To compile its first annual list the Temp Diaries asked visitors to the site to name the business' Most Liked and Least Liked executives. Visitors could nominate an unlimited number of executives. The final list is a tally of the most nominations in each category. With the relatively small sample size (it only took five nominations to make the top ten on either list) the voting was certainly open to Get Out the Vote campaigning. But gauging the enthusiasm levels, positive or negative, is part of the test of Most or Least Liked; seeing whom can mobilize a constituency passionate about a candidate's coolness or suckiness says a lot about whether this is just a passing distaste or a deep visceral contempt that will stand the test of time.

Anyhow, here are the results. Starting with the Top Ten Most Hated (full tallies available at the site):

First off, the huge news; a hearty congratulations is due to one Randall Emmett of Family Room Entertainment (pictured above.) Least Liked is the category in which the true giants of Hollywood compete — Geffen, Weinstein, Rudin, Berg, Emmanuel, Ovitz. To see the name of one of the pillars of the industry who has literally built an empire on abusive, infantile behavior atop a Least Liked List would almost be anticlimactic. For an unknown dark horse from a no-profile company to not just win, but win but such a resounding margin (23 votes between him and the #2 finisher) is an enormous accomplishment, worthy of a young David O. Selznick or Robert Evans.

We attempted to find out everything we could about this new giant on the scene of egomania. Here's what we've learned:

• Had he not qualified for the Worst list on the basis of his behavior, Emmett's producing credits alone might merit him a slot. His IMDB page is, in a word, stunning. That one man could have been involved in so many horrible films just takes your breath away. An Andrew Dice Clay film, A Love Song for Bobby Long, The Amityville Horror remake, The Wicker Man remake, 88 Minutes, Rambo. Learning that one mind was behind all these disasters suddenly makes one see the world as a very different sort of place, where bad things do not happen just by accident but by shadowy design.

• According to his website, Emmett was invited to be the commencement speaker at his old high school in Miami, Fla., in 2002. Video anyone?

• He is a distant cousin of Jerry Bruckheimer. And we're not at all surprised.

• He got started on the set watching Michael Bay at work on Bad Boys.

• His lifetime Rotten Tomatoes score is 12 percent.

•He is currently production partners with Rapper 50 Cent.

But all that doesn't begin to explain how he earned such a prestigious prize. If anyone has any knowledge about what makes Emmett so very least liked, we're all ears.

In a distant second to Emmett in the #2 spot is Jason Lust, VP of the Henson Company. One doesn't generally think of Muppet-land as a breeding ground for world class jerks, however history is rife with tales of children's authors who were monstrous or at least very strange in their personal lives, so Lust is following a great tradition.

Further down the least, the Lions of Jerkiness take their places on the list - Scott Rudin, Ari Emmanuel, Jeff Zucker, Harvey, Jeff Robinov. However, their relatively low rankings suggest that perhaps these once great windbags are losing their edge; that perhaps the torch is being passed to a new generation — with new energy and new technology to employ abusing their assistants and treating minions like dirt. For Emmett, and newly crowned Paramount President Adam Goodman (#6), a new day is at hand which may yet come to make a Weinstein tantrum look quaint and homey.

As for the Most Liked:

We have little to say here, other than to note that the Henson Company suspiciously occupies the second spot on this list as well, indicating some folks over there may be spending a little too much time on Hollywood Temp Diaries when they should be coming up with toilet bowl cleaner tie-ins for Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem.

We know very little about James Waugh, The Most Popular Man in Hollywood. So we'll just say, congratulations for being so popular with a bunch of assistants, Guy Smiley. And we're sure this honor won't hurt you a bit when you run into the first, second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh Least Liked tonight.

It happened because the Emmys aren't really about "rewarding excellence" or whatever. Well, they sort of are, but not really. The Emmy people are also concerned with ratings, like the NASA guys on the space episode of The Simpsons ("These machines just measure ratings.."). So they widened all the categories, bringing in shows and actors that regular potato chip-strewn boob tubing idiots like. People like Jim Parsons from some hunk of horror called The Big Bang Theory. Other people like the Mean Guy Who Woos Andy Sachs from The Mentalist. And shows like Family Guy.

