According to a tipster, a meeting was called on Monday at the New York offices of William Morris Endeavor where Cara Stein, COO of WME-NY, informed agency assistants, most of whom came from William Morris in the merger with Endeavor, that their salaries are being slashed drastically, some down to $10 an hour. A rumor that such a thing might be happening was floated last month. Now it's been confirmed.

Calling the move a "cost-cutting measure to keep costs under control," Stein laid out the new pre-tax, seniority-based compensation rates for agent's assistants:

Employed at WME less than 1 year - $10/hr

Employed at WME 1-2 years - $11/hr

Employed at WME 2-3 years - $12/hr

Employed at WME 3 years or more - capped at $14 hour.

We're told that prior to the merger with Endeavor, newly hired assistants at William Morris were making $13 an hour and up. Additionally, Stein informed the assistants that they'll be forced to work a mandatory 50 hour work week from here on out. No word on whether or not the firm will set up a "good assistant" bonus prize ala Conde Nast.

Not receiving pay cuts: Assistants in the music and personal appearance departments. Our tipster speculates that Ari Emanuel doesn't want to do anything to ruffle the feathers of the heads of these departments as they're generating tremendous revenue for the company at this point.

Speaking of Ari, we wonder if he and his WME co-CEOs, Patrick Whitesell and Dave Wirtschafter, will be taking pay cuts like the little people to help the company's bottom line. If you've any insight into this, feel free to pass it along to us. Your confidentiality will be held sacred.

Nikki Finke was tipped that the William Morris kids, who were making around $13.50 an hour, are getting a pay cut to reflect the $9.50's worth of nickels thrown at the Endeavor slaves' feet every sixty minutes. Now the poor WMA staffers are getting their pay scaled back, what with the economy and all. WME bosses are calling it "recalculating." Brutal.

It's a potential pay decrease that "would honestly make the wages unliveable," according to one brave but anonymous, still employed soul who cried out from the fiery chasms of the still molten-hot headquarters.

All this is extra funny and sad when you consider just how insanely much those blustering, besuited Ari Gold-wannabe agents are making.

Though, once a few of these youngsters start moving up the ranks and start tasting the good life, you can bet they'll soon forget the plight of the gofer pool. It's just the way these things go.

By the time the smoke's cleared, and the kingpins of William Morris and the thugs Endeavor come together and become the giant talent syndicate that is WME Entertainment, a significant number of people are going to have lost their jobs. Until then, there's the typical air of absolute paranoia and uncertainty that these desk-chained youngsters - one of whom I once was - have to endure. And it sounds like nobody's saying anything right now...

"How would I describe it? Madness in denial...We see "normalcy" but things have been eerily quiet. Assistants are scared for their careers. It's very difficult not to feel as though there's a big target on our backs, but we're all just reporting to our desks like sitting ducks but you can taste the tension in the air and feel the nerves jangling. It's definitely a bizzare [sic] atmosphere. Every assistant is scrambling to find a new job, whether they're told they're in or not..."

...Except, of course, for Nikki Finke, who the assistants have to get their news through. Another one:

"We get all of our information second-hand from Nikki Finke. You know what we know. At the same time, I'd be lying if I didn't admit it was very exciting to be in the "middle" of something this "big." But people are being called in. And there are really no jobs out there. Like, none.

None, apparently! Finally, some intel on Dana Sims - one of the agency's largest talent agents - leaving the company, and the fate of her longtime, devoted assistant.

Dana had a brand-new assistant at the time that was an agent trainee. Dana's departure demonstrated WMA's new callousness towards its staff. When Dana left, her assistant (who had been at WMA for three years) was initially told he would be able to stay. He did, in fact, state to Human Resources that he would love to remain at the company, and told them he would do any job they needed him to do in order to stay. HR: Okay, great, you can stay." The next day, after Dana had be escorted out by security, HR called him and said "you're fired." This doesn't happen: a trainee was fired?! In the wake of this merger, the company just can't afford to care about any of its employees, regardless of how long they've been there."

And see! There's your lesson: Hollywood is like every other industry when it comes to letting people go. Shrouds of secrecy, thinly veiled threats, bald-faced lies, and eventual disappointment. To all other assistants out there in this merger, no matter which side you're on: duck, run, take cover. Only the strong (or strongly connected) are surviving this one.

