And although its easy to sneer at the tabloid/celeb press as an acceptable target for the wrath of anyone, the fact is they are the last thriving arm of media in California, and through their dark corridors may lie the path to media's salvation.

The first major salvo came with that news that the LA Country Sheriff's Department, as part of their investigation into leaks around Mel Gibson's drunk driving arrest, had obtained the phone records of TMZ kingpin Harvey Levin.

Fighting back, Levin declared of the news while speaking to an audience in LA, "It breaks federal law, it breaks state law. "This is like Chinatown. It's disgusting they would do something like this. How do you protect sources? It goes to the core of freedom of the press."

That little completely obscene invasion of privacy is but one front in the war, however. As reported last week here on Defamer, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has all but shackled the paparazzi by passing limiting the ability of paparazzi to stalk at will across the state. The new law outlaws photographing celebrities involved in "personal or familial activity."

Celebrity journalists — the last minority in America acceptable to persecute.

The newly signed law makes it mandatory for patients to get health checks before undergoing cosmetic surgery. Imagine that, mandating people get checked by a doctor before undergoing surgery! Can the reign of the commissars and the Soviets be far behind?

The Donde West law was named for the mother of rapper/Taylor Swift-abuser Kanye West, who died two years ago after getting plastic surgery without first checking out whether surgery was compatible with her coronary-artery disease.

Hammering another nail in the coffin of the dream, Schwarzenegger signed another law limiting the ability of paparazzi to stalk at will across the state. The new law outlaws photographing celebrities involved in "personal or familial activity." The law also places fines on outlets who carry such pictures.

Californians awoke to a different state this morning; a state where paparazzi and plastic surgeons now are expected to live within "societal norms." Californians once had a term for such a state. We called it New Jersey.

First it was that huge knife he pulled out, at random, on a video posted to his Twitter stream. Now he's admitted to keeping his sword from the Conan the Barbarian movies in his office, as well, and even uploaded a picture of the thing. We thought we'd seen it all in California politics but, honestly, who does this? Is it supposed to frighten his political opponents? Awe fans of 1980s muscle flicks?

We shudder to think what other implements of death the governor might be keeping in that office. This is the guy who starred in Predator, after all. We've let our imaginations run wild in the photo gallery below, showing a logical progression in gubernatorial arms.

The knife Schwarzenegger brandished in July. It CUTS fat from the budget, like education funding. Ha ha, get it??

The Conan sword Schwarzenegger just disclosed. He can really take a WHACK at spending with that thing!

Why not a grenade launcher mounted under an assault rifle? The governor could blow holes in the status quo with that thing. "Today, I am here to LAUNCH a new initiative. I think you'll find its potential is EXPLOSIVE."

A Gatling gun would be great for mowing down the naysayers in the press, right Arnold? "I've put a few new issues into the ROTATION, guys. I hope you don't mind if my answers sound a little CANNON-ED."

To fend off other states trying to lure movie production away with tax incentives, the California Legislature approved a production incentive that covers 20% of below-the-line expenses for productions of up to $75 million. The state will pay 25% of expenses for indie feature productions of up to $10 million.

No word on yet if Lethal Weapon 6, Battlefield Earth in 3D, Good Burger 4, No Country For Old Men 2: Chigurh Goes to Whitecastle, or any other sequel staring Tim Allen will be eligible for funds.

Ain't It Cool News broke the stunning casting revelation this afternoon, noting few details besides Schwarzenegger's commitment to a one-day shoot and that "it seems that the Gov and Sly's character Barney Ross have some history back when the Gov was shooting Conan the Barbarian!" (Harry Knowles's exclamation point, not ours.) Add this to our already-robust interest in seeing the film, along with the governor's inevitable Charlie Rose appearance thanking Stallone for inviting him back in front of the camera at a time when only his dogs trusted him.

• 
  AICN Exclusive: Arnold Schwarzeneggar [sic] joins the cast of 'THE EXPENDABLES'!
  [AICN]

"Absent a clear resolution to this financial crisis that restores confidence and liquidity to the credit markets, California and other states may be unable to obtain the necessary level of financing to maintain government operations and may be forced to turn to the Federal Treasury for short-term financing," Schwarzenegger said in a letter to Paulson dated October 2 and provided to Reuters on Friday.

"The economic fallout from this national credit crisis continues to drain state tax coffers, making it even more difficult to weather the continuation of frozen credit markets for any length of time," Schwarzenegger said.

Or, in the soothing words of State Treasurer Bill Lockyer, "Paralysis lingers." No shit. We could really go for one of Sarah Palin's winks right now.

• California may seek Treasury financing [Reuters]

The premise of Arnie's involvement is to have a fully rendered digital face of Arnie replacing the recently cast Roland Kickinger (The Younger version of Arnie). It seems the Director Mc G will in no doubt try all he can to ensure the Governator has some sort of involvement and as a result Arnold was on set providing key ADR (Voice over) for the visual effects guys to reference during post production. You have to remember, Arnold's commitments are preventing his return to the movie business and this seems the best logical way to ensure his involvement.

You may recall Christopher Lee's face being embossed on a stunt double in the Star Wars prequels?, imagine that with Arnold and you will get the picture. With ILM's best on the scene, it looks like Mc G is trying to get a head start on James Cameron's photo realistic stereoscopic camera systems.

Though we remain unconvinced that the Terminator franchise really needs a McG-helmed update, this new detail gives us hope — not because the addition of Ah-nuld can render the film less superfluous, but because the technology used to employ him might finally give the busy, reluctant Michael Cera a way to appear in the upcoming Arrested Development movie. BluthWatch '08!

[Photo Credit: X17]

• The Dark Knight Meets Mr. Freeze [Latino Review]

"I still don't know how it will play out with this one," said the star-turned-politician, who said he was given a private screening of early footage from "Terminator Salvation" by producers of the franchise reboot directed by McG. "They showed me some footage, but I don't have a feel for the movie. I didn't see enough. I wasn't sure who the Terminator was. I don't know if there is one or if he's the star or the hero. These are the things that determine the success and how the strong the movie will be."