The reasoning being, what, exactly? That teenage boys who are obsessed with crude, sloppy, shamelessly Simpsons-derivative non sequitur humor will stop masturbating for two hours on a Sunday night to watch the freaking Emmys? Actually, no. No they will not. Nor will the people who were actually stupid enough to think the awards still had some sliver of meaning (Hi! I'm an idiot), because now they're just a dumb joke. We're thrilled that people like Kristen Wiig, Tracy Morgan, Aaron Paul, and Drew Barrymore got recognized for their tremendously good work this year, but really it doesn't mean much of anything, does it?

Oh God, the 10-nominee Best Picture Oscar category is going to be a doozy isn't it?

Full nominations list.

The Emmy voters should watch this, also:

Here are the nominees, via Variety:

COMEDY SERIES

"Entourage"
"Family Guy
"Flight of the Conchords"
"How I Met Your Mother"
"The Office"
"30 Rock"
"Weeds"

DRAMA SERIES

"Big Love"
"Breaking Bad"
"Damages"
"Dexter"
"House"
"Lost"
"Mad Men"

MINISERIES

"Generation Kill" (HBO)
"Little Dorrit" (PBS)

ACTOR IN A COMEDY

Alec Baldwin - "30 Rock" (NBC)
Steve Carell - "The Office" (NBC)
Jemaine Clement - "Flight Of The Conchords" (HBO)
Jim Parsons - "The Big Bang Theory" (CBS)
Tony Shalhoub - "Monk" (USA)
Charlie Sheen - "Two And A Half Men" (CBS)

ACTOR IN A DRAMA

Simon Baker - "The Mentalist" (CBS)
Gabriel Byrne - "In Treatment" (HBO)
Bryan Cranston - "Breaking Bad" (AMC)
Michael C. Hall - "Dexter" (Showtime)
Jon Hamm - "Mad Men" (AMC)
Hugh Laurie - "House" (Fox)

ACTRESS IN A COMEDY

Christina Applegate - "Samantha Who?" (ABC)
Toni Collette - "United States Of Tara" (Showtime)
Tina Fey - "30 Rock" (NBC)
Julia Louis-Dreyfus - "The New Adventures Of Old Christine" (CBS)
Sarah Silverman - "The Sarah Silverman Program" (Comedy Central)
Mary-Louise Parker - "Weeds" (Showtime)

ACTRESS IN A DRAMA

Glenn Close as Patty Hewes - "Damages" (FX Networks)
Sally Field - "Brothers & Sisters" (ABC)
Holly Hunter - "Saving Grace" (TNT)
Mariska Hargitay - "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" (NBC)
Kyra Sedgwick - "The Closer" (TNT)
Elisabeth Moss - "Mad Men" (AMC)

MADE FOR TELEVISION MOVIE

"Coco Chanel" (Lifetime)
"Grey Gardens" (HBO)
"Into The Storm" (HBO)
"Prayers For Bobby" (Lifetime)
"Taking Chance" (HBO)

REALITY HOST

Tom Bergeron - "Dancing With The Stars" (ABC)
Phil Keoghan - "The Amazing Race" (CBS)
Heidi Klum - "Project Runway" (Bravo)
Padma Lakshmi, Tom Colicchio - "Top Chef" (Bravo)
Jeff Probst - "Survivor" (CBS)
Ryan Seacrest - "American Idol" (Fox)

ACTOR IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE

Kevin Klien - "Cyrano de Bergerac" ("Great Performances") (PBS)
Brendan Gleeson - "Into The Storm"(HBO)
Sir Ian McKellen - "King Lear" ("Great Performances") (PBS)
Kevin Bacon - "Taking Chance" (HBO)
Kiefer Sutherland - "24: Redemption" (Fox)
Kenneth Branagh - "Wallander: One Step Behind" (PBS

ACTRESS IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE

Drew Barrymore - "Grey Gardens" (HBO)
Jessica Lange - "Grey Gardens" (HBO)
Shirley MacLaine - "Coco Chanel" (Lifetime)
Sigourney Weaver - "Prayers For Bobby" (Lifetime)
Chandra Wilson - "Accidental Friendship" (Hallmark Channel)

SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY

Jon Cryer - "Two And A Half Men" (CBS)
Kevin Dillon - "Entourage" (HBO)
Neil Patrick Harris - "How I Met Your Mother" (CBS)
Jack McBrayer - "30 Rock" (NBC)
Tracy Morgan - "30 Rock" (NBC)
Rainn Wilson - "The Office" (NBC)

SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA

Christian Clemenson - "Boston Legal" (ABC)
Michael Emerson - "Lost" (ABC)
William Hurt - "Damages" (FX Networks)
Aaron Paul - "Breaking Bad" (AMC)
William Shatner - "Boston Legal" (ABC)
John Slattery - "Mad Men" (AMC)

SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE

Len Cariou - "Into The Storm" (HBO)
Tom Courtenay - "Little Dorrit" (PBS)
Ken Howard - "Grey Gardens" (HBO)
Bob Newhart - "The Librarian: Curse of the Judas Chalice" (TNT)
Andy Serkis - "Little Dorrit" (PBS)

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY

Kristin Chenoweth - "Pushing Daisies" (ABC)
Jane Krakowski - "30 Rock" (NBC)
Elizabeth Perkins - "Weeds" (Showtime)
Amy Poehler - "Saturday Night Live" (NBC)
Kristen Wiig - "Saturday Night Live" (NBC)
Vanessa Williams - "Ugly Betty" (ABC)

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA

Rose Byrne - "Damages" (FX Networks)
Hope Davis - "In Treatment" (HBO)
Cherry Jones - "24" (Fox)
Sandra Oh - "Grey's Anatomy" (ABC)
Chandra Wilson - "Grey's Anatomy" (ABC)

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE

Shohreh Aghdashloo - "House Of Saddam" (HBO)
Marcia Gay Harden - "The Courageous Heart Of Irena Sendler" (Hallmark

Hall Of Fame Presentation) (CBS)
Janet McTeer - "Into The Storm" (HBO)
Jeanne Tripplehorn - "Grey Gardens" (HBO)
Cicely Tyson - "Relative Stranger" (Hallmark Channel)

This is almost without question a staged "controversy," what with Eminem screaming "get this motherfucker off of me" after the cameras had already focused in on him in the audience while Cohen was still in the air, but it's funny as hell nonetheless. We had tears in our eyes. Enjoy.

Departures eluded most Oscar pools. Awards-obsessed street urchin Tom O'Neil, the Los Angeles Times Oscar expert, managed the correct final answer after a tipster told him that The Class wasn't even one of the original nominees—and that Bashir might not have been, either. So how did they make it through?

Outrage over a snub of Romania's 4 Months, 3 Weeks, 2 Days prompted the creation of an oversight committee made up of 20 Academy members last year, with the ability to ram three of their own nominees in, regardless of what all the general votes have indicated. The committee's unpopular picks, as O'Neil divined, were automatically disadvantaged, which helps explain why the idea hasn't seemed to work. So forget the committee approach! There are three bigger problems that need to be addressed—and cleverer solutions to them:

1. The voters: Despite the creation of a blue-ribbon panel to override bad nominations (an idea the Emmys adopted recently, then did away with), the Foreign Language Film category is still set up in a way that encourages bad picks. In order to vote, members must have seen all five films, and they need to have gone to special Academy screenings to have done so. While that seems like a fair rule, it's one that isn't applied to, say, the acting categories (when people can and do vote for performances they haven't seen). Thus the pool of Foreign Language Film voters tends to shrink to elderly, conservative voters with enough time to attend all five theatrical screenings. The Academy provides DVDs for members who miss the Best Song screenings—why not do the same here?

2. The eligibility: Each country can submit only one film, which means that some countries will sacrifice their strongest work for a more conventional choice, as Spain did in 2002 when it notoriously snubbed Pedro Almodóvar's Talk To Her. It's time to reward countries with flourishing film industries by allowing them to submit more films.

