-
explanations
Danny DeVito Addresses His Proclivity for Public Drunkenness
Danny DeVito was a guest on Letterman's show last night and Letterman took the opportunity to ask DeVito about his most recent episode of public drunkenness. More » -
feuds
Letterman Mocks Pathetic Protest Calling for His Firing
Tens of imbecilic wingnuts turned out yesterday outside of Letterman's midtown studio to express faux outrage over his "perverted" jokes about Sarah Palin and her daughters, which in turn provoked Dave to spend almost an entire segment mocking them. More » -
television
David Letterman's Time Has Finally Come
David Letterman, who has been quietly doing his second-place late night joker show over on CBS like forever, is all of a sudden beating the Tonight Show in the ratings. Calling Sarah Palin a slut really pays off! More » -
deals
Oh Don't Worry, Dave Letterman Will Be Here for a While Too
While everyone is busy fretting and fussing over Conan O'Brien's freshman Tonight Show run, his steady-as-she-goes CBS competitor, David Letterman, has been quietly inking a deal to stay on the air through 2012. With, sigh, a bit of a pay-cut. More » -
lawsuits
If Lawsuits Were Decided by Press Releases, This Star Trek Writer Should Totally Win
The writer Harlan Ellison is suing CBS for the only reason anybody sues anybody else, only he's being honest about it: "It ain't about the 'principle,' friend, it's about the money! Pay me!" More » -
portraits
Les Moonves' Daydream, on Canvas
Look, it's the portrait of CBS boss Les Moonves and his wife Julie Chen that hangs in their den. It shows various hangers-on toasting the couple as Les is maybe getting a hand job? [NYT] -
trade roundup
Blartocalypse Now: 'Zookeeper' Gets A Greenlight
· The whole Blart team has reconvened for The Zookeeper, the story of "a lonely zookeeper...leading to intervention by the zoo's animals." He settles for a nice Tufted Capuchin in the end. [Variety] More » -
reality tv
CBS pays 127,000 goats for reality show Arranged Marriage. [THR]
-
-
nbc
New Depression Won't Keep 2009 Upfronts From Old, Ostentatious Glory
Networks are starting to unveil key plans for Upfronts Week '09, that lavish rite of spring apparently unaffected by all this pesky talk of global economic collapse. Unless, of course, you work at NBC. More » -
trade roundup
Hacks On, Hacks Off
· As per our suggestion, Jackie Chan is negotiating to play the Mr. Miyagi mentoring role in the The Karate Kid remake with Jaden "Will's Brat" Smith. [THR] More » -
Crosspromotion
Heidi, Spencer, and Kim Kardashian To Guest Star On 'How I Met Your Famewhore'
As Fox Studios throws its enthusiastic support behind How I Met Your Mother by tripling its stars' salaries, the laugh track-enhanced CBS sitcom returns to the tabloid slophouse for some ratings-goosing stunt-casting.
More » -
lawsuits
Stiffed Warner Bros. Sues CBS Over 'Two and a Half Men'
Throwing a litigious lump of coal in its friend's stocking, Warner Bros. TV leveled a breach-of-contract lawsuit against CBS seeking $49 million in unpaid license fees and production costs for Two and a Half Men. -
rip
Has CBS Pulled the Plug on 'Worst Week'?
A holiday card just flung over the Defamer transom offers word that CBS has canceled its well-reviewed if modestly viewed comedy Worst Week. -
les moonves
Les Moonves Confident 'CSI' Will Crush Leno: 'By A Lot'
As Jeff Zucker foists his last hopes for NBC on Leno and his arsenal of funny newspaper-clipping typos, his arch nemesis—future galactic despot Les Moonves—couldn't help but engage in a favorite pastime: More » -
trade roundup
Why Does Michael Cera Date Charlyne Yi, Anyway?
· Arrested Development: The Motion Picture holdout Michael Cera has a secret movie—Paper Hearts, a part-doc, part-scripted movie chronicling his relationship with Charlyne Yi, which will hopefully shed some light on their WTF? romance. Sundance buyers: start your engines! [THR] More » -
Cameo Minds
Jason Alexander's Chilling 'Criminal Minds' Turn As A Sociopathic Col. Sanders
Or a serial-killing Jackie Rogers Junior? To be honest, we have no idea what he was doing. But it was pretty awful—and in that sense, fit right in with this terrible CBS crime show we had no idea existed! Still, we're happy to see Ray Romano working. Or Joe Mantegna? We're so confused. Video after the jump. (Thanks to Lisanti Quarterly for the tip!) More » -
Heeeeeere's Barack!
