Universal decided to promote its movie "Fourth Kind," about real live actual alien abductions in Alaska that actually happened, by publishing a fake archive of fake news stories from real Alaska papers, purporting to report on the fake things that happened in the fake movie. Then the real Alaska papers were like, whoa, hey, pretty sure we didn't write any real obits of fictional characters lately, and Universal was like, ha, you're right, we're giving $20k to the Alaska Press Club to show you how sorry we are. The studio also vowed to pull all the fake stories off the internet, but, of course, you can still find some cached on Google.

The Tribune Co. is very interested in expressing outrage over any Hollywood movies that may choose to use fake LA Times headlines to recount any imaginary tales of murder, scandal, or disaster, whether human or alien. Call them.

You just knew this was coming, right? Sooner or later you just knew that the sweet and hopelessly ignorant kid from the Alaskan tundra who just wanted to float aimlessly through life hunting, fishing, playing hockey and banging chicks, would have his life destroyed by the sudden fame that came with having knocked up the daughter of the most ridiculous American public figure in the history of ridiculous American public figures. So very sad.

Renata Espinosa of The Daily Beast went shopping recently with Levi and his newly hired manager/bodyguard, an Anchorage-based lawyer, in Los Angeles, where they were "fielding pitches" for acting and reality show gigs or something.

Besides acting as Levi's handler, Tank is his personal Tim Gunn and Henry Higgins all in one, instructing him on the subtleties of wearing a fedora and reminding him to be open-minded about the different types of people he might encounter. Tank is the ultimate 21st-century version of an American father: multicultural and media-savvy.

Like the time Levi appeared on The Tyra Banks Show, with his mother and sister, and had to get his hair and makeup done, Tank had to remind Levi to relax.

"That was the worst," Levi tells me. "I had some dude singing to me, the whole time. He was real happy. Calling me ‘baby' and all that. I kept my mouth shut."

"I told him, you're going to meet all different types of people," interjects Tank. "Don't overreact. Nobody's going to hurt you. You gotta be accepting of all different types of people. You're talking about dealing with Hollywood? You're going to really meet some strange people."

To help Levi morph into the epic tool he needs to become if he has any hope of making it in Hollywood, Tank came up with the "Ricky Hollywood" idea.

Just so you're clear, when Levi Johnston is in L.A. with Tank and running around shopping with a reporter, trying on sequined jackets and pink fedoras and wearing bedazzled T-shirts that say "Go Girl" on them, that's not Levi you're seeing.

"What we did was, we came up with an alter ego, Ricky Hollywood," explains Tank. "Ricky Hollywood would iron his shirt." Levi looks at Tank and raises his eyebrows. "Yeah, right!" he says. "OK, well, I'd iron it. He doesn't know how to iron."

"We're not going to find my style out here," says Levi rather contentiously.

"Oh, yes, we will," says Tank. "We're going to find Ricky's style!"

No!!!! Just let Levi be Levi dammit and wear his jeans and t-shirts and baseball caps! He's been through enough—Leave him alone!

When asked by Espinosa about the Palin/Letterman controversy, Levi said that he didn't "think that David was trying to advocate any sexual misconduct of any nature."

You see—Levi actually gets it and is probably the only normal player in the whole Palin clown show. Leave him alone!

Shopping With Levi Johnston [Daily Beast]

I've been watching the news all morning, like everyone else - and i keep hearing about the issues related to 'teen pregnancy'- It's all related to Sarah Palin and her 17 year old unmarried pregnant daughter. Well, I think the real problem comes from the fact that we are taking the focus off of getting to know Sarah Palin and her political views, and what she can do to make our country a less destructive place. Its distracting from the real issues, the real everyday problems that this country experiences.

I am concerned with the fact that Sarah Palin brought the attention to her daughter's pregnancy, rather than all world issues and what she believes she could possibly do to change them-if elected. I get Sarah Palin's views against abortion, but i would much prefer to hear more about what she can do for our country rather than how her daughter is going to have a child no matter what.

Maybe focus on delivering some words and policy with stronger impact like Joe Biden.

...On another note-the last note- i heard a woman say on TODAY on NBC that teens are feeling as if they have to grow up faster. Really? Because, i think that girls that are CHOOSING to be sexually active and are making a conscious decision to grow up faster..... I think that parents need to recognize how important it is to talk to their children about the things that can result from being sexually active if they aren't protecting themselves (birth control, condoms, etc.)

In the wake of her well-written rebuttal to her father, has Linday Lohan finally found a steady calling as a blogger? Her intermittent acting gigs may pay the bills, but we think that it's as an internet diarist (albeit one measured by the short stick of Myspace celebrity blogs) that Lohan reveals herself to be more than adequite.

[Photo Credit: AP]

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