3. The new international film climate: Movies nowadays draw their financing from a full range of sources—but if those deep pockets come from different countries, none can have enough say to submit the result as their own. The Motorcycle Diaries was one of 2004's most acclaimed foreign films, but due to its eclectic, globe-spanning financiers, the rules disqualified it for a Foreign Language Film Oscar.

It doesn't matter how many oversight committees are put in place—until the whole voting system receives a radical overhaul, too many worthy films will never get a chance at nabbing the award given to such notable luminaries as Roberto Benigni, Renee Zellweger, and Crash. This injustice cannot stand!

Silver rose to prominence by forecasting the results of the last election year with eerie accuracy (he even had the amount of angry Bill Clinton finger wags down to the decimal point during the primaries!), yet his foray into Oscar prognosticating was torpedoed with the very first award given out, Best Supporting Actress. Not only did his misguided pick, Taraji P. Henson, lose to Cruz, but he also blew the Best Actor category, choosing Mickey Rourke over eventual winner Sean Penn.

How did Silver take the news? With liveblogged profanities ("7:47 PM. Penelope Cruz? F*ck. I demand a recount") and a painful Ram Jam onto an already defeated Rourke ("Perhaps we [should have] had some way to quantify someone's jackassedness: Days spent at the Betty Ford Center?"). Then, saddest of all, Silver disowned his model for predictions today in a regretful Oscar postmortem which reads like Mom (numbers-based prognosticating) and Dad (Silver) have decided to see other people. Nate Silver will soon be moving into a pre-furnished apartment by himself, and it is all the fault of a Latina spitfire we have taught to speak English. For shame, Hollywood.

• Some Post-Oscar Thoughts on Forecasting [FiveThirtyEight]

· 30-second ad spots on the final episode of ER — featuring George Clooney, Noah Wyle and Anthony Edwards — are going for the low, low price of $425,000. We'll take two.
· The existential crises of Garfield Without Garfield have felt uniquely harrowing this week. At least add Odie back in or something.
· Flaxen-haired Jared Leto is out and about at this weekend's Oscar festivities. Consider yourself warned.
· ZOMG Google Earth found Atlantis! Maybe? Never mind.

Granted, this is just one expert's results. Others have preceded, and others are sure to follow. But if there's anything we trust around here, it's science:



· Actor in a leading role: Mickey Rourke
FINDINGS: Accurate.

· Actor in a supporting role: Heath Ledger
FINDINGS: Accurate.

· Actress in a leading role: Kate Winslet
FINDINGS: Inconclusive, but shows high concentrations of the carbon compound HW, thus suggesting a strong likelihood of accuracy.

· Actress in a supporting role: Amy Adams
FINDINGS: Inaccurate. DNA breakdown shows overwhelming evidence of Penelope Cruz, with traces of Viola Davis.

· Animated Feature Film: Wall-E
FINDINGS: Accurate.

· Art Direction: The Dark Knight
FINDINGS: Accurate.

· Cinematography: Slumdog Millionaire
FINDINGS: Accurate.

· Costume Design: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
FINDINGS: Inaccurate. Rare genetic mutation known as NOM-13 makes Button allergic to Oscar. The Duchess shows most compatible awards traits in this category.

· Directing: Slumdog Millionaire
FINDINGS: Accurate.

· Documentary feature: Man on Wire
FINDINGS: Inconclusive. A well-known Bavarian doctor is nearing a vaccine for this; it may be ready by Sunday. Active ingredient: Sympathy.

· Documentary short: The Conscience of Nhem En
FINDINGS: Inaccurate. Cleft-palate recovery is going swiftly and well for the disfigured Indian child in Smile Pinki; her discharge is expected this weekend.

· Film editing: Milk
FINDINGS: Inaccurate. A potent strain of Slumdog Millionaire has overtaken the calcium in original subject.

· Foreign language film: Departures
FINDINGS: Inaccurate. Waltz With Bashir tests positive for the Jews.

· Makeup: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
FINDINGS: Accurate. (NOTE: High dosages of latex repel NOM-13 gene mentioned above.)

· Music (Score): Defiance
FINDINGS: Inaccurate. The Dark Knight has a formidable squad overseeing its unparalleled purity in this category.

· Music (Song): "Down to Earth" (Wall-E)
FINDINGS: Accurate.

