[C]heck out this official press transcript from the Oscars website and see how they chose to present Rudin's words:

UPDATE: The missing text has appeared!

CATEGORY: BEST MOTION PICTURE OF THE YEAR SPEECH BY: SCOTT RUDIN, ETHAN COEN AND JOEL COEN FILM: "NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN"

======BEGIN TRANSCRIPTION======

Scott Rudin:
This is an unbelievable honor and a complete surprise. [...]

I want to thank my friend, Sydney Pollack, who taught me that with the responsibility — with the opportunity to make movies comes the responsibility of making them good. This for him.

======END TRANSCRIPTION======

We'd be disheartened to think that a sweet declaration of superproducerly love for Rudin's loyal partner—always available to dispose of scores of assistants who "didn't work out," no questions asked—would be deemed inappropriate content by the Academy historians. We'll therefore chalk this one up to human error, and not to a small army of Sid Ganis-led standard and practices wonks, black Sharpies at the ready should a winner's acceptance speech give off even the faintest scent of fruitiness during Hollywood's most hallowed and rigorously heterosexual awards sacrament.

UPDATE: The transcript now contains the Barlow mention:



All is right with the Gays and the Oscars!

• Oscar archivist deliberately scrubbing gays? [Good As You]
• oscars.org/transcripts

Without further ado...let the games begin! (And—not that you asked—but we're in vintage Sweet P, bag by Trader Joe's.)

8:46 No Country For Old Men takes it!! It deserved it!! We loved it!! We don't know how to deal with these strange, fulfilled-Oscar emotions. Someone hold us. And Scott Rudin just called John Barlow his "honey," giving this ceremony a much needed shot of gay-drenaline. How utterly satisfying. Now, if you'll kindly excuse us, we're going to get to the level of tankededeness we've been dreaming about all night. Sure, it's an abrupt ending—but no more abrupt than the 2008 Best Picture winner's. Good night, everyone!

8:45: Wait a second—it's over?? There were 12,000 montages! That's impossible!

8:40: The Coens take Best Director. We won't even parse this one with a joke: that feels really good. A crisp fin to whoever leads us to YouTube of Henry Kissinger: A Man on the Go first.

8:36: Daniel Day-Lewis takes Best Actor, and in a heartfelt acceptance speech, thanks his grandfather, Michael Bolton. (We think. It's loud in here.) Wait—the orchestra just broke into "How Am I Supposed to Live Without You?" Yup, Michael Bolton is Daniel Day-Lewis's grandfather.

8:33 Helen Mirren is doing things to our pants.

8:29: Diablo just texted us from backstage! "honest to liveblog, winning an O-man is the bizzomble! itz fierceballs! just met best actrix Marion, doing the best diddle of her career by getting her Edict Rice-Piaf on!"

8:24: A cheer just erupted from Jumbo's Clown Room!

8:15: Don't ask, don't tell: Things get a smidge dour with the documentary competition (Best Short goes to Freeheld, Best Feature, Taxi to the Dark Side.) But to reward you for having made it this far, we have a special treat for you: An underwear-model palate cleanser. Enjoy.

8:08: Just what this ceremony needs: More Amy Adams. Atonement wins Best Score, which, based on that string arrangement snippet we've heard approximately 7000 times in those fragrance-ad-ish TV spots, is very score-like.

8:05: The In Memoriam Grieve-O-Plaud-O-Meter round-up: Kitty Carlysle Hart sets it off, Suzanne Pleshette gets it going (a solid 7), and Heath Ledger, not surprisingly, seals the deal. Then, quite dramatically, they kill the lights. (Perhaps a poor choice of words.)

7:59: There Will Be Blood takes Best Cinematography. We take this moment to recognize Stewart for his I-drink-your-milkshake-joke restraint tonight. Wish we could say the same about SNL—though Bill Hader did nail Plainview.

7:56 That's nice—Jon Stewart just brought out Marketa so she could have her acceptance speech moment. How cute is she? We just hope this new second-chance policy doesn't extend to those creepy, ponytailed Sound weirdos.

7:49 Once wins Best Song, says John Travolta (in fetching AstroScalp™ hair piece). The audience seems genuinely thrilled for Glen Hansard; unfortunately, Marketa Irglova doesn't get a chance to speak. Those two need to get it on, already. So she's married—so what. You can make it work!

