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Sometimes rapper/sometimes actor Kevin Federline offered up a rave review of the in-flight entertainment after deplaning in Miami. K-Fed was surprised that the airplane would have first run movies like Step Up 2 The Streets and 10,000 BC. K-Fed said, "As a dad, I don't get to go out to movies too often. It's either, I'm just kicking back with the kids, watching Yo Gabba Gabba! or I'm jetting off to a night club in La Puente to do an appearance. It was nice to just sit back, throw on some head phones and catch up with high quality cinema." Federline was looking forward to his flight back to Los Angeles because he heard that they were going to show Horton Hears A Who.

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

1. Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who! - $25.1 million
A second solid week atop the box office officially cements this all-CGI adaptation of the beloved children's verse as a bona fide blockbuster. Proving a perfectly successful Seuss adaptation can come from not veering too far from the source material, directors are now lining up to pitch their own faithful versions of works from his canon. First up: Oliver Stone's searing take on The Butter Battle Book, tweaked to better evoke the Iraq War with suicide-Eight-Nozzled Elephant-Toted Boom Blitz-bombing Zook-insurgents.

2. Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns - $20.01 million
Oh, who really cares if it's anachronistically racist, sexist, and/or homophobic: Madea's back! And her legions of fans were eager to part with their disposable leisure-dollars just to catch the latest adventures of their favorite gat-toting drag-grandma.

3. Shutter - $10.7 million
Yet another horror thriller from the Far East about spooky digital photos that sneak up on you in the bathroom mirror de-Asianized for American consumption, the critically trounced U.S. version of the Thai original is notable only for starring Joshua Jackson, offering plenty of opportunities for smart-ass entertainment reporters to ask the, "Talk to Katie Holmes lately?" question at press junkets, just to see him get pissed off.

4. Drillbit Taylor - $10.2 million
Owen Wilson's return as a leading man was met with a lackluster response, as this Seth Rogen-co-written, Judd Apatow-produced comedy about—a kid bodyguard, or something?—lacked the menstrual blood heart of the creative team's last teen raunchcom foray.

5. 10,000 B.C. - $8.66 million
Run! CGI mammothsaurs! They'll kill us all!!!

• WEEKEND BOX OFFICE March 21-23, 2008 [Box Office Mojo]

1. Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who! - $45.1 million
"It's a who-mongous opening," Fox senior VP of distribution Chris Aronson said about their CGI adaptation of the classic Dr. Seuss book bearing the moral, "A person's a person no matter how outlandish their schizophrenic hallucinations regarding tiny societies inhabiting a speck of dust." Fox can trumpet their who-horns as loudly as they please, as Horton lays claim to the biggest opening of 2008, and fifth-biggest opening of a children's animated movie of all time. That all but guarantees a long run of equally successful sequels, sending Fox execs to their dry-erase boards to conjure up all new who-prefixed synonyms ("who-uge!" "who-pping!") for the boastful concept of "shitload-earning."

2. 10,000 B.C. - $16.415 million
There was a precipitous fall of 54% from its opening weekend for Roland Emmerich's exhaustingly researched retelling—like HBO's John Adams, more a historical documentary than a movie, really—of the days J.Lo video background-dancers hunted woolly mammoths. That suggests to us that audiences might prefer a touch of fantasy and whimsy thrown in with their history lessons. Oh well—something to think about for next time, Emmerich!

3. Never Back Down - $8.61 million
7. Doomsday - $4.743 million
The surprise sleeper of the week came from Djimon Hounsou-slumming, martial arts drama Never Back Down, with Summit Entertainment greatly underestimating the number of gay men who'd gather around the movie in a circle, waving disposable income in the air and cheering on a half-naked Sean Faris and Cam Gigandet as they faced off in ultimate fighting duel, The Beatdown. (First rule of The Beatdown: Everyone wins!) Doomsday, meanwhile, underperformed for Universal/Rogue Pictures, with only the rare moviegoer taking up the offer, "Hey, honey—what about this really hacky-looking rip-off of The Road Warrior?"

4. College Road Trip - $7.893 million
Road Trip marks the second installment of what will eventually come to be known as Martin Lawrence's Family Journeys Trilogy, which began with Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins, and will end later this year with Driving Grandma Josephine To Her Grave, in which Lawrence will play all parts including the titular, [spoiler alert!!!] not-quite-dead corpse.

5. Vantage Point - $5.4 million
We're rubbing a four-leaf clover hoping this is Vantage Point's last week in the top five, as we ran out of multi-P.O.V. presidential-assassination thriller jokes about movies we've never seen pretty much in Week One.

• BOX OFFICE MOJO WEEKEND BOX OFFICE March 14-16, 2008 [Box Office Mojo]

1. 10,000 B.C. - $35.730 million
Having already put his signature on laughably outlandish disaster flicks about malevolent extraterrestrials, radiocative lizards, and low-pressure systems, director Roland Emmerich has turned to the grunt-only world of Cro-Magnon Man. While not quite managing to crack the imaginary $40 million blockbuster line, there was still a significant audience that showed up wanting to learn more about our little-known, dreadlocked human ancestors, marked by their flawless skin, blinding smiles, and remarkable courage in the face of sabre-toothed green-tennis-balls-on-a-stick.

2. College Road Trip - $14 million
Sadly, those who paid for a ticket to College Road Trip hoping to witness the breakout stardom of a black DJ Qualls were left sorely disappointed.

3. Vantage Point - $7.5 million
Having virtually nothing left to say about Vantage Point, we thought we'd check in with some of its stars side projects: How's Dewmocracy, Forest Whitaker's venture into the democratization of Mountain Dew flavors, coming along, for example? Well, apparently we have three finalists: Mountain Dew® Supernova™, Mountain Dew® Voltage™ and Mountain Dew® Revolution™. Which drink becomes the next Mountain Dew® is up to you!

4. Semi-Pro - $5.9 million
A drop of over 60% from an already lackluster opening weekend makes Semi-Pro an official disappointment™. Luckily, Hollywood loves nothing more than a comeback, priming Will Ferrell for his next part: In Duke LaCrosse: B-Movie Superstar, Ferrell plays a comedic movie actor whose reliance on cheap sight gags and predictable formula removes the luster from a once white-hot career. Still, with the help of some cheap sight gags (he has an afro for some reason) and the predictable Ferrell-brand formula audiences love, he'll manage to once again conquer America's hearts. It's as good as a slam dunk!

5. The Bank Job - $5.71 million
Proving there's an always an audience for an old-fashioned heist flick, Lionsgate's The Bank Job scored a decent take for its 1,600-screen-opening, setting the stage nicely for a sequel featuring some of the other B-list stars in its stable. And with the great reviews it's getting, it won't take Jessica Alba much convincing to sign on for BJ2: Back For More before she even sees a script.

• WEEKEND BOX OFFICE March 7-9, 2008 [Box Office Mojo]

· '10000' reasons to avoid film [Baltimore Sun]
· '10,000 B.C.': Mammoth disappointment [Toronto Sun]
· Stone Age story doesn't rock [Columbus Dispatch]
· Even a caveman would be insulted [Minn Star Tribune]

· The mind-numbing '10,000 BC' is just one big prehistoric bore [CP]
· '10,000 B.C.' primitive in all the wrong ways [Times-Picayune]
· Don't go back to '10,000 B.C' [SF Examiner]
· Wooly Bully: '10,000 B.C.' is not a film for the ages [Detroit News]
· '10,000 B.C.' Is Artistically Extinct [ohmynews.com]