Gawker: defamer, balls

Simon Cowell's Genital Odor Secrets Revealed By Loose-Lipped, Probably Fake Domestic

Seth — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 17:09:07 EST

It's not often that we run tips from maids, but something about this e-mail from a woman who purports to be a cleaning lady temporarily employed at the manse of American Idol's muscle-shirted dream-douser Simon Cowell instantly caught our attention:

I clean the house yesterday and I find la crema of odour genitales Nodoro, at the Simon Cawell house from Americano Idol. He not a nice man, so I was laughing so hard!!! ;P

I help clean temporary many different house. This house is [redacted] en Beverly Hills. Please you cannot say my name. Gracias, [Redacted].

Having been unfamiliar with the ball-stench-combatting properties of miracle ointment NodorO™, we didn't immediately know what our tipster was referring to. Luckily, after conferring with a highly placed Defamer operative well-versed in the condition, we were guided to their website. That we learned there of the product's heavy sponsorship of Howard Stern's show, however, did little to convince us of the authenticity of our helpful, Defamer-savvy housekeeper. Still, if there was even a slim chance that the acerbic Idol judge—whose balls we always imagined to smell of an intoxicating mixture of juniper berries and talc—is or has ever suffered from embarrassing nutstink, we were relieved to learn he can now lead a healthy and fulfilling existence thanks to NodorO™.

A Conscientious Steve O Proudly Bares His Balls On The Red Carpet To Help Raise Testicular Cancer Awareness

Seth — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 17:16:16 EST

As part of our ongoing commitment at Defamer to bring our readers as many balls as possible, we follow up Tuesday's offering of Project Runway contestant Jack Mackenroth's Bobbsey Twins with a link to this handsome photo-suite of Jackass star Steve O getting into the Family Jewels premiere spirit by baring his own on the red carpet.

Draped sensitively over the makeshift Dr. Pepper pipe he used only moments before, we think it's safe to say that the Ralph Lauren company can expect a steep uptick in sales of their fetching Polo boxer shorts after the Xtreme stunt idiot's manplums wind their way 'round the internet.

Steve-O = Comic Genius [SplashNewsOnline]

Corpse Bronzing Is So Hot Right Now

Mark — Fri, 08 Jun 2007 20:24:16 EDT

· Add "corpses" to the list of fun things the Sunset Tan people will bronze, right below "grade-school girls with crazy moms." (And in an amusing side note, our tipster found this clip while searching YouTube for clips of "hot blondes" doing stuff.)
· Mayor Villaraigosa is separating from his wife. Our knee-jerk reaction to this news is the blame this photo of him posing with Paris Hilton.
·A South Park promo puts an unnamed network's "balls policy" to the test.
·Brad Whitford has made peace with Studio 60's demise. We just hope that Tom Jeter's brother gets out of Iraq alive.

'Grey's Anatomy' Sneaks A Swollen Scrotum Past Network Censors

Seth — Fri, 27 Apr 2007 14:07:59 EDT

Viewers of last night's Grey's Anatomy were treated to a suprise cameo appearance—or two, to be precise. As the staff of Seattle Grace stood transfixed, a patient unveiled his massive testicles, which dangled briefly into the frame like a pair of fleshy, deformed grapefruit. As it turns out, the Cisco Adlerian stones were actually the result of [SPOILER ALERT] spectacular genetics, and the patient had merely shown up for his annual physical—a routine procedure that quickly took on intimidating proportions, requiring the combined strength of Drs. McDreamy, McSteamy, and McChokey just to lift a single elephantine teste before ordering the patient to turn to the right and cough.

Grey's Anatomy Went "Nuts" Last Night [Towleroad]

Cisco Adler Embraces His Huge Balls

Mark — Wed, 07 Feb 2007 15:27:50 EST

Unlike certain other fame-adjacent members of Paris Hilton's tardtourage who've recently had images of their naked form made available to the public, former Mischa Barton boyfriend Cisco Adler is philosophical about the notoriety that such an invasion of privacy brings. Reports the NY Observer:

"Ballgate," Mr. Adler called it, reached by phone at his Malibu residence. "Everyone's been really supportive." He laughed a little. "No, I mean—shit, I think it's pretty rock 'n' roll. You know, if it was like yesterday I would've freaked out, but then I looked at the picture and I was like, 'Oh, that's from like 2001. Whatever.'" How'd it happen?

"Paris' shit got stolen, and somehow she had a picture of me naked in there," he said with a sly snigger. "That's Paris Hilton to you!" The photograph would have hardly caused a blip were it not for the aspiring rock star's extraordinary genitalia. But Mr. Adler didn't care to discuss this topic other than to say: "I just went to Chicago, and I felt like every older woman at the airport had seen my balls—which was weird." He continued: "I'm a naked dude! I don't give a fuck."

Perhaps Kim Kardashian, still working through the public denial phase of her sex video, will gain some comfort from Adler's embracing of his gigantic balls, knowing that she'll eventually be able to conquer the paranoid feeling that every doorman in Hollywood has seen her being doggystyled by Brandy's brother.

Ball-ywood [NY Observer]
Cisco Adler Nude [Two Girls and a Gay via Fleshbot]