THE LOVELY BONES
The Story: A slain 13 year old girl looks down from heaven recalling her rape and murder.
The Pitch: Witness meetsThe Ice Storm
Who It's For: Literary fiction devotees who haven't yet learned that adaptations of their beloved reading group selections always turn out badly.
Cause for Hope: Director Peter Jackson returns to his strongest Heavenly Creatures territory at the intersection of teenage girls and murder.
Cause for Concern: CGI-fantasyland version of heaven leads one to believe Jackson has spent too much time with trolls and giant monkeys to go back to making movies about humans again.
Defamer Enthusio-Meter: 7

INVICTUS
The Story: In the aftermath of apartheid, President Nelson Mandela (Morgan Freeman) attempts to unite his divided nation behind a mostly white, underdog rugby team.
The Pitch: Amistad meets The Bad News Bears
Who It's For: The entire family and your high school history class.
Cause for Hope: What could have been an overblown, pedantic story may be genuinely stirring in a non-manipulative way in the calm, understated hands of director Clint Eastwood.
Cause for Concern: Having to watch a movie about rugby, a sport combines the torpor of soccer with the meatheadness of hockey.
Defamer Enthusio-Meter: 8

THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG
The Story: The story of the frog prince relocated to Jazz Age New Orleans.
The Pitch: The Little Mermaid meets Angel Heart
Who It's For: The kids.
Cause for Hope: Disney's first animated African-American star; the throwback 2D animation looks rather quaintly lovable.
Cause for Concern: Encouraging young women to commit intimacies upon reptiles promotes interspecies cruelty.
Defamer Enthusio-Meter: 7

A SINGLE MAN
The Story: A college professor (Colin Firth) in the early 60's struggles to come to terms with the death of his partner.
The Pitch: Brokeback Mountain meets Mad Men
Who It's For: The very artsy
Cause for Hope: The always watchable Colin Firth; designer Tom Ford's directing debut received very favorable festival buzz.
Cause for Concern: Trailers have attempted to majorly gloss over the film's central gay theme.
Defamer Enthusio-Meter: 8

THE SLAMMIN' SALMON
The Story: A down on his luck restaurant owner starts a table-waiting contest to repay his debts.
The Pitch: Best in Show meets Rocky Balboa
Who It's For: Comedy Nerds
Cause for Hope: The Broken Lizard Comedy troupe which made this film is always a delight.
Cause for Concern: Table-waiting comedy may not be ready for its moment in the sun.
Defamer Enthusio-Meter: 9

WHIP IT
The Story: A Texas teen (Ellen Page) gives up a life of beauty pageants to fight it out in the roller derby rink.
The Pitch: Fight Club meets Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants
Who It's For: Grrrl power wolf packs.
Cause for Hope: Precious as it may be, it's hard not to get excited for roller derby; buzz has been good for Drew Barrymore's directorial debut.
Cause for Concern: The project leaves huge room for the Drew nose-scrunching, head-bobbing cutesy factor to rear its pig-tailed head.
Gawker Enthusio-Meter: 7

ZOMBIELAND
The Story: The world is overrun by zombies. Woody Harrelson and Jesse Eisenberg fight back.
The Pitch: Shaun of the Dead meets Red Dawn
Who It's For: Nerds
Cause for Hope: Hilarious trailer; movies success will propel Eisenberg to the Hoodie Hearththrob crown.
Cause for Concern: Cruising around with Woody 'n kilin' some zombies is a fantastic joke, but it still is just one joke and 90 minutes is a long time.
Gawker Enthusio-Meter: 8

A SERIOUS MAN
The Story: The Coen Brothers portrait of Jewish life in the '60s suburban Midwest.
The Pitch: Yentl meets Blue Velvet
Who It's For: College administrators
Cause for Hope: The ever aloof Coen brothers portraying the world of their own youth promises the "laughing at the hicks" quotient might fall slightly.
Cause for Concern: They've still got plenty of snideness to spare.
Gawker Enthusio-Meter: 7

THE INVENTION OF LYING
The Story: In a land where people speak only the truth, one man (Ricky Gervais) learns how to bend the world through the magic of false speaking.
The Pitch: Bruce Almighty meets Withnail and I
Who It's For: Gervais TV die hards
Cause for Hope: Despite gimmicky concept and Gervais' spotty non-BBC track record, hope springs eternal for the sometimes genius.
Cause for Concern: Formulaic concept promises depressing anti-lying message.
Gawker Enthusio-Meter: 6

TOY STORY and TOY STORY 2 in 3D
The Story: The rip roarin' Buzz Lightyear and friends have adventures in a little kid's bedroom. No Polanski jokes here.
The Pitch: Westworld meets Pinocchio in 3D
Who It's For: Citizens under seven, their parents and film nerds who don't feel weird about sitting alone in a theater filled with children.
Cause for Hope: It is the Citizen Kane of animation after all.
Cause for Concern: America comes one step closer to falling under the mass hypnosis that 3D creates an entirely new level of cinematic experience, worth paying more than ten dollars for.
Gawker Enthusio-Meter: 8

boomp3.com

While walking the carpet at the Teen Choice Awards, popular singer/actress Scarlett Johansson bent over when she noticed that someone had dropped a stack of business cards on the ground. The Scoop star bent down in a ladylike manner to pick up the discarded business cards, much to the dismay of the surrounding lensmen hoping to score a gossip blog friendly shot. A group of men ahead of Johansson dropped another set of business cards, but Johansson just stared at cards, shook her head and moved her fingers using the universal sign for "naughty naughty."

[Photo Credit: Splash Pic]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

After two months of negotiations, "Two and a Half Men" star Charlie Sheen is close to finalizing a new salary pact that would make him the highest-paid comedy star in television today.

Sources said Sheen will earn about $350,000 per episode this season from producer of the CBS powerhouse, Warner Bros. Television. This represents a hefty increase from his previous payday in the low six figures.

The salary doesn't come close the $1 million per episode the actor was reportedly asking for, but it's still a substantial pay raise that will allow Sheen to indulge in luxury goods and services he may have deprived himself of before; for example, hiring a personal skywriter to circle Denise Richards' home every day for a year, writing, "THIS MESSAGE PAID FOR BY MONEY YOU WILL NEVER GET YOUR GRUBBY CLAWS ON, YOU SAMBORA-SUCKING WHORE," in giant, block letters hundreds of feet above her driveway.

• Sheen set to become highest-paid sitcom star [Reuters/THR]