'Barack Obama Show' Offers First Real Hit Of Fall TV Season
Amber waves of grain, arthritis ointment application, an emotionally distant Sarah Silverman the morning after—The Barack Obama Show really offered something for everyone. And by "everyone" we'd include network heads, as preliminary Nielsen numbers show the 30-minute hope-infusion juiced ratings across the board. Even ABC's struggling Pushing Daisies benefited from a small counter-programming bump, though still only managed to squeak out a meager 2.2. From THR: More » -
cbs
Snuffed. After Fox's hotel sitcom Do Not Disturb and ABC's traveling game show Opportunity Knocks, the third series to be tapped on the shoulder by the Grim TV Reaper's distal phalanx is a series entitled The Ex List (red flag #1), an "hourlong comedy" (red flag #2) based on an Israeli hit (you know where this is going) about a thirtysomething woman who's told by a psychic that she has one year to...ugh, we can't even finish this. The official line is that it hasn't yet been officially canceled, but rather "pulled from the network lineup," to be replaced by NCSI reruns. That could all change, however, when years later a psychic tells Les Moonves that one of his short-lived series was the only thing that can save his job, sending him on a frantic search for the hastily dismissed project. [AP] -
barack obama
Broadcast Networks and Horny Craigslister Want To Get In Bed With Obama
It was announced today that Barack Obama will be buying a half-hour of primetime television on both CBS and NBC just a few days before the November 4 election. The political infomercial reps good news for both networks (which can pre-empt low-rated shows like Gary Unmarried and Knight Rider in favor of a pre-sold half hour), but it may be even better news for the frisky Craigslister who just posted this offer: More » -
survivor
First High-Def 'Survivor' Episode Also Provides First CBS Full-Frontal Nudity
For seasons, fans of Survivor have been awaiting the day when CBS would finally start broadcasting episodes of the long-running reality competition in HD. With so much beautiful scenery on display in every episode, what better way to notice new, unforeseen details of the show to appreciate? Unfortunately for CBS, their first HD episode of Survivor bore full-frontal fruit, as eagle-eyed watchers of this past Thursday's two-hour premiere noticed that hunky doctor Marcus Lehman showed off a little bit more of his own personal immunity idol than the network had doubtlessly intended. More » -
big brother
'Big Brother' Contestant April Loses The Game But Gains A Varsity Ring
We love nothing more than a fairy tale ending, and we got one on last night's Big Brother, when—amidst the tragedy of contestant April's ejection from their 24-hour surveillance Eden— surviving housemate and oral-sex-partner Ollie proposed..um...popping his relationship cherry? Prodded by host Julie Chen, who had already been given a fat dossier on the pair's budding romance which included a number of X-ray stills from their quilt-covered shenanigans, Ollie extolled the many virtues of the Arizona auto-financing manager, then announced, "I got a question for you: Will you be my first girlfriend? I want an answer from you the second I get out of this house." CBS would be fools not to capitalize on the event, mounting a lavish Ollie and April's Going Steady Ceremony primetime special upon which no expense would be spared. More » -
Greatest American Dog
'Greatest American Dog,' Or Greatest Judges' Reaction Shots?
There are a lot of places to start with this clip from last night's episode of Greatest American Dog: for example, though the on-screen chyron gives the dog's name as "Galaxy," we're pretty sure that owner JD variously calls for "Gutsy," "Curtsy," and "Koyaanisqatsi." More entertaining, though, than JD's strange names or his hip-hop/breakdancing routine with a nonplussed Galaxy are the reaction shots from the judges, which run the gamut from open-mouthed incredulity to a suspenseful, physical performance of, "Should I applaud? Yes? Both hands? No, just the one. How will I clap, then? Why, I'll just hit the table in a few sharp strokes like I'm a bad nanny." [CBS] More » -
laurence fishburne
CCI: Cowboy Curtis Investigation
· Laurence Fishburne is in negotiations to take over for the departing William Petersen in CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, in which he'll play a scientist who "has the same genetic profile as a serial killer," much like the sociopathic cowboy he played on Saturday morning TV in the late '80s. [THR] More » -
charlie sheen
Discuss: Charlie Sheen Makes $800,000 Per Episode of 'Two and a Half Men'
For vivid proof of the weakening dollar, look no further that the annual salary survey in the forthcoming issue of TV Guide: After two years of slumming alongside the likes of Zach Braff and seeing everyone from William Petersen ($600,000 per episode) to the Simpsons cast (each $400,000 per episode) pass him by, Charlie Sheen has reclaimed his spot at the top of the prime-time cash heap, earning $800,000 per 30-minute episode of Two and a Half Men. Granted, it's not seven-figure Friends money (which Sheen originally asked for in negotiations back in 2006), but we still think it bears repeating: Charlie Sheen makes $800,000 per episode of Two and a Half Men. Join us in getting our heads around it (and a few other hot-ticket raises) after the jump. More » -
short ends
Big Brother's Great Grandpa Will Mess You Up, Son
· And now for some non-earthquake-related Big Brother rumbles: In one corner, we have 75-year-old contestant (and the oldest person on CBS since Murder, She Wrote), Jerry. In the other, we have professional "mixologist" Memphis, precisely one-third Jerry's age. We won't tell you how it plays out, except to say so long as you're glimpsing three-quarters-of-a-century-old armpit, Jerry's winning. [Big Brother] More » -
big brother
'Big Brother' Houseguests Bravely Battle Earthquake with Torrent of 'Omigawds,' Stripping
Following a 5.4 earthquake that dealt most of its damage to people's Facebook status updates ("Jim is: EARTHQUAKE!"), it was only natural to wonder how the tremor might have affected the city's old, its infirm, and its Big Brother 10 residents. Fortunately, the Hollywood Reporter can help us out on at least one of those fronts: its video update reveals that the Big Brother houseguests bypassed the "Is that a truck? Oh, wait..." stage experienced by most Los Angelenos, instead rushing out into the backyard to doff their clothes and trade "Omigawds." Video after the jump. More » -
trade roundup
'Mad Men' Gives AMC Gains In Attractive 'Anyone Watching At All' Demo
· Mad Men's second season opened to a strong start for AMC, pulling in 1.9 million aspiring womanizers and the pregnant secretaries who love them. [Variety] More » -
rosie odonnell
NBC Reportedly Considering Rosie O'Donnell For Jay Leno's Sloppy Primetime Seconds
Amid a summer of great American dogs and semi-scandalous ripoffs of ripoffs, the news that NBC is considering Rosie O'Donnell for a weekly variety show gig should provoke a little more than this dull ache in our frontal lobes. After all, this is a chance for more than just showcasing bad celebrity interviews and performances from the newest, cheapest talent from around the nation; this is an hour-per-week of Hasselbeck payback — in primetime, no less, according to EW. More » -
defamer
Brave Judges Make the Airwaves Safe at Last For Unscripted Nudity
In a landmark decision for bodice rippers and the networks who love them, a trio of federal judges today threw out the FCC's $550,000 fine against CBS for the Super Bowl "wardrobe malfunction" that exposed Janet Jackson's right breast in 2004. The damning decision resulted in a miserable spoof by Justin Timberlake at last night's ESPY Awards and, worse yet for the FCC, essentially wiped out the upgraded decency standards implemented after the broadcast — at least for live shows, which required the judges to buy CBS's defense that the nip slip was an "accident." More » -
defamer
Cat Attack Sidelines 'Greatest American Dog' Contestant, Reality-Show Tears Ensue
Last night CBS unleashed its second episode of Greatest American Dog on the American public, which promptly reached for its pepper spray before realizing the cutthroat canine competition is perhaps just the kind of gentle, slobbering reality friend we need in the summer of Denise Richards. To a point, anyhow; we wouldn't necessarily trust any of these freaks with our dogs, and we still can't be sure if Thursday's sedated-pooch pathos was touching, eerie or simply the most garishly dramatic reality-show tear-shedding of the year. Watch for yourself, tell us your choice and, in any case, wish poor Star a speedy recovery. Eleven percent of America is pulling for you, puppy! [CBS] -
gene simmons
Culture-Wrecking Duo Gene Simmons and Mark Burnett Team Up Again For 'Jingles'
Half the stories on this sluggish midsummer news day seem to concern the same bad idea at CBS: Jingles, the Mark Burnett-producedproduct placement platformreality series squaring songwriters off against each other in the pursuit of... the perfect ad jingle. We can't make this up, folks, and even if we could we probably wouldn't want to — especially not the part in which the newsworthiest elements of the show are its judges: A kerfuffle-plagued, ex-Wal-Mart marketing guru and — seriously, we're too exhausted/sad/Dark Knighted-out to fuck with you — Gene Simmons: More » -
defamer
Hard Newswoman Katie Couric Won't Jump At Meaty A-Rod Exclusive Like Some Dish-Hungry Scoop-Ho
At two weeks into your garden variety tabloid scandal, the regular spiel starts to get a little old—yes, yes, we know, that brainwashed third-baseman has been giving the aging pop diva the hot beef injection—and so new angles are required. For example, we have Page Six's item today which claims Madonna has been "loving" the attention, and plans on hitting today's All-Star game at Yankee Stadium. "'She doesn't care about the press it will get - she loves it,' said a spy. 'It just gets her more publicity for her upcoming Sticky and Sweet tour.'" How this spy managed to crack the complex Madonna Motivation code we'll never know—but crack it they did! More » -
The greatest american dog
Reality TV Takes Turn For Worse, Goes To Dogs
This is the true story of twelve competitors, picked to live a house, compete in elimination challenges and have their lives taped, to find out what happens, when dogs stop being polite and start getting real. Yes, canines are the newest craze in reality television, and frankly, it's about time. Who wants to watch overly-tanned, underly-informed humans panting and smelling competitors asses, when you have the opportunity – no, privilege – to watch dogs do it? For a full 30 minutes! Allow CBS to present Greatest American Dog. More » -
viacom
Semi-mummified Viacom overlord Sumner Redstone explains how he managed to work an immortality clause into his 8-trillion-year contract: "I don't want to die. I love what I'm doing. I love Viacom. I love CBS. And so I don't want to die. I have a will to live. The same will to win that I've always had. And, I'm gonna fight death as long as I can. I like it here. I don't want to go anywhere else." And with that, the eternally youthful media titan gave a mischievous wink—causing his lower jaw to shake loose and fall to the ground, evaporating into a small cloud of dust upon impact. [Page Six] -
television
World's Dozen Remaining TV Critics Gather For One Last Strike-Addled, Blog-Ruined Party
As of today, our fantasy of an exotic lifestyle of TV criticism is officially over — beaten, bloodied and left for dead by Ray Richmond, who compares the debauched good old days of the Television Critics Association press tours to the nearly irrelevant confab starting tomorrow in Beverly Hills. It's the first such event since July 2007, back before last winter's conference was scuttled by the writers strike and mainstream media had begun shearing critics and culture writers from their ranks like slabs of fat. More » -
mary kate olsen
Mary-Kate Olsen Joins David Letterman In Taking Down Spencer Pratt One 'Oily' Insult At A Time
Mary-Kate Olsen is en fuego these days. First she proved that she’s able to smile without looking like Renee Zellweger, then her Wackness co-star Ben Kingsley announced she is quite the siren when it comes to on-screen kissing skills, and now she’s teamed up with David Letterman to slowly and swiftly decapitate Hills villain Spencer Pratt. On Dave’s couch to plug her film, MKO's stoner voice waxed rhapsodically about her hippiefest of a birthday celebration at Bonaroo, and what it was like to, as Dave put it, “kiss a really old guy.” But things turned far more interesting after Olsen slyly inserted the robotic nobody Pratt into the conversation. And Dave couldn’t have been more pleased. Hear what MK had to reveal about going to high school with Pratt, and join us in applauding her ability to spark an insult-laden bout of commentary from Dave regarding the “wormy,” “oily” Pratt. More » -
the dark knight
David Letterman Dares to Spoil Summer With Impromptu 'Dark Knight' Review
Don't believe for a second that David Letterman really broke any studio embargoes last night to tell you he loves The Dark Knight (he's not even the first to do so), but that doesn't mean the pseudo-spoilers contained herein are likely to compel you any less. In fact, the film Letterman describes may prove to be better than the finished product Warners has so ingloriously pimped for months now, right down to Batman's protective ears and the franchise-ending climax we've been hoping for. Of course, as far as we know Heath Ledger is still in the film, so maybe it's all devastatingly true. It's not like the cast hasn't been preparing us. [CBS] -
will smith
Will Smith And Dave Letterman Finally Break The Sexual Tension
As nestled as Will Smith is in the so-called "Fluke Zone," where his stardom is bulletproof and his films are fail-safe, he wasn't taking any notoriety for granted last night on The Late Show. There, in a tender promotional moment for Hancock, the actor warmed to David Letterman's compliments by leaning in for a kiss that quickly escalated into a brave new world of gay, interracial sex overtures. It wasn't always this easy for Smith, of course, who over a decade ago was talked out (by Denzel Washington, no less) of his man-kiss with Anthony Michael Hall in Six Degrees of Separation; such newly open-minded gateway intimacy augurs great things for future late-night trysts sure to culminate, as all self-reinvention must, in sex with Jimmy Kimmel. [CBS] -
teri garr
Dave And Teri: A Love Story
As the various, cretinous cast members of The Hills took to David Letterman's couch in recent weeks, more than a few of us were left wondering how the entertainment landscape had so quickly devolved from the days when the effortlessly charming and talented likes of Teri Garr would grace his stage—the two trading bon mots and flirting shamelessly, with Paul Shaffer providing a suitably white-funkified musical backdrop to the fizzy proceedings. They say you can't capture lightning in a bottle twice (do they say that? Or are we mixing our metaphors? Where were we? Oh right, Dave and Teri), but you also can't deny chemistry, and it was on abundant display when the two were reunited last night. They're grayer now, and slower—Dave touchingly guided Teri, who is suffering from MS, to her chair—but you can't deny the spark is still there. As Letterman stuck to his, "Did you do it with Elvis?"-line of questioning, Garr shot down the long-standing rumors that the two had once engaged in naked-pretzel antics themselves. But after the jump, we'd invite you to compare and contrast a classic pairing from 1986, in which an amorous Dave opens with, "I'd like to get a can of Windex and go to work." Suddenly, his preoccupation with Elvis makes sense, in a vicarious-thrills-seeking way. It's good to be The King. More »






















































