Well, apparently try as we might to get on with our lives, the world just can't live without just a little more Aerosmith, not even for a week. Last night the band ended their six day old divorce. During a Perry show at New York's Filmore, Tyler suddenly appeared on stage and announced, according to NME, in a specimen of authentic aging rocker gibberish, so rarely heard in this day and age:

I just want New York to know, I am not leaving Aerosmith," he said, before turning to Perry and stating: "And Joe Perry, you are a man of many colours but I, motherfucker, am the rainbow!"

Tyler then instructed Perry's drummer to play, and the band launched into Aerosmith's 1975 hit 'Walk This Way'. Tyler ended the song with his arm around Perry.

[Via Vulture]

In a story the media is still trying to wrap its head around, guitarist Joe Perry told the Las Vegas Sun that all he knows about the end of his band is what he's read on the web, which is telling him that after decades together, Aerosmith is no more. After playing a show in Abu Dhabi last week, Perry said he returned home to Boston and read an interview Tyler had given to the website of Classic Rock Magazine in which in said he was done with the band.

"I don't know what I'm doing yet, but it's definitely going to be something Steven Tyler: working on the brand of myself –- Brand Tyler," Tyler told Classic Rock.

Apparently inter-band communications are not what they could be, so reading rumors and quotes online seems to be Aerosmith's only source of news about each other. The Sun quotes:

"Steven quit as far as I can tell," Perry said from his Boston home. "I don't know anymore than you do about it. I got off the plane two nights ago. I saw online that Steven said that he was going to leave the band. I don't know for how long, indefinitely or whatever. Other than that, I don't know."

Part of the problem, he says, is that Tyler doesn't return his phone calls.

"He's notorious for that," Perry said. "That's one thing I've learned to live with. I try to overlook it. I like to pick my battles. Frankly, the last few months I've been wanting not to rock the boat. I don't want him canceling any more gigs. We really wanted to do these last four. We just kind of didn't want to call him out or anything and get him anymore pissed off, for whatever reason. So we just let things lie. So we did the gigs and, like I said, I got off the plane and saw this online. That's how I know about it."

And apparently, the band as a whole is believing what it reads. The group posted on its own website a link to a Boston Herald story about the Classic Rock story about the break-up.

[Via Hitfix]

Boomp3.com

Reality TV star/budding actress Audrina Patridge made an offer that many men simply can’t refuse before heading off to a medical appointment in Century City. Patridge threw down a hefty gauntlet to all near by men and simply said, “We’re on the parking level and my appointment is on the sixth floor. So, we got five floors to make our own version of Aerosmith’s 'Love in the Elevator' for the building’s security guards. Come on, you know they’re bored, so let's give them a once in a lifetime moment here.” The future star of The Last House On Sorority Row began to sing the chorus of the popular hard rock hit in a breathy tone as the doors started slowly close before the pappers’ eyes. Nearly mimicking the legendary “Here’s Johnny” shot from The Shining, Patridge placed one half of her bug eyed sunglasses against the closing gap and asked, “Last chance to live it up while going down….5..4…3.” The door closed before Patridge could say the magical number.

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.