WATCH

Intervention In-Depth [9 PM, A&E] - This show is sad but true and, at times, truly affecting. Tonight's special hour-long episode is devoted to women who gamble compulsively, rather than following one addict, which makes it easier to stomach. When they profile one individual and her/his loved/concerned ones for an hour, it gets a bit too real, but examining a problem gives us a bit more journalistic distance. If you haven't seen Intervention before, this would be a nice amuse-bouche (or, in our culinary world, the Chili's Triple Dipper) to ease you into future devastating episodes.

The City [10 PM, MTV] - It's finally starting to get catty on The City, with Whitney openly expressing her producer-determined opinion in front of Olivia, her super cold (but super awesome because she brings her cousin Nevan into the mix) co-worker at DvF. In tonight's episode, the gang from NYC heads to Miami and Whitney bumps into Jay's ex-girlfriend. You may remember the revealing sneak preview Whitney gave us earlier this year. This is the pay-off of that slip, if you can call a bunch of people giving each other wishy-washy advice on the beach a pay-off.

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The Daily Show with Jon Stewart [11 PM, Comedy Central] - In a possible tribute to the temporary loss of Conan O'Brien, Leno and Letterman are in reruns this week (along with Conan, obviously). It's a great opportunity to catch up on Kimmel or grab some precious sleep, because spring sweeps are just around the corner with a Jay Leno farewell tour on top of that. Tonight, Jeff Bezos, Amazon CEO, talks about the Kindle and what it will mean for publishing. We're still reading our books analog, but the second a black market for Kindled books opens up, we'll be hopping on-board. Once an illegal economic sector opens for a new technology, you know it's here to stay.

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The Bachelor: The Women Tell All [8 PM, ABC] - We never feel bad for the men and women on reality shows; they signed the release, they deserve whatever the producers inflict on them. The people we do feel bad for are individuals who work tough 9-5 jobs and have to come home and watch reality reunion shows. Survivor perfected the reunion show years ago, but their reunion show has the interesting twist of taking people who were grubbing it up in some far-flung jungle and placing them in a standard talk show setting. The Bachelor, on the other hand, takes all the women who spent weeks wearing too much makeup in an over-lit house and going on helicopter rides, and puts them in a studio to recap everything that has already been recapped a dozen times, from the "last week on The Bachelor" montage to the end of show pensive moments when Jason makes decisions. The program will also catch up with Trista Rehn and Ryan Sutter, the only Bachelorette to marry her pick, and Charlie O'Connell and Sarah Brice, the woman Charlie chose, broke up with and then resumed dating. The finale airs next week. We're not feeling any of these girls for a Bachelorette spin-off, so we're thinking DeAnna Pappas will be re-looking for love.

WATCH

Mistresses [8 PM, BBC America] - It's Friday and we're feeling saucy, so a British Sex and the City derivative where none of the four smart, driven women (played by Sarah Parish, Sharon Small, Orla Brady and Shelley Conn) believe in fidelity. In the first episode, the friends celebrate Katie's (Sarah Parish) birthday, who is a doctor and is sleeping with her terminally ill and married patient. We're excited that the characters are all shades of Samantha, so there's more of a slut-level playing field, rather than someone who has to act prudish no matter what is happening.

Late Night with Conan O'Brien [12:35 PM, NBC] - To paraphrase the Beatles: In the end, the Pimpbot 5000 you take is equal to the Robot on a Toilet you make. That does not make sense, but the past couple of weeks has felt like a goodbye to the old Conan. Even though Nathan Lane's song was pretty boring and last night's Will Arnett's mini-tribute was predictable, there's an awkwardness about everything that suggests the last days of the summer after senior year of high school when people realize that nothing will ever be the same again. It felt that way when Andy Richter left the show, but they just found new uses for other staff members and the local comedy community (Jack McBrayer, et al.). The White Stripes are the guaranteed guest tonight, but there should be a bunch of other surprise appearances and probably a show of honest emotion. Good luck, man.

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The Soup Awards [10:30 PM, E!] - After a new Soup episode, the death knell of awards season will be sounded as Joel McHale lauds entertainers who will likely go unrecognized this weekend at the Spirit or Academy Awards. Clocking in at 30 minutes, this might be the only awards show we will ever watch all the way through.

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Dollhouse [9 PM, Fox] - The series premiere left us feeling a little strange, as the action sequences lacked suspense and the Echo (Eliza Dushku) part of the plot was not a quarter as interesting as the history/mythology behind the Dollhouse or the pursuit of Echo by Agent Paul Ballard (Tahmoh Penikett). It's not like anything else is on that will keep us from watching this, we just felt let down by the pretty conventional espionage procedural. In tonight's episode, Echo is hunted by an expert outdoorsman. Meanwhile, Ballard gets closer to discovering her real identity. The show has so much potential (not just for Whedon fanatics), and we humbly implore the producers to make the action sequences look better than what Nash Bridges was doing a decade ago.

WATCH

ER [10 PM, NBC] - This is more of a nostalgia pick than anything as the days wind down for those brave Chicago ER doctors. There was a moment in many of our lives when Thursday night was an automatic three hour block of NBC, with ER topping us off after four solid or visionary (Seinfeld, certain Friends episodes) half-hour comedies (a single tear for the "Must See TV" era). But with personnel changes and the darkening of the national mood, a serious, steadicam-heavy medical show no longer seemed like the best choice on our Thursday nights. Wyle reprises his longtime Dr. Carter role tonight (and for a few more episodes) and we are excited to see his simple, empathic humanity back on the show. In the early days of Clooney making dreamy eyes, Eriq La Salle taking everything too seriously and Anthony Edwards' character constantly distracted by the problems of others, Wyle was the young buck with a lot to learn. Clooney is probably coming back, too, so keep your TiVos peeled.

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Hell's Kitchen [9 PM, Fox] - Don't get us wrong, we like Top Chef a lot, but Gawker has that show on lockdown, so we'll settle for the rest of the cooking competition universe. At times Jerry Springer Show (lots of bleeps) and at other times a source for culinary knowledge (how to prepare a scallop), this show is all that is good and bad about shows about cooking. Watching people cook is inherently boring - thus the need for unnecessary insert shots, cheesy music and major cleavage on shows like Giada De Laurentiis's, for example - but watching people have to manipulate heat and knives under time pressure is great fun, and with tonight's meat challenge involving large sides of beef, we'll get heaping helpings of both.