..."There are such high standards and now there are always new standards being set for action," Schwarzenegger said. "You see that with 'Iron Man' and with the new Batman movie and that other film this summer, um, 'Wanted.' That was an excellent movie! There was this train coming down from a bridge, falling, and they're fighting inside the train car. Jesus, that is unbelievable that you can do that. To have the imagination to write it and the talent to shoot it and make it real on the screen. It's a whole new dimension."

Informed that the Wanted train car sequence didn't actually happen in real life, Schwarzenegger's jaw dropped. "Whaaaaat? And dis 'curving bullet' thing, dis is not real, too? Wait. So you are saying I am not actually pregnant? Wait until I tell Maria..."

• Schwarzenegger underwhelmed by early 'Terminator Salvation' footage [LAT]

Oh wait, THEY TOTALLY DON'T, because they keep running them for office all the freakin' time. A guided tour of the GOP's celebrity worship, after the jump:

"George Clooney is a rich guy who doesn't hold the slightest clue about how average Americans go about their daily lives." - Rush Limbaugh

Above: Republican Arnold Schwarzenegger, who made $25 million to play Mr. Freeze in Batman & Robin, is sworn in for his second term as governor of California.

"Now, [Sean] Penn can say whatever he wants, and we invite him on this program to sit in the 'Hot Seat' and defend his outlandish comments. But, the real question is who does this guy speak for, who does he represent other than other bad actors." - Sean Hannity

Above: Republican president Ronald Reagan feeds a monkey using a baby bottle in Bedtime for Bonzo.

"If you scratch the surface of Barbra Streisand’s or Susan Sarandon’s views, there is little inner core to them. The biggest echo chamber around is the Hollywood echo chamber." - Laura Ingraham

Above: Republican Fred Thompson, who played a crusty old man once on Law & Order, announces his presidential candidacy on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.

"The real joke was PFAW’s ceremony itself, dubbed the “Spirit of Liberty Awards,” which honored Hollyweird blowhards Alec Baldwin and Susan Sarandon." - Michelle Malkin

Above: Republican Fred Grandy was elected to Congress in 1986, serving Iowa for eight years. He is best known for playing "Gopher" on The Love Boat.

The 61-year-old "Rocky" legend will soon become the first well-known American actor to star in a Bollywood film.

"Incredible Love," which is also set to feature Arnold Schwarzenegger, marks the first Indian production to be shot at Hollywood's Universal Studios and will have the largest budget of any Bollywood movie - over $21 million. It will co-star Bollywood stars Ashkay Kumar and Kareena Kapoor and tell the story of an Indian stuntman who takes Hollywood by storm, but can't find true love.

The production is a departure for both '80s action titans, who we hope will make the most of their debuts not playing some ham-fisted send-up of their own personas, but rather colorful, Bollywoodesque characters integral to the plot: Perhaps they could be shrunk to the size of field mice, and play tiny, multi-limbed agent-gods, forever bickering in their client's ear about the most effective way to woo a beautiful stuntprincess. Here's hoping this marks just the beginning of the Holly-Bolly cultural exchange, and that some local Indian dayplayer might soon find himself nobly gutted by Stallone's own first on a Bangalore soundstage, where production on Rocky Vs. Rambo: First Reckoning has just begun.

• Yo, Adrian! Sylvester Stallone's going Bollywood with 'Incredible Love' [NY Daily News]

The governor, who used to offer movie set visits to young Angelenos, apparently determined those kids would rather get high than accept his visits to Sacramento to tour the State Capitol:

[Schwarzenegger] said he plans to offer the rides to inner-city children in the Los Angeles area as a reward for staying in school, avoiding drugs and working hard.

Warren Motts, founder and director of Motts Military Museum, said Schwarzenegger acquired the M47 American-made tank from the Austrian government and had it shipped to Florida. He transported it to a Columbus, Ohio, shopping mall in 1999 when he opened a Planet Hollywood there.

Schwarzenegger lent the tank to the museum, located in Groveport, in 2000.

Indeed, the tank is old hat for Groveport kids, well-known to ritualistically enjoy furtive, drunken orgies in its steely confines every prom night since the beginning of the decade but who now must prepare for their own school-sanctioned, fake-ID'd return to the shitty old Planet Hollywood 15 miles down the road in Columbus. If only their governor had been an Austrian Army deserter-turned-celebrity bureaucrat. Tough break, gang.

• Schwarzenegger Has Tank Returned From Museum [HuffPo]

A few high-profile writers of action films who wished not to be ID'd (you know how that is) were heard conferring that before the strike hit, agents were putting out feelers for material and pitches to develop projects with Schwarzenegger in mind. Nothing specific yet. All just preliminary stuff. [...]

Here is what [political sppkesman Aaron] McLear had to say: "Once the governor's current term is up, he may go back to the movies, or devote energy to business, or continue working on environmental issues, or run a foundation — or start painting!" He continued, "But the governor has decided nothing final as yet and is devoting his energy to the job of running the state." [...]

What evidently implanted this comeback thought in Schwarzenegger's mind, it's being theorized, is the recent success of his old Planet Hollywood buds Sylvester Stallone (age 61) and Bruce Willis (age 52). Their "Rocky" and "Die Hard" sequels found sizeable audiences in 2007, seemingly against the "they're just too dang old for this" odds. Also, Ah-nold was recently seen making the rounds with Harrison Ford, who at 65 is returning to his legendary Indiana Jones role — and apparently kicking butt like the Indy of old.

Indeed, the fact that fading-action-star contemporaries like Stallone and Willis have been able to convince studios to squeeze out new installments of their moribund movie franchises has to be encouraging. The possibilities for comeback vehicles must seem limitless, whether Schwarzenegger decides it time to finally make that Commando sequel he's put off for more than twenty years, or to try something far more ambitious, like convince pal Harrison Ford that a Terminator Vs. Blade Runner project, pitting time-traveling killer cyborg against grizzled replicant-hunter, would be a surefire blockbuster. Even if he can't pull off something on that scale right away, it probably wouldn't take more than one phone call to old friend Danny DeVito to get the ball rolling on a Twins or Junior reunion, just to get his feet wet.