They're a quartet of rapping Hollywood assistants (or aspiring actors playing Hollywood assistants) who are probably referring to Lloyd from Entourage when they tell you "shorty gonna be a thug," and define street cred by how quickly you can get Ellen Page's lesbian publicist on the phone without checking Outlook. And while we would have posted this anyway, they did an especially nice job of assistanty ass-kissing by including references to going "back to the Death Star," and actually namechecking Defamer at the 3:29 mark (accompanied by a very convincing-looking mock-up post). Nice, fellas! You'll go far in this town. Hit us up if your boss gets shitcanned, and you don't mind having entire plastic takeout containers of salad thrown in your face when you fail to remind the Daily Grill to leave the capers out of our Nicoise.

• Hollywood ASST [Vimeo]
• Backoftheclass.net

10/07/2008
4th Assistant
Director of Development seeks 4th Assistant. Previous 4th Assistant took 2nd Assistant position elsewhere. Duties include assisting 3rd Assistant with 1st Assistant's personal errands and filling in for 3rd Assistant when 3rd Assistant substitutes for 2nd Assistant if 2nd Assistant is out sick or shadowing 1st Assistant, lunch pick-ups for 1st-3rd Assistants and light filing. Benefits after 3 months. Excellent opportunity for someone looking to become a 3rd assistant. 10/7

9/24/2008
Assistant - Female Celebrity/Mogul
Successful female celebrity/entrepreneur seeks trustworthy assistant. She is very high-profile so you must always be presentably and stylishly dressed, as you will be seen in paparazzi shots behind/next to her. Have had problems with assistants with bad skin in past. Must be perfectly moisturized, small unclogged pores, no blackheads, pockmarks, Café au lait spots, eczema, rosacea. Skin tone must complement celebrity in all lighting conditions. Please email resume, recent photograph and 3 references who can attest to the flawless condition of your skin (Think dermatologist, waxer, etc.). 9/24

Fret not if you happen to be weak at assistant-based integers or have a less-than-flawless complexion, as there are plenty of other options on this [if you haven't yet caught on, totally bogus] job board. So what are you waiting for? Your dreams are just 14,000 rolled calls at slightly above minimum wage without any health benefits away!

[Photo credit: Hollywood Assistant's Handbook]

• UTA Job List - Where Dreamers Go To Find Assistant Jobs

I'm told that CAA is making all their assistants park in the bottom level of their garage in horrid stack parking.

Plus, there's only one elevator that goes down there at 2000 Avenue Of The Stars. And there's some sort of tracking system to make sure the peons park in their pen. Also, some of the assistants have been stuck in the garage for 30 minutes because the valets lost their keys with the stack parking.

We're concerned. The Death Star's P-4 level is a dangerous place for someone to wander alone. Forget rapists—those guys are all upstairs—this concrete dungeon, a full level beneath the infant-blood-filled oak-barrels on P-3, is teeming with Parking Structure Trolls and the highly magnetized, tinfoil-wrapped remains of an other-worldly visitor the attendants call "the Ovitz." Just be careful down there, guys, OK?

• CAA's New Way of Humiliating Assistants [Deadline Hollywood Daily]

Be a willing ear to listen to Artist new creative developments while creating new music projects as well as helping Artist to prepare for movie auditions; including script readings, internet research and shopping for audition wardrobe. ...

Oversee the maintenance and upkeep of multiple residences as well as Artist Automobile(s).

Must be comfortable navigating throughout the Los Angeles Area with the ability to give directions including short cuts. ...

Must be professional, ethical, reliable, organized and multi-task oriented. Confidentiality, discretion, diplomacy and resourcefulness are imperative as is a positive attitude. You should naturally possess a nurturing, compassionate and very personable disposition. Be comfortable as a caregiver with some natural instincts. Nothing over-bearing, just the basics. ...

Know when to have a laid back approach/personality; observing when the Artist is in a creative mode as well as when to assert yourself when on the road and handling business.

Naturally we wonder which industry dynamo requires a college-educated slave simply to read GPS data and take the Mercedes over to Jiffy Lube. That said, $50K per year seems like a small price to pay for an assistant with the "natural instincts" for caregiving and "observing" when the capital-A Artist is in a "creative mode." At least there's some traveling involved; bone up on your state-fair concert circuit and we expect you'll be light years ahead of the game come interview time.

• Celebrity Personal Assistant [Craigslist]

UTA is changing the email address formula for its assistants, so you should now email me at:

agentfirstagentlastasst@unitedtalent.com

Sorry for any inconvenience.