7:45: We get it. Enchanted is an enchanting movie with lots of wonderful songs. Now can someone shoo Lumière and the rest of the gang of the stage? And we're officially drunk, so can someone clarify: Is that Amy Adams? Or an Amy Adamalike? And who the hell is singing? Where's Simon Cowell when you need him?! OK, we think we need a bathroom break.

7:42: Our heads are literally spinning, trying to unscramble Penelope Cruz's accent as she introduces the Best Foreign Film. Austrian film The Counterfeiters wins, a stirring bio-drama about lesser-known, slightly eccentric German dictator, Gaydolph Titler.

7:32: Nicole Kidman's face-stylists really gave her a great look tonight, didn't they? Engaged, content—just right. Can't wait to see what they cook up for the after-parties!

7:28: So Renée is going to get trounced by the CoJo set tomorrow, isn't she? Yes. Yes she is. Too bad she can't Best Edit that haircut away. (Infernal sparkling wine demons.) Bourne takes Editing, which was definitely a very edited movie. We had No Country.

7:26: Do you really have to ask? Yes they are going to go through every single Best Picture of all time. Bladder-voiding time, unless you want to hiss along to Forrest Gump and Crash. Hisssssssss...... P.S. We're going to be here 'til dawn.

7:20 Once really deserves Best Song. We're fighting back tears and stroking a broken vacuum cleaner right now.

7:17 OK, now they're really scraping the montage barrel, as "80 Years of Wii" fails to provide the emotionally resonant clips of some of the other categories.

7:13: Marion Cotillard accepts an award the way a magical French pixie who dominates an above-average biopic should. The Gays in attendance approve.

7:11: Big one: Best Actress. Call it!

7:09: Topic for conversation: Fuck, Marry, Kill: Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill, Jon Stewart. Go!

7:05 Sound Editing and Sound Mixing both go to The Bourne Ultimatum. Still, the winners don't have supreme power over sound, as nothing they say can stop an ear-piercing orchestra swell or the killing of a mic.

7:01 All hail the Doughy Semitics. Their time has arrived. (For now.)

6:54: Amy Adams: You've just been served by Kristen Chenoweth. But, you know, in a cheesy-Oscars-musical-number kind of way. So don't worry. You still rock.

6:50: Good thing everyone kept their speeches short, so we could watch this fascinating ten-minute educational film starring Sid Ganis about the voting process. It really needed a Schoolhouse Rock-style animated, anthropomorphic ballot, didn't it. Most interesting part? The fact that they showed Penelope Cruz's address. Production company, not home. But still. Bury 'em in mail, billion-person Oscars audience!

6:46: Now they're talking reeeeeally sllowwly. We're not even going to fake this: We completely missed that.

6:45: The Coens are walking reeeeeally slloowwly.

6:44: We think Jessica Alba just rattled off something technical, but let's face it—no one really pays attention to her since she got herself knocked-up. Meow! The claws are out—we must be feeling the cheap champagne.

6:38: Tilda Swinton wins Best Supporting Actress. She submits herself to the Greatest Actor's Sacrifice, and donates her award to agent Brian Swardstrom, who apparently is the spitting-image of Oscar, right down to his chiseled, voluptuous buttocks. A great call-out to co-star Clooney and his benippled Batsuit, and she's out! One thing is for certain: It's going to be a hot, intergenerational menage-a-trois at the Swintons' tonight.

6:32: The Shorts are called, and something French wins Live-Action, and something stop-action wins Animated. Adjust your pools accordingly.

6:29: It's Owen Wilson! Heyyy, buddy... You look great! How's it going? You OK? Need anything? What? We are not walking on eggshells around you!

6:25: Apparently a movie called August Rush starring Felicity was in theaters this year, giving producers a great excuse to trot out the He Is Risen Academy Choir, whose performance of this song is slightly less rousing than their 2006 rendition of "Hard Out Here For A Pimp."

6:23: Even if it was for a pace-killing gag about pointless montages, we were heartened to see Pee-wee Herman make an appearance during the Waking Up From Bad Dreams retrospective.

6:17: Looks like we won our coin-flip, friendo: Javier Bardem picks up a statuette, and apparently is still traumatized by his Anton Chigurh hair. Get over it, already! The hair got you an Oscar!