Being Erica [10 PM, SOAPnet] - There's nothing like a good Canadian produced dramedy series to get the blood flowing, especially when one of the co-stars is Wonderfalls hunk Tyrone Leitso. The premise of the series requires a bit of hand-holding: 32-year-old Erica (Erin Karpluk) suffers an early midlife crisis and is prescribed by her mysterious therapist to travel back in time and right past wrongs. So, it's like Samantha Who? but with time travel. We can hang.

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Destroyed in Seconds [9 PM, Discovery] - There was a moment where we liked these clip shows - especially Whacked Out Sports - but with the internet our main source of daily entertainment, watching short but spectacular clips on television has lost its novelty. We've said this many times, but if something is awesome, it will bubble up from the internet. For better or worse, our attention span has been shortened to the point where we can't tolerate Discovery running nine replays of the same grainy explosion footage. Tonight's episodes features a race car and a tornado burning and destroying, respectively, in seconds.

WATCH

Late Night with Conan O'Brien [12:35 AM, NBC] - Moving is always tough, but for the generation born from 1975-1985, Conan's move to 11:35 PM is a truly significant change in the TV landscape. Many of us were too young to see a lot of Letterman at 12:35 AM (or his morning show), so our reference on the current Late Show is not strong enough to lament that it has become less funny or weird. We will have that ability with Conan, and hopefully we will not have to deploy it. Nathan Lane is on tonight's episode, but you should expect a lot more than just witty banter and a musical number. Even if you never understood the humor or didn't stay up that late, at least watch it online. Late night shows aren't ever going to be on DVD or preserved online the way Seinfeld or even Reba are, so this is pretty much your last chance to see a master of the form.

Important Things With Demetri Martin [10:30 PM, Comedy] - Power is tonight's topic. The ratings for the first installment were huge (as Comedy Central original sketch shows go) last week, and while there's definitely a ceiling on the number of people who can enjoy this brand of broad but intelligent comedy, there should be a lot more folks tuning in to see what the guy with the horn rimmed glasses and the messenger bag was talking about in the lunchroom.

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The Witness: From the Balcony of Room 306 [8 PM, HBO2] - This Oscar-nominated short (about 30 minutes) explores the last afternoon with Dr. Martin Luther King, as told by Rev. Samuel "Billy" Kyles, the only other person on the balcony of the Lorraine Motel in Memphis at the time of the assassination on April 4, 1968. Considering that most people never see the nominated documentary shorts (not really their fault as exhibitions are hard to come by), it's enriching to watch filmmakers who truly toil in obscurity and have to get by on the message of their work and strength of their talent. Who does that anymore?

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Little Miss Perfect [10 PM, WE] - Great title. This reality children pageant series premieres hot on the heels of TLC's Toddlers and Tiaras. While Toddlers and Tiaras showcases a bunch of girls as they prepare for the pageant, Little Miss Perfect follows two families each week as they prep their cash calves for the "Little Miss Perfect" pageant. Tonight's episode centers on 9-year-old BrandiJean and 8-year-old Ashley, the reigning Little Miss Citrus. We're not objecting to the idea of little girl pageants, mind you, just the shows about them.

High School Reunion [10 PM, TVLand] - The second season of this torturous reality series starts tonight with 15 of Chandler, Arizona's class of 1988 reuniting at a Hawaiian estate. TVLand promises that the cast includes the homecoming queen, ugly duckling, class clown and the outcast, but as we learned last season, The Breakfast Club this is not. Even if your standards are slightly lower, and you'd settle for the reunion chemistry in The Big Chill's dinner-cleanup-dance sequence, you'll be greatly disappointed.

WATCH

Dogg After Dark [9 PM, MTV] - Snoop Dogg is a lot of things: rapper, actor, biznessman, but above all he is funny. Snoop has a great sense of humor about himself, probably because he is one of the most laid-back people in world. Instead of taping in a studio, Snoop's new variety show stakes out LA hotspot Kress where he shmoozes and occasionally throws to a comedy sketch. Tonight's episode features Paris Hilton, Pharrell, some performances by his in-house band, the Snoopadelics, and "rising Hip Hop star" Kid Cudi. It won't be high energy, but it will probably have as many good jokes as Chocolate News and without all the yelling.

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Larry King Live [9 PM, CNN] - Former President (and in our mind, President-for-Life) Bill Clinton sits down with Larry to offer his educated opinion on the issues of the day. Clinton was recently asked if he deserves blame for some of the economic junk and that will probably come up first, though we are also hoping Clinton weighs in on who he likes on American Idol (Knowing his weakness for annoying brunettes, we're scared he likes Tatiana).

Frontline [9 PM, PBS/KCET] - If your sympathies lie on the other side of the spectrum, then look for some evenhanded economic analysis from the best news-analysis-documentary show on television. Unless your trust fund is still robust or you have found a sweet Los Angeles niche (living in your uncle's pool house, being related to a Jenner), the economy affects your life like never before. Frontline dissects the Lehman Brothers collapse, the bailouts and everything else that your mom tries to talk to you about when you just want to go back to sleep on a Sunday morning.

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Homeland Security USA [8 PM, ABC] - Last time it crossed our desk/table in the corner of Pazzo Gelato where we steal wireless internet, we went out of our way to lambaste this scrubbed-up airport/seaport version of COPS and in the weeks since that day we have watched the show on DVR with the hope that something amazing would happen that might result in a retraction. Sadly, the show is still about as exciting as the worst episode of Parking Wars. The thought that the severity of the stakes of Homeland Security work would make boring content somehow more exciting is beyond fallacious. On tonight's episodes, some punk from M.I.T. tries to be annoying as hell by invoking his passenger's right not to show his ID to the TSA or something. More exciting stuff happens at the airport Chili's.

WATCH

Dollhouse [9 PM, Fox] - Eliza Dushku stars in and executive produces this new series created by Joss Whedon (Buffy, Angel, other shows that the internet loves). Dushku plays Echo, a woman employed by a company called Dollhouse that erases the minds of its workers, reprograms their personalities to suit the needs of its wealthy clients, supposedly erases them again, and starts over. The "dolls" can play anything from paramour to a lonely dude to a Buffy-like ass-kicker. In tonight's premiere, Echo is assigned as a hostage negotiator so that a businessman doesn't have to go to the police. Meanwhile, an FBI agent's (Tahmoh Penikett) pursuit of the Dollhouse puts him in danger. The previews for Dollhouse show a visual style we can get behind, but our Whedon-humping friends might psyche us out of future viewings for fear of having too much in common with them.

