By apologizing again, not only is Letterman giving legitimacy to Palin's ridiculous claims that his "perverted" jokes inspire sexual mistreatment of women, but it also breathes new life into an issue that had sort of fizzled out of the news cycle over the weekend. Besides, does he really think that Palin will ever accept any apology from him? Of course not! This will just give the media another opportunity to stick cameras and microphones in Palin's face so she can continue to bray on and on and on about "ole David Letterman" being a dirty old man. He'd have been much better off ignoring it and letting all of this fade away, as it was already beginning to do, but instead he winds up essentially vindicating Palin's unwarranted indignation instead.

Regardless, here's what Letterman said at the taping of his show today, which is set to air later tonight:

"All right, here - I've been thinking about this situation with Governor Palin and her family now for about a week - it was a week ago tonight, and maybe you know about it, maybe you don't know about it. But there was a joke that I told, and I thought I was telling it about the older daughter being at Yankee Stadium. And it was kind of a coarse joke. There's no getting around it, but I never thought it was anybody other than the older daughter, and before the show, I checked to make sure in fact that she is of legal age, 18. Yeah. But the joke really, in and of itself, can't be defended. The next day, people are outraged. They're angry at me because they said, 'How could you make a lousy joke like that about the 14-year-old girl who was at the ball game?' And I had, honestly, no idea that the 14-year-old girl, I had no idea that anybody was at the ball game except the Governor and I was told at the time she was there with Rudy Giuliani...And I really should have made the joke about Rudy..." (audience applauds) "But I didn't, and now people are getting angry and they're saying, 'Well, how can you say something like that about a 14-year-old girl, and does that make you feel good to make those horrible jokes about a kid who's completely innocent, minding her own business,' and, turns out, she was at the ball game. I had no idea she was there. So she's now at the ball game and people think that I made the joke about her. And, but still, I'm wondering, 'Well, what can I do to help people understand that I would never make a joke like this?' I've never made jokes like this as long as we've been on the air, 30 long years, and you can't really be doing jokes like that. And I understand, of course, why people are upset. I would be upset myself.

"And then I was watching the Jim Lehrer 'Newshour' - this commentator, the columnist Mark Shields, was talking about how I had made this indefensible joke about the 14-year-old girl, and I thought, 'Oh, boy, now I'm beginning to understand what the problem is here. It's the perception rather than the intent.' It doesn't make any difference what my intent was, it's the perception. And, as they say about jokes, if you have to explain the joke, it's not a very good joke. And I'm certainly - " (audience applause) "- thank you. Well, my responsibility - I take full blame for that. I told a bad joke. I told a joke that was beyond flawed, and my intent is completely meaningless compared to the perception. And since it was a joke I told, I feel that I need to do the right thing here and apologize for having told that joke. It's not your fault that it was misunderstood, it's my fault. That it was misunderstood." (audience applauds) "Thank you. So I would like to apologize, especially to the two daughters involved, Bristol and Willow, and also to the Governor and her family and everybody else who was outraged by the joke. I'm sorry about it and I'll try to do better in the future. Thank you very much." (audience applause)

Meanwhile, a very Drudge-esque "Fire David Letterman" website has sprung up on the internets, with a protest planned outside of his studio for tomorrow. Do you think the leaders of the "Fire Letterman" movement are going to back off in light of this apology? Of course not! The site was created by Palin documentarian John Ziegler, a Los Angeles-based talk radio host who Palin says tipped her off to Letterman's jokes last week, so you can bet that this is all being planned and coordinated by Sarah Palin and her cronies.

Rather than settle an fading issue with a gentlemanly apology, we believe that David Letterman may have just opened up another can of worms for himself.

UPDATE:Here's the video of Letterman's apology:

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.

David Letterman's Apology [TV Week]

Silver rose to prominence by forecasting the results of the last election year with eerie accuracy (he even had the amount of angry Bill Clinton finger wags down to the decimal point during the primaries!), yet his foray into Oscar prognosticating was torpedoed with the very first award given out, Best Supporting Actress. Not only did his misguided pick, Taraji P. Henson, lose to Cruz, but he also blew the Best Actor category, choosing Mickey Rourke over eventual winner Sean Penn.

How did Silver take the news? With liveblogged profanities ("7:47 PM. Penelope Cruz? F*ck. I demand a recount") and a painful Ram Jam onto an already defeated Rourke ("Perhaps we [should have] had some way to quantify someone's jackassedness: Days spent at the Betty Ford Center?"). Then, saddest of all, Silver disowned his model for predictions today in a regretful Oscar postmortem which reads like Mom (numbers-based prognosticating) and Dad (Silver) have decided to see other people. Nate Silver will soon be moving into a pre-furnished apartment by himself, and it is all the fault of a Latina spitfire we have taught to speak English. For shame, Hollywood.

• Some Post-Oscar Thoughts on Forecasting [FiveThirtyEight]

“The videotape that is currently being circulated is several years old and captures Shia playing a game among friends in which he uses a derogatory word toward a friend,” LaBeouf’s rep tells me exclusively.

“He regrets having used the word in any capacity and is very embarrassed that this footage is being seen by anyone.”

While we appreciate the sentiment, we suspect GLAAD won't be fully satisfied until the young male role model tapes a public service announcement underscoring the ability of ugly words to inflict a pain as severe as "what my Indiana Jones character Mutt Williams felt as he was thwacked numerous times in the genitals by a variety of barbed, bulbous jungle plants."