6:15: They really should have let Jennifer Hudson sing the Best Supporting Actor nominees.

6:14: Hey—Tommy Lee Jones was bald in the mid-90s, yet now has a lustrous head of hair! It's an Oscar miracle!

6:12: Looks like we're on the same page as Stewart, who just identified her outstanding work as the swimming pitbull in No Country For Old Men. Now that he mentions, it, though—that pitbull really does deserve some kind of special Oscar. Does it not? That was our single favorite scene of the year.

6:10: Granted we're a little preoccupied, but when did The Rock morph into Cate Blanchett? That's even more impressive than her transformation into Bob Dylan! Oh—we're informed she was suctioned in via pneumatic presenter tube. Sneaky producers!

6:00: Wow—The Golden Compass wins something: Best Visual Effects. A true upset, as indicated by the guy with his hands in his hair and the utterly shocked look on his face. Talking/fighting polar bears RULE, dude! (No, we didn't see it. But c'mon—they rule.) Sorry, Disciples of Bay. Not your year.

6:00: We love Amy Adams, but without the princess get-up and dancing vermin, this numbers is a little West Covina Christian Community Center presents Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.

5:53: Katherine Heigl's veers from her introduction for Best Makeup to mention it's "Joshua's bedtime," whoever that is. La Vie en Rose wins, effectively shutting out Norbit. There is no God!

5:53: Chalk up one more point on your Oscar pool: Ratatouille wins. Brad Bird delivers his famous high school guidance counselor story we just read in the LAT, rambles a bit, and the first music-swell of the evening accompanies the ceremonial snapping open of the trapdoor for long-windeds.

5:52: Steve Carell and Anne Hathaway offer a chilling demonstration of what happens when bad patter goes, uh, badly.

5:46: Impossibly twinkly-eyed George Clooney (is that mascara we detect?) puts both hands in his pockets—a secret shout-out to new best friend Joel Stein—and introduces the evening's first PowerPoint presentation. The theme? We have no freaking clue, but we have a strong feeling we're glimpsing the dark void of whatwas in store if the strike wasn't resolved in time.

5:42: A still-shaken Jennifer Garner (what did that monster Busey do to her hair???) announces the winner of Best Costume Design, which goes to Elizabeth: The Golden Age. An admirably short—if emotionless—standard is set for future acceptance speeches, as Sid Ganis nods approvingly in the wings.

5:40: A serviceable monologue manages to slip the words "Gaydolph Titler" past network censors.

5:35: Jon Stewart emerges from a sort of suction-tube delivery device that presumably ends at his Daily Show office, and launches right into a requisite shout-out to writers.

5:30: It's on! Through the magic of really crappy CGI, Megatron just blew up a young, pirouetting Travolta. Awesome! Bay has his hands all over that.

5:26: We're confused. Why is Regis wandering around the audience before the show started. Then Regis mangles Javier Bardem's name, calling him "Xavier Bardem." Javier takes it in stride, however, chuckling lightly to himself as he fantasizes about pneumatic cattle-bolts flying into the slightly addled melon of the World Record Holder for Live Television Hours.

5:23: False alarm. Regis is just backstage, mixing with the cast of Who Wants to Marry A Bavarian Milkmaid?, the latest Mark Graham reality hit coincidentally shooting next door.

5:20: In the last few moments of the official red carpet countdown, an overcome Regis Philbin was led off by concerned handlers after he mistook Ellen Page for a young Shelley Winters.

5:22pm: Gary Busey's antics aside, this carpet made NBC's Golden Globes press conference seem positively enthralling. It's clear to us that while the Writer's Strike might be over, Hollywood is still really hung over from the debilitating three month strike. Fingers crossed that tonight's ceremony will go much smoother and be WAY more exciting than the carpet. At this point, we're turning things over to your Master Of Ceremonies ... it's been a blast. Stay tuned to Defamer's on-going coverage by going here:
http://defamer.com/360170/liveblogging-the-oscars-choke-on-the-glitz

5:17pm: Um, ABC ran a "global contest" for two people to get to walk the carpet and they only got 16,000 entries? Why does ABC think that ANYONE cares who these two teens are? Bee-tee-dubs, guy from Toledo, way to put your best fashion foot forward with that gray generic polo shirt.