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Sports Illustrated Swimsuit 2009 [11:30 PM, TNT] - With NBA All-Star excitement in full swing, this is going to be a big sports weekend on TNT. In a calculated move to keep the male audience tonight, here's a thirty-minute peek at 2009's SI Swimsuit Issue featuring covergirl Bar Refaeli as well as some rookie posers. It almost warms the heart to see that there is still a swimsuit issue, let alone a sports magazine, given that all media will be digital and porn within ten years.

Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory [10 PM, MTV] - This past week's premiere of another MTV series featuring Rob of Rob & Big re-airs tonight. While Big's presence is missed, there is an air of whimsy about the massive warehouse where Rob and his boys indulge their fantasies. Tonight, Lamar Odom of the Lakers visits to discuss a business opportunity and Rob installs a blob indoors. We smiled through the whole episode, so something must be good about it.

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20/20: A Hidden America: Children of the Mountains [10 PM, ABC] - Diane Sawyer digs deep this week as she reports on Appalachian poverty by profiling four kids in "the land that time forgot." (We thought that was this one area of rainforest where that tribe has never seen, aw, never mind.) Rocking a puffy coat, she interviews residents in their freezing homes and hears all of the sad stories. ABC is really pushing this piece, but it seems a bit condescending, if you ask us. The problems are real - depression, drug abuse, poor health care - but we hate this "I can't believe this would happen in America" attitude. A lot of messed up stuff goes down in this country and even though there is a city just over the next ridge where these people could live and get proper medical benefits, they choose to live their life this way. Unless this is followed by a very special Extreme Makeover: Home Edition where Ty Pennington razes all of Appalachia and brings in some Sears trucks, this type of exploitation seems too sad to watch.

WATCH

Grey's Anatomy & Private Practice [9 PM & 10 PM, ABC] - We teased it pretty hard last week, but tonight's Grey's Privates event gives us the full-on crossover action. During the first hour of this medical mash-up, Addison (Kate Walsh) returns to Seattle Grace in hopes that Derek (Patrick Dempsey) can operate on her brother Archer's (Grant Show) brain ish. Meanwhile, Owen (Kevin McKidd) is faced with someone from his past and Izzie (Katherine Heigl) enlists the other doctors in a game to help the interns. Then at 10, Addison helps Derek with his pregnant neuro patient while Archer recovers but then something goes wrong with Sam (Taye Diggs). The curtain is closing on the Heigl-Knight era so we're going to stick around for the death rattle.

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Survivor: Tocantins [8 PM, CBS] - Is this really cycle 18 of Survivor? It seems like just two months ago we were saying goodbye to our friends from Survivor: Gabon. Sixteen castaways are dropped into the Brazilian Highlands to endure heat, torrential downpours, backstabbing and the the most diverse group of competitors yet. Among the contestants are a member of R&B group SWV, a cattle rancher, the requisite number of models, a bartender, a world-record setting kayaker, the former owner of Bare Naked Granola, and a 19-year old (youngest castaway yet) Survivor super-fan. A new wrinkle this season (cribbed from The Bachelor, albeit inversely) is an immediate vote-off based on first impressions. We can't keep up with all the people on Idol, Top Model and Lost, so we always reduce Survivor contestants to basic stereotypes in lieu of actual names. We're hoping whiny thick-thighs dude wins it all.

Animal Armageddon [9 PM, Animal Planet] - Tonight is the first of an eight-part series that seeks to explain why over the 99% of animal species scientist claim have existed on Earth are now extinct. This episode explores the gamma rays that may or may not have triggered this extinction 450 million years ago. It's everything that an Animal Planet joint should have: catchy title, lots of computer graphic simulations, weird old-school animals. This is the kind of thing we usually watch from 1-3 AM - after the talk shows but before the informercials.

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Ace of Cakes [10 PM, Food Network] - Shows about cakes are, quite literally, comfort food for some viewers, but there's only so many ways to skin a cat - or bake a cake shaped like a tin of chaw (pictured). If you have ever watched a marathon of AoC, then you will know that Duff and his Charm City hipsters are paid lots of dough to make unique and wonderful cakes for big corporate events and strangely-themed weddings. We know television is inherently formulaic from Intro to Media Studies, but this show has become filler between competition shows (Chopped, Ultimate Recipe Showdown), actual chef shows and various Guy Fieri or Alton Brown programs.

Everyone at the bakery gets along well, the designs are always super cute, there is always DRAMA in getting the cake out of the car and at the end everyone smiles and takes a photo with the cake. Even the sad episodes - making a cake for a charity or war veteran - don't strum the heart strings any more than the skate cake for the roller derby chicks. Tonight, they make a cake for Macy's 150th anniversary and cowboy and skyline-themed cakes, and that's basically it. Even the little efforts to get people out of the bakery - e.g. one guy drove a Corvette around to get inspiration for the Corvette cake he was sculpting - would have been cut after the first editing session if we were on that Avid. For once, can a cake please get destroyed and then the client gets pissed and someone says a racial slur and then there's a power outage so that in the dark we are all the same race and everyone learns a lesson about humanity? Pleasey please?

WATCH

Important Things with Demetri Martin [10 PM, Comedy Central] - Comedian-actor Martin brings his intelligent (but not too smart as to invoke the Dennis Miller ratio) humor to this new series premiering tonight and running for seven episodes. Tonight's "important thing" (each episode features one theme) is timing. In this post-Blart age, where it seems that existential comedy might give way to fat guys squeaking across mall floors, this mishmash of jokes, animation, musical numbers and sketches gives us hope. So you won't be splitting a gut over the stand-up/visual aid stuff, but this is Mitch Hedberg for the Wired set with a show that showcases all aspects of his comedic abilities.

Spectacle: Elvis Costello With... [9 PM, Sundance] - It's an hour of indie and not-so-indie showbiz royalty descendants as She & Him (Zooey Deschanel & M. Ward), Jenny Lewis and Jakob Dylan sit down to discuss their work and family lives. There will be the requisite amount of "It was so great to collaborate with you" during the Jenny Lewis segment, but Elvis gives these performers a comfortable environment to talk about their craft.