· Best Picture: Slumdog Millionaire
FINDINGS: Accurate.

· Short film (animated): Presto
FINDINGS: Accurate.

· Short film (live action): Auf Der Strecke (On The Line)
FINDINGS: Inaccurate. Toyland's Holocaust cell-count has jumped robustly in recent weeks.

· Sound editing: Wall-E
FINDINGS: Accurate.

· Sound mixing: The Dark Knight
FINDINGS: Accurate.

· Visual effects: Iron Man
FINDINGS: Accurate.

· Writing (Adapted screenplay): The Reader
FINDINGS: Inconclusive. Slumdog bites are failing to heal, may be infected on Reader scribe David Hare's otherwise strong legs.

· Writing (Original screenplay): In Bruges
FINDINGS: Inaccurate. Intravenous Milk feed has built category's resistance to Irish germs.

• Oscar Winners Leaked? [Cinematical]

• Leaked Oscar-Winner List Is a "Complete Fraud" [AP]

From a CNN interview:

CNN: How daring is it going to be? Will there be YouTube moments where people will be talking about the Oscars this year after it happens?

Jackman: One of my favorite moments at the Oscars was when the streaker came across David Niven. And we're upping it a level and we're just going to do most of the show naked. Um, well, there hopefully will be YouTube moments.

CNN: "The sexiest man alive" [is] going to be up there nude?

Jackman: Drunk and nude, yes. So that's our new fresh approach. It's the Australian way.

Another secret: The typical bathroom-break category Best Animated Short will be the breathtaking showstopper of the evening, when Jackman introduces each nominee employing his hidden skills as a masterly puppeteer of the penis. And yes, it will be projected on a giant LCD screen.

• Hugh Jackman ready to be 'drunk and nude' at the Oscars [CNN]

Patrick Goldstein is back on the Larry Mark beat today, spotlighting the rookie Oscar producer's appeal to new awardscast director Roger Goodman. And what qualifies Goodman to run Hollywood's biggest show? Well, the guy does have a background in other full-contact sports:

Roger Goodman, a Roone Arledge protege from ABC Sports who co-directed the 1984 Summer Olympics, directed the 1988 Super Bowl and, more recently, has worked the political beat, directing ABC's coverage of the Democratic National Convention and the Obama inauguration. I admit that I'm biased, since it's the exact move I've been advocating for years. The rationale is obvious. As anyone who watches Fox's NFL broadcasts or ESPN's baseball programming can attest, the most innovative work in television is coming out of sports telecasts, which make better use of the visceral nature of the medium than almost anything else on the air.

ABC isn't alone in recognizing sports TV's wave of the future; E! has reportedly enlisted the company that brought you football's yellow first-down marker to pinpoint celebs on the red carpet (seriously). That leaves the network little choice but to implement other NFL techniques inside the Kodak Theater, including Gatorade baths for winners and instant replay for those especially close, questionable votes. Thank God that Harvey Weinstein only gets one challenge per half.

• Oscar producer: Worst job in the world? [LAT]

· And failing that, Esquire's got a few do's and dont's for you as well.

· Ever wanted to cruise the length of Philip Seymour Hoffman's jowls? Buzznet's spiffy new Red-Carpet Zoom feature will let you explore the intricacies of Oscar paparazzi shots as! They! Happen! "It's so satisfying to be able to instantly see a closeup of anything that interests you, whether it's a pair of designer shoes, a wrinkle, or a simple hand gesture," said the network's rep. We think we know what she means.

· David Edelstein seems ambivalent about this year's Oscar crop, irked at Revolutionary Road's snub but looking forward to seeing that film's Michael Shannon in attendance, "who'll be in such distinguished company when he loses to Heath Ledger."

· One of the two Best Foreign-Language Film nominees profiled this week by Ray Pride is guaranteed to win Sunday night. What a show-off.

· "The show's got a narrative line this year," veteran Oscar writer Bruce Vilanch revealed to the AP. "So all the awards are grouped around that. The sequence in which they're given is dictated by this narrative." Your suggestions as to the "narrative" are welcome; we'd kind of like to see Hugh Jackman win 20 million rupees by guessing each mystery presenter on the spot, but that seems like a long shot. Guesses?

