Gawker: defamer, angela bassett

The Top 10 Female Product Advertising Icons & The Actresses Who Could Replace Them

Dodai — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 13:00:00 EDT

From Tony The Tiger to the Michelin Man, every pop culture kid is exposed to product advertising mascots and icons. Most of these critters are male, but sometimes — especially with baking and food products — the icons are female. Or were female. An image of "Betty Crocker" used to be on boxes of cake mix; now her face has been replaced by a spoon. And most advertisers would prefer to use celebrities to shill their products these days. But have you ever thought about what would happen if some of the best-loved advertising characters were replaced by Hollywood stars? We have. The top ten female product advertising icons and the actresses the casting agents could choose to replace them, after the jump.

1. Land O Lakes Indian Maiden

The company explains: "Because the regions of Minnesota and Wisconsin were the legendary land of Hiawatha and Minnehaha, the idea of an Indian maiden took form." This is a whitewashed way of describing how they hijacked the image of indigenous people to sell dairy products, but whatever. The first painting was done in 1928; it was "modernized" in 1939 to look the way it does now. As a kid, I honestly thought that this was my mom until I realized it was Cher.

Hollywood Casting: Q'orianka Kilcher

2. Mrs. Butterworth

This woman was not always made of plastic. She used to be real glass. She had a bun and she was heavy and sweet and you respected her, because she didn't need (the noticeably absent) Mr. Butterworth to get the job done.

Hollywood Casting: Queen Latifah

3. SunMaid

The young woman on the raisin box has evolved since 1916. She's lost about 20 lbs., but she still has the red bonnet and the basket of grapes. And she still smiles.

Hollywood Casting: Minnie Driver

4. Aunt Jemima

Advertising gimmicks are not always politically correct. The pancake icon was based on a blackface "mammy" character; but R.T. Davis Milling Company hired a woman named Nancy Green to play Aunt Jemima from 1890 to 1923. She was paid, but the ads were disgustingly racist. (Try finding a syrup that is not oppressive! Even Log Cabin gives me pause.) In 1989, Aunt Jemima lost her kerchief, got a relaxer, some pearl earrings and a slimmer look. She kind of resembles Roxie Roker now. But who is woman enough to take on the challenge of playing a controversial character?

Hollywood Casting: Angela Bassett

5. Utz Girl

The rosy-cheeked chick has been around since 1921, though she's had some anti-aging procedure and seems much younger now. Her huge eyes and happy smile let you know her potato chips are damn good.

Hollywood Casting: Christina Ricci

6. Little Miss Sunbeam

This blond-haired blue-eyed little girl was on the table before wheat and oats crept into our sandwich bread. Little Miss Sunbeam was born in the 1940s, and she seems part Shirley Temple, part Doris Day and part Buffy and Jody from Family Affair. Or Cindy Brady. An "American Girl" full of "sunshine"…

Hollywood Casting: Abigail Breslin

7. Morton Salt Girl

When it rains it pours, whatever that means. The first umbrella girl appeared in 1914, looking like a toddler; she's grown up some since then. The angled haircut and the umbrella make for an inspired celebrity choice…

Hollywood Casting: Rihanna

8. Coppertone Girl

Introduced in 1959, the impish child whose blue swimsuit bottoms get pulled down by a cocker spaniel was played by a three-year-old Jodie Foster in 1965. Did you know that they changed the logo later because some thought her bare buttocks encouraged pedophilia? Now that the company makes sunscreen instead of tanning oils, the "paleface" message is no longer appropriate and she's been phased out.

Hollywood Casting: Dakota Fanning

9. Tropic-AnaThe Polynesian pretty who used to be topless has since been replaced with an orange and straw. It would be fun if they brought back a female icon who loves exhibitionism, wouldn't it?

Hollywood Casting: Bai Ling

10. Chiquita Banana

Born in 1944, Miss Chiquita was sometimes a lady, sometimes an actual fruit, as seen in this Disney commercial. Her jingle is awesome, even if she was pretty much just a Carmen Miranda rip off.

Hollywood Casting: Salma Hayek?

Don't like these choices? Have some of your own? Suggestions welcome.

[Celebrity images via Getty. Tropic-Ana photo by Michael Poulin via Flickr.]

Angela Bassett received a star on the Hollywood...

Seth — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 20:32:01 EDT

Angela Bassett received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame today, and if her emotional speech doesn't get you right there, well, you're probably the CEO of a major media corporation or something: "Today my cup runneth over. I am crying now, I cried yesterday and the day before. Who would have thought that a little girl in pigtails from St. Petersburg, Florida, would grow up to find herself gazing at a star with her name on it, on the Hollywood Walk of Fame? This day is so, so special to me." Photo: Getty Images [Yahoo News]

Top 10 Worst Of The Worst Of The Worst Oscar Outfits (Have No Fear, Swan Head Is Here)

Molly Friedman — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 15:23:39 EST

Yes, sadly, it's that time again. Time to stare into the lifeless abyss that is the Swan Dress. But Bjork's legendary snafu has friends! Like Celine Dion's Backwards Suit, Gwyneth Paltrow's Saggy Boob Goth Gown and Corey Feldman's Hammer Pants. All have appeared at one Oscars showdown or another, and all are here for your enjoyment once again.

10. Gwyneth Paltrow, 2002
9. Angela Bassett, 1995
8. Rosanna Arquette, 1991

7. Sharon Stone, 1995
6. Geena Davis, 1992
5. Uma Thurman, 2004

4. Cher, 1988
3. JonBon Jovi, 1991
2. Corey Feldman, 1995

And a three-way tie for The Worst, just because they all make us cry:
Bjork, 2001
Celine Dion, 1999
Helena Bonham Carter, 1987

OSCARS 08 [Official Site]

Maxim, Entertainment Weekly Agree: Jews, Blacks, Asians Not So "Sexy"

Jessica — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 12:30:00 EDT

Collagen-and-silicone championing Maxim magazine has just named the world's five unsexiest women alive and according to the boy-mag brain trusts, the two most unfortunate looking ladies around are Sarah Jessica Parker and Amy Winehouse. Aside from shockingly-low BMIs, what do these women have in common? That's right, pronounced noses and Jewish heritage! (Although Parker is only a four-candler.) But Maxim isn't the only mass-market magazine with seemingly anti-ethnic standards of beauty: Entertainment Weekly just released its list of Ultimate Female Hotties and there's nary a chosen person to be seen (save bleach-blond halfsie Scarlett Johansson ). Not only that, but the magazine's list doesn't feature a single black or Asian woman.

In fact, of EW's twenty-five "Ultimate Hotties," the only ethnic ones are Latina: Half-Bolivian Raquel Welch, Mexican Salma Hayek, half-Mexican Jessica Alba, and half-Spanish Rita Hayworth. What about Rachel Weisz? Angela Bassett? Lucy Liu? Or, really, anyone who doesn't inspire girls to ask for nose jobs, $300 highlights or eyelid-surgery for their sweet sixteens?

Sarah Jessica Parker named world's unsexiest woman [Sydney Morning Herald]
Ultimate Female Hotties: Pick the All-Time No. 1 [Entertainment Weekly]