Madonna and Gwyneth became friends in 1999, just around the time when Madge started dating Guy Ritchie, whom she met through Sting and his wife Trudie Styler. Their friendship started out randy, with this report from early 2000 in the Vancouver Province:

Some new late-breaking gossip from the wild scene at the Bar Room on New Year's Eve: The New York Post reports that, at around 4 a.m. Jan 1, Madonna and newfound soul mate Gwyneth Paltrow began necking like mad.

Not surprising, since Madge has a long history of "close" relationships with female friends like Sandra Bernhard and Ingrid Cesares. Then later in 2000, Gwyneth was a bridesmaid in Madonna's wedding, alongside other new posh British friend Stella McCartney. What happened to her sassy, scrappy girls from way back like Debi Mazar and Rosie O'Donnell? Why weren't they part of Madonna's public narrative anymore?

In 2002, the Chicago Sun-Times wondered the same thing. "What draws the Detroit homegirl and the uptown fashion queen toward each other?" they pondered. Gwyneth told them that she and Madge get along because "we are on similar paths in our lives in what we eat and our yoga—stuff like that."

But perhaps the Madonna's Brit-love was turning to hate, even as early as '04? According to a report in the Daily Mail,

Miss Paltrow, who is often fulsome in her praise of Britain and whose husband is English rock singer Chris Martin, has apparently decided on a home birth at her mother's house in Los Angeles…One friend said: 'Madonna told her all these horror stories about how bad the English hospitals are. So now she has decided to give birth in Los Angeles.'…'Have you been to hospitals in England?' Madonna asked. 'They are old and Victorian. You know I like efficiency.'

Ah yes, efficiency. One has to wonder, as the Sun-Times did half a decade ago, if Madonna and Gwyneth will remain close when their friendship is no longer mutually beneficial. Madonna became friends with Gwyneth when she was trying to cultivate a classy, erudite image. Gwyneth became friends with Madonna when she was just acclimating to British society and needed a famous friend. Somehow we can't imagine Chris Martin and A-Rod bonding over, well, anything. A love of yoga and macrobiotics is usually not the stuff of longterm relationships. Now that the always shape-shifting Madonna is moving on from that stage of her life, will Gwyneth be along for the ride?

Earlier: Madonna To Replace Guy With Gwyneth

Related: A Manor Of Fact [People]

Boomp3.com

Sherlock Holmes star Robert Downey Jr and an extremely animated Jude Law took the swingin’ streets of London to help their boss, Guy Ritchie, wash that woman out of his hair with a night on the town. Downey Jr. said, “It’s not going to be a bender. It'll never be a bender, but we're going to have the most fun humanly possible before our 6 a.m. call time. Watch out, world, reformed Kabbalist on the loose!"

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Madonna and New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez took in a cozy dinner for two at Dos Caminos Third Avenue on Tuesday, a source told Usmagazine.com.

They pair ate at an alcove-like table in the back.

"They seemed very close," a source told Usmagazine.com.

...Rodriguez was smitten with Madonna six months before the scandal broke.

"He [said] he was in love her," a friend of A-Rod recalled to Us.

By February, A-Rod had upped the ante. ""He said, 'She's my f—king soulmate, dude,'" the friend said.

Fuck yeah, brah! We do feel compared to warn Rodriguez, though: sure, comparing biceps with Madonna might seem fun at first, but the singer has dated and tossed aside athletes before. Should we find you wandering around Central Park dazed, crammed into a bridal gown, and mumbling the lyrics to "Bedtime Stories," who among us will be able to say that we didn't see it coming?

[Photo Credit: AP]

• Casting Scoops: 'SNL,' 'Grey's,' 'Housewives,' 'Damages,' 'Old Christine,' and More! [EW]

• A-Rod thinking beyond baseball in partnering with William Morris [ESPN]
• Alex Rodriguez [IMDB]