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Late Night with Conan O'Brien [12:35 AM, NBC] - Jimmy Fallon, Rose Byrne, John Pizzarelli. Only a few more nights of 12:35 Conan left, and if last night's free-for-all with Norm Macdonald and Gordon Ramsay is any indication, it seems like Conan is going out with a bang. If you can't stay up for the guests, at least catch the classic Late Night bit after the monologue.

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The CollegeHumor Show [8:30 PM, MTV] - Here's the thing: This show could be good. Put a bunch of young writers in a room and something good can come out of it, but the goal has to be to make television, not the internet with higher production value. On the hierarchy of jokes, the internet is at the bottom, because the standards are lowest and the supply is infinite. We were hoping that the gang at CollegeHumor.com would have stepped their game up, but there are too many tired jokes in the first episode to keep the premise of a crazy office where anything can happen alive.

The premiere episode airs again tonight (new ones are on Sunday nights), Ricky loses an employee to the owner of a rival web site in a poker game. Many of these people are non-actors, so they are doing the best they can with the material, but the lines are usually read and not acted and the sillier moments lack the strength of the site's funniest videos. The creators were smart to make the show about the site and not about college humor itself (though this epi features a beer pong subplot), but shouldn't everyone be having more fun? Supposedly, parts of the show are improvised, but the boundaries are too tight to make any character except Amir (pictured) seem like a funny human and not just another downtown hipster pretending to act annoyed or worried or anxious. CollegeHumor can do better, as the internet shorts that shepherd us to the commercial breaks indicate.

WATCH

Dateline NBC [10 PM, NBC] - Pilot Chesley B. "Sully" Sullenberger did a great job landing that plane but we're already over that story (Sully and the crew will visit Letterman tonight). We're super-jazzed, however, for Ann Curry's interview with the unemployed mother of octuplets, Nadya Suleman. From the preview we saw on Today, Ann's questions will follow a similar tack as the conversations we have with our parents: "So, how do you make money? No, seriously? I'm coming out there and getting you. Uncle Tony can get you a job at the mill."

Darwin's Secret Notebooks [9 PM, National Geographic] - This week, we are celebrating the 200th birthday of Charles Darwin and coincidentally NatGeo is throwing their own bash. Tonight, evolutionary biologist Armand Leroi uses Darwin's diary to retrace the adventure that inspired Darwin's revolutionary theory of evolution. Physics and chemistry have had little application in our adult lives, but biology is still pretty interesting, especially studying domestic cats and their ability to attack laser pointers.

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T.I.'s Road to Redemption: 45 Days to Go [9 PM, MTV] - Rapper T.I. has 45 days to redeem himself/lighten his sentence before heading to the pokey and MTV gets it all on tape. T.I. was arrested in a sting for purchasing machine guns and silencers hours before the 2007 BET Hip Hop Awards and his goal is to receive 1,000 hours of community service, most of which he'll use to work with troubled kids. Even if buying a cache of weapons doesn't seem all that smart, T.I. shows some mental and emotional intelligence in this episode. While that isn't surprising, it's almost scandalous that MTV would use precious airtime to show a celebrity being open and honest.

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Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern [8 PM, Travel Network] - Like arsenic, our bodies can tolerate a small level of cultural imperialism, but this show takes it too far. Zimmern, the unsexiest man alive, explores the relationship between food and sex while reminiscing about some exotic foods he's tried around the world. Unlike other culinary adventure shows that embrace a location or culture, Bizarre Foods tends to treat the destination as something scary and/or gross. This episode might be different given the Valentine's Day theme, but no one wants to see Zimmern getting worked up over a papaya reduction.

WATCH

Lagerfeld Confidential [7 PM, Sundance] - Robert Redford's ex will be airing a "style-oriented film" at 7 PM every night this week. Like Lagerfeld himself, Rodolphe Marconi's ninety minute documentary folds mystery and shimmer into a portrait of the iconic designer. The uncomfortable highlights include KL discussing his first sexual experience and expounding on his hatred for people who can't stand being alone.

The Big Bang Theory [9:30 PM, CBS] - Penny (Kaley Cuoco) and Leonard (Johnny Galecki) grow closer when Leonard's mom (guest-star Christine Baranski) visits and they resort to alcohol to take the edge off. The Obama press conference (5 PM here on the West Coast) messes with primetime on the East Coast, so we are forced to remember that this is on ninety minutes later than normal to balance out the universe or something.

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The Bachelor [8 PM, ABC] - The dreaded hometown visit episode is finally here, and even though we have stuck with this installment, we'll probably just fast forward through this one looking for crying/sexy moments. Also, with Megan Parris no longer in the running, we have lost our emotional connection to the plight of Jason, his son and his houseboat (Yes, we are aware we could have just watched Sleepless in Seattle, a fact the show slyly referenced last episode during a romantic river cruise). The preview promises a wrench in the previously well-executed blueprint when a bachelorette's family refuses to meet the hot single dad. We're always excited for plot twists that depend on a production assistant's inability to get some small-town family to sign release forms.

Late Show with David Letterman [11:35 PM, CBS] - Naomi Watts, Danny McBride, The Von Bondies. Naomi Watts will be pretty/funny and will talk about her boys, Danny McBride probably has some crazy-ass stories about his boys back in Carolina, and that dude from the Von Bondies got beat down by Jack White. The big event, though, is the reveal of the cover model from this year's Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Spoiler here for the two Defamer readers who care.

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The Girls of Hedsor Hall [9 PM, MTV] - Donald Trump's new reality competition premieres tonight, with a dozen hard-partying American girls sent to an English finishing school. There they will be straightened out by a headmistress, disciplinarian and disgraced former Miss USA, Tara Conner. The contestant who has transformed the most by the time they have enough footage will be awarded a $100,000 trust and a diploma. We didn't miss a minute of Bromance, but any show that involves quantifying personal transformation that involves non-celebrities or non-fat people is just an hour of whining with occasional swears bleeped out.

WATCH

Supernanny [9 PM, ABC] - ABC sends Supernannny down a strange path tonight that hopefully has a happy ending. Jo is thrown into a house with the largest family she's ever had to tame (10 kids), but the kicker is that a dark family secret will be revealed. The preview for this episode is easily the most intense of any we have watched this year, especially the B & W footage of a dad dragging a child into a bedroom. We have a lot of hope for this "powerful Supernanny." Even though there probably isn't a "My sister, my daughter" plot point, that would set a new high and low (poker players call that "the wheel") for network reality programming.