• Shia LaBeouf "Embarrassed" by Antigay Slur [eonline.com]

The comments came a day after China's official Xinhua News Agency named Stone the "public enemy of all mankind"; a government spokesman reacted to her apology with the "hope that as an actress she should contribute to our two peoples' mutual trust, understanding and friendship." And just like that, Basic Instinct 2 disappeared from every video store in Beijing. Apology accepted!

[Photo Credit: AFP]

• Sharon Stone apologizes for remark on China quake [AP]

Reporter Chuck Philips and his supervisor, Deputy Managing Editor Marc Duvoisin, issued statements of apology Wednesday afternoon.

"In relying on documents that I now believe were fake, I failed to do my job," Philips said in a statement Wednesday. "I'm sorry."

In his statement, Duvoisin added: "We should not have let ourselves be fooled. That we were is as much my fault as Chuck's. I deeply regret that we let our readers down."

The humiliating gaffe is but another notch on the scoreboard for the LAT's chief rivalry in the ongoing East Coast/West Coast newspaper wars; members of the NY Times's thug posse are reportedly having copies of the apology mounted in every department, where it will hang alongside their framed Platinum "Most Dangerous Motherfucker Paper of Record" Pulitzer.

• The Times apologizes over article on rapper [LAT]

In an Aug. 24 e-mail, he apologized for "[my] vile attacks on your very soul ... A comment about your poor Mom ... your professional status ...

... your abilities as a mother, as an actor, all need to be wrapped in shame, and rocketed out into some distant soundless galaxy, where they could flame out."

Let it not be said that Sheen hasn't offered at least one olive branch through these bitterly contentious proceedings, having taken back his wishes that his ex and her limited acting talent be fated to the kinds of severe punishment usually reserved for irredeemable Superman II villains.

• More confessions of 'Video Vixen' Karrine Steffans [NY Daily News]

RNO: Is there anything else you want to tell us about your time in the Big Brother house? [...]

Amber: I made a comment when I was upset with Eric — I made it about Jewish people and people from New York. I just want to tell the people I offended that I am very sorry. I did not mean to offend anybody and I was upset with Eric at the time. Being upset, people tend to say things they don't mean.

That came from a really bad place, and from the bottom of my heart, I am truly sorry — I send my apologies to anyone I offended. I don't like to hurt people's feelings. The words just came out and I was upset with Eric. I have friends that are Jewish and friends from New York. I am not prejudiced and I am truly truly truly sorry.

As public apologies for temporary attacks of involuntary bigotry go, Amber's seems as heartfelt as they come: We suspect her best Jewish and New York-based friends would readily back up her claims that her hurtful words were merely spoken in retaliation to the backstabbing, money-hungry tactics of America's Fiendish Jew Player Eric (whose sanded devil horns—interested side note!—became plainly visible after he spontaneously shaved his head down to a mohawk).

• "It Was Just Me Being Me in the House" - An Interview with Big Brother 8's Amber [Reality News Online via Reality Blurred]

"I want to apologize to my fans, whose support and trust means the world to me," said Hudgens. "I am embarrassed over this situation and regret having ever taken these photos. I am thankful for the support of my family and friends."

We're sure her public will quickly forgive her for this youthful indiscretion, knowing that in this age of self-leaked, poorly art-directed sex tapes, they're lucky that their tweens weren't prematurely ended by stumbling upon grainy night-vision footage of their hero copulating with co-star/rumored boyfriend Zac Efron while innocently surfing High School Musical fan sites.

• High School Musical Star Apologizes to Fans [ABC News]

"I apologize to anyone who was offended., I obviously made a bad choice of words. Everyone who knows me understands that I hold no prejudices in this regard. In the family atmosphere of the telethon, I forget that not everyone knows me that well."

"That something like this would distract from the true purpose of the telethon pains me deeply...The success of the show and all the good that will come from it shouldn't be lost because of one unfortunate word. I accept responsibility for what I said. There are no excuses. I am sorry."

We can only hope that GLAAD finds Lewis's swift and humble mea culpa satisfactory, and that they don't insist on trotting out his mostly forgotten 1967 box office flop, The Illiterate Faggot Professor, as proof that France's clown hero still harbors deep-seated prejudices against reading-challenged sodomites a full 30 years after he lampooned the disadvantaged minority on the big screen.

• Jerry Lewis Raises Millions, Causes Controversy [abcnews.go.com]

• Julia Roberts Welcomes a Baby Boy [People]

In his written apology, Stallone, who was not present in court, said he had made a "terrible mistake" but that he was ignorant of Australian laws.

However John Agius, SC, for the Commonwealth DPP, said the facts of Stallone's case indicated continuing criminal conduct, after 48 vials of human growth hormone were found by customs at Sydney airport.

He also said the US actor tried to "cover up" another offense by throwing four vials of testosterone out of his Sydney hotel window.

Sure, to the jaded eye of a prosecutor, the launching of four tubes of testosterone off a hotel balcony moments before a police search of the premises may have seemed like the behavior of someone aware that his Rocky's-little-helpers were contraband. The suspicious actions took on a far less incriminating tone, however, when the actor's barrister calmly explained that Stallone was merely dispensing some personal memorabilia among the gathered, street-level fans, instantly sending them leaping for the rolling vials of miracle injectables that allow their aging screen hero to inflate himself to less saggy, John Rambo-worthy proportions.

• Stallone sorry for illegal hormones [SMH.com.au]