Well, maybe 'ransack' isn't fair, but they did take a hefty amount of the poor sad ruined singer's belongings. Jewel encrusted pants, lavish statuary, various child-sized automobiles. A King of Pop's ransom in bizarre seduction toys, really. Here are a few examples:

Elizabethan portrait, $4,000-6,000

Swarovski crystal-studded glove, $1,000-1,500

Rhinestone-studded socks, $600-800

Full-length red velvet cape with detachable faux ermine collar with gold rope trim, gold metal cross brooch with faux cabachon gems and satin lining, $300-500

Golf cart with image of Jackson as Peter Pan on hood, $4,000-6,000

Michael Jackson robot head from the film Moonwalker, $2,000-3,000

Old Sega flight simulator game with attendant's station, $4,000-6,000

Belt and other jewels from Moonwalker costumes, $1,000-1,500

Hanging swing with elaborate wood carvings, $1,200-1,800

Rolls Royce limousine with custom interior designed by Jackson, $140,000-160,000

A little fire engine tea kettle. $100-200

"A visit to the set of Spider-Man 4 (one shooting day)...A meet and greet with the cast (1 hour)...A walk-on/ extra role in the film for the auction winner only (Role and length of screen time to be determined by Sony Pictures)...

Designer outfits to wear to premiere for winner and guest from top designers (Designers to be chosen by Sony Pictures...Winner and guest may keep the outfits)"

As /Film points out, however, Spider-Man 4 hasn't actually gotten a greenlight yet. But presuming it does—who doesn't want to see how things played out after Tobey Maguire (or was it Topher Grace?) dirty danced with Kirsten Dunst (or was it Bryce Dallas Howard?)—we think this will be an experience you'll not soon forget, particularly if a sadistic PR exec insists your outfits be designed by Ace Uniforms, "Southern California's first name in quality caterwaiterwear."

• Spider-Man 4 Premiere, Meet & Greets, Walk On + More [eBay via /Film]

Heroes - "Charlie's" (Jayma Mays) Burnt Toast Diner waitress outfit (season I)
Heroes - "Sylar" (Zachary Quinto) standing over Isaac (55 x 36 print) (season I)
Heroes - "Niki" (Ali Larter) pounding on door (39 x 35 print) (season II)
Heroes - "Claire" (Hayden Panettiere) on autopsy table (45 x 27 print) (season I)

The Office - "Pam's" (Jenna Fischer) blouse and cardigan
The Office - "Michael's (Steve Carell) lucky tie
The Office - "Dwight Schrute" bobblehead (*), signed by Rainn Wilson

Friday Night Lights - #20 Game Jersey for "Brian 'Smash' Williams" (Gaius Charles)
Friday Night Lights - Panther State Championship Ring
Friday Night Lights - Football Playbook, signed by "Coach Taylor" (Kyle Chandler)

30 Rock - "Greenzo" T-shirt worn by background players
30 Rock - "Me Want Food" T-shirt
30 Rock - Mantle Clock background prop

Las Vegas - Montecito playing cards
Las Vegas - Montecito casino chips

• LINDSAY LOHAN DOMINOS PIZZA BOX FROM HER LI HOME [eBay]

Ms. Walters told ABC executives that Ms. Hilton's father, Rick Hilton, after getting the ABC offer last Sunday, called back Wednesday to say that the interview would go to a competitor, because at $100,000 ABC was "not even in the same galaxy" in terms of what was being offered. [...]

As ABC representatives described the conversation, Mr. Hilton told Ms. Walters, "It is a money issue." He was also reported to have said that Paris Hilton had made the decision to go with NBC and that she had chosen to speak with Meredith Vieira and not Matt Lauer because she believed that Mr. Lauer had previously made remarks about her she considered disparaging.

Ms. Walters questioned the decision, the ABC representatives said, noting that the Hilton side previously emphasized that Ms. Hilton's credibility was the paramount issue in the decision to be interviewed. But ABC said Mr. Hilton replied, "Nobody turns down money like this."

An actual amount was not discussed, but Ms. Walters told ABC that based on her previous conversations with the Hilton representatives, she believed that the offer from NBC surpassed $750,000.

NBC executives would not confirm yesterday that they had any agreement with Ms. Hilton at all.

While NBC remains coy about their victory, TMZ reports that they have already assigned the code-word "Rome" to the secret project, a choice that is perfectly evocative of the spectacular collapse of a decadent, orgy-loving society that will be initiated by the first tear that breaks free from the corner of Hilton's quivering eye, right before she tells a sympathetic Meredith Vieira about how her $40k-per-day experience has, "Like, totally made me realize how lucky I am? You know?"

• ABC Says It Was Outbid for Paris Hilton Interview [NY Times]
• Previously: Report: NBC Paying $1 Million To Record Paris Hilton's First Post-Jail Crocodile Tears [Defamer]

According to a report in today's NY Post, that friendly face will belong to Today show personality Meredith Vieira, who in addition to lending a sympathetic ear to the tale of Hilton's harrowing, weeks-long confinement, will be carrying a burlap sack filled with $1 million in cash. This news should certainly come as a shock to family friend and confidant Barbara Walters, the vessel through whom Paris so memorably transmitted the story of her jailhouse conversion from "dumb girl" to God-fearing, compassionate fabricator of playhouses for sick children. As we write these words, an enraged Walters is cashing in some favors to get a personal message delivered to the disloyal inmate, who will discover that today's bologna sandwich is slathered in a special broken-glass mustard and comes with a note reading, "You are fucking with the wrong bitch, little girl. We'll be exclusively seeing you on The View very soon, or that million bucks won't even cover the repairs to that pretty face of yours."

In other Hilton news: Paris's menagerie continues to be ill-tended in her absence, and she's keeping busy in prison by corresponding with her fan.

• NBC'S $1M DEAL FOR PARIS CHAT [NY Post]
• Previously: WeHo Residents Girding For Next Week's Hilton-Related Media Invasion [Defamer]