Secret Life of... Pizza [10 PM, Food Network] - In honor of tonight's grand opening of the new Two Boots location in Echo Park (we actually hit up their soft opening last night and recommend you grab a slice of the Bayou Beast or the spicy Original before it gets too trendy), we're suggesting you learn a bit more about the art and history of the pie. Will this make you hungry enough to get off the couch and drive to Echo Park? No, but you'll think about it for a second.

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Late Show with David Letterman [11:35 PM, CBS] - After whetting your appetite earlier this week, there's no way we weren't going to remind you about Dakota Fanning's sitdown with Letterman. The excitement is less about the content of the interview and more about the artfully chosen adjective Dave will use to compliment Dakota's appearance when the 14 (almost 15) year-old sits down at the desk. Comedian Keith Alberstadt and indie folk Beirut round out the show, but hopefully show less skin.

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Played By Fame [10 PM, BET] - Back to back half hour episodes of this new reality series where "celebrities" prank their fans. As derivatives of Candid Camera go, this is one of the worst. Minor celebrities embarrass the few people whose devotion make them stars with Al Shearer (Punk'd, Glory Road) playing host. In the first episode, Toccara (America's Next Top Model Cycle 3) puts a fan into a fashion show. In the second episode, Melyssa Ford (model, radio personality) enlists a man to protect her from a geeky stalker. It's never a good idea to bite the hand that fames you, but if some silly fan signs a release form, s/he deserves whatever punishment the producers create.

What's With That Really Expensive House? [8 PM, HGTV] - The title is sort of a grabber - but in the other sense of the word that denotes a heart attack. One of the few perks of working in television is the free swag you get from the show you work on, but it's doubtful that too many WWTREH? are going to be rocking their WWTREH? hoodies because it will only result in awkward moments with lots of people reading their chests. This program showcases the most "expensive houses in the neighborhood" and is possibly only relevant to people who live in that neighborhood or couples who have been together for over five years and have very little to talk about. That latter demo might be the entire focus of the HGTV network.

WATCH

Grey's Anatomy & Private Practice [9 & 10 PM ABC] - When we heard that Kate Walsh was spinning off down the coast, we assumed that Shonda Rhimes & Co. would be doing these crossovers twice a season. Sadly, that has not transpired and both shows have lacked the oomph of those early Grey's seasons. The crossover event begins tonight, though we must caution you, there is not all that much crossing over - most of that will take place next week. But the seeds are sown for all sorts of dramatic act endings:

Derek (Patrick Dempsey) has finally bought the engagement ring for Meredith (Ellen Pompeo) and is looking for the perfect way to propose. He even spills this secret to a patient (Jennifer Westfeldt - dueling against life partner Jon Hamm on 30 Rock). Meanwhile, Lexie (Chyler Leigh) wants to announce her relationship with Mark (Eric Dane). Meanwhile, in Santa Monica, Addison calls Derek after her brother Archer (Grant Show) suffers a severe seizure. Violet (Amy Brenneman) tells Sheldon (Brian Benben) and Pete (Timothy Daly) that she is pregnant.

If all the cast members of Grey's and Private aren't in one giant free-for-all orgy by the end of next week, we're officially done with these shows.

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30 Rock [9:30 PM, NBC] - Mad Men's Jon Hamm guest-stars as Liz's sexy new neighbor while Jack (Alec Baldwin) tries to impress Elisa's (Salma Hayek) grandmother who dislikes him because of his likeness to a Spanish soap villain. Meanwhile, Tracy (Tracy Morgan) tries to keep up with the hard-partying interns. This is top-to-bottom, A- through C-plot, the funniest show with jokes on television (Flight of the Conchords is up there, too, but that's all about mood, not jokes). Why the superlative? The sheer amount of casually racist and over-the-top offensive jokes they get away with is staggering — and permissible because every character is so clearly drawn. No one is trying to be scandalous to be scandalous (ahem, Gary Unmarried, etc.).

Hell's Kitchen [9 PM, Fox] - The boys and girls in Fox's promo cutting room really went all out for this week's episode of the poor man's Top Chef. We've been promised that the chefs will "put their bodies on the line" and "deal with consequences" and "break the rules" and Chef Ramsay will be pushed to the breaking point. Hmm, sounds like every HK episode, though this one is supposed to be extra crazy. No matter, we'll still be watching all the bleeps multiple times to guess which profanities were uttered.

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Cat People [7 PM, Animal Planet] - Three cat-show competitors and their human handlers are followed as they strive for perfect scores. Competitive strategies are revealed and heartbreak is inevitable in the ultra-tense world of cat shows. This seems like a show we'd be into, but they go a bit too far in highlighting the weirdness. Anyone making non-fiction programming should watch The King of Kong and realize that there is a thick line between weird people and normal people, but they need to be treated equally by the director.

WATCH

Life [9 PM, NBC] - Many developments are afoot in front of and behind the camera for Life. The mid-season climax of Crews (Damian Lewis) getting shot by a mysterious drive-by shooter will start to iron itself out tonight. In other news, co-star Sarah Shahi is pregnant, so Crews will have a series of partners while she has the baby, though she will appear in episodes (usually shot from the chest up, behind a desk or over the shoulder, presumably).

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno [11:35 PM, NBC] - Drew Barrymore
Late Night with Conan O'Brien [12:35, NBC] - Ginnifer Goodwin
Jimmy Kimmel Live! [12:05 AM, ABC] - Justin Long
Chelsea Lately [11:30 PM, E!] - Greg Behrendt
He's Just Not That Into You hopes you will be into a small percentage of the cast as they make the talk show rounds. This film might be better that you think, but catching all these appearances might be impossible. Our undying respect to any individual that can sit through four people talking about how much fun they had on this film and relating one or two anecdotes from their lives that tie into the themes of the film ("Well, ACTUALLY I did have this crush in high school...").

TiVo

Moonshine [8 PM, National Geographic] - We've actually had moonshine before and more than an hour is necessary to fully describe its liver-convulsing effects on the mind and body. This show takes a more scientific-historical approach to the homemade hooch, covering the history of the illegal backwoods liquor, its dangers and the relationship it has to NASCAR. But seriously, if you are ever offered some sort of undefined clear liquor in a jar, go for it. The only thing you have to lose is years off your life.