5:11pm: Jennifer Garner is REALLY close to slipping a nip live on ABC. Where's Busey when you need him? J. Garns gives a shout-out to mummified fashionista Rachel Zoe, but what we're really wondering is how she felt about getting snubbed? If there was an Oscar worthy role in Juno, it was hers.

5:07pm: Well, looks like both E! and TV Guide Channel have shut down their coverage. No real loss. Both carpets were snoozefests, where's Joan Rivers when you need her? Or, for that matter, Issac Mizrahi? The red carpet has lost its sense of spontanaiety (however "spontanaiety" is spelled). No time for spellcheck, it's a liveblog! Thankfully, we have this clip the cast of Dancing With The Stars to tide us through this commercial break.

5:06pm: John Travolta to the chippy on ABC: "I let Kelly wear the dress tonight." There's a first time for everything!

5:01pm: Sorry Rinna, but we're just not that into you. Now that Reege is on ABC, we'll be flipping back and forth between ABC and E!

4:59pm: Casey Affleck is now talking to Lisa Rinna. Unfortunately, he has pledged to be nicer to Lisa this time around. That's no fun, yo!

4:57pm: Uh oh, there's Zellweggs. Between her and Cameron Diaz, we're not sure which one spent less time washing their hair before this evening's ceremony. Someone get these ladies a Brita filter for their shower heads or somethin'.

4:53pm: Katherine Heigl looks REALLY thin. But that hair? We said it before (and caught some flack for it), but the 45 year-old version of Katie Heigl just called and she wants her hairstyle back. Where's Doc Brown when you need him, someone needs to go back to the future.

4:51pm: Casey Affleck standing on the merlot carpet with Seacrest, which means it's only a matter of minutes before he encounters Lisa Rinna again. We all remember how that one went down last time. Should be a good one!

4:46pm: Zomg! The unholy Dancing With The Starts triumvirate of vet Lisa Rinna and n00bs Steve Guttenberg and Marlee Matlin are having a convo (with the aid of an interpreter, obvs). It must be easy to read Lisa Rinna's lips, seeing as how they are stuffed with at least 30cc's of collagen.

4:43pm: Lisa Rinna's go-to word of the night is "Girl." During an interview with Keri Russell (who, btw, must be SO sick of answering the Adrienne Shelly questions by now), Rinna dropped the word "girl" at least six times in ten seconds.

4: 37pm: Here's the video that everyone will be talking about tomorrow morning (and maybe even later tonight) — Gary Busey storming an unsuspecting Ryan Seacrest, Jennifer Garner and Laura Linney. Utah, gimme two!

4:34pm: Seacrest just asked the question that's on the mind of every man who glances at Jessica Alba these days: "Will you be breastfeeding?" We didn't know you had it in ya, Seacrest. Keep it up!

4:32pm: Hey Cameron Diaz, did an alarm on your iPhone just go off to remind you to walk the Red Carpet? Nice roots, it looks like she got ready for the show in the limo on the way over to the Kodak Theater. We know it's raining, but come on.

4:31pm: Gary Busey is over on the TV Guide Channel now doing penance for his crashing of the E! set. For some reason, he is intent on interviewing Lisa Rinna (who, btw, is eating up the attention).

4:26pm: Okay, the first shot of Diablo Cody's million dollar shoes just hit the wires. Really, that's all you get for a million dollars these days? There should at least be some laces or something, right?

4:20pm: It's somehow appropriate that, at 4:20pm, Gary Busey just molested Jennifer Garner's neck with his tongue. Utah, gimme two! The Buse is the early favorite for the Sean Young Memorial Trophy as the Oscar's biggest trouble causer. Can you imagine if Busey streaked the ceremony? One can only hope that Vh1 is filming him tonight for Celebrity Rehab 2.

4:19pm: Kimora on Ellen Page: "She's a little Plain Jane."

4:15pm: Jessica Alba like whoa. The breastfeeding jokes will be coming fast and furious on some of the laddies parts of The Blogosphere tomorrow (or, more likely, in the next 30 seconds).

4:13pm: Aw, isn't that cute. Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill, sporting matching Jewfros, are clearly being positioned as the Matt-n-Ben of the new Hollywood set.