• Forget 'Hasta la Vista, Baby!' Arnie May Be Eyeing Hollywood Return [Past Deadlne]

· The WGA responds to the "Setting the Record Straight" ad the AMPTP has run in the trades over the past couple of days (we posted the text of it here, or you can see it here), clarifying the "misleading statements" the studios made about the payment of digital downloads (not zero, but close!) and residuals: "However, the reason for this message is the AMPTP has been making some misleading statements. I want to make sure you know the truth. They say writers are already paid residuals for digital downloads. That's true. We are paid one third of one cent per dollar made by Studios for digital downloads.

One third of a cent. This is a paltry amount for work that we have created. We are asking for 2.5 cents per dollar, which is what we currently make on ad-supported TV programming. The AMPTP says that we were given $260 million in residuals in 2006. This was our contractual share of a record setting twenty billion dollars the studios earned from reruns of the work we created. The companies' rollbacks would cut our residuals in half." There's more, of course, but you'll have to follow the link to read the rest. [WGA.org]
· Always-quotable AMPTP president Nick Counter once again unloads on the Guild, which it accuses of using scare tactics and blacklists to keep its red-shirted footsoldiers in line: "The WGA is using fear and intimidation to control its membership. Asking members to inform on each other and creating a blacklist of those who question the tactics of the WGA leadership is as unacceptable today as it was when the WGA opposed these tactics in the 1950s." [AMPTP]
· United Hollywood's Laeta Kalogridis counters by claiming that it's the Companies who are the ones threatening to kneecap writers if they speak up during the strike, and notes a rumor that the networks may be planning to string up one particular showrunner in front of WGA headquarters as an example to all the others who refuse to cross the picket lines. [United Hollywood]
· The Governator seems to be stuck in the early stages of backchannelling, making it unlikely that he'll soon ride into Hollywood on his Harley, flick a half-smoked cigar into a stream of gasoline leading to a 76 station near a WGA picket line, and declare in monotone as a searing fireball rises behind him, "This ends now." Sayeth Schwarzenegger's people: "'Both the studio side and the writers side asked to talk to the governor,' press secretary Aaron McLear said. 'So he is talking to both sides individually to get a sense of what the issues are and what if anything he can do to be helpful.'" [THR]
· Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane recognizes that Fox would be within its rights to finish up still-incomplete episodes of his show without him, but that doing so would "just be a colossal dick move." [Variety]
· The Get Back in the Room blog is compiling the names of those who've lost their jobs because of the strike, promising to send an updated list to the WGA's Patric Verrone and AMPTP's Nick Counter "in perpetuity" to try and get them back to the negotiating table. [Get Back In That Room]

[Photo: Getty Images]

• Complete Strikewatch Coverage

If we had to pinpoint the exact moment of the briefing in which Schwarzenegger won our devotion, it would be when he crumpled up a scripted statement about how he planned to "terminate" the wildfires and, somewhat nonsensically, "crush them, see them driven before me, and hear the lamentations of their women," realizing that we no longer need to be reminded of his glorious Hollywood past to follow his lead, just hear honest, direct, and calmingly monotone words letting us know he's got things under control. By the time he stepped away from that podium, we were prepared to hop in our car, race to Carbon Beach, and spend the rest of the day standing atop David Geffen's 3,000 square-foot poolhouse with a garden hose, ready to beat back any flames threatening to consume his compound. That's the mark of a born leader.

We'll meet the rest of you there once you finish watching the video.

• KABC 7 [abclocal.go.com/kabc]

In today's episode: Paul Rudd, Jonah Hill, Kristen Bell, and Edgar Wright; Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver; Vince Vaughn; Hilary Swank and Brad Garrett; Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins; Ryan Gosling; Mary-Kate Olsen; Joey Lauren Adams; Kiefer Sutherland; Kate Bosworth; Matthew Perry; Michael Eisner; Van Hunt; Eva Longoria; Julie Newmar and Judd Nelson; Cheryl Hines; Norm MacDonald; Shane West; Jay Mohr and Nikki Cox; Paul Lieberstein; Fred Armisen; Joel McHale; Rumer Willis; and Sean Preston Federline.

· Aug. 25: Triple sighting at Saturday night's screening of so-bad-it's-awesomely-good The Room (www.theroommovie.com) at Sunset 5, and writer-director-star Tommy Wiseau was, sadly, not one of them. Standing behind me to purchase a ticket was a Superbad, bearded Jonah Hill with a bulking camera tucked under his arm...not sure what for?? Once inside, Jonah was joined by Paul Rudd (wearing a green shirt) and Veronica Mars herself, Kristen Bell. They all sat together behind my posse and did their best slinging witty comments and insults at the screen. At one point Rudd quipped: "Shhhh! I'm trying to watch the movie!" which drew many a laugh. Not bad for a newbie, but we totally owned that shit. "You are my rose, you are my rose, you are my rose..."

· Saturday, 8/25: The Sunset-5 monthly gala screening of "The Room." First of the star-studded flock to make an appearance: Jonah Hill of Superbad, followed by the likes of Kristen Bell, Edgar Wright, and Paul Rudd- a showcase of exquisite taste.

· Last night (8/24) was eating with some friends at Tradanoi in Malibu and sitting outside on the patio at the big table was the Governator and his wife Skeletor, yes, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver. They were with 12 other folks and were celebrating a friend's birthday (I could tell you who it was but that would reveal the political dork in me). He was wearing a brown leather jacket. She had on a pretty dress. He ate and drank some red wine but I didn't see her eat anything. They had big fish ice sculpture on their table. We did not.

· Aug. 25 Downtown at Bordello (formerly little Pedro's). The night seemed grim for my girlfriends and I; for a $10 cover, it was as if the last dusty remnants of the Swingers scene had choked up some new phlegm...there were fedoras aplenty and bufonts galore atop desperate faces. Suddenly- a beacon! A grinning Vince Vaughn and a crew of similarly beplaided tall men walked in. He is one tall drink of water; one of my friends went up and talked to him and, at my facetious request, told him he was "a motor-boatin' son-of-a-bitch." She claims that was the moment she lost him. She also said he was "driz-unk" and slurring his speech. Then he sang a song with the band there and was, indeed, "driz-unk."

