Gawker: defamer, basic instinct

How the Writer of 'Showgirls' and 'Basic Instinct' Found God

Kyle Buchanan — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 14:10:00 EDT

Now that he's dallied with Sharon Stone, won multiple Razzies, and given the world the immortal line, "It must be weird not having anybody cum on you," what's left for screenwriter Joe Eszterhas? According to the Toledo Blade, the multi-hyphenate has turned to God (and not the sort of "God!" you might moan while having explosive sex with Kyle MacLachlan in a Vegas pool). Having departed Hollywood for the more "wholesome" Cleveland, Eszterhas was taking a walk one day when he became out of breath and had a surprising realization:

He plopped down on a curb and cried. Sobbed, even. And for the first time since he was a child, he prayed: "Please God, help me."

Mr. Eszterhas was shocked by his own prayer.

"I couldn't believe I'd said it. I didn't know why I'd said it. I'd never said it before," he wrote.

But he felt an overwhelming peace. His heart stopped pounding. His hands stopped twitching. He saw a "shimmering, dazzling, nearly blinding brightness that made me cover my eyes with my hands."

We've gone through that same thing, Joe, only it was prompted by the first Elizabeth Berkeley full-frontal scene from Showgirls. Still, now that Eszterhas has seen the light, he is taking Hollywood to task for providing audiences with nothing but the smut that used to earn him $3 million paychecks:

He said that living in the heartland, he sees how much Hollywood producers are out of touch with most Americans.

"I find it mind boggling that with nearly 70 percent of Americans describing themselves as Christians, and witnessing the success of The Passion of The Christ and The Chronicles of Narnia, that Hollywood still doesn't do the kinds of faith-based and family-value entertainment that people are desperate to see," Mr. Eszterhas said.

Though apparently they're not that desperate — after all, the Narnia sequel Prince Caspian barely grossed half of the haul for The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe, and this is a franchise that's only on its second installment. Perhaps the third film needs a shot in the arm from Mr. Joe Eszterhas — we can't wait for the high-profile rewrite that adds in girl-on-centaur action (as well as a whole lot more beaver shots).

[photo credit: AP]

'Basic Instinct' author writes book about faith [Toledo Blade]

Razzies Recognize Sharon Stone And M. Night Shyamalan For Outstanding Achievements In Cinematic Badness

Seth — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 18:52:20 EST

As we mentioned earlier, the glamorous and insane Sharon Stone and her failed comeback vehicle, Basic Instinct 2, won more awards than any other at the Razzies—the Golden Raspberry Award Foundation's flatulent response to Hollywood's biggest night. Stone picked up Worst Actress, and the film won Worst Picture, Worst Screenplay, and Worst Prequel or Sequel. The Wayans brothers' dwarf-in-a-diaper comedy, Little Man, won two awards: a shared Worst Actor award for the siblings, in addition to Worst Screen Couple (beating out Stone's "lopsided breasts"), and Worst Remake/Rip-Off. M. Night Shyamalan won Worst Director for Lady in the Water, and a Worst Supporting Actor Razzie, for casting himself in the "pivotal role of a writer whose book will one day bring salvation to humanity." The results are somewhat bittersweet, as we were hoping until the very end that there would be a Wicker Man upset, and that the bad movie genius that is Nicolas Cage in a bear suit clocking a coven of honey-hoarding schoolmarmish types would get its proper due. Alas, it was not meant to be.

The entire list of winners is after the jump.

[Razzies.com]
'Basic Instinct 2' a big 'winner' at Razzies [MSNBC]

Worst Picture:
Basic Instinct 2

Worst Actress:
Sharon Stone

Worst Actor:
Marlon Wayans & Shawn Wayans
Little Man

Worst Supporting Actress:
Carmen Electra
Date Movie and Scary Movie 4

Worst Supporting Actor:
M. Night Shyamalan
Lady in the Water

Worst Director:
M. Night Shyamalan
Lady in the Water

Worst Screen Couple:
Shawn Wayans
& either
Kerry Washington
or
Marlon Wayans
Little Man

Worst Remake Or Rip-off:
Little Man
(Rip-off of the 1954 Bugs Bunny cartoon "Baby Buggy Bunny")

Worst Prequel or Sequel:
Basic Instinct 2

Worst Screenplay:
Basic Instinct 2

Worst Excuse for Family Entertainment:
(New Category, Saluting the Celebs We're ALL Sick & Tired Of!)
RV

Sharon Stone's Lopsided Rack Honored By Bad Cinema Kudosfest

Seth — Mon, 22 Jan 2007 14:20:32 EST

Members of the Golden Raspberry Award Foundation have set for themselves one of the most difficult tasks imaginable: Every year, they sift through piles of detritus in an attempt at narrowing an overly crowded field down to a few outstanding instances of big-screen turkeydom. They then bestow among the most deserving of these cinematic poo-gems show business's most uncoveted honor, the Razzie. Leading the nominations this year with seven nominations is Sharon Stone's universally panned return to the icepicks-and-exposed-beaver terrain that first put her on the map, Basic Instinct 2. Tied for most noms, including Worst Picture and Worst Remake/Rip-Off, was the Wayans brothers' Little Man:

Shawn and Marlon Wayans shared a worst-actor nomination, while sisters Hilary and Haylie Duff shared a worst-actress nomination for "Material Girls."
The other worst-picture nominees were the fantasies "BloodRayne" and "Lady in the Water" and the thriller "The Wicker Man."

Joining Stone and the Duffs in the worst-actress category were Lindsay Lohan for "Just My Luck," Kristanna Loken for "BloodRayne" and Jessica Simpson for "Employee of the Month."
"Basic Instinct 2" also had a nomination for worst screen couple for Stone's "lopsided breasts."

While Stone is anticipated to be the night's big winner, neither she nor her asymmetrical rack are expected to be big enough sports to show up to collect their awards, à la Halle Berry. The race is still very much a wide-open field, however, and we wouldn't be surprised if a Razzie night upset were to give Wicker Man—a clip reel of which making its way around the internets has managed to thrill a whole new generation of bad cinema aficionados with its nightmarish vision of Nick Cage in a bear suit punching chicks out—were to steal the top honors of Worst Picture and Worst Screen Couple for Cage and his ursine disguise.

RAZZIE Voters Get Back to BASICs In Picking the Berry Worst of 2006 [Razzies.com]
'Instinct 2,' 'Little Man' lead year's worst [CNN/AP]