Benevolent CAA Masters Refrain From Pressing Desk Slaves Into Cater Waiter Duty

Mark — Wed, 24 Jan 2007 20:42:10 EST

In just a few minutes, those invited to the first installment of CAA's two-day open house for its new Century City stronghold will self-park their cars, submit to a brief body-cavity search checking for explosives supplied by rival tenpercenteries (Paradigm's suicide bombers are particularly sneaky, as they really have nothing to lose), and then commence their tour of the evil agenting monolith's state-of-the-art facilities, gaping in wonder at their gleaming new Soul Containment Unit or enjoying a freshly blended refreshment from the cafeteria's dedicated baby-smoothie bar. But first, according to a tipster, all underlings must be driven from the building and onto the abandoned streets of The CC:

I've just learned that tonight's party at CAA will be underling-free. They're kicking out all assistants at 6:30pm - no exceptions. I guess their assistants are simply too embarrassing to be trusted in a social setting.
Dozens of assistants leaving work at the same early hour? Only one question remains: what bar is everyone getting fucked up at?

We wouldn't judge CAA's higher-ups for not wanting their inferiors around; after all, it can be awkward for both parties to pretend that the boss didn't recently threaten to have the assistant's mother raped by a polar bear for not having his cinnamon dolce latte on his desk at the prescribed time, just to keep up appearances while trying to entertain a client with cocktail party chatter. Indeed, the company deserves credit for dismissing their indentured servants early, instead of pressing them into service as cater waiters and restroom attendants.

Previously: CAA Exposes Critical Vulnerabilities In New Stronghold [Defamer]

CAA Exposes Critical Vulnerabilities In New Stronghold

Mark — Tue, 23 Jan 2007 17:55:38 EST

A Defamer operative, perhaps a little miffed that the two-day open house that CAA is holding later this week to show off the Wonkaesque inner workings of their intimidating new Century City Evil Factory might not feature valet service, slipped us these meticulously rendered self-parking instructions for its guests. (They're better off without the valets, anyway—they'd just force some junior agents into red coats for the event, who'd just ransack visitors' SUVs in a fruitless search for any concealed, delicious babies, then swipe all the loose change from their ashtrays.) But by making available such a detailed schematic, the agency has inadvertently exposed crucial vulnerabilities in their otherwise impenetrable stronghold; as you can clearly see in the above diagram, conspicuous yellow stars denote weak points in the structure's perimeter defenses, which determined teams of rebel forces from rival agencies may be able to exploit while CAA is distracted with the intake of legitimate invitees, destroying the Creative Artists Death Star from within before its roof-mounted doomsday laser is fully operational.

Previously: CAA's Century City Invasion: So It Begins [Defamer]

Gawker: defamer, baby eating jokes

Benevolent CAA Masters Refrain From Pressing Desk Slaves Into Cater Waiter Duty

CAA Exposes Critical Vulnerabilities In New Stronghold