But wait! After the jump! An assistant ¿¡Revolución!?

After much grumbling, a second companywide e-mail was circulated:

Sent: Thursday, March 06, 2008 4:01 PM Subject: EMAILs HAVE BEEN CHANGED BACK....

Due to a minor interoffice uprising, UTA assistant emails have been
changed back to their original addresses.

You can now reach me at:

lastnamefirstinitial@unitedtalent.com

Sorry for any inconvenience.

So let us rejoice for this small victory on the part of the unsung Hollywood assistant, now reachable by personalized e-mail, as well as by Intel-brand tracking chip implanted deep into the subcortex via modified air-hammer type device.

• unitedtalent.com

So this week they cut overtime at Fox for Assistants. I think that's BULL FUCKING SHIT. They say it's a cost cutting measure in anticipation of the strike. [...]

What I want to see is someone calling these assholes out on their totally stupid, cheap, excuse. Why should the only the assts have to suffer for something that may or may not happen a couple weeks from now? They didn't curtail Executive Expense accounts here...I know my bosses routinely spend more than my entire salary per week on lunches and drinks etc. not to mention sending flowers or wine to people at $100 a pop. Anyway... Someone should do a special report on this strike business and how it affects us assistants...

While we'd never suggest anything as drastic as a walkout (the writers pretty much have a monopoly on that threat for the moment), maybe the Fox assistants can find some other form of protest to let the higher-ups know there might be better corners to cut if they're trying to save some money. Their bosses would probably get the message if their underlings coordinated a mass lunch reservation cancellation, then followed it up with the "accidental" collective shredding on the Fox lot quad of every happy hour cocktail receipt awaiting inclusion in an expense report.

• FOX Cuts Overtime Pay for Assistants, Citing WGA Strike as Reason [Fishbowl LA]
• Previously: Writerless Talk Show Hosts And Unemployed Agents: Looking At The Coming Strike's Real Victims [Defamer]

[Ad via THR Digital Edition]

• MediCann [medicann.com]/

"We met at lunch yesterday and drafted a letter to Scott and the department heads in L.A. and New York expressing that we would like our medical benefits back," a source within the agency told Daily Variety. "Also that it's unfair to say we don't need benefits because we're young (Scott had offered that among reasons to stop coverage), and it's unfair to deny us coverage flat out. We appreciated it was a tough decision for him to make, but we'd rather keep our coverage than get the small raise he mentioned."

In part, the missive stated that "non-contracted employees are not the only workers upset by this issue. Presently, several agents have offered to share salaries with their assistants to help compensate for our loss of benefits, several outside employers have solicited our services for rival companies, and most assistants are questioning their rationale for continuing to work at Innovative." [...]

Though they've seen "nothing in writing," the mood within the company "is better," the source stated. "People are happy that we won a small battle, and hopefully things will continue to get better. We know it was a big step for him to do this. And now there won't be a boycott on bagel day."

We imagine that the real wake-up call for Harris—other than confronting the possibility that he would return from his German knee-surgery holiday to find his still-smouldering effigy propped up in his office chair—was discovering that some agents were willing to kick in part of their salaries for their affected assistants; such a mutiny of generosity by the most constitutionally avaricious Hollywood caste must have been soul-chilling. As for the Innovative assistants, they can momentarily bask in the afterglow of having won a hard-fought battle, then get right back to hoarding those free bagels to supplement their unchanged subsistence-level wages.

• Innovative benefits return [Variety]
• Previously: Benefit-Reducing Innovative Artists Faces Possible Uninsured Assistant Mutiny [Defamer]

"We're getting $100 less than anyone in town, we get no over time and we have to pay for parking which is down the street," said one source, who admitted that staff did get free bagels every Wednesday.

"Now we have no health insurance. At the Christmas party, Harris was boasting about profits and growth. No one knew there were money issues. Maybe we're young and naïve, but we like to think that the bottom line isn't just money."

