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defamer horoscopes
You're Golden!
The Oscars are in six days, and while only a very few ever win that statue, the stars have your Academy Awards after the jump. Time to buy a gown. More »
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Comment by SteamyMcFirecrotch: "No one will want to make Steve Scissorhands." If only that were true... more » | Other threads
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defamer horoscopes
Your Romantic Digital Transition Is In Retrograde
Congress stepped in to ensure your bubby's old Hitachi still receives snowy episodes of All My Children, but you have been given a similar window of opportunity to rethink your life and poor eating habits. More » -
defamer horoscopes
Are You Getting Laid or Laid-Off This Week?
Some special groundhog in Pennsylvania saw his shadow today, but it's that greasy otter in West Hollywood who you're worried about. Hooking up with him was a mistake, but he's wriggling into your love forecast. More »
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Comment by aspiringexpatriate: Uh...Why is only the Taurus a procrastinating aspiring screenwriter? Fuck you Defamer! You know me too well! more » | Other threads
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defamer horoscopes
21st Century Ox
With the Lunar New Year dropping, rebirth is in the air and you have a chance to revise some New Year's resolutions. Lose 15 pounds? Make that 5. Find peace? More like, find a job.
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defamer horoscopes
Now Screening: 'Your Low Budget Future!'
Most of America has today off, but the stars never stop working on your future. Granted, the constellations might occasionally take a long lunch to return a dress, but they always feel guilty about it. More » -
defamer horoscopes
And The Bad Celestial Omen Goes To...
Are you sad having been left out of all the awards excitement? Now you know how Kate Winslet once felt. Don't worry, we have something for you. Accept your honor after the jump. More »
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Comment by Omelas: Aw ... the front-page icon made me miss Fametracker and their post-award show Galaxy of Fame wrap-ups. 1 Responses | Other threads
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defamer horoscopes
Take a Fresh Step in '09
Regardless of your New Year's party indiscretions, the possibilities are still endless for 2009. Maybe cut back on the drinking, but whoever you made out with in that alley will change your life. We promise.
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Comment by Allie Anne: Ha, ha, ha! LOVE the Fresh Step graphic!! Kitties - cute! And I must agree - you HAVE been spying on... more » | Other threads
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defamer horoscopes
Your New Year's Resolutions Revealed
Having a hard time coming up with resolutions for 2009? We understand the difficulty in coming up with ways to improve your already perfect life. But the stars know a few things you don't. -
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defamer horoscopes
Harness Your Inner Power Animal
Hollywood drives people to choose alternate religions - Buddhism, Scientology, the Zone diet. For this week's horoscopes, we consulted a friend in the Shamanic community, who suggested some power animals to guide you.
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Comment by kookla: Wait a minute. How did you know I was using that Benjamin Button joke on my birthday this year? more » | Other threads
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defamer horoscopes
Your Sloppy Seconds Are On Fire
With your holiday shopping done, cards mailed and plane tickets booked, just refill that valium prescription and you’re ready for family time. Will your trip home be It’s A Wonderful Life or Natural Born Killers?
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Comment by bess marvin, girl detective: i thoroughly enjoy these horoscopes. 2 Responses | Other threads
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defamer horoscopes
Don't Panic: The Moon's In Xanax
After three little earthquakes over the weekend (sadly not of the Tori Amos variety) left no major damage, we feel confident in saying that the apocalyptic front that moved in offshore has safely exited the Southland and is now wreaking havoc on Scottsdale or Tucson. Let those Snowbirds deal with it, you need to find a new director for your vampire movies. Your astrological B.O. predictions after the jump. -
defamer horoscopes
Your Getting-Baked Sign Is Rising
Dreaming of a White Christmas? It's L.A., so a Wet Christmas is the closest you're going to get. It rained last week, so who knows, you might be making puddle angels in the Vons Hollywood parking lot while Santa cruises through the lower atmosphere. Let's just hope Ol' St. Nick's entrances require fewer sonic booms than the Space Shuttle Endeavor. More »
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Comment by Pay_Me_Or_Pay_Me_No_Attention: My girlfriend says all Pisces are cheaters. Discuss. 1 Responses | Other threads
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Defamer Horoscopes
Holy Shit, The Holidays Are Here!
Hopefully, most Defamer readers have a short work week and a long weekend to reflect on the descent into economic depression occurring in front of our eyes. With Obama naming his economic team today, it's time for you to put together your own team of advisers, namely your broker friend Steve and that attractive junior agent who told you that he has all his money in Turkish pharmaceutical stocks. More »
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Comment by kookla: I'm just amazed that astrologists know I'm in poor health and sleep deprived. more » | Other threads
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defamer horoscopes
Fire Signs
Is Venus in the third house this week? Is your first house still standing? The Southland has been through hell but hopefully better things are in store for the coming week. More »
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Comment by Cultmember: Vigoda is not a Pisces, he was born under the sign of the Trilobite. more » | Other threads
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defamer horoscopes
Defamer Horoscopes: You'll H8 Yourself Less This Week!
Expectations are high for the next administration, but they're even higher for your work and personal life. Spoilers below! More » -
defamer horoscopes
The Exit Polls Are In: You're Ready For Love!
Longest. Election. Ever. After two years of baskstabbing, backslapping and backbiting, we'll know by early Wednesday morning which Senator will be signing the Executive Orders for emergency food supplies and government assistance disbursements when the economy goes into the metaphorical Andy Gump port-a-john. Your future, however, does not depend on the Electoral College, but on the stars. More » -
defamer horoscopes
Your Autumnal Equinox Membership Is Expiring
What's in the stars this week? Stock market turbulence? More octogenarians behaving badly? Answers below. More »
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Comment by nolongerinacubiclestillawhore: "your efforts to distinguish yourself as a prolific drug abuser.." Woah, kinda creepy. Move over Onion horoscopes! more » | Other threads
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defamer horoscopes
Rejoice! Your Marcia Brady Lifestyle Is In Retrogade!
Now that you're done with that failed marriage, find some celestial guidance from our weekly horoscopes. More »
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Comment by Reggie Cameron: Astrology? Like there isnt already enough star fucking in this town. You got rid of Molls for this!? 4 Responses | Other threads
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Comment by kookla: I guess this is a sign of the times... See what I did there? 3 Responses | Other threads
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1-19 of 19 for "Defamer, Defamer horoscopes"