Which isn't to say that anyone has yet confirmed his or her role as the Sunday night's official Best Supporting Actor proxy. Maybe the mystery is just one component of the Condon/Mark Surprise Parade™, or, as seems increasingly likely, it reflects uncertainty among the Ledgers, Michelle Williams and Warner Bros. over just who should stand for the late actor upon his imminent Oscar victory Sunday night.

At the very least, we thought it was agreed that the Academy would hold the statuette for 3-year-old Matilda Ledger until she reached 18. But her grandfather was ambiguous on Thursday, noting to TMZ's tape-wielding hellhounds that he'll hold it for her "forever." As shrieked at the top of Tom O'Neil's lungs, that's not really how it works, but we've long sought an unprecedented Oscar custody battle, so may the best Ledger win. Or, should the Academy lose its nerve, may it simplify everything and just give the award to Robert Downey Jr.

• Ledger's Dad — Thinking About an Oscar Speech [TMZ]

• Heath Ledger's family plans to take his Oscar... [LAT]

Despite Winslet's best clothes-shedding efforts, we've long suspected the Best Actress category was a closer call than most would give it credit for (see the new issue of Time Magazine for starters). Yet it wasn't presumed silver-medalist Meryl Streep making the biggest late strides, but rather Frozen River's Melissa Leo — a 25-year film/TV veteran who may accrue enough rank-and-file votes to split Winslet and Streep and sneak in for the win. That's how Marcia Gay Harden did it in 2000, as Sasha Stone noted this morning; David Carr was even more direct at The Carpetbagger:

[W]hile Ms. Winslet does appear to be the favorite for her role in The Reader, The Bagger heard some stuff at parties last night at parties about Melissa Leo coming on strong; this line of thinking holds that many people did not see Frozen River and her amazing performance until recently and that some have been put off by Ms. Winslet's admission that she would like this year to be hers.

Meanwhile, Winslet's husband Sam Mendes played dumb about her Oscar groveling, instead throwing his own light weight behind the campaign yesterday in New York: "Give her a break from Losing Face, everybody." Was he not at the Globes? Break's almost over, Kate — it might be time to get back to work.

• The Bagger in L.A.: It Better Be Kate [Carpetbagger]

But you've really got to want to believe it — that The Wrap had a correspondent on the street soliciting folks' awards-season insights, and that the Oscar culture that so debilitates us in Hollywood actually has acquired this much traction in innocent foreign lands:

Kanika Raj, student
: "Slumdog has a good chance of winning the Best Picture Oscar, only because the entire world is going gaga over it. That's about it. It's not an amazing film, but people have been seduced by this so-called exotic Indian poverty. Just the hype could pitch the film ahead. Benjamin Button is the only other nominated film that I have seen." [...]

Deepanjali Singh, student: "Benjamin Button and Revolutionary Road would be the hot Oscar favorites. Slumdog was a nice movie, but not Oscar-worthy. There's nothing about Slumdog that you can go 'ooh' and 'aah' about, except for the music. The transformation of the slum boy was so jarring."

Kishenchand R Dubey, chauffeur "Oscar Foscar! I don't know the other films at all, and I'm not interested in any awards. I saw Slumdog Crorepati in Hindi, and imagined myself in the hot seat winning all that big money. Alas, such stories happen only on screen."

Maybe so. Either way, we're really, really sorry about that whole Revolutionary Road export. That won't happen on Obama's watch.

• Indians Talk Oscar and 'Slumdog' [The Wrap]

5 p.m.: Host Conan O'Brien appears on stage at the Kodak Theater, which is noticeably quiet after the nominees for sound, visual effects and makeup were rerouted over to the Arclight for a surprise alternative ceremony just for them. "We'll pipe our show in, fellas," O'Brien says into a closed-circuit camera. "The link up instructions are at the concession stand." It's just the first of producers Bill Condon and Larry Mark's many curveballs on the night, quickly followed by O'Brien's admission of the entire Jolie-Pitt child/nanny entourage to assume the nominees' empty seats. Because we all know what happens otherwise.