After the jump is the text of an all-staff e-mail sent out this morning by company president Scott Harris (forward to us a little while ago, and also featured in the Var story), in which he clumsily attempts to forestall a mutiny by claiming he's in the process of trying to give assistants raises and appealing to their sense of irony about the ensuing benefits-related clusterfuck:

From: Scott Harris Date: Mon, 18 Jun 2007 10:39:47 -0700 To: All LA & NY Conversation: Medical Plan Policy Change Subject: Medical Plan Policy Change

I know that my change of policy is a big issue for many of you as it is for me as well. I have been quite unhappy for a long time with the annual rate hikes that Innovative has experienced year after year after year. Finally this year as it was time to go through this annual procedure I did what our clients sometimes do.....I switched to a bigger insurance agency that appeared to have more power and connections.

After this change things got off to an annoyingly rocky start. After far too much time had passed, I finally got bids from the various health care providers very late in the game. When my new agent presented the choices available to us I was left with a very short window (of time) to evaluate the menu of possible options all of which included substantial rate increases. Among the various unattractive options presented the best two were:

A) To switch to an inferior insurance company that I know would make everyone on the plan unhappy (because they make the claims process a nightmare even though they had the lowest bid by far).

or

B) Figure out how to deal with another huge rate hike without changing companies AND the growing demand I also felt compelled to address this year which is the need to better compensate our assistant team.

I chose to go with option "B" for numerous reasons. One of the key reasons that motivated me to opt in this direction is my desire to have and be able to attract top assistants by better compensating this group. There is not a way for me to both keep the assistants on our current plan and take care of their need to receive higher wages. The amount of the increases is yet to
be quantified but when I do make the determination, I will pay the increase to the assistants retroactively (as of the date that Innovative no longer provided medical coverage). Although this was always my plan I did not want to connect the two issues because I still need to figure out the new compensation schedule for our assistants.

This was an agonizing decision for me. I arrived at my determination after seeing many spread sheets of numbers and options and ways to go. I did not involve anyone else in this decision so there is no one else to blame. If I had the luxury of more time I'm sure I could have presented this to everyone in a better way but what is done is done. I apologize to any of you that felt blindsided by this but I did need to deliver in writing this change of policy.

The odd moral to this story is that my changing to an agent at a bigger and more powerful company did not produce the result one would hope for....I hope at least some of you can see the ironic humor in this.

Oddly I hardly received any phone calls from any of you (one of you to be exact) and the Emails I received could be counted on one hand. I did however receive phone calls and an Email from Mike Fleming at Daily Variety who was informed about the Innovative business decision. I enclose below his Email to me and my reply because I see no need for any secrets. There is more that I would write you but much of it is contained in my reply to Mike Fleming at DV. Mike's Email to me is on the bottom and my reply is above it.

I'd like to conclude by saying that if any of you would like to interact with me directly about this, either individually or as a group, I would never shy away from being open minded and listening. I make no representations that I will change my mind but my door is open much wider for your feedback than it would be at other agencies. If any of you want to write me or discuss this send me an Email and I will get in touch next week on the phone or by return Email.

Scott

We don't yet know the results of the lunchtime strategy session, but since Harris has played the "ironic humor" card, he'll have no choice but to laugh and shrug his shoulders should he show up tomorrow morning and be met by a mob of striking assistants pelting him with last Wednesday's free bagels, a symbolic rejection of their last remaining company benefit.

UPDATE: Credit Harris for refraining from repeating this screamer in his all-company e-mail, which he offered as justification for the cuts to Var in an earlier story, and which probably would have resulted in a protest a little more violent than a bagel-stoning:

Harris estimated via email that 50 were affected by the move, which he made after evaluating health care costs. "Most Innovative assistants are very young and do not have medical issues (and hence do not get much value from the coverage)," he wrote.

• Innovative deals with angry staffers [Var]

Businessman Iaroslav Jivov alleges that Bogdanovich, 67, and bis business manager, William Peiffer, agreed in 2005 to give Jivov's son Matt a job as Bogdanovich's assistant on the director's next film. According to a lawsuit filed by the Jivovs, in exchange for the $100,000, Bogdanovich, who was to "serve as mentor to Matt and train him for the assistant position and for future movie-making." [...]

The lawsuit charges that "as soon as the sum of $100,000 was wired to an account identified by Peiffer, the mentoring program between Bogdanovich and Matt would commence." However, the complaint contends, the assistant's job never materialized, with Peiffer claiming that script changes and financing problems were delaying production.

Regardless of how the suit plays out, the mere fact that it is now a matter of public record could prove to have dire consquences for the already undervalued word-leaving underclass, who toil ungodly hours for low salaries in the hopes that it may one day pay off in the form of a fulfilling career in the entertaining industry. Now, employers looking to squeeze a little more productivity out of their overworked underlings can always play the, "there's a line of people outside my door willing to pay me six figures to sit in that chair, so you're going to roll calls while I'm in Sanctuary this weekend if you know what's good for you" card.