· In the Redwoods Lounge (or whatever that thing is called) at the Greek Theatre on Thursday, August 16th - Spotted a couple of celebs in the hospitality room at the Tony Bennett concert. Hilary Swank, looking much prettier in person than I would have guessed, with the guy I assume is her agent/lover. Also with them was a normal looking older couple that I figure was her (or his) parents. Also there, the impossible to miss Brad Garrett.

· Aug. 24 - Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins around USC during "move-in week" escorting their son around campus. She's gorgeous in person - both are incredibly nice and down to earth.

· Big PrivacyWatch weekend, which was good since I was hosting out-of-town visitors, who appreciate celebrity sightings in ways jaded Angelenos rarely do. Friday night outside of the Hungry Cat, we saw a disheveled looking Joey Lauren Adams sitting on a concrete bench next to a homeless guy's shopping cart, smoking a cigarette and talking on her cell phone. Sunday morning we graduated from C-list to B-list when Ryan Gosling, bearded and dressed like a lumberjack (seriously, army boots and flannel on an August day in LA?) walked into the 101 Coffee Shop with a guy friend. I guess I had always thought of Ryan as a smaller guy but he's actually pretty beefy. Finally, we went from B-list to A-list (sort of) at AOC on Sunday night when a haggard-and-possibly-homeless-looking Olsen sister (we think it was Mary-Kate Olsen) wandered into the restaurant to say hi to some friends, and then quickly wandered back out to linger on the 3rd Street sidewalk for a while. Her hair was gross and she was rattily dressed and her makeup was horrific - in other words, she looked exactly as I'd expect her to.

· Kiefer Sutherland sighting, Los Feliz, Saturday 8/25, 6:45pm: we turned the corner from Russell onto Vermont and there he was, walking uphill toward us past Skylight Books with a lady friend (dark, shoulder-length hair...we didn't recognize her). He put his cigarette out and threw it into the gutter as he passed us; we turned around and they'd disappeared, presumably into the Los Feliz 3 theater. All the movies started at 7pm — The Bourne Ultimatum, Death at a Funeral or Right at Your Door. Wonder which one were they seeing?

· Kate Bosworth, Thursday (8/23), at Dominic's in WeHo (is that still WeHo? or is it just Ho?). Either way, the lady looks properly fed and was dressed like the hottest Grandmother this side of the 1920s. I've seen Wal-Mart greeters with more contemporary fashion.

· Saturday afternoon (8/25), ex-Disney CEO Michael Eisner shopping with his wife at the Camarillo Outlet; can't say that I blame him, I think Restoration Hardware's retail is over-priced, too.

Sunday evening (8/26), R&B indie favorite/Garth Trinidad-approved Van Hunt walking to rehearsal near Zanzibar in SM; humble, gracious to a fault, a real nice kid - please don't move to Hell Ay. Great show @ Temple Bar last week, btw.

Monday evening (8/27) Matthew Perry at the Barnes & Noble/Westside Pavillion minding his own, bought a book, no one pestered him. Rested, tanned, a little scruffy, looks like life's treating him well.

· Last night (8/28) saw a sun-bleached Chuck Taylor wearing Matthew Perry loitering alone for a good 15-20 minutes, lost in his own world, in the lobby of the new Landmark Theaters at the Westside Pavillion. Definitely skinny Chandler.

· Monday 8/27, I'm making an afternoon run to my favorite wine store in Hollywood and I notice a half-dozen paparazzi swarming outside the adjacent Kinko's. I'm like, what celebrity frequents Kinko's?! So I ask one of the Paps who was inside but he coyly replied, "Go see for yourself." Uch, make me do all the work, why don't you! I wandered in and almost had a heart attack. At first I thought it was Victoria Beckham!! That would have been awesome. No, instead it was EVA LONGORIA, all Posh-ed out with a similar haircut and everything. She was at the cashier paying for something (my bitchy friend in NYC, whom I was on the cell phone with at the time, suggested maybe she was getting her wedding gift thank you cards printed up there). Eva was not only aware of the paparazzi outside and clearly loving it, I have a sneaking suspicion she and/or her publicist called them directly. I mean, they don't usually hang outside of the Hollywood Kinko's hoping for a celeb sighting the way they do in front of Kitson. Also, Eva was done up to the HILT. Perfectly blown out angular bob, full "premiere" type make-up, and designer duds. The most hilarious part though was the only people who seemed to recognize her or care were the paparazzi and me. Seriously, why is she playing at being one of the "little people" who actually goes to Kinko's herself?! That's what assistants are for. It's just rude to the rest of us, in the same vein of how it was insulting when Marie Antoinette played at being "peasant" in her little pretend village on the grounds of Versailles. Still, Eva was movie star gorgeous, I will give her that.

· I went to the Cirque du Soleil "Corteo" opening night. It was like an acid trip without the acid. Many models, artists, theatre people, actors, athletes, dancers, yogis, Euro-trash, and celebrities. I assume many celebrities, because I didn't fight the crowd to see who was being photographed on the red carpet. I did see a lot of "faces" but I couldn't put names to them, as well as 80s TV stars, like the brunette woman from Falcon Crest, as well as twenty-something model/actors who all look alike. However, I went to the after party in the Forum, where I saw a low-key Judd Nelson (one of the "Brat Pack"). He was still looking good in a goatee and longish hair. I caught his eye and he smiled in a friendly (neighborly? ) way. I also saw Julie Newmar (Catwoman from the original Batman show). She must be over 70, but she was wearing a bra with a see-through shrug over it, and genie-type pants with her belly button showing. This might sound strange, but she somehow got away with it. She was sitting on one of the makeout sofas holding court to a small group of friends. Great food and drinks, but I left when the white clowns started descending from the ceiling, popping out of birthday cakes.

· Friday August 24, 2007 My husband and I were eating dinner at the Alcove off Hillhurst, when Cheryl Hines walked in with a younger girl and a man.