KILL

"All Access" Grammy Special [9 PM, CBS] - Katie Couric interviews past and present Grammy nominees including Lil' Wayne, Katy Perry, Taylor Swift and Justin Timberlake. If that wasn't enough youth culture for you, there are also appearances by Jonas Brothers, Carrie Underwood, Ne-Yo, Kid Rock, Duffy, T-Pain, Jordin Sparks and Metallica. CBS usually does well with older demos, so they're throwing a bone to the text-messaging set with this special. Fine. Give the young people what they want, but hopefully Couric will loosen up a little bit and break it down like the old Today Show days. No one wants another Barbara Walters-type special with unnecessary glamour lighting and montages of celebrities walking around their estates.

WATCH

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart [11 PM, Comedy Central] - Dev Patel pimps Slumdog Millionaire tonight. If you haven't been watching lately, you've been missing some of the weirdest, funniest comedy (Scumdog Million-Hairs, "Gitmo" - a terrorist parody of Elmo) of the Jon Stewart era and some of the best interviews (Neil deGrasse Tyson, Lawrence Lindsey) on late night television. The Colbert Report's audience is usually better (last night's Daily Show audience was nearly comatose), but Stewart is at the top of his game. All those fears about having a competent President have been allayed because there is more that enough material in the failures of Obama's staff to pay their taxes. The best part of the show used to be the correspondent interactions, but Stewart is doing the heavy lifting these days. Luckily, Comedy Central streams it all online, so do yourself a favor and catch up.

The IT Crowd [11 PM, IFC] - It's the third season premiere of this British comedy about an information-technology team that work out of a basement. Tonight, boss Douglas Reynholm (Matt Berry) faces a financial crisis. For Soup-lovers, Joel McHale would have starred in the American version of this workplace comedy had it not been prematurely axed.

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The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson [12:35 AM, CBS] - Speaking of weird late night talk shows, last night's episode of LLS featured a puppet lip-synching cold open. "Magic Week" continues tonight with close-up specialist/mentalist (not The Mentalist) Jason Randal. Monte Carlo Las Vegas favorite Lance Burton kicked the week off last night, and Friday features a special surprise magic act. We're hoping for Steve Martin or self-described "talk show magician" Neil Patrick Harris.

Yard Crashers [11 PM, DIY] - As the plucky younger brother of Food Network and HGTV, the DIY Network has to find ways to make its programming stand out. Most of us are still in the renting stage of adult life (from here we go onto the property ownership or living under a staircase in Little Armenia stage), so most of DIY is irrelevant, but this show is sort of fun. In each episode, professional landscaper Ahmed Hassan lurks around in random home improvement stores, awkwardly picks a lucky shopper and then helps transform the shopper's backyard. In tonight's show, Ahmed makes over a yard with a huge fountain and bamboo fencing. The American dream is alive and well if someone named Ahmed Hassan can lurk around a store that sells fertilizer and have no one bats an eye.

KILL

A Double Shot At Love [10 PM, MTV] - With Bromance over, we're ready for MTV to clear the decks and find some new ways to exploit people who want to be famous but are not disciplined or driven enough to cultivate a talent. This show was not a good use of that ever-expanding pool. In tonight's series finale, Rikki and Vikki choose between surfer Trevor and hard-partying Rebekah. For reference, the girls eliminated the last contestant Scott because the girls didn't think he had enough energy for their date.

WATCH

Chuck [8 PM, NBC] - Sometimes this melange of action-comedy-drama-espionage works, and sometimes it seems more like first-run syndication that network programming (ZING!), but we like NBC having the stones to show it totally 3-D (and then stream the 2-D and 3-D versions online). Tonight's special episode has Chuck (Zachary Levi) being enlisted to protect international rock star Tyler Martin (Dominic Monaghan), while Morgan (Joshua Gomez) wins two backstage passes to Martin's concert. Ex-Pittsburgh Steeler Jerome "The Bus" Bettis co-stars as an ex-con football player who starts working at the store. Keep the glasses on for Medium for 50% more Patricia Arquette shocked expressions.

Bromance [9 PM, MTV] - Taking a page from the Momma's Boys playbook, Brody Jenner's mom drops by to run the three remaining suitors through a lie-detector test. While the admissibility of polygraph results in court is a matter of judicial discretion, verifying whether some dude has ever turned his back on one of his boys is an essential prerequisite for Jenner friendship. The reality pastiche continues as B.J. visits the hometowns of the remaining finalists before deciding who is worthy of becoming his bro. We're rooting for Femi, as his emotional outbursts have been the most authentic.

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RuPaul's Drag Race [10 PM, Logo] - RuPaul Charles hosts this new competition show where nine dudes compete to be the "Next Superstar Drag Queen of the World." Judged by Paris Hilton's writing partner Merle Ginsberg and Project Runway rude boy Santino Rice, the show promises chills, thrills and spills and an eventual winner who will hopefully fill the drag queen void no one has seemed to notice. In the first episode, the contestants use clothing and accessories from the thrift store and 99-cent store to glam themselves up. We'll personally streak Pazzo Gelato and Circus of Books if they can go the whole season without using a Donna Summer, Gloria Gaynor/Estefan or Whitney Houston song in a montage. It's a pretty safe bet, although Logo might not be forking over the dough for those licenses.

KILL

For the Love of Ray J [10:30 PM, VH1] - VH1's reality-love-competition show department (they must have an entire floor) gives us another straight-to-The Paley Center for Media gem. 14 reality skanks attempt to convince Ray-J that true love does exist. For the uninitiated, Ray J is a singer/songwriter/actor best known for being Brandy's brother and for starring in a sex vid with then-girlfriend Kim Kardashian. According to Ray J: "I've been in this game a long time...I've been with a lot of women but I'm ready to get out. I want to do this show to find a ride or die chick, a chick that makes me want to get out of the game." We believe he is paraphrasing Winston Churchill.

WATCH

Dog Whisperer: Chihuahuas From Hell [8 PM, National Geographic] - Cesar Milan hits up Portland this week to rehab a vicious chihuahua named El Diablo who attacks rescued pit bulls. With the success of Beverly Hills Chihuahua, many have forgotten that these small dogs can be a menace, but in reality, it's the owners who are the menace. Dog Whisperer is the perfect show for this new age of responsibility. Yeah, your dog attacked some lady, but you're the problem, not Mr. Sprinkles.

