Gawker: defamer, alvin and the chipmunks

Alvin's Hasty Departure Prompts 'Chipmunk Idol' Audition Horror

STV — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 20:40:00 EDT

While the hamster health advisory to which we alerted you yesterday remains in effect, chipmunks are still plenty safe to pet, hold and practice your screechy, overcranked rock vocals with. As luck would have it, the most influential chipmunk band in history is seeking a new singer since Alvin, its leader of 40+ years, reportedly fled the band in a ~~carefully plotted publicity campaign~~ drug- and ego-fueled solo bender on the eve of its new album. But the vacancy is a double-edged sword for the rest of us, an unwitting culture faced with the prospect of the record label's actual "Chipmunk Auditions":

Do you have what it takes to be a Chipmunk?

· All you need to do is put together an audition tape and post it to our YouTube channel.

· For your backing track you can use “We’re The Chipmunks," “Witch Doctor” or any song you really love.

· Hit us with a little high-pitched sped-up vocalizing, or sing like you always do.

· Dance, dress up, use props, go “nuts.” In other words, Get Munked!

Naturally this is a Sarah Palin gig waiting to happen, but that doesn't mean the bodies of pitchy, precocious dreamers aren't piling up behind him on YouTube — which is where we leave you now to plot either your strategy or your revenge. Us, we think we'll take a hamster after all.

Chipmunk Auditions

Courtesy of an executive still giddy from...

Mark — Wed, 02 Jan 2008 20:00:15 EST

Courtesy of an executive still giddy from the staggering success of one of the box office's most critically reviled current releases, here's an insider's guide on How To Tell When You've Got A Monster Hit On Your Hands: "THE Nov. 11 test screening of "Alvin and the Chipmunks" was halfway over when the power in Westlake Village cut out. The emergency lights inside the Mann Village 8 came on, but most of preview guests still wouldn't leave their seats. After some 20 minutes in the near dark, 20th Century Fox canceled the screening — the last one possible before "Alvin" was locked and no more editing changes would be possible. As soon as the theater emptied, though, the power was restored, and the Fox executives were nearly trampled when the majority of the audience rushed back in. 'That was when I sort of said, "I think this movie is going to catch,"' said Elizabeth Gabler, whose Fox 2000 division joined with 20th Century Fox Animation to supervise production." [LAT]

'Book Of Secrets' The 'Citizen Kane' Of American-History-Themed Bruckheimer Thrill Rides

Seth — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 12:04:44 EST

With Father Time currently in lockdown after being picked up over the weekend for a parole-violating DUI, and the tragic discovery of the New Year's baby in a dumpster behind Bar Lubitsch (besides a crushed top hat and filthy sash, doing just fine), it seems as if the countdown to 2008 comes under less than ideal circumstances. Still, you can't stop the march of progress, and nowhere is that more apparent than in the weekend box office numbers:

1. National Treasure: Book of Secrets - $35.6 million
Boasting another week at the top of the box office, Disney and Jerry Bruckheimer have again managed to spin Nicolas Cage relieving himself on a pile of American history books into a pop culture phenomenon. Curious as to how Dame Helen Mirren fit into the cloak-and-dagger proceedings, we had a chance to catch Secrets over the weekend, where we were thrilled to learn that [Spoiler alert! Spoiler 'round the bend! God be with all ye who travel past this point unawares that spoilers be awaitin' ye, arhh!] the silver-tressed sex goddess had been retained to reprise her Oscar-winning turn as Queen Elizabeth II, showing off her impressive aim with a stag musket and command over a pack of bloodthirsty attack-Corgies in the scene where Cage and friends break into Buckingham Palace.

2. Alvin and the Chipmunks - $30,000,000
The unassuming tale of a disheveled celebrity Eastsider's singing-rodent infestation has proven to be a force to be reckoned with: Its $30 mil weekend take brings its total to $142.4 mil, leaving it poised to crack the top ten grossing films of the year. As if you had to be told, that makes chipmunks 2008's penguins. Prepare for approximately two dozen chipmunk-related family projects to fast-track into development, including Look Who's Talking Like a Chipmunk, Flushed Away 2: Now Chipmunks Are Being Flushed Away!, and Verminy Feet.

3. I Am Legend - $27,500,000
As we refuse to see this movie, we're left with nothing but Will Smith-loving-Hitler jokes. How many Hitler-loving Will Smiths does it take to change a lightbulb? Two! One to change it, the other to reprogram the broken one.

4. Charlie Wilson's War - $11,768,000
5. Juno - $10,300,000
In the "sophisticated commercial choice for grownups" category, audiences looking for fulfillment through witty banter and mature themes who may have already caught Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem turned to saucy Sorkinisms and Diabloesque drollery for their self-satisfied weekend moviegoing experiences.

13. Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story - $3.7 million
Still languishing at the box office, the music-bio satire with the in-your-face For Your Consideration campaign even has its star Jenna Fischer blogging about its flaccid-penis attributes on MySpace: "It's very raunchy and sexy and the humor is hard core. Think 40-Year-Old Virgin but with full-frontal male nudity too. That's right ladies, we have penis."

WEEKEND BOX OFFICE December 28-30, 2007 [Box Office Mojo]

Realizing that they probably squeezed every...

Mark — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 14:20:31 EST

Realizing that they probably squeezed every available box office dollar from moviegoing families during last weekend's surprising $45 million opening of Alvin and the Chipmunks, Fox has savvily released a new red-band trailer for the film, hoping to lure an adult audience into theaters over the upcoming holiday frame. [iKlipz]

Selling Animated Chipmunks To The TRL Generation

Mark — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 18:25:42 EST

As Live Free or Die Hard co-star Bruce Willis surely could have warned Justin Long, cashing the paycheck for a voiceover in a second-rate animated family film is the easy part of the gig; the hard part is the fulfilling the oft-humiliating promotional responsibilities to support the movie.

Once he's forced to embark on a world tour of Alvin and the Chipmunks premieres in which he'll spend countless hours hugging out-of-work actors in infrequently laundered rodent costumes, he'll be quickly pine for the days when he didn't have to do anything more soul-killing than show up to TRL in an oversized sweater and try to sell a kid's movie to an utterly disinterested, Ritalin-addled audience who just wish the fucking Mac guy would shut up so they can see 30 seconds of the new My Chemical Romance video.

TRL [MTV.com]
Previously: Bruce Willis Is Getting Really Sick Of Posing With The Fucking Raccoon [Defamer]