· Competitors will not only have to outplay the Gladiators, but also demonstrate that they possess an innate, star-making quality, which Cowell calls the "G-Force." Otherwise, as he puts it, "I think to myself, 'So what?' I could see that kind of foam-baton jousting match on virtually any cruise deck in the Mediterranean."
· In the final event, The Paulanator, competitors will be required to transport a slack, comatose Paula Abdul through a challenging gauntlet, up a backwards-moving conveyor belt, and finally toss the singer's dead weight into a pool of ice water in the hopes of reviving her. Should she lose her weave at any point in the course, a five second penalty will be automatically dispensed.

• Cowell is ITV's new Gladiator [thesun.co.uk]

But before Gladiator hopefuls can demonstrate their athletic gifts at the open casting calls taking place in the coming weeks, the network is subjecting them to a thorough evaluation of their cerebral abilities, as illustrated in the above excerpt from page 10 of show's official application, the dreaded Silverman-Zucker Rap/Doodle Inventory. (And yes, we did add a sample sketch to item 44.) With a quick glance at some paperwork, a trained staffer can efficiently eliminate those whose mental development lags dangerously behind their physical prowess, a crucial pre-screening process that should ensure only the most well-rounded can progress to the "dodging tennis balls" and "being struck repeatedly in the head with a padded stick" portions of the cattle call try-outs.

• American Gladiators [NBC.com]
• Previously: Defamer Goes To The 'American Gladiator' Auditions [Defamer]

Having unearthed this long-forgotten treasure, MGM will be selling 39 episodes for syndication; above, a thrilling sneak preview of what we assume will eventually land on NBC's Saturday morning schedule, as the lure of both scoring again with this pre-proven concept and bringing that younger, muscle-suited, frozen-in-mid-90s-time Seacrest (a guy Ben Silverman likes to party with almost as much as Ben Silverman!) into the Peacock family will likely prove irresistible to the hit-recycling executive.

• Kid 'Gladiators' return [THR]
• G2 Gladiators 2000 [YouTube]

· In other NBC-related news, Selma Blair is in negotiations to join Molly Shannon in cast of the sitcom pilot Kath & Kim, another adaptation of one of those pre-approved foreign hits Silverman loves so dearly. [THR]
· In what could be the most optimistic words written about the WGA/AMPTP war in weeks, Var welcomes the beginning of informal, post-DGA-deal talks between the studios and Guild thusly: "Today could be the beginning of the end of the three-month writers strike." [Variety]
· NBC's block of Must See Screaming At Briefcases And Failed Pro Bodybuilders Shooting Tennis Balls At Part-Time Personal Trainers TV (i.e., Deal or No Deal and Gladiators) romps to Nielsen victory on Monday night. [THR]

· Having quietly completed two days of negotiations over the weekend, everyone in Hollywood will be watching the DGA and AMPTP for signs that they're about to announce a deal. (Especially members of the WGA, who are praying the directors don't reach an unfavorable agreement that makes their own contract-talk suffering any worse.) [THR]
· The Producers Guild nominates The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, Juno, Michael Clayton, No Country for Old Men, and There Will Be Blood for its feature film award, jilting both of last night's Globes winners, Atonement and Sweeney Todd.[Variety]

While in the previous incarnation of Gladiators, an injured player was allowed to opt out of their quest via a tear-drenched interview with the hosts, the vastly improved bloodsport now requires that a contender participate in the Assault before being discharged from the competition. Naturally, we found it difficult to watch as Jessie collapsed seconds after Hulk Hogan ignored her pleas to return to her family and shoved her into the line of tennis-ball-cannon fire, a spectacle made more disturbing each time her body slightly convulsed upon the impact of each 100-mph Slazenger ricocheting off her prone form. But a miracle of uplifting redemption immediately followed, when a suddenly compassionate Hogan ordered the cessation of the bombardment with a wave of his hand, and, inspired by the crowd's screams of approval when he dramatically reversed his initial thumbs-down call by pointing his life-sparing digit towards the heavens, carried the fallen Gladiator off-stage himself. If you looked closely enough at a shadow-obscured balcony overseeing the spectacle, you could almost make out Peacock Emperor Ben Silverman nodding his approval of the throng's generosity, knowing that any disappointment he felt over being denied the honor of a human sacrifice on the show's debut would be more than balanced by the ratings gain generated by the emotional, watercooler-worthy moment.

• Watch Video
• American Gladiators [NBC.com]
• 'American Gladiators' Shows Ratings Muscle [TV Week]

Militia is in fact former Colt Studios model Elian Cortez, and an image gallery of the impressively scaled man-warrior, unconstrained by AmGlad-issue Lycrawear, merely awaits your perusal with one NSFW click of the mouse. As it turns out, that was no tennis ball cannon. We'd also encourage you to take a moment to consider that hot-tube-sized manhole cover he managed to unscrew with his bare hands, which offers a good indication of the brute strength we're dealing with here.