4:11pm: Exactly how many Enchanted dolls does Seacrest carry on his person at any given time? Not only did he bust one out when McDempsey walked up to him, but he sprung one out of his bag of tricks when the universally adored Amy Adams showed up on the carpet. Good thing The Today Show's Natalie Morales isn't here; we all know how that turned out last time!

4:08pm: It's Hollywood's most ubiquitous presence, James McAvoy. Ry Guy is sweating profusely while interviewing the (considerably shorter) James McAvoy. We don't think McAvoy is exactly Will Ferrell, but we think that Seacrest is probably standing on a few milk crates.

4:03pm Flipping back to TV Guide Channel, Lisa Rinna has cornered Diablo Busey-Hunt (aka, Brook Cody). She looks fantastic, actually, and manages not to laugh when Rinna dropped the news that Harry Hamlin voted for Juno for Best Picture. Bloggers and froggers, still no camera pans down to her million dollar kicks.

4:02: One hour down and everything is going according to schedule. Nothing is happening. This really is going to be the lowest-rated Oscars of all-time, isn't it? Speaking of which, what is McDreamy doing on the carpet? Oh yeah, that's right, a little bit of ABC nepotizz at work. Or would it be considered product placement? Either way, Loverboy was rad.

3:58pm: We're kind of loving Joey Fatone's elevation from boy band has-been to the poor man's Jerry Penacoli. He's on TV Guide Network now blasting Anne Hathaway for being too pale and John Travolta for spray painting his hair to his head. And now he's wearing bunny slippers.

3:57pm: Wait a second, there's some hot competish for worst haircut of the 2008 Oscars. The Rock is giving Travolta a real run for his money.

3:54pm: Zomg, John Travolta's chia-head looks like it was put together by pouring a smattering of melted Crayolas over top his melon.

3:50pm: Both stations are on commercial, so now's a good a time as any to drop this SuperDeluxe video on you. We've been walking around saying "Hey there, bloggers and froggers" all weekend long.

3:48pm: Giuliana DePandi is so gay for the clown-lipped Anne Hathaway. We're amateurs at this, but it seems like Anne Hathaway is running away with the best dressed title at this early hour.

3:46pm: As handsome as George Clooney is (and he is a handsome son of a gun), we think he's even more delectable in jelly bean form.

3:44pm: Quoth Ryan Seacrest: "a uk producer's head is in my crotch. his head is in between my legs." Just another Sunday afternoon for RyGuy!

3:40pm: Hey there bloggers and froggers, there's Diablo Cody! Of course she's rockin' some sot of leopard-y lookin' monstrosity. Come on camera man, pan to those million dollar shoes!

3:38pm: E! producers are thinking the same thing we are. We too would relegate Tom Wilkinson to picture-in-picture status when Kristen Chenoweth's magnificently healthy rack is on display.

3:34pm: Looks like Clooney was the smartest celeb of the bunch. Fox's weatherslut with the mole (honestly, her name escapes us) is reporting that a smattering of sprinkles just hit the ceremony. Hope you brought your umbrella, Brook Busey Hunt!

3:22pm: Usually, the big stars are the last to show up on the red carpet. As happy as we are to witness this glorious interview with the Costume Designer of Lars And The Real Girl (who knew that you could get Oscar nominated for dressing a mannequin with a fleshy vagina?), the appearance of George Clooney and his smokin' hott GF Sarah Larson signals that the ceremony is on.

3:09pm: Nothing reminds us more of the pageantry and tradition of the Oscars than the appearance of Heidi Klum and Seal. Makes us long for the magical afternoon back in January when we watched Seal On Ice. You truly haven't experienced ice dancing `til you've seen it paired with the music of Seal, trust you me.

3:06pm: Still no stars on the carpet. Just so you know, we're going to be breaking Larry Sanders' golden rule a lot during this liveblog. We'll be flipping spastically back and forth between the coverage on E!, TV Guide Channel (we're really hoping that Joey Fatone and Lisa Rinna didn't take their meds) and, when it comes on, ABC.

3:00pm: It just wouldn't be The Oscars without good ole Lou Gossett Jr.! Being the first person to arrive is both an honor and a tragedy. Lou took home a little gold man back in `83 for An Officer And A Gentleman, but sadly was snubbed in `85 for Enemy Mine. Now drop and give us 20.