I'm still not 100% sure it was him, but waiting for our reservation Friday night outside C&O's in Venice I'm pretty sure Norm MacDonald walked by. I've seen him before, but dude looked like he needed a shower, a shave and a job. Had it been after dinner I may have mistakenly given him my leftovers thinking he was one of the other bums who wait outside for garlic rolls and fusilli.

· ER's Shane West at the Mobil station at Gower & Franklin this am (Aug 27). He walks in, sees 3 people waiting in line, and asks the guy in front if he can cut the line. Confused, the dude says ok and Shane sticks out his credit card to the woman at the register. When he's told they only take cash or ATM, Shane rolls his eyes and goes "ugh" before storming out.

· Aug 27 I just saw Jay Mohr and Nikki Cox at a Starbucks on Ventura and some street just west of Laurel Canyon (I don't know the Valley). He looked exactly as expected, she was gorgeous — sans makeup and the usual strumpet ware.

· Sunday, 8/19 - Swimming laps at the Santa Monica Swim Center, noticed a man a few lanes over who looked familiar (even while wearing goggles) but couldn't figure out why. Kept staring, thinking he was not an agent I knew (hoping he wasn't an agent I knew given my own goggles and bitchin' swim cap.) On the way out of the locker room, saw him again dressed and waiting for his wife/girlfriend/swim buddy to come out of the ladies. Realized is was Toby - Paul Lieberstein - from "The Office." See? Even semi-celebs can take advantage of public recreation facilities.

· Today (8/24), Fred Armisen at the downtown YMCA. Looked pretty fit and pretty normal, working out with his headphones on.

· Monday 8/27: Saw Joel McHale (host of 'The Soup') at the Greek theater catching the Joss Stone show. Very tall and attractive. He was hanging with another good-looking dude who I thought I recognized. My friend and I wondered if they were on a date, but both were sporting wedding rings and chatting about classic porno. Do two straight guys attend a Joss Stone concert together? That's a question for the ages I guess...

· i was at the olympic spa in koreatown this afternoon (Aug. 26), and who else do i spot using the amenities? none other than rumer willis. and guess what? she behaved and looked, dare i say, normal and nice! first of all, very nice body with a cute bird tattoo on her right shoulder. she was pleasant with other guests and staff (and from what i overheard, she believes the beauty myth that steam opens pores and cold water closes them), and tipped her service person. and here's another shocker - she was quite cute! turns out she must be one of those people who photograph poorly, because the potato head was nowhere to be seen. her chin and eyes were pretty much in proportion to the rest of her face and she looked quite nice. her pics don't do her justice - she's really not that out of whack. the only negative thing i can say was that i saw her oufit when she left, and it was kind of yuck. denim overalls, grey tank, and a pork pie hat - not flattering on anybody in my book.

· Aug 27 - Who knows where Brit Brit was on Saturday afternoon, but her son, Sean Preston Federline was working out his inner wigger at the And 1 Streetball basketball game at the Queen Mary in Long Beach. He was being toted around the bleachers by her giant bodyguard for the first half and that baby looked scared. Where is his mother, ya'll???

In today's episode: Arnold Schwarzenegger; Luke Wilson; Ryan Gosling; Joaquin Phoenix; Britney Spears; Paris Hilton; Tara Reid; Pam Anderson and Brandon Davis; Sandra Oh; Jon Heder; Mike Tyson; Fred Armisen and Paul F. Tompkins; Luis Guzman; Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz; Milla Jovovich; Richard Schiff and Sheila Kelley; Dr. 90210; Robbie Williams; Amy Smart; Shannyn Sossamon; Treat Williams; Shane West and Jay Tarses; Amaury Nolasco; Tori Amos; Rider Strong and Rumer Willis; In San Francisco: Rex Lee.

· Arnold Schwarzenegger (4/27) driving his Bentley convertible (top down!) on San Vicente in Brentwood. Creme suit w/ pseudo aviator-style shades. Just try to pull that off, Spitzer.

· Friday 4/27, 4-ish at the intersection of SM and 5th in Santa Monica: I'm walking towards my gym, dodging cars, homeless people, and the hipper-than-thous outside of Real Food Daily, when who do I see? Luke Wilson apparently evacuating the huddled, now-smoke-free masses crowded about the Third Street Promenade. He was alone and didn't appear to have purchased anything. Much taller and thinner than I thought he would be, definitely a lot more attractive in person than the Butterscotch Stallion.

· Saturday Night (4/28 - 9:40 p.m.) Saw Ryan Gosling and another dude buy tickets at the Laemmle Sunset 5. Half Nelson was wearing faded jeans and some kind of button-down shirt. Looked like just a regular, happy guy out going to the movies. My homo friends swear the other guy was a "date." I don't agree, but I'm not above starting rumors.

· sunday @ fiesta broadway in downtown. saw ryan gosling walk into the arcade we were in that was open during the giant fiesta. he lives nearby, i think. he was with two guy friends, no girlfriend. casually walked around, played some games.

· I was at Aroma in Studio City, yesterday Friday the 27th for lunch, and realized I was standing in line behind Joaquin Phoenix and his girlfriend. They looked very happy and in love - she was gorgeous, petite, dark-haired and looked like sort of a cross between "Amelie" Audrey Tautou and Jennifer Connolly. At one point the lady had gone somewhere and he was sitting alone with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth, very Walk The Line. I got a thrill.

· While cruising down Ventura Blvd. in Studio City on Saturday afternoon, I spotted Britney Spears in her fishnet finery leaving Naked Baby Boutique.

· Paris Hilton was tooling around the VIP area at Coachella with Britney Spears' MANNY as her sherpa. She's such a douche. She had him carrying a giant backpack around for her and her idiot posse. On Saturday, she walks up to this 'tour manager' looking person and was all pouty...literally with her bottom lip sticking out and whining to him. Then, he walks off and she follows (again with the idiot posse in tow). WHY was she there?

Also, Tara Reid - hammered and swerving around at 5:30pm on Saturday with everyone trying to get pictures with her. Pretty great.

· 4/28 'round midnight Pam Anderson at The Polo Lounge with a corpulent dude around 40. She was wearing white and boobs. . .and bored enough to check out my shit. . .I think. Maybe not. Also, Brandon Davis, "oozing sweat from every pore as he oiled his way across the floor," as they used to say in My Fair Lady. Really, he seemed aimless and an utter waste of protoplasm.

