People reports that Sweeney delivered Megan Hope Sanov a few minutes before midnight; apparently mother and child are doing fine, and neither new job losses, bad remakes, Rinna/Hamlin reality shows nor apocalyptic walrus-saxing have ensued in the hours since, so we think we're OK. As you were, Ms. Sweeney, and all our best. For real this time.

• It's a Girl for Alison Sweeney! [People]

Kudos to quick-thinking Ellen, who hops over her writhing guest to launch the next segment, and even heartier congrats to Sweeney, who we hope made it safely to a nearby delivery room in short order. We'll get our "It's an Apocalypse!" cigars at the ready as the story develops. [Ellen]

UPDATE: We're shocked and saddened to learn that Alison Sweeney did not, in fact, go into labor during today's Ellen episode, according to a denial from a Warner Bros. staffer. Fair enough — we wouldn't want the Doomsday Baby on our hands, either.