5:07: Having jettisoned the tradition of the previous year's acting winners presenting this year's prizes, the producers instead intoduce At the Movies hosts Ben Lyons and Ben Mankiewicz to present Best Supporting Actress to... Robin Givens for her wicked-executive turn in Tyler Perry's The Famiy That Preys. When Givens arrives at the podium, the Bens don't recognize her. She swipes her statuette and tells them fuck off back to the nursery. They do.

5:18: During the first commercial break, stage managers drag Best Supporting Actor winner Ralph Fiennes's lifeless body from a tank housing the lethal jellyfish from Seven Pounds. While cranking shut the trap door through which Fiennes plunged minutes earlier, O'Brien reminds nominees to please adhere to their 45-second speech limit.

5:40: The show speeds along, with awards for Documentary Feature (the stunning Neil Diamond-tribute act love story Song Sung Blue), Documentary Short (Smile Pinki, because nothing makes a deformed Indian child happier than Oscar love; cleft palate surgery can wait), and Animated Short (Pixar's Presto). Dakota Fanning arrives to present Best Animated Feature, widely presumed to go to WALL-E. But a glorious, amazed smile overtakes Fanning's lips as she shrieks the impossible dream: "Delgo!" Fanning accepts the award on the absent filmmaker's behalf.

5:59: The SAG Dancers accompany their rockin' guild president Alan Rosenberg in a medley of this year's Best Song nominees. His Springsteen is a little strained, but "Jai Ho" brings down the house.

6:13: Synecdoche, New York shooter Frederick Elmes narrowly outguns Christopher Doyle (Paranoid Park) and Harris Savides (Milk) for the year's Best Cinematography prize. Doyle drunkenly rises and gives his speech anyway before being carted off to the holding cell where Josh Brolin awaits the Best Actor results.

6:20: Meryl Streep is seen beaming with pride upon winning $37,000 in the show's In Memoriam montage pool.

6:31: A bored Condon fiddles with various sound effects — a little reverb, some delay, a riotous "mouse voice" EQ — while The Jonas Brothers present the Best Song award. Joe Jonas opens the envelope, and the brothers glance quizzically at each other when nothing is written inside. Condon and Mark exchange high-fives while the boys awkwardly shuffle off the stage.

6:42: Jennifer Aniston shocks everybody, introducing Tina Fey's requisite awards-show appearance as this year's winner for Best Editing.

6:53: Another jellyfish casualty ensues merely 10 seconds into Towelhead butcher Alan Ball's acceptance speech for Best Adapted Screenplay. The audience applauds vigorously.

6:55: Oprah Winfrey presents Best Original Screenplay to Tyler Perry for the dual achievement of Meet the Browns and The Family That Preys. Perry waits a few minutes for the standing ovation to abate, thanks the Academy, thanks God, peers over at Harvey Weinstein and makes a throat-cutting motion with the length of the statuette. Harvey spends the rest of the show squirming in his soiled Halston tux.

7:02: Condon, Mark and O'Brien accelerate the show by awarding Best Actor and Actress simultaneously, for which Philip Seymour Hoffman (Synecdoche, New York) and prohibitive favorite Dakota Fanning (Hounddog) deliver overlapping speeches in a magically Grobanesque performance-art offering.

7:04: Perry returns to claim his Best Director prize for The Family That Preys. Weinstein drops his Push lawsuit the next morning.

7:05: O'Brien, himself now under threat of execution from the booth, simply tosses the Best Picture trophy at Synecdoche director Charlie Kaufman. "That's yours," O'Brien says. "Any questions? OK! Hit it, Max." Cue music, roll credits. It was a good year.

· The bad news: They may not be much fun. But again, that's where you come in. We're counting on it.

· For all the yapping about there being little to no box-office bump among this year's nominees, a look at the numbers suggests otherwise. Moreover, as indieWIRE notes, "If The Dark Knight, WALL-E and Gran Torino had been nominated instead of Milk, The Reader and Frost/Nixon, we'd all be talking about how this year's best picture lineup cracked a billion dollars instead." Seriously! Can it, Goldstein.

· Your Oscar ribbon du jour: White, in support of same-sex marriage.

