No one was anticipating miracles from the Schoenfeld Theater, where Holmes joined John Lithgow, Patrick Wilson and Dianne Wiest for the premiere of Arthur Miller's 1947 breakthrough All My Sons. So no one seemed disappointed that they didn't get them: Despite his best, unfailingly self-promotional intentions, Fox's Roger Friedman dampened expectations earlier this week, and the word so far from New York's more authoritative drama critics took care to treat Holmes as just another distinguished board-treader:

· "The very different leading actresses — the stage veteran Ms. Wiest and the neophyte Ms. Holmes, in her Broadway debut — are sad casualties of [director Simon] McBurney’s high-concept approach. [...] Ms. Holmes delivers most of her lines with meaningful asperity, italicizing every word. This Ann is straight from the school of the Erinyes (those avenging furies from Greek mythology), and I didn’t believe for a second that she really loved the honorable, naïve Chris." — Ben Brantley, The NY Times

· "A starry cast has been assembled to yell their lungs out, including the distinguished John Lithgow and, in her Broadway debut, Katie Holmes, known in her (less than) private life as Mrs. Tom Cruise. [...] Lithgow starts in a sunny, benign fashion, but eventually finds himself screeching alongside Holmes, looking tough under a glossy wig, and the all-American Wilson." — Clive Barnes, NY Post

· "Holmes, a TV and film vet, makes a fine Broadway debut. Her rather grand speech pattern takes getting used to, but she seems comfortable and adds a fitting glint of glamour. Dancing with Lithgow, kissing Wilson, she makes you forget about her being Mrs. Tom Cruise. At times, however, Holmes is strangely shrill." — Joe Dziemianowicz, NY Daily News

Meanwhile, Miller's daughter Rebecca praised Holmes (sort of) on the red carpet preceding the performance, and the camera-toting folks who schlepped in from New Jersey and elsewhere left without their coveted Tom and Suri Cruise sightings (both were reportedly no-shows, but his blurb-tossing mother dropped in for the hell of it). They did get a glimpse at Anonymous's scathing review of Holmes's offstage performance, however, as more than 30 cops kept watch over a masked crowd barking "Scientology Kills" and waving "Run Katie Run" signs outside the Schoenfeld.

And run Katie did — straight into the fluffy, waiting arms of People, whose probing inquiry following the show revealed that Suri has her own dressing room "transformed into a playroom." A diva in the making! Somewhere in the distant cosmos, we know Arthur Miller positively sobs with pride.

[Photos: AP]

Never mind that Friedman writes in detail about the "recently discovered" Patrick Wilson, who has been an awards-hopeful leading man for the last two Oscar seasons. Katie is the story here, however buried, and however non-committal:

When I met her in April 2005, she told me she wanted to do plays. Then she met Cruise, and all of that was over. Three and a half years later, she gets her chance, at last. She isn’t bad. She’s up against some real pros, and she holds her own. Like most movie and TV actors, her voice and projection need work. But she knows her lines, appears to understand the character and does not embarrass herself at all. Given the pressures involved, that’s a lot. [...] The main thing is, Katie Holmes is in most of the play, and is working damn hard. She doesn’t need anyone to "save" her.

So back off, Anonymous! Those Broadway thetans will be exorcised just fine by Thursday; we'll have a full review round-up later in the week.

• Katie Holmes: First Broadway Report [Fox News]

When asked for his verdict on Holmes' performance, Cruise stopped for a moment while moving through the crowd at the Gerald Schoenfeld Theatre on Thursday night, telling The Associated Press: "Did you see it? ... It was extraordinary."

The audience collectively gasped when Cruise entered the theater moments before the curtain went up. While anti-Scientology protesters demonstrated outside, the movie star — and Hollywood's most famous Scientologist — mingled and shook hands with some other theatergoers who took photos and clapped. He then hugged Dustin Hoffman, who was sitting a few rows away, which drew another cheer inside the theater. [...]

Not among the observers: the roughly 30 Scientology protesters from a group called Anonymous who demonstrated before the show behind a barricade, loudly chanting "Scientology kills!" Some wore masks like in the movie "V for Vendetta," and one poster read: "FREE KATIE."

Below, video from the Anonymous protest:

• Tom Cruise praises Katie Holmes' B'way performance [news.yahoo.com/ap]
• 9/18/08: Scilons Harass NYC Anons at "All My Sons" Protest [YouTube]

Boomp3.com

Doting stage husband Tom Cruise was on pins and needles as he watched his ladylove, Katie Holmes, go through her final dress rehearsal of All My Sons. Cruise admitted that his nerves got the best of him during the performance tonight. “It was just so moving and profound," he said. "It felt like I was giving birth. My water may have broke right before the second act. It was that beautiful.” Cruise went to give Holmes her traditional post-performance hug and a firm handshake, but Holmes opted for the firm handshake instead.

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Boomp3.com

Popular significant other to the stars Katie Holmes appeared to be melancholy after leaving rehearsal for her play, All My Sons. When asked, “Why so glum, sugar plum?”, Holmes replied that she didn’t know where to start. Holmes was mostly upset that nobody admired the Grease inspired pants she wore today. Holmes said, “ My pants look like the ones Sandy wears at the end of Grease. I wore it because, you know, it's dress like your favorite character from a play day. Nobody noticed. Everybody made a big fuss over Dianne Wiest dressing like Laura from The Glass Menagerie, but nothing for me.” Holmes felt that the best remedy for her blues may be to go over to Brooklyn and crawl into a big bowl of mac & cheese.

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

As Us notes, Kidman opened in both London and New York productions of The Blue Room at the same time as Eyes Wide Shut was gearing up to open in movie theaters. The only Stanley Kubrick film to open in the number-one spot, the ritzy S&M flick had more than freaky costumes going for it — Kubrick passed away before its premiere, the film itself wasn't too shabby and, most importantly, Tom Cruise and Kidman were enjoying their final year as Hollywood's golden couple. People went to see his movies and couldn't wait for the chance to see both in the same one. He used to be an actor! One the Academy considered worthy of an Oscars nom! So Holmes' failure isn't really hers — well, in so much as her miserable confinement as a prisoner of Scientology isn't really her fault, either.

• KATIE HOLMES LESS POPULAR THAN NICOLE KIDMAN ON BROADWAY [Us]