Late Show with David Letterman [11:35 PM, CBS] - Guests tonight: Mary Hicks, The Gaslight Anthem. Comedian Bill Hicks passed away in 1994, but his status as a folk hero/comedy legend has only appreciated since he succumbed to cancer at the age of 32. We're not going to recount the famous Hicks-Letterman censorship incident (here it is in Hicks's own words), but this appearance of Hicks's mother Mary on the Late Show and the airing of some - or all - of the censored routine is a major TV closure event. Even if you are not a Hicks fan, this is one of those special Late Show episodes you shouldn't miss.

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20/20 [9 PM, ABC] - Taking a title (presumably) from an issue of Sassy, tonight's episode: "The Science of Seduction: Why Him Why Her?" takes us into the world of millionaire matchmaker April Beyer to get to the bottom of this important issue. We hope that, at some point, the current economic climate is acknowledged, but this piece feels like something they're trying to get rid of before primetime becomes a series of clip shows (see the KILL section) designed to take our minds off the financial difficulties afflicting the nation.

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Adrenaline Rush Hour [9 PM, Discovery] - We really wish the New York Times wouldn't encourage the endless recycling of disaster footage from the Discovery vault, but here is the season premiere of another clip chow. Thrill yourself to scenes of a runaway minivan that crashes into a tattoo parlor, a dissatisfied customer with a shotgun and a runaway truck. If you happen to fall asleep during the first time a clip is shown, don't worry. There will be multiple replays, and some will be zoomed in — for extra graininess! It's cheap and easy, but the Discovery Channel used to be about teaching us stuff, not about getting us to scream things like "Yo, that dude got his shit knocked the fuck out!" at the television.

WATCH

Hell's Kitchen [9 PM, Fox] - It's season five of food competition as only Fox can do it. Cooks from all walks of life try to survive weeks of culinary challenges and verbal de-pantsings for the chance to fast track their careers by about three years. It's been a rough year (hell, a rough last week) for Chef Ramsay, what with his affair being uncovered and then being banned from Mario Batali's restaurants and all, so we hope he takes out his anger on the underlings. The winner of this cycle will become head chef at the Borgata Hotel and Casino in Atlantic City, which is probably the best gig on the show so far, though not nearly the notoriety that Top Chef contestants receive.

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Make 'Em Laugh: The Funny Business of America [9 PM, PBS] - We haven't watched much of this documentary series on comedy because documentaries on comedy or the history of comedy are usually full of pseudo-historic information that add very little to our understanding of entertainment. We will try to catch tonight's fifth installment, though, as it examines the public's love of the classic "wiseguy." Groucho Marx, Larry David, W.C. Fields, Chris Rock and Eddie Murphy are profiled. If you're really feeling this, stay tuned for the sixth installment at 10 PM that covers the "satire of our society and government." We will probably skip that portion, as we promised to go on a murderous rampage the next time someone mentions that a lot of people get their news from late night comedians.

KILL

The VH1 Pepsi Smash Super Bowl Bash [9 PM, VH1] - Damn, do shows like this make us feel old. Jerry O'Connell hosts this Super Bowl psych-up concert in Tampa. Performances by Rihanna and Fall Out Boy should be the highlights of the night along with appearances by NFL players. We remember anxiously awaiting these concert specials, excited to see our favorite bands and singers performs their hits, but those days are over. If we want to see someone sing over a backing track, we'll go to the Gas Lite.

Celebrity Rehab Presents Sober House [10 PM, VH1] - Things get heavier than normal tonight when Steven Adler is caught black-tar handed using heroin and arrested for possession. We don't know about you, but we're ready for a new round of messed-up celebs. Adler is way overexposed, Amber Smith is boring, and we have lost any reason to care about these people getting their shit together. How about someone older and with mainstream success like Gavin MacLeod? He may not have any actual problems, but we'd rather watch him drive around Pacific Palisades than see much more of these people.

WATCH

Top Chef: New York [10 PM, Bravo] - The NBC Universal Super Bowl synergy train rolls along with this supersized 75-minute "Super Bowl Chef Showdown." Contestants compete against Top Chef contestants of old in a football-themed cook-off. Last night's Biggest Loser involved a gameday snack calorie guessing game (who knew buffalo wings were bad for you?), but this contest should at least raise our pulses a little.

Late Show With David Letterman [11:35, CBS] - Lauren Graham promotes her Broadway turn in Guys and Dolls (starts previews next month) and will hopefully stay true to her history of entertaining Letterman appearances. Food Network frat boy Guy Fieri takes a break from hazing the spring pledge to make something greasy and use the descriptor "money" a lot. Canadian rockers MENEW round out a solid Wednesday show, but we'd rather hear Lauren Graham do a number.

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United States of Tara [10 PM, Showtime] - This show is getting good ratings, but that was expected. Steven Spielberg could have Diablo Cody write about a moldy half-sandwich he found in the trunk of his car and get a million people to tune in, but there is something wrong with this show. It's not so much in the actual dialogue, but in other aspects of the show. For example, Tara's son Marshall (Keir Gilchrist, pictured) is meticulous and loves jazz and early cinema classics (obscure to anyone who didn't attend film school), which is fine on the page but is window dressing on the screen. After two episodes (the new ones air on Sundays), we still don't have much of a character here, someone we can connect with the way we connected with Juno or (especially) her parents. Our test is whether we want someone on-screen more, and other than Patton Oswalt's underachieving landscaper, no one is missed. Cody set the bar high for her fans with the snark-schmaltz cocktail that was Juno and we hope she can find that recipe again.

The other thing that annoys us is the way the personality transitions are handled. For the two episodes that have aired so far, whenever Tara is in normal mode and talking to people about something other than the nitty-gritty of her alternate identities, it's just a matter of time until her face goes blank, the camera tracks in and a small music cue alights to show us that something has changed. It's way too Incredible Hulk ("Don't make me stressed about my family. You wouldn't like me when I'm stressed about my family!"). Juno's success was as much about Jason Reitman's subtle direction as it was the writing, so maybe that is what's missing here. On tonight's repeat of Sunday's episode, Tara (Toni Collette) transforms into Alice while browsing wigs at a mall kiosk. As the perfect housewife alter, Alice plays peacemaker between Marshall (Keir Gilchrist) and his English teacher (Tony Hale) before disciplining Kate (Brie Larson) after her grotesque sexual rant in a public restroom. There's an actual real emotional moment outside the restaurant, but it ends as quickly as it began. Give it 30 minutes, see what you think.