• Director's "Cut" Was $100,000 [TSG]

This is a tough job. The pay is between $600 and $900 per week, depending on level of experience. If you're looking for an easy, relaxing, cushy job, please stop reading now and move on to the next ad. Seriously.

The best person for this job is someone who's very responsible and highly organized. If you're not responsible, or if you're not highly organized, please stop reading this ad and move on. [...]

ANSWERS TO QUESTIONS YOU MIGHT HAVE: Q: Will I like working for this guy? A: That depends. People who are smart and work hard LOVE working for him. People who are lazy and make silly mistakes HATE working for him.

Q: Will I be working with nice people?
A: Yes. The people who work on our productions are fun and nice. It's a very positive environment, largely because this producer is very careful about hiring only excellent, nice people.

Q: Is this boss a yeller? Will he ever shout at me?
A: No. He doesn't yell. He's never abusive or mean. But if you do dumb things, or are lazy, you won't have a good time. [...]

Q: Will I have to do a lot of driving?
A: Yes. Tons of driving. If you don't like driving in L.A. traffic, this job isn't for you.

Q: Will I have to do lots of personal errands for my boss?
A. Yes. Absolutely. For sure. Lots of personal errands. [...]

Q: Do I get health benefits?
A. No.

Q: Could I expect to make more money in the future?
A: Sure. If you do really great work you'll get nice raises. If you screw up a lot, you won't. [...]

Q: You seem to be trying to make this job sound unappealing. Why?
A: We're making this job sound very tough because it is. You'll have a lot of things to do each day. Some tasks are mundane and easy. Some are new and challenging. If you're lazy, or weak, or a person who gets easily flustered or stressed, you won't last a month in this job. To handle it, you need to be smart, hard-working, and resourceful.

The rest of the ad is here, but we suspect you've already been scared off by the terrifying, passive-aggressive realities of assistant work ("Hey, Jenny, did you remind the Starbucks guy that I like exactly one extra squirt of caramel in my macchiato? You did? [beat] Well, would you mind double-checking next time that he didn't forget it? Super. I've already put a Post-It note on your monitor so tomorrow you'll remember to keep an eye on Mr. Screw-Up. That guy is so lazy! [sing-songy] Thank you.") to pursue this opportunity further.

• *** PERSONAL ASSISTANT NEEDED FULL-TIME *** [Craigslist]

I was working for an A – list, Oscar nominated actor. He asked me to make him a dinner reservation – party of 8 at 8pm – at a top restaurant, and he was being a real a—hole about it. I called, but the maitre-d said no, even after I told him who it was for. I said, “You don’t understand, how can I make this happen?” He said there was no way.

I told my boss that it wasn’t going to happen. He looked at me, “Did you tell them it was me?” I was stunned. “Of course I did.”

Get this – he ended up going anyway. Just showed up with his party of 8 at 8pm saying that he had a reservation. When the maitre-d told him that there was no reservation, he flipped out, saying that his secretary had assured him that a reservation had been made. Of course they ended up seating him anyway.

The next day he told me that he’d gone, but advised me, “Don’t ever go there. Because your name is mud."

All in all, this doesn't seem like such an unjust punishment for an assistant who commits the unpardonable sin of telling his boss he wasn't important enough to pull a last-minute reservation. Weinstein-era Miramax staffers have had acid thrown in their face for far less.

Oh, don't read anything in to the picture we've used to illustrate the story. We just like the idea that Haley Joel Osment's dad can't eat at Spago anymore.

• Screamers [Hollywood Momentum]

Best Hollywood moment: A few years ago, I called around to some production companies to drum up business as a freelance script reader. When I called the number I had for The Robert Evans Company, the person who picked up was actually Robert Evans — and he was totally cool! He didn’t need a script reader, but was very gracious about it and thanked me for calling.

At first, the eager young job-hunter was skeptical that she was speaking with the real Robert Evans. But when the voice on the other end of the line suddenly deepened into a lascivious purr and asked, "Hey, tomato, while I got you on the line, what are you wearing?" she knew that she was conversing with the authentic item, and a touching Hollywood memory was born.

• Spotlight On [Hollywood Momentum]