you if you saw it."

A few trusted sources were there, one of whom seemed to like the film more in theory: "Paris Hilton didn’t create this system––she’s just amongst its most photogenic exploiters. Its lack of perspective on its subject is troubling in the present, but at the very least, Paris Not France may serve in the future as a valuable time capsule of that exploitation in action." Another was less convinced, lamenting a larger Hilton conspiracy against the fest as a whole. And like you, we sense ourselves forgetting about the whole imbroglio before we even finish this sentence.

· IFC Films announced this morning that it acquired Steven Soderbergh's polarizing, 262-minute biopic Che for Stateside distribution. Look for one-week NYC/LA runs in December (followed by a VOD run in January), thus qualifying star Benicio Del Toro for an Oscar nomination that will probably go to Mickey Rourke anyway.

· Speaking of Oscars, The Hollywood Reporter notes that this year's fest is relatively light on awards-season hopefuls. Come back, Diablo Cody, all is forgiven!

· Kathryn Bigelow's actioner The Hurt Locker — which even mortal enemies David Poland and Jeffrey Wells agree is the best Iraq War film to date — also found a buyer, with the upstarts at Summit Entertainment grabbing it for under $2 million.

· Kevin Smith has officially moved into the I-slew-Goliath phase of his predetermined ratings squabble over Zack and Miri Make a Porno, telling an interviewer at Premiere exactly how many frames of fecal matter you can get away with onscreen before the NC-17 ax falls.

· Just for the record, Noah Emmerich's starring-role streak in New Line films — his latest being a cop in Pride and Glory — has nothing to do with the fact his brother runs the studio. If you don't believe him, ask him — it worked for Anne Thompson!

• WATCH VIDEO

·You'll never believe it, but Nikki Finke also stayed home, instead publishing dispatches by the New Times chain's resident nerd-hack Luke Y. Thompson. And what a run he's had, with his marathon Thursday bringing us hints at a Keanu Reeves love-in (we'll get to that) and the indelible image of Rose McGowan's Red Sonja knife-licking. She and Robert Rodriguez apparently remain a couple despite all kinds of fun rumors otherwise and, obviously, despite the worst movie poster to ever debut at Comic-Con. That said, hemogravy is hot with the ladies these days, so maybe we're the ones out of touch.

·LYT draws praise, meanwhile, from David Poland, who also decided to crunch some numbers from the comfort of his own couch:

How ironic is it that every studio in L.A. is scrambling to get to San Diego this week/weekend, but The Dark Knight barely did anything (except for very basic viral marketing stunts) last year and underperformers Beowulf, Halloween, The Incredible Hulk, Shoot 'Em Up, Southland Tales, Drillbit Taylor, Spiderwick Chronicles, Hot Rod, and others all had a big presence at The 'Con.

Well, yeah, but none of them had a Fanboy Blowjob Train. Must we really spell it out?

·SpoutBlog has some of the most comprehensive coverage emerging from San Diego, including a real-time account of Wolfman star Benicio Del Toro falling asleep, a peek at Rocknrolla with attention-loving Gerard Butler and a Lego statue that will never be accused of assaulting its Mom.

· Amy Smart, Crank 2, public sex, etc.

· The NY Times brings a typically dignified tone to the pants-wetting in Hall H, featuring cameos by Hugh Jackman, Mark Wahlberg, the gang from Twilight, and a version of Waiting for Godot starring Dakota Fanning in the title role.

· Finally, /Film features a play-by-play of clips from the eco-sensitive Keanu Reeves remake of The Day the Earth Stood Still — better than the real thing, we're sure. Very sure.

The most controversial American film of the fest, meanwhile — Steven Soderbergh's as-yet-unsold epic Che — won only a best actor prize for Benicio Del Toro after critics predicted (and/or prayed for) much more. Critics everywhere but Variety, that is, which has us wondering: What did Che ever do to these guys anyway?

It all started after last Wednesday's marathon press screening, when Todd McCarthy's screed credited "scattered partisans" with contrarian buzz before suggesting "the pic in its current form is a commercial impossibility, except on television or DVD." Fair enough, although a survey of reviews suggests McCarthy himself is the most vocal of the anti-Che minority. Which is fine, right? OK! So we thought we'd let it go, but then came Anne Thompson with her all-caps admonition, "DON'T TAKE AN UNFINISHED MOVIE TO CANNES!!!!" But NY Times critic A.O. Scott, while hardly over the moon, later echoed most of his peers when we spoke elegantly and persuasively on the open-ended film's behalf:

This is one of the frustrations of Cannes, for American critics at least. We see lots of fascinating movies — not all good, but very few completely worthless — and then wonder if we, or our readers, will ever see them again. I'm not in the movie business (a mutually beneficial arrangement, believe me), and not inclined to speculate with someone else's money. I do hope, however, that sometime in the near future I can take part in the long and contentious conversation that Che deserves, and also see how my own initial ambivalence about the film resolves itself.

Got it. Adults agree to disagree. But then came Mike Jones's dispatch on Variety's festival blog The Circuit, citing everything from long bathroom lines to the film's bad party to anti-Che commenters on his and other Variety blogs calling out the film's "mass murderer" subject. Now that's just hateful.

