This Week In Tabloids: Tom Forcibly Impregnates Katie

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which we suffer through cuddling up to the decrepit old weekly tabloids, so you don't have to. This week: Katie Holmes is so distracted with being knocked up that Suri's going without shoes. [Jezebel]

This Week In Tabloids: Angelina's Rough Sex With Ralph Fiennes & Shiloh's Harmful Haircut

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, where you'll find answers to burning questions. Like: Is Angelina using Shiloh to challenge gender norms? Is Mary-Kate Olsen hooking up with Sam Ronson? What would Brad Pitt look like if he'd been in Avatar? [Jezebel]

This Week In Tabloids: Lady Who Sold Gelato To The Jolie-Pitts Tells All

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which we sample the flavors of Star, In Touch, Life & Style, Us and Ok!. This week, the only name you need to know is Beatrice Zennaro. She's the luckiest lady in the world! [Jezebel]

This Week In Tabloids: Brad & Angie Fake It While Jen & Gerard Make It

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, where Brad & Angie absolutely positively cannot win. [Jezebel]

This Week In Tabloids: Angie Has "Claws" In Johnny; Taylor Swift Sleeps In Mayer's Suite

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, where the stars have been busy! Angelina's plotting a vodka/pill suicide and simultaneously seducing the Depp; Taylor Swift is hooking up with John Mayer, and Reese Witherspoon's sleeping with Gerard Butler. Exhausting! [Jezebel]

This Week In Tabloids: Brad & Angie Sorta But Not Really Over; Depressed Britney Looks Like A "Bum"

Welcome back to midweek madness. Brad & Angie news: They've split, except they haven't. He had a rendez-vous with Jen, or he didn't. He maybe drunk-dialed Jen, then had make-up sex with Angie. And! The purpose of the beard, revealed. [Jezebel]

This Week In Tabloids: Angie's Sexcapades On Rubber Sheets; Octomom's Stretchmark-Free Bikini Body

Welcome back to Midweek Madness! Today we learn that Angelina Jolie likes orchids and sex toys; Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler are friends with benefits and a hot shoot for W magazine; Nadya "Octomom" Suleman thinks surgery is "cheating." [Jezebel]

This Week In Tabloids: Angelina & Other Choosy Moms Choose Life, Meaning Babies

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, where it's ALL BABIES, ALL THE TIME. Even though Angelina has a "baby bump," her relationship with Brad's on the rocks! But that's nothing compared to what's up with 16-year-old Ali Lohan, poor baby. [Jezebel]

This Week In Tabloids: John Mayer Breaks Up The Taylors & Jersey Shore Films A Sex Tape

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which we forage for gossip in the tabloids' garbage. This week: Elin "eats her way through the pain," John Mayer hits on Taylor Swift, and the Jersey Shore kids film themselves "pounding it out." [Jezebel]

This Week In Tabloids: Brad Storms Off To A Biker Bar, Lindsay's Healed In Photoshop

Welcome back to Midweek Madness. May we read the tabloids so you don't have to? This week's specials: Kourtney breastfeeds with implants, the Jersey Shore kids get makeovers, and Lindsay finds the missing chunk of her thigh. [Jezebel]

This Week In Tabloids: Angie's "So Lonely" & The Jersey Shore Kids Are Injecting Tanner

Every Wednesday, we read the tabloids so you don't have to. This week, Angie's pregnant (again), Jen takes a break from pining for Brad to host a chili cook-off, and we learn how to achieve an unhealthy glow Jersey Shore-style. [Jezebel]

This Week In Tabloids: Tiger & Jessica's Non-Hookup; Angie's "Pregnancy Personality"

Welcome back to Midweek Madness! Margaret and I read the tabloids so you don't "have" to. This week, we learn a "shocking" story about Tiger and Jessica. Angelina is desperate and pregnant. Oh, and Rihanna and Justin sealed the deal. [Jezebel]

This Week In Tabloids: Angie & Brad Help Jen Adopt; Tiger's Titillating Texts

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which we search for hot "news" in the celeb tabloids. This week: Read Tiger's lurid text messages and find out how Angelina is helping Jen adopt a little Mexican kid. [Jezebel]

This Week In Tabloids: Tiger's Mistress, Lindsay's Coke Buddy, Britney's Pregnancy

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which we stroll the fairways of the celeb tabloids. Last week, Star reported Tiger was cheating, this week we learn more. Also: Lindsay's doing coke and Britney found out she's pregnant. [Jezebel]

This Week In Tabloids: Jolie & Johnny Destined To Fornicate

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which we take a walk through the celebrity weeklies, in search of entertaining gossip. This week: Britney's beach wedding; Katie's leaving Tom; Angie and Johnny are planning to make out and shower together. Naked. [Jezebel]

Angelina Jolie's Face Spurs Massive Internet Dialogue

Sometimes in the movie business you have to work hard for your publicity and sometimes you can just let the world know the buffet is open and start serving. More »

This Week In Tabloids: Angelina's Adoption & Drug Rumors; Tom Talks To Ashtrays

Every Wednesday, we gobble up the tabloids in search of "news." This week, four out of five covers feature Angelina Jolie, with more about her pending adoption, her idyllic life in France and her cruel, hypocritical behavior. [Jezebel]

Angelina To Adopt Baby No. 7

Angelina Jolie has reportedly begun the process to adopt a seventh child from Syria. But she signed the papers alone, which naturally leads to some speculation. [Jezebel]

Hollywood's Recession Is Over, Declares Murdoch

Just like Murdoch to go and ruin everything for everyone. Just when the studios had a great excuse with this recession thing to slash salaries and fire everyone in sight, along comes Rupert singing "Happy Days are Here Again." More »

This Week In Tabloids: Details On Angie's Lesbian Affair & Lindsay's Face

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which Margaret and I wade through murky tabloid "news": This week, Angelina's juggling two chicks, six kids and stoned Brad; booze, cigarettes and cosmetic fillers have ruined Lindsay Lohan's face. [Jezebel]