• Alex "Militia" Castro: COLT's New American Gladiator [Fleshbot]

Crush (pictured): The only verb in the dozen, Crush "earned her well-deserved moniker by smashing opponents into submission," which kind of begs the question: why isn't she named Smash? [American Gladiators]

Hogan made the rounds at NBC's Burbank offices last week and has accepted the job. The deal is still being finalized, but sources say both parties are committed.

NBC sees Hogan as "the perfect fit" for the "Gladiators" revival, sources say. In addition to his experience as a physical performer during his years with the World Wrestling Federation, Hogan has proved he can draw viewers with sheer force of personality in his successful VH1 reality series "Hogan Knows Best."

We're truly excited to see what Silverman comes up with next as he slowly transforms NBC into a supernetwork comprised of all his favorite programs and personalities of his TV-obsessed youth. With nothing more to guide him than his impeccable taste in pre-proven concepts and a Magic 8-Ball custom-painted with the striking likeness of legendary programmer Brandon Tartikoff, by next fall we could easily be enjoying an updated Silver Spoons starring Zac Efron, an A-Team in which mercenary Gulf War veterans criss-cross America in a flying van to fight on behalf of the weak and powerless, or, in the most unorthodox of his scheduling masterstrokes, completely unaltered, nightly primetime reruns of We Got It Made.

• Hulk Hogan Finalizing Deal to Host NBC's 'American Gladiators' [TV Week]
• Previously: Defamer Goes To The 'American Gladiator' Auditions [Defamer]

On Saturday morning, we dispatched Defamer videographer Molly McAleer to the Gold's Gym in Venice, where NBC was holding an open audition for their new version American Gladiators, hoping that the (mostly) well-muscled local talent pool would yield a faster, stronger, more gloriously coiffed generation of Malibus, Skyes, and yes, even Nitros—who, despite the unkind appraisals of the gladiatorial up-and-comers we surveyed, was a character so appealing he could charm the pants off even Ellen DeGeneres.

• Previously: A Chance To Chase Your Gladitorial Dreams [Defamer]

AMERICAN GLADIATORS IS BACK!

The NO-HOLDS-BARRED hit competition series returns to prime-time television!

NBC is relaunching the classic competition series "American Gladiators" and is currently auditioning CONTENDERS and GLADIATORS for our upcoming premiere season.

We are looking for weekend warrior types that are BIG, bad, and athletic. If you think you have the heart, skills, and desire to COMPETE then we want to see you at THE GLADIATOR ARENA!

*You must come dressed in workout attire and appropriate footwear to be considered. You will be tested on your physical ability in areas such as strength, speed, balance and agility. We recommend bringing a workout towel and water with you to the audition.

WE'RE HOLDING OPEN CALLS AT THESE LOCATIONS:

# Please bring a non-returnable photo of yourself along with a completed application to the open call.
# Open Call Lines will begin forming 2 hours before the start time. Please do not line up prior to that.
# Time is limited and there is no guarantee that everyone will be seen-so please arrive early.

LOS ANGELES, CA - Saturday, September 8th
9:00am - 5:00pm
Gold's Gym
360 Hampton Drive
Venice, CA
www.goldsgym.com

We're not sure what the Gladiator hopefuls should expect tomorrow, but they should probably be prepared for anything—we wouldn't even be that surprised to discover that NBC rock star Ben Silverman, the series-recycling mastermind behind the show's resurrection, is turning up to do a few shifts behind the tennis ball cannon and get a firsthand look at the local talent he hopes will deliver him a Deal or No Deal-level hit of his own.

• Casting: American Gladiators [NBC.com]
• Previously: NBC Resurrecting American Gladiators [Defamer]

The above-referenced alternative programming "zag," as you may already have figured out by watching the embedded clip, is NBC's just-announced plan to resurrect early 90s reality competition American Gladiators to caulk one of the inevitable cracks in its midseason schedule.

We certainly can't argue with the executive's appraisal of the current TV landscape—our own cursory scan of our cable channel guide shows a disturbing lack of programming centered around steroidal pro-wrestling washouts firing tennis balls at struggling actors who look good in patriotically colored spandex. (Not even Fox has something like that at the moment, a glaring hole in their lineup of apocalypse-beckoning unscripted fare.) Expect visionary NBC co-chairman Ben Silverman to "sexy up" the dated, too-safe original by introducing a level of jeopardy that viewers now expect from their competition shows, demanding that participants Hang Tough above a pit of starving tigers, and by replacing the harmless, fuzzy ordinance in the The Assault's cannon with armor-piercing bullets—there's no better incentive for a contestant to give his all than the fear that promotional footage of his gruesome death will be used to pimp the premiere of the revived series during commercial breaks on a Deal or No Deal rerun.

• NBC pumps up for 'Gladiators' redo [Variety]
• American Gladiators - Intro [YouTube]