· My first celebrity sighting in Hollywood -

Around 11:30ish PM on 4/27, chillin' at the Blu Monkey Bar & Lounge for a friend's b-day, when the girlfriend looks over and spots Sandra Oh!, with two unrecognizable, trendy-looking white males, one of who appeared to be a boyfriend. I resisted the urge to run up to her and say "ZOMG, I LUV YOU SO MUCH!!!" like several other people because really, Grey's Anatomy is kinda dumb. But she was good in Sideways.

· /27 Shopping for my first breast pump with my mom at the Santa Monica Pump Station (What do you mean I have to wait for the fore milk to start? What is fore milk?), my mom whispers that John Mayer is looking at baby slings behind me. Of course I think all of my financial troubles are over, since I'm going to snap a picture of him shopping for baby stuff for Jessica Simpson...when I turn around and see that it's Jon Heder of Napoleon Dynamite and Blades of Glory. Seems your hearing goes when you get pregnant, too. Anyway, he was on the phone with his wife asking what color or size or whatever she wanted. Deciding that Us Magazine would not pay me a cent for that picture, I returned my attention to the sales associate explaining why I don't want to mix nipple cream with silicone breast shields.

· Sunday, 4/28, Urth Caffe: Mike Tyson, being openly stared at by the chai latte crowd. While he was there I kept my knees clenched together and my hand wrapped around my rape whistle, just in case. He said goodbye to the people at the neighboring tables when he headed out (with his average-looking, 30ish male pal), and acted friendly enough.

· I caught the 2:20 showing of "Hot Fuzz" this afternoon (4/29) at the Arclight and while standing in the endless concessions line, I spotted Fred Armisen and Paul F. Tompkins. They were with a brunette who looked vaguely familiar, but I couldn't place her. They went largely unnoticed, except by me who proceeded to nerd out once they were safely out of sight. Both Fred and Paul look like they do on TV, but Paul looked a little old around the eyes. And his shaved head is not cute. Bring back the curls, Paul! I wished I could have seen where they were sitting in the theater, but by the time I got my Dibs and got to my seat, the lights were out and the previews had started. I hope they liked the movie as much as I did.

· After a dozen trips to so cal, I finally had my first sighting. While going to the ticket line for the 4/18 San Diego Padre game, I saw El Cid from OZ, aka awesome character actor Luis Guzman walking into the park with two friends. It seemed like everyone who walked past him would recognize him as someone familiar a few seconds later and do a double take. No one in my group knew who he was so my sighting got me no love until I got home to New Mexico. However how people recognized him doesn't say very much for NM (Me: I saw Luis Guzman at the Padre game. Them: Who? Me: He was in Boogie Nights, Anger Management, Carlito's Way, OZ, etc. Them: Who?? Me: He was Lloyd's dad in Dumb and Dumber II. Them: OHHHH! HIM! WOW!).

· Friday night I dined, albeit from across the room, with Ashlee Simpson and her Fall Out Boy Pete Wentz at the Hamlet on Sunset. No more man makeup please.

· Spotted model/actress/clothing designer/singer Milla Jovovich in the Target at Santa Monica & La Brea (or as we like to call that locale, Tar-Gay) late Sunday (yesterday) afternoon. Very tall. No make-up. Great bone structure. She was hanging out with a little, blonde-haired girl, and they looked like they might be buying toys. Milla was wearing a long-sleeved, peach colored, cotton top and low-rise jeans that nicely accentuated the bump on her belly. I was convinced she was pregnant, but my b/f and friend disagreed.

· Big weekend for celebrity car sightings:

Friday 4/27 11pm - I was sitting outside MILK, the new dessert place on Beverly Bl, and saw Richard Schiff and the stripperific Sheila Kelley idling at a stop sign and looking longingly at our brownie sundae while they waited to turn right in their white BMW 7 series.

Saturday 4/28 3pm - sat next to Dr. 90210's Dr. Rey at a light on Santa Monica Blvd and Lincoln. He was driving a black 911 with a Harvard license plate holder and some sort of martial arts bumper sticker (seriously, who puts a bumper sticker on that car?). Couldn't tell if he was neglecting his wife, per the usual.

· This Sunday (4/29) saw Robbie Williams hiking in Runyon with some dude. Robbie looked hot but is definitely getting old; he had a full head of salt & pepper hair and all. My friend and I were still pretty stoked to spot him though.

· Sun. 4/28, 8pm, waited behind Amy Smart for the bathroom at Coachella. Tall, skinny and tan, braless, wearing a cotton jumper so loose it afforded all in the vicinity a healthy portion of sideboob with a frequent helping of pert nipple.

· Sunday 4/29 - saw Shannyn Sossamon walking down main street, Santa Monica. Looked amazing without an ounce of make up on. My friend couldn't get over the fact that she just passed someone who got to make out with Josh Hartnett and filed the sighting away to report back to her peeps in Indy.

Sunday 4/29 - eating at Enterprise Fish Company in Santa Monica and saw Treat Williams leaving the restaurant. Could hardly wait for him to exit so I could call my mother and tell her I saw the dad from Everwood. She promplty reminded me that he was also on Brothers & Sisters this season!

· Flash! The guy who played Michael J. Fox's coach in Teen Wolf (Jay Tarses) was getting on a plane at LAX last Friday, 4/27. Now that I have your attention, so was Shane West, carefully riding the recognize me-no don't line, not wearing sunglasses in the Starbucks just inside the Southwest/USAir terminal, but rolling with a posse of lessers and talking a little too loud in his vaguely gravelly wannabe growl before 'glassing up for the gates area.

So far more people seem to know Coach Finstock.

· On 4/25, around 10AM, at Crunch while suffering through my weekly session with my trainer, noticed Amaury Nolasco (Sucre on Prison Break.) White wife beater, dark blue shorts, jumping rope. Surprisingly cut and hot in person. I'd drop the soap in his shower any time.

