Superproducer Jerry Bruckheimer is teaming up with Disney to produce the movie version of the upcoming book Horse Soldiers. While both you and me are imagining a film about horses who wear gun hats and every time they neigh, the gun hats shoot bullets, and we win WWII and the human kid, Danny, finally gets to kiss the cute French girl who helped them because she knows a lot about horses like how to click at them and how to fix gun hats, unfortunately we are both mistaken. It's about real-life US soldiers who rode into Afghanistan on horseback and helped broker deals with warlords in order to topple the Taliban. Sigh. [Variety]

Jeff Goldblum and Diane Keaton have joined the cast of the potentially-embarrassing-for-everyone-sounding Morning Glory. The film is about Rachel McAdams trying to solve a feud between two news anchors, Keaton and Harrison Ford. It's filming in New York, and that person who wrote Devil Wears Prada has crafted the screenplay. Lord help us. [Variety] Terrence Howard, Cuba Gooding Jr., and Bryan Cranston have all joined up for Red Tails, the George Lucas-produced WWII flick about the Tuskegee Airmen. Whether or not they run into any horse soldiers with gun hats on their heads depends on how historically accurate they're trying to be. If they're going for vérité, then yes, there will be gun hats.

In case you were worried that you might have to go to the beach or sit outside drinking sangria and enjoying the breezes this summer, don't worry. The CW has finally decided to enter the full-year programming game, and will air some new reality shows in the hottest months. Your choices will be as varied as Blonde Charity Mafia, about a group of idiots milling about Washington D.C., and Hitched, about a bunch of idiots mulling about the idea of getting married. [Variety] Nerd alert! Dollhouse and Battlestar hottie boombalottie Tahmoh Penikett has been cast in the Sci-Fi (or, sorry, Syfy) channel movie event Riverworld, about a couple who dies only to find themselves in what is questionably the afterlife. Alan Cumming will guest star, and the whole damn thing could become a series. But what does this mean for the still-getting-better Dollhouse's fate? Hopefully nothing. [THR]

The people who made that show Til' Death (which is still on the air), Alex Barnow and Marc Firek, have signed a new deal with Sony TV. They'll leave that Brad Garrett laffapalooza and head on over to a new series, which is still in the works. So the good people are working. We can be glad for that. (And yes, I know J.B. Smoove is funny on that show, but still). [THR] Also there's this: Jennifer Garner is set to star in a movie about butter carving. No, not churning. Carving. The competitive world of. So. The movie is called Butter, completing the triumvirate begun by Milk and continued by Salt. [THR]

Kevin James continues to land a series of improbably hot wives. First it was Leah Remini, who later became an alien and disappeared out of the motherhood and into the celestial ether, and now it's Maria Bello. The smoky voiced blonde will play his wife in that jam-packed comedy about a high school reunion that also stars Chris Rock, Adam Sandler, Maya Rudolph, and Salma Hayek. The genius behind I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry will direct. [THR] Speaking of hilarity, here's something terrific. Hunk of yesteryear Antonio Sabato Jr. has won an acting award for a movie in which he plays a serial killer. The prestigious Beverly Hills Film Festival bestowed the best actor prize upon the former soap stud for his work in Drifter: Henry Lee Lucas, about this charming fellow who maybe killed 600 folks, and maybe didn't kill anyone. You may remember that the estimable Michael Rooker played the fellow in Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer some years back. [THR]

Here is his scandalous theory, as told to New York:

“I think great leaders, charismatic leaders and men who are so confident and who have achieved so much, usually have big penises,” Cumming told us. “I think there’s a correlation between the level of confidence, the level of the way a man can hold a room and the way he conducts himself in life, with his penis size — with his comfort with his penis size.”

Cumming developed this theory, he says, through extensive research. “So much of male psyche is taken up with how big your cock is; it’s a huge deal in our lives, and so when you’re confident about your penis size, it shows.”

And his highly trained eye says Obama is hung. “Well, just look at him,” Professor Cumming explained. “Just the way he’s so kind of elegant and very confident in his body and himself.”

“Also,” Alan added as an afterthought, “someone told me that they worked out with him in a gym in Chicago, and it was big.”

We suppose that only Michelle knows for sure (though we can confirm Cumming's correlation of self-assurance to large endowments—you should see how Mr. Defamer conducts himself around Lifehacker, Gizmodo, and Jezebel. Let's just say that when he confidently leaves the room, he isn't the only one with a raised eyebrow).

[Photo Credit: AP]

• Alan Cumming Says Barack Obama Has a Big Wang [New York]