KILL

CBS Evening News with Katie Couric [8 PM, CBS] - Here's an experiment that we might see again: CBS throws a Katie Couric newscast into primetime to see if they can lure people away from Idol. We doubt it will be a successful experiment, but it will show some people that the Couric news is markedly better than when it began in 2006. We're not hating on Katie, we're just scared about the lack of original scripted programming in primetime. This is another encroachment in that direction.

WATCH

Scrubs [9 PM, ABC] - When Scrubs moved to ABC, we figured there would be some changes, but no one could have anticipated how dark it would become. The visual style now verges on chiaroscuro, the jokes are 20% edgier (if less anarchic) and there are moments of serious contemplation that would harsh even the most robust of buzzes. Tonight there are back-to-back episodes. In the first, J.D. (Zach Braff) attempts to spread compassion with help from Elmo, Grover and Oscar the Grouch from Sesame Street. In the second, J.D. and Elliot (Sarah Chalke) try to heat up their sex life, while Dr. Cox (John C. McGinley) considers taking the newly vacant Chief of Medicine position. Some of the new interns are funny - especially Aziz Ansari's - but did Hooch get lost in the move?

Last Restaurant Standing [8 PM, BBC America] - This could be the best food competition show in the world, and it's only a matter of time before Food Network or Fox makes an American version. The contestants are couples with minimal restaurant experience who compete for the opportunity to open a restaurant with the support of world-renowned chef/restaurateur/host Raymond Blanc. In the first episode, the nine couples prepare a signature dish to move forward. In the second, the teams arrive at their empty restaurants and have one week to transform them before opening night.

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10 Items or Less [11 PM, TBS] - We have a complicated relationship with the improvised word. Live improv, when done very well, can be incredibly funny and inspiring, but most of the time the laughs it earns are laughs of recognition, not laughs that something was actually funny. When all of that makes its way to the small screen and combines with scripted elements, the results have been mixed - ranging from the culturally significant Curb Your Enthusiasm to the not-missed but decent at times Sons & Daughters. 10 Items or Less brings that ethic to the world of the supermarket: Throw some sort of crazy people in a single location, see what happens. It has moments of humor, but it needs to get as strange/weird as Reno 911! to really capture our funny bones. On tonight's new episode, Leslie (John Lehr) helps Richard's mom overcome her alcoholism after he catches her ganking booze from the store. Give it a few minutes, if it doesn't do the trick, move on. There are scripted shows out there that are slightly better.

KILL

The Biggest Loser: Couples [8 PM, NBC] - The two hours of Biggest Loser every week is starting to take its toll. Two hours of The Bachelor (last night) is almost tolerable because that show occasionally has a sense of humor about itself, but 120 minutes of gut-busting, exercising, food challenges and real stories of heavy heartbreak is overload, especially when the last thirty minutes are mostly quick cuts with dramatic score leading into commercial breaks. Weren't TV shows supposed to be getting shorter to deal with our ever-decreasing attention spans? Jillian and Bob need to get down to that Avid suite and get those editors to do some crunches. The hills of Malibu are alive with the sound of synergy tonight, as contestants are quizzed on the caloric value of Super Bowl snacks (the game is on NBC this Sunday) and quarterback Kurt Warner throws some passes. The contestants training from home will find out if they get to go back to the ranch. All of that takes 90 minutes. Then it's beeping, timpanis and string section time.

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno [11:35 PM, NBC] - Of the three guests tonight - Rainn Wilson, Paula Abdul, Hoobastank - Rainn Wilson is the only one who gives decent interview, but sometimes he's a little obnoxious. A lot of The Office cast is super-annoying on the couch (especially Jenna Fischer), but Angela Kinsey is solid.

WATCH

Trust Me [10 PM, TNT] - WTK favorites Monica Potter and Tom Cavanagh (whose hairy back do we have to shave to get Ed released on DVD?) are back on the small screen with Eric McCormack trying to stay friends in the crazy world of advertising. TNT's dramas (Saving Grace, The Closer) aren't as edgy as FX's, but they have their moments. In tonight's debut, Cavanagh and McCormack's boss dies of a heart attack after an awful presentation and creates a succession crisis that could affect the relationship of these friends. So, Mad Men meets Boston Legal minus Shatner/Spader/Kelley? We'll give it a chance.

Joe Strummer: The Future is Unwritten [9 PM, Sundance] - Julien Temple's great documentary combines archival footage with interviews (Johnny Depp, Bono) and Temple's own relationship with The Clash's lead singer/guitarist to create a compelling portrait of one of modern music's most important forces. If the only thing you remember about Strummer is that he once smacked a fan with a guitar, you might want to tune in for this.

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Bromance [9 PM, MTV] - Last week we forgot to TiVo this and then MTV didn't put it online until the end of the week, so it was all we could do to keep ourselves from hearing spoilers on the lips of Hollywood's elite. Actually, no one we know watches or talks about this show and we are getting tired of how much male crying the producers feature, but we've seen it through this far. Tonight, the four remaining bro-finalists (including frightening Femi and Little Chris) are tricked into wearing bedazzled jeans under the guise that they are part of Brody's new clothing line. Later, they try not to bliznow their liznoads while talking to two Playboy Playmates. Not sure where the crying is going to come in this episode, but it will either be about someone's divorced family, their lack of identity or wanting to "be there for Brody."

The Bachelor [8 PM, ABC] - Programming meetings at ABC must have been really short this fall, mostly consisting of someone saying "We could do two hours of Bachelor" and then everyone else assenting quietly and looking down at legal pads with doodles of Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck doing some variation on the reverse cowgirl position. The remaining nine bachelorettes sing (Who likes cutaways to sour faces? We don't!) for a one-on-one date with Jason Mesnick. The remaining girls get to act out their secret fantasies when they go behind the scenes of General Hospital. So this is why the Malibu Ralphs never has any bronzer in stock.

KILL

Superstars of Dance [9 PM, NBC] - So what have we learned after seven seasons of Dancing with the Stars and Skating with Celebrities that we didn't learn from decades of the world's best dancers performing on various PBS shows? Today's audience would rather watch Warren Sapp and Cloris "Twinkle Toes" Leachman tear up the parquet than witness the actual greats of the dance world do their thing. We would love to play the jingoism card, but in reality this NBC show was just boring. In tonight's episode, the winners are finally awarded their trophies. The long international nightmare is finally over.