· In contrast to yesterday's automatic Oscar Speech Generator for those playing at home, why not grab a friend and play the more substantial Oscar Acceptance Speech Madlibs?

· Among Esquire.com's Alternative Oscars, we'd nominate In Bruges' Best Profane Dialogue prize as our own favorite. "Cunt fucking kids" simply never gets old.

In addition to her six Oscar nominations, Winslet has racked up an impressive eleven citations on the Celebrity Nudity Database and this year was honored with a "Lifetime Skinchievement Award" from Mr. Skin (not that we know any of those sites or anything). Still, Winslet tells Time that those unclothed days may be behind her:

The nudity required for the [The Reader's] sex scenes didn't unsettle her - though she now says, "I think I won't do it again: a) I can't keep getting away with it, and b) I don't want to become 'that actress who always gets her kit off.'" But she wondered if she could handle a German accent, play Hanna convincingly into old age and find a foothold in a character who exemplifies the banality of evil.

Well, who couldn't do those things? The real feat is to do them nude (especially the old age part—you're in the makeup chair for a full day!). Sadly, this is what an Oscar within grasp plus the constant, neverending "Tell us about your body! Kinda bigger than most actresses, huh?"-ism has done to Winslet; we hope you're all happy when she films Titanic 2: Escaping the Challenger while wearing a burqa in every scene.

• 
  Best Actress: Kate Winslet's Moment [Time]

· Lock up your daughters, Academy: John Mayer plans to attend with Jennifer Aniston, who will present an unspecified award between sly, throat-clearing grunts of "uncool" in Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's general direction.

· Wow! Rex Reed sure can't wait for the big night: "It sounds like a vulgar stage show in Atlantic City starring Siegfried and Roy, designed to turn passionate movie lovers into dyspeptic movie critics-only a handful of whom will still be awake by the time the five final (and only important) prizes of the night are announced. Gone are the days of Cary Grant, Garland and Garbo (none of whom won an Oscar). Today we get J.Lo and Meatloaf."

· The directors of Presto, New Boy, On the Line and Smile Pinki gathered at VF.com for a stirring roundtable discussion of their Oscar-nominated short films

· The automated Oscar Speech Generator is live at Atom, and we've burned a few minutes preparing our own: "Thank you so much. But really, it's just an honor to be nominated alongside so many other churlish actors. I want to thank my agent, who stuck with me after I was found boogeyboarding that teaspoon. I'd like to also thank my candid family, and friendly ostrich. I better stop now before I say something formal. Thank you, and THE MONKEY'S EATING MY FRIEND'S FACE OFF!"

· Out this year as Oscar advertisers: L'Oreal and General Motors. Their replacement: Culver's Frozen Custard and ButterBurgers. Don't tell Rex Reed.

Vulture cornered Rourke at NYC Fashion Week to get the scoop (sidenote: we're a little surprised that Rourke did so much schmoozing out at nightclubs on the same night his beloved dog died. When will he have time to grieve, make funeral arrangements, and secure a Rolling Stone writer to chronicle his descent into depression?) So who has beaten out Rourke's willing cast of runner-ups to get that coveted Oscar date ticket?

"Unfortunately, my agent," he told us in defeat.

But so what if ICM's David Unger doesn't look good in a dress - at least he's battling Marvel for a bigger paycheck for Rourke for his rumored role as a villain in Iron Man 2, right? "Right now, we're not doing Iron Man 2," Rourke told us grimly.

He did have some good news, though. Following the widespread disappointment over his canceled appearance at the upcoming WrestleMania 25, Rourke told us he'll still be there, just not in the ring: "We're gonna go in support. Vince McMahon, Roddy Piper, and Rick Flair have been such a part of the movie ... So whatever support I can give back to all those people from WWE, I'm gonna do that."

Strange...we thought those same WWE people were the ones who initially trashed The Wrestler. Then again, perhaps Mickey's just too blinded by grief (and the stinging tears from his meager Marvel paycheck) to think straight.

• Vulture Exclusive: Mickey Rourke's Oscar Date Revealed! Also, He Might Not Do Iron Man 2? [Vulture]