· I spent many years of my young life listening to Little Earthquakes, and other Tori Amos albums. Imagine my delight when I was at Shutters this afternoon (Sunday) for a little lunch, and I her having some tea (and I assume some lunch...), and wearing a camo cap and a grey t-shirt (American Apparel?). She has no boobs at all.

· Saw Rider Strong (of "Boy Meets World") fame at the Hollywood YMCA in the afternoon on Monday, April 30. That boy is all grown up and looks mighty fine. Great body, looks good with a moustache/beard combination.

· Apparently Rumer Willis Moore Kutcher (who is much prettier in person, but still very pointy chinned) works at the Marc Jacobs on Melrose. I've seen her there twice now looking appropriately hip & disheveled like the rest of the employees. When I saw her last month she was hanging out behind the counter not paying much attention to customers and again today she was behind the counter still oblivious to helping anyone. If she doesn't work there, she doing a great job pretending. Ah, the things rich people will do to get free clothes.

Special SFO Lloyd Edition:

· 4/29/2007: Saw Rex Lee (Lloyd!!!!) in the San Francisco International Airport security line. Since I'm not an LA-type, I did the fawning "you are great in your show!" He graciously said thanks. Saw him pose for pictures for others in the line. I thought about taking a picture of him in line as proof and send to my husband, but I thought I might get attacked by airport security if I took a picture of the security area!

In today's episode: Mark Wahlberg, Tom Ford, Courteney Cox, Isla Fisher, Chris O'Donnell, Randy Newman and Wolfgang Puck; Minnie Driver; Gwyneth Paltrow; Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver; Kiefer Sutherland and Scott Ian; Christina Ricci; Ali Larter; Taryn Manning; Heather Mills-McCartney; Michael Rapaport; Laura Dern and Ben Harper; Natasha Gregson Wagner and Ben Harper; Chris Robinson; Harry Hamlin; Sean Stewart and Allan Arbus.

· Spotted at Cut at the Four Seasons Regent Beverly Wilshire last night, in order of appearance:

Mark Wahlberg — surprising to see him already seated when we arrived for our 6 p.m. reservation to nearly empty restaurant. On date with beautiful brunette. We walked right by them en route to our table. Unfortunately, my view was of his back and her front. Midway through their meal, she moved to sit next to him, where I had full PDA views. Upon their departure, I noticed that he was not very tall... nor was she.

Tom Ford — He arrived alone and I was sitting very close to him and had perfect view of him entire night. He faced me so no problem gawking. He looked quite bored at first, munching on breadsticks to keep busy. Someone came from kitchen and brought him back for tour. Later, he was joined by agent/business manager/ publicist looking woman. He had shirt unbuttoned to navel and sport coat.

Chris O'Donnell — he was out with his wife and two other well-dressed couples. All boys wore coats and ties. They were served sliders... not on menu. I also had perfect view of Chris throughout evening with no need to crane my neck; he faced me.

Randy Newman — I couldn't gawk too much as he was seated at table next to me. My boss was just next to him. His table did stare at our desserts when they came out and I know they were talking about them. I love L.A. !!

Isla Fisher (Wedding Crashers and Sacha Baron Cohen fame) sitting next to Courteney Cox. They were sitting at the table where Mark Wahlberg had sat when we arrived. Courteney and Isla faced me. I had perfect view of Courtney without having to look too hard. They were at the table behind Tom Ford. I couldn't see faces of their friends (blonde woman and dark haired guy).

Wolfgang Puck himself — we first viewed him greeting tables. I thought he has certain tables he must visit — celeb / important people tour. But, no, he came to our table too, shook our hands and thanked us for joining him. How's that for p.r.?

This topped my Minnie Driver at brunch sighting on Sunday at BLD.

· Gwyneth Paltrow, Tuesday, in the Pulp 'n Hide candy shop next to the Brentwood Country Mart, apparently channeling the same rainy day sweet tooth as me and my girl. Dressed in skinny jeans, and a black sweater, her hair was pulled back and Apple was on her hip. Didn't want to inspect too closely - got the grew-up-in-Malibu, B.F.D. thing down pat. Perhaps because the seas didn't part in her presence - the proprietor, whose face registered celebrity recognition, was in no hurry to finish up with me and my daughter - I detected some slight hostility from Miss "I am so blessed."

Her half pint kept asking what kind of jelly beans she was going to get, and what color they were going to be. The place is cramped, and we were standing at the counter, where the jelly bellies are. When we were paying, Apple again asked about her choices, and Gwyneth this time said, "Wait until these people move out the way, and then we can see," but the key words "these people" and "move" were distinctly lacking the pleasant vocal inflection that you might expect from a mere plebe.

But no hostility was directed towards her offspring. Instead there was plenty of smothering mothering. Lots of kisses and assorted terms of endearment. No, no one can love child like Gwyneth.

· Sunday March, 18th 11:30 am-ish - spotted Arnold "the Governator" Schwarzenegger and skeletor wife Maria Shriver with family, no doubt AFTER church services, having brunch at Ivy at the Shore. Sadly, everyone there resisted the urge to tell him "I"LL BE BACK"

· 3/19 at Mat Kearney/Rocco DeLuca show at HOB: Kiefer Sutherland skulking around Foundation Room, trying to look important (isn't he Rocco's manager? No Christmas trees in sight, sadly). Scott Ian (Anthrax) hanging out at the FR bar with a lady. He must be an FR member, as all the bartenders seemed to know him and he was INCREDIBLY nice and looked totally the same in person as he does in pictures and TV. Also, some guy in a bunny suit was rocking out like I had never seen to Rocco. He should be a celebrity.

· Spotted a surprisingly short Kiefer Sutherland hanging out in the Foundation Room at the House of Blues on Sunset last night (Mon, 3/19). His band, Rocco Deluca, was performing (along with Matt Kearney & The Feeling). I had rail access for this show until a few hours before I rolled down to the venue, have a feeling word that Jack Bauer & Co. would be rolling through caused me to lose my spot. I would be offended, but he provided enough eye candy while I got my drink on at the bar to make up for it.

· Thursday March 22nd Starbucks Gower & Sunset

Buying a morning coffee who should I spot but the little bundle of Joy that is Christina Ricci. Looking casual yet stunning.

