Here's how The Twitter World Works, according to Kaus: Twitter needs celebrities on its service to attract millions of new users every month or quarter or whatever. Celebrities, in turn need adoring fans, but (key point) have very fragile egos. So Kaus suspects Twitter of keeping a secret team of interns in a back room somewhere, poring over the massive stream of tweets directed at celebrities, and deleting the mean nasty tweets from search.twitter.com. The offending tweets still appear on Twitter, but won't show up in search results.

Kaus knows this because he tweeted something mean about CNN president Jon Klein, and it never showed up in Twitter search. Plus, in Kaus' experience, searches on celebrity names "almost invariably turn up... pleasant comments." Pretty ironclad. Ahem.

But you know what? The conspiracy might just be real. (Cue sinister music.) Here's a chummy little conversation between Twitter CEO/co-founder Ev Williams (pictured above, left, with celebrity tweeter Michael Stipe) and known celebrity Alyssa Milano talking about Kaus' conspiracy theory. She called it "interesting," followed by Ev's slick — too slick! — non-denial denial of Kaus' allegations.

Williams could have knocked down Kaus' conspiracy allegations by simply saying "that's absurd" or somesuch. But he didn't. Now we're actually kind of intrigued, at Kaus' seemingly crackpot ideas. Tell us it ain't so, Twitter people. Or better yet confirm, preferably with a picture of your secret cabal of celebrity gladhanders.

(Top pic: via Ev Williams)

Michael, Jane, Syndey, and Jo (played by Thomas Calabro, Josie Bissett, Laura Leighton, and Daphne Zuniga, respectively) are all signed on for multiple episodes of the new season. But if Ashlee Simpson-Wentz and cohorts can't carry this thing, producers are going to have to turn to turn on the nostalgia and bring back some of the most-ludicrous apartment complex's former residents. Here's some all-stars who will probably get the call sooner than later.

Heather Locklear
Melrose Character: Amanda Woodward
Character's Fate: Disappeared after faking her death.
Post-Melrose Career: The failed drama LAX followed by a public divorce, breakdown, and dating David Spade.
Reasons For/Against Returning: Big money, if she does, but if she's trying to craft another vehicle, this could work against her. Plus, she probably already turned it down.
Verdict: Not likely, but still necessary.

Marcia Cross
Melrose Character: Kimberly Shaw
Character's Fate: Died of cancer.
Post-Melrose Career: Hit paydirt playing Bree on Desperate Housewives.
Reasons For/Against Returning: Ok, aside from being the show's archetypal villain, it would be ratings gold. But Cross probably wants to put her wig-pulling past behind her.
Verdict: Never gonna happen.

Doug Savant
Melrose Character: Matt Fielding
Character's Fate: Died in a car accident.
Post-Melrose Career: Hanging out with Marcia Cross on the set of Desperate Housewives.
Reasons For/Against Returning: Is married to Laura Leighton, so she might talk him into coming back. Plus, isn't it about time he got to kiss a guy on screen?
Verdict: Possible.

Courtney Thorne=Smith
Melrose Character: Alison Parker
Character's Fate: Moved to Atlanta, which is even worse than that time she went blind.
Post-Melrose Career: Spent a few seasons on Ally McBeal and an eternity on According to Jim.
Reasons For/Against Returning: She's been on three hit shows, she doesn't need the money. But, her character is still "alive" and she's not doing anything better. We have a feeling that Courtney would think this is a lark.
Verdict: Not unlikely.

Rob Estes
Melrose Character: Kyle McBride
Character's Fate: Still living in Melrose Place.
Post-Melrose Career: Now stars on 90210 an hour before Melrose on The CW.
Reasons For/Against Returning: His wife ex, Josie Bissett is on the show, and can he play two characters two hours apart?
Verdict: He can't. It would rip a hole in the time-CW continuum.

Grant Show
Melrose Character: Jake Hanson
Character's Fate: Moved to Ojai to be with his son.
Post-Melrose Career: A good turn on last summer's ill-fated Swingtown.
Reasons For/Against Returning: Unemployment, and showing that his body is still killer.
Verdict: Wait for sweeps.

Jack Wagner
Melrose Character: Dr. Peter Burns
Character's Fate: Faked his death with Amanda and ran off to a tropical island.
Post-Melrose Career: A stint on The Bold and the Beautiful and, um, celebrity golf tournaments.
Reasons For/Against Returning: Do we want him back?
Verdict: Unfortunately, probably a yes.

Kelly Rutherford
Melrose Character: Megan Lewis
Character's Fate: Living happily ever after outside of Melrose Place.
Post-Melrose Career: Bad mommy Lily on Gossip Girl.
Reasons For/Against Returning: She said she'd do it for a lot of money, and it could have cross over potential. Maybe Lily's gay son Eric should move into Melrose Place, and Rutherford can return to the show playing a different role.
Verdict: Never mind, that would also tear a rift in the time-CW continuum.

Kristen Davis
Melrose Character: Brooke Armstrong
Character's Fate: Drowned in the pool.
Post-Melrose Career: Are you a Charlotte? Well, Brooke is.
Reasons For/Against Returning: Please. She's a fancy movie star now. She doesn't need this crap.
Verdict: About as likely as Carrie Bradshaw shopping at Macy's.

Alyssa Milano
Melrose Character: Jennifer Mancini
Character's Fate: Moved to New Jersey with Billy (Andrew Shue).
Post-Melrose Career: Charmed and the first lady of Major League Baseball.
Reasons For/Against Returning: Boredom. Plus, her character's brother, Michael, is back. Why not have Jen come by for a quick visit?
Verdict: Give it a season or two.

• The Threat of Neglected Tropical Diseases [huffingtonpost.com]