Coincidence? Perhaps; these are pretty independent thinkers, but it's a rare concentration of venom to seen directed at one film that doesn't even have American distribution yet. We wish they'd have saved some for that Eastwood backlash we know is coming.

"I find it hilarious that people always complain about movies being the same, and then when something different comes along — a film that deals the cards in a different way — they say why isn't it more conventional?" [Soderbergh said.]

"There's the painter who did a portrait of a woman, and when she saw it she said, 'It doesn't look like me.' And the painter replied, 'Oh, it will.'" — Benicio del Toro responding more or less to the same.

Deep! Though maybe not deep enough for Todd McCarthy, the Variety grump who held forth with easily the most vicious (and potentially fatal) pan to yet emerge among critics: "Neither half feels remotely like a satisfying stand-alone film, while the whole offers far too many aggravations for its paltry rewards. Scattered partisans are likely to step forward, but the pic in its current form is a commercial impossibility, except on television or DVD." His colleague Anne Thompson agreed, likening Che to previous rough-cut Cannes clusterfucks including Southland Tales, The Brown Bunny and 2046 and scolding: "DON'T TAKE AN UNFINISHED MOVIE TO CANNES!!!!"

But... but... the producers even splurged for a brown-bag dinner during intermission! With Kit-Kats! Anyway, Che has its defenders as well; Kim Voynar thinks it's a Palme D'Or (and maybe even Oscar) front-runner, Jeffrey Wells is over the moon and Glenn Kenny has high praise at indieWIRE:

Che benefits greatly from certain Soderberghian qualities that don't always serve his other films well, e.g., detachment, formalism, and intellectual curiosity. ... Benicio del Toro, despite being ten real years older than anybody playing the part in any period should be (and in fairness to him, let's note that this has been a very LONG gestating process; the original plan had Terence Malick directing with Soderbergh producing, and that was many years ago), works almost demonically at making Che's appeal palpable. But his performance is just a remarkable cog in Soderbergh's meticulous examination of process. Both parts of the film are largely about revolution as a job of work.

We'll indeed see how (or if) revolution works in the months ahead as distributors kick its sizable tires. Meanwhile, a few other long-distance odds and ends from the Croisette:

—Jennifer Lynch — daughter of David, survivor of Boxing Helena and Cannes '08 contributor with the thriller Surveillance — has a word with the LA Times about her checkered past: "I still can't Google myself today." But! "It's great to have fallen flat on my face and to stand up again."

—Guardian critic and infamously grumpy old man Ronald Bergan wants to know what happened to all the "great lost directors" whose careers have faded over the years. We'd empathize, except the mention of lucky hacks John G. Avildsen (Rocky, The Karate Kid) and John Badham (Saturday Night Fever, Short Circuit) isn't touching us quite so persuasively.

—Finally: Why the long face, Petra Nemcova? Oh. Sorry.

Che joins the Eastwood/Jolie mystery Changeling and Kaufman's mindfuck directorial debut Synecdoche, New York in one of the lighter American competition crops in years. The Weinsteins wrangled a non-competition spot for Vicky Cristina Barcelona, the putatively sexy ScarJo/P-Cruz/J-Bar menage a Woody that's also been on and off the program for the last few weeks. James Toback's documentary about Mike Tyson — imaginatively entitled Tyson — landed in the Un Certain Regard sidebar alongside compatriots Kelly Reichardt (Wendy and Lucy) and Antonio Campos (Afterschool). We're disappointed to see the Coen brothers and Focus Features were serious about skipping the fest with Burn After Reading, but still, our open request stands: Smuggle us over in your suitcase if you have room.

• Cannes unveils lineup [Variety]

It seems that the director, who has wanted either both or neither of the films to play the fest, won't be able to finish the four-hour-plus opus by deadline. Evidently, Soderbergh has essentially finished the second film but, despite non-stop work in recent weeks, hasn't quite gotten the first half of the Benicio Del Toro starrer where he wants it.

Hunting for silver linings in our cloudy dismay, we find consolation only in the fact that Del Toro can continue production of The Wolf Man uninterrupted, thus leaving on the cumbersome make-up his character requires straight through the end of shooting next month. We'll always have Indiana Jones 4, we suppose. Sigh.

• Few U.S. pics set for Cannes festival [Variety]

Romanek exited the film late Monday night over creative differences.

The film has long had Benicio Del Toro aboard to play the werewolf, and the studio just set Emily Blunt ("Charlie Wilson's War") and Anthony Hopkins to play the other leads in the film.

The studio maintains that Romanek left the project in strong shape and that it expects to set another director quickly.

While some may consider Romanek's unbending allegiance to his art a tad overzealous, we think it will be the studio, not the director, who winds up most regretful, particularly once they view the lazily conceived final product from his replacement: Cutting budgetary corners may be attractive to the bottom line, but one can never place too high a value on such small-detail luxuries as real werewolf hair and hiring a lycanthropic accent coach to ensure maximum howling authenticity.

[Photo: markromanek.com]

• Romanek drops out of 'Wolf Man' [Variety]