I assumed she was open to a little conversation so I looked her way however she put on her sunglasses and looked down so I guess not.

In any case when her drink was up she quickly grabbed it, thanked the barista and headed out.

· This may be too late, but yesterday morning (Monday 3/19) I saw Ali Larter (alone) at the Coffee Bean (Sunset/Fairfax). She was wearing workout clothes, ponytail, was on her cell phone the entire time, no/minimal makeup, looked very pretty.

The night before, Sunday (March 18) saw Taryn Manning with a guy, walking on Franklin in Hollywood around Bronson, by that little strip of shops/restaurants. She looked a bit prettier in person, but was scowling at the people in line for UCB Theater's free Sunday night AsssCat show, which made her face look hideous. Too high heels and an outdated Balenciaga motorcycle bag—canvas/leather mix.

· first time submitter! yay! today, tuesday 20th, 1pm, bev hills. saw heather mills-mccartney walking south on dayton at canon toward her chauffered green (suspenseful inhale)... trailblazer. yeah. i said trailblazer. she was wearing the skinniest black lycra pants imagineable; at least down to the knee, where they flared out dramatically around 3 inch wicked witch of the west boots. i noticed she was limping and thought, 'aw, tiny dancer!"; then promptly cursed myself for forgetting the whole leg thing. oops.
good: it appeared she brownbagged lunch. or lady likes her leftovers.
bad: go go gadget nostrils. i never noticed their spectacular flair.

· On Saturday afternoon I saw Michael Rapaport of The War At Home and Beautiful Girls walking down Larchmont outside of Jamba Juice. He was walking towards me on the street and when we made eye contact and he realized I recognized him he crossed the street! Get over yourself buddy. I don't care enough about you and your d-list ass to interrupt my run for an autograph. He should be thrilled he's even recognized. As Stephanie Tanner would say "How rude!"

· Tuesday 3/20 'round 2pm - Laura Dern and Ben Harper meeting up with some regular folk at Joe's Diner on Main St in Santa Monica. Ben was in dark pants and a plaid flannel shirt and ballcap and Laura was in dark jeans and a black quilted ski parka. I think she's in her 40s, but her skin is amazing. She looks maybe 35.

· Today (March 22) on Arizona Ave and 20th St in Santa Monica, on the sidewalk I saw very small and cute Natasha Gregson Wagner filming something or other. When I passed by again, I walked right by some really old hairy dude in sunglassesa and a baseball cap who *might* have been director/photographer Larry Clark. I guess he's making a movie with her? As of today imdb begs to differ...

· 3/18/07 at Whole Foods on Ventura Blvd. in Woodland Hills around 8pm. Chris Robinson from the Black Crowes at the cash register. Tall, scraggly, and thin, but looked clean. The dude must be around 6'3". It was packed at WF, but he waited in line patiently just like the rest of us. Couldn't see what he was buying b/c I was three registers away. I remember somebody ripping on him earlier for living in the West Valley, but there are a ton of studios up in the hills of Woodland Hills. I've seen Stephen Perkins (drummer for Jane's Addiction) and other musicians at WF before.

· After seeing "300" for the second time, I was walking with my boyfriends family at the Calabassas Commons, only to notice Belle Gray, Lisa Rinna's store. Just as I was explaining to them who Lisa Rinna was, Harry Hamlin and their children walked by. He is a very slight man, good-looking, but slightly manorexic. Their kids are really cute.

· I am so excited that I get to send this in:
Driving up Beverly Drive in Beverly Hills on Saturday, March 17th and pulled up next to Sean "Rod's Son" Stewart. He was driving a black BMW. He looked too young and cute in spite of all the tatoos. I pointed him out to my bf but he just figured he was some rocker. But I knew he had to be some kind of celebrity. We both work in the biz but couldn't figure it out. Then I saw a promo for Son's of Hollywood last night. Eureka! Gotta write to Defamer!

· 3/22 While I'd never give up a big star unless they cut in line, took my parking spot or pulled a "do you know who I am?" since I think celebrity obsession is part of the vapid, snarky downfall of America - okay, that's my "I'm better than you" disclaimer - but I swear I just saw M*A*S*H's Major/Dr. Sydney Freedman and ubiquitous guest star himself Allan Arbus, hubby of the late Diane (impress your friends with the correct pronunciation: "Dee-ann!") and pop of Amy (pronounced "Amy" - you'd think they would have been more creative) at the Brentwood post office. The guy looks damn good for an IMDB-researched 89 years, proving the value of years of weekly fictional sitcom psychotherapy, I suppose. That is all. (that's a M*A*S*H reference, kids!)

The LAT examines the circumstances surrounding Arnold Schwarzenegger's recent skiing accident in Idaho and subsequent leg surgery (see accompanying cyborg specs). It's a trip no one seemed to know about, like most of his frequent journeys out of state—1 of every 5.6 days in office, they report—terminating in an accident about which the Governor's people are being extremely reticent. It seems our operative in Idaho was on to something, however, as their investigation indicates Schwarzenegger was careening down the hill at reckless speeds of around 0 mph when the femur snapping occurred:

A friend who spoke to Schwarzenegger after the accident said the governor was "aggravated" about what happened, describing the accident as a "slow fall" on an icy surface.

Schwarzenegger's press office would not release any details about the accident. But Adi Erber, a ski instructor who was with him at the time, said Schwarzenegger was standing still before the accident, preparing for the final 200 yards of the Lower Warm Springs run.

The governor's ski pole became caught in one of his skis, causing him to trip and fall, Erber said, describing it as a "freak accident."

It may not have the added "Maria handing him a cup of scalding hot chocolate" element we dreamed up yesterday, but that succession of events is pretty much exactly how our operative described the Governor's sustained injuries. It's a spastic move completely unbefitting a card carrying member of the Aging 80s Action Heroes Club, and the lack of even a single detonated explosion at the moment his leg made contact with the icy mountain surface will undoubtedly prove more injurious to his legacy than the fact that the secret about his self-indulgent vacation policy is now a matter of public record.

[Illustration: LAT]

• Accident is a bad break for gov.'s privacy [LAT]