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The Death of 'Austin Powers' (And Six More Hobbled Franchises Worth Putting Down)

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lionboy
11/07/09

In reply to Project Runway: Getty Us the Hell out of Here
Remember when Charlie Brown goes trick-or-treating? Everyone inventories the candy they got except for poor Chuck who sadly announces, "I got a rock." Also remember how his ghost costume had holes all over it because he had trouble with the scissors? I'm now picturing Real Tears Chrissy (TM) back in Minnesota with his kite stuck in a tree crying "Aaaaargh!" #projectrunway
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PaisleyPajamas
11/07/09

In reply to Clooney, Carrey and Oscar's Frontrunner Are Coming to the Movies
These CGI-fests have a habit of celebrating the technology over the story that grows very old 40 minutes in.

A-effing-men. #themenwhostareatgoats
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Sunshineyness
11/07/09

In reply to A History of the Theater Gimmicks Meant to Save Hollywood
My ultimate problem with 3D so far is that it's not new. It's, like mentioned, nearly 50 years old... and they are still doing the same dumb things with it. It's still just a novelty. When you watch a movie in 2D that was released in theaters as 3D you totally know it because stuff is needlessly chucked at the audience and what not.

Until someone figures out how to do something un-gimmicky with it it will always be just that- a gimmick. #3d
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Communist Pope
11/07/09

@Sunshineyness: Agreed. Not only that, but you still have to wear stupid glasses to watch a 3D flick (or view one of those 3D monitors that are becoming quite popular amongst my techy friends). That alone will probably keep me from seeing Avatar in theaters, no matter how gorgeous some of the preview footage has looked.

I'm sure that, someday, someone will come up with a way to project 3D on a screen without requiring the viewer to put on glasses. Until then, 3D's not for me. #3d
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MyNameIsChris
11/07/09

@Sunshineyness: You know, it's not exactly the same. It IS getting a bit different. Sure, most of the cheap-o shit is just stuff flying at the camera.

The better computer animated films or mocap films have succeeded to varying degrees. Is it a game changer? Eh... probably not. But something like Beowulf (an awful awful movie) had a very lovely pop up book feeling to it where every thing in frame was at it's own depth. Sure, they had a couple swords pushed into the lens, but the highlight was really just the subtle depth in every single shot. I don't think it's enough to change the industry, but it can be a fun thing to see every once and awhile. If only it were coupled with a good movie. #3d
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badasscat
11/06/09

In reply to A History of the Theater Gimmicks Meant to Save Hollywood
I recall that one of the reasons sensurround was removed from theaters was that it actually made movies a little too intense. I remember seeing "Rollercoaster" in sensurround when I was about 5 years old, and I had to actually run out of the theater during the first scene, it was so scary. The seats actually rumbled as the rollercoaster went around the track. And I don't mean a little bit. It really was like one of those VR rides they have nowadays. And it was LOUD. Louder than any movie I've seen since.

Reading the wikipedia article on sensurround now, they do mention that some theater patrons actually became sick, and there were reports of property damage.

Say what you want about it, but this was one movie novelty that really brought it. 3D has always been kind of disappointing and lame, but sensurround was actually a little too much.
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Edited by badasscat at 11/06/09 10:18 PM badasscat was starred badasscat was unstarred

registered
11/06/09

In reply to Clooney, Carrey and Oscar's Frontrunner Are Coming to the Movies
What about the Irish girl in The Lovely Bones? #themenwhostareatgoats
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raincoaster
11/06/09

In reply to A History of the Theater Gimmicks Meant to Save Hollywood
Excuse me, but NOTHING about Smell-O-Vision?

(also taking bets on how long it'll be before David Kamp gets in here to natter about Cinerama?) #3d
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Kakapo
11:04 AM

@raincoaster: Hee hee. I still have my smell-o-vision scratch n sniff card, but sadly the smells are long gone. #3d
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MincnglyWhrdL'mer
11/06/09

In reply to Project Runway: Getty Us the Hell out of Here
in a year we'll be talking about how "remember when Runway used to be good?"

um, wasn't that... last year? remember 'petals johnson' (or whaev), princess of bland? #projectrunway
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MincnglyWhrdL'mer
11/06/09

also: after keith and crytopher, I'm wondering if emotionally unstable bottom bears in training come down from the flat states aren't becoming a new motif for the show - along with their sad chicken dresses.

( and somewhere, terri / pam grier from last season just felt a horrible chill ) #projectrunway
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El_Gato
11/06/09

In reply to Which Singer Intentionally Wets the Bed?
Number 4, Lindsay Lohan?? #gossip
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CumaeanSibyl
11/06/09

In reply to A History of the Theater Gimmicks Meant to Save Hollywood
The real problem with Castle's innovations was the required buy-in -- most movie theaters didn't want to bother paying however much to retrofit their houses for each new movie. "Percepto" only worked for The Tingler, "Emergo" for The House on Haunted Hill, and so on.

That being said, The Tingler is a goddamn cinematic masterpiece and you should all go watch it right now. #3d
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FriendlyFloyd
11/06/09

@CumaeanSibyl: Nein! Slap Shot was a timeless classic and a cinematic masterpiece wrapped into a bundle of movie bliss that should be watched right now. #3d
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CumaeanSibyl
11/07/09

@FriendlyFloyd: Yes, but does it have Vincent Price slipping acid to deaf chicks? I don't think so. #3d
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unclevanya
11/06/09

In reply to Project Runway: Getty Us the Hell out of Here
When they taped the finals at Bryant Park in late 1976, they kept the designers backstage, supposedly so that the results wouldn't be spoiled.

Now I'm wondering if they just did it because they were ashamed.

Worst season ever. So glad they came back to NY for season 7. I only hope they found some better designers than this year's pile of stiffs. #projectrunway
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lionel-mandrake
11/06/09

In reply to A History of the Theater Gimmicks Meant to Save Hollywood
3-D 1.0 gave me a splitting headache (much like those magic eye pictures from the 90s).

3-D 3.0, and especially 3-D IMAX, makes me vomit. Seriously, it's some kind of inner ear thing, I literally retch. #3d
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TedSez
11/06/09

In reply to A History of the Theater Gimmicks Meant to Save Hollywood
If the reviews are to be believed, A Christmas Carol depends so much on creepy motion-capture 3D special effects that the actual story gets lost in the shuffle.

Personally, I'm sticking with the Mr. Magoo version.
[www.youtube.com]
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Edited by TedSez at 11/06/09 5:11 PM TedSez was starred TedSez was unstarred

lionel-mandrake
11/06/09

@TedSez: Somebody really needs to do something about Robert Zemeckis. That creepy mocap stuff, he's got to be stopped. #3d
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Purple Dave
11/06/09

@TedSez:
My dad loves Polar Express, but I felt it would have fit better as a Halloween movie than anything related to Christmas. For getting my Christmas Carol on, I'll stick to one of the two best Christmas movies ever made: A Muppet Christmas Carol (the other best movie being Christmas Story). #3d
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CumaeanSibyl
11/06/09

@TedSez: Nothing beats the Muppet version, for my money. Michael Caine makes an excellent Scrooge. #3d
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Wookie1972
11/06/09

@lionel-mandrake: Zemeckis has become the anti-Christ of movies. Which is a shame, because everything he did pre-Forrest Gump wasn't bad. #3d
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kellygeorge
11/06/09

@TedSez: The 3d can be great, but usually is not. Disney's problem is that they rely on 3D as a gimmick, waving things over the crowd for no reason. Add in Jim Carrey and you have enough to make anyone barf.
On the other hand, when it is used correctly it can be great. Like Pixar's Up or Toy Story. No gimmicky stuff, just extra depth to the movie. #3d
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lionel-mandrake
11/07/09

@kellygeorge: We're talking specifically about creepy mocap 3-D (Polar Express), not stylized animation that happens to be 3-D (Pixar).

#theuncannyvalley #3d
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TheBusinessGuy
11/06/09

In reply to A History of the Theater Gimmicks Meant to Save Hollywood
The Tingler, sure, but Aroma-Rama and Smell-O-Vision deserve a mention--and a sniff. #3d
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Magister
11/06/09

@TheBusinessGuy: ...and if "sound" rates a mention, then maybe "color" and her cousin "techni", not to mention the whole idea of "cinemascope".

But still, good post. #3d
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TheBusinessGuy
11/06/09

@Magister: Excellent point about color and 'scope. As Cole Porter wrote in the 50's: "If you want to get the crowds to come around/Ya gotta have glorious Technicolor, breathtaking CinemaScope, and stereophonic sound." #3d
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TheBusinessGuy
11/06/09

@Magister: Now that I think of it, how about the whole star system? In the very early days of film, the actors were anonymous. But then Florence Lawrence was promoted as The Biograph Girl. This was circa 1909. It's a hundred year slide down to Lohan.
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Edited by TheBusinessGuy at 11/06/09 5:10 PM TheBusinessGuy was starred TheBusinessGuy was unstarred

filthy tongue
11/06/09

@TheBusinessGuy: You got there before me--I was going to mention Smellovision, which reached its apex with John Waters' enhanced release of Polyester in 1982. He had these scratch 'n sniff cards for audiences to use during certain parts of the movie, which featured fart and shit smells on them. I <3 him. #3d
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SQLGuru
11/06/09

@TheBusinessGuy: And all of these are alive an well.....just not in the traditional movie house. All you have to do is go to your nearest amusement park and "ride" their latest. Lilo & Stitch at Disney. Haunted Lighthouse at Six Flags. Whatever. #3d
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Purple Dave
11/06/09

@TheBusinessGuy:
I watched a 4D movie (3D print combined with actual physical effects during the screening) at California Adventure where not only were you suspended in individually articulated chairs (meant they could tilt you so you'd feel g-forces based on how the camera was moving while filming), but they would spray a fine mist when the view was flying over open water, and they could spray different scents based on the environment on the screen (I only really remember the smell of ocean water and the smell of oranges). These are the sort of thing that work well for theme parks, where watching the movie is more about the experience than the film itself, but they kinda fall flat in a more general sense.

Also, I once read that being able to smell what's happening on-screen would be the death of porn movies. #3d
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BettyCrocker
11/06/09

In reply to An Ode to the Real Housewives of Orange County
Brian - this needs to be recorded by Tori Amos, with a tinkly piano background and the occasional oogah horn. Well done. #realhousewivesoforangecounty
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adiam7
11/06/09

In reply to An Ode to the Real Housewives of Orange County
Since the mastery of "tanned hide... made by a beast..." have already been noted let me offer

No victims, just someone to tell you to shut the fuck up
to seance the ghost of your gold digging succubus

Genius